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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?      Home login  
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 darthbanker
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 26
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?

No.
To me it is simply a means to settle.
It's basically rationalizing McDonald's while idealizing health and epicurean apetite.
"Oh, I'll just take off the bun and add A-1."

For another reason people build interaction and perspective heuristics based on their past relationship experiences.
What do you think is going to be developed, habits, patterns, abilities, by having an ambulatory vibrator that has fun with you once in a while.

The point of a FWB is to not have to go through all the crap, commitment, expectations, with "relationships" (as used on the forums).
That simply = "I don't want to learn to communicate. I just want my need to feel good, gratified and validated, socially and physically when I want to."

So no, I'm not tempted to look for FWB's instead...it's like asking "instead of going to a doctor, and getting antidepressents, and seeing a councilor, and developing relationships with friends and family and a support network, I'm thinking of just doing heroin...I can quit anytime when I think it's time to get serious."



Or think it might be easier somehow ?

It's easier to find.
It brings its own problems though.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 27
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 2:12:21 PM
I'm not interested in giving away the milk for free.

Darth nailed it as well. Very well said.

I would never give a man my body just because he doesn't want to be involved in relationships and commitment.

 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 28
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 2:13:59 PM
Thanks "newandimprovedlacalli", for bothering to understand, and address what I actually wrote !

I've been on the forums awhile - and learned quickly that , just like in the rest of life, there's those that don't get , those that don't care, and those that are just lying in wait to attack - no matter what viewpoint is presented.

It's ok - keeps things interesting !

And there are some helpful , and very varied thoughts here - thanks all !
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 29
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 2:25:28 PM

So no, I'm not tempted to look for FWB's instead...it's like asking "instead of going to a doctor, and getting antidepressents, and seeing a councilor, and developing relationships with friends and family and a support network, I'm thinking of just doing heroin...I can quit anytime when I think it's time to get serious."


Yes it definitely has that "downward spiral" feel to it. Soooooooooo creepy to read so many here writing casually and callously about sex with another human being affecting them on such a shallow level.

Seeing others as dispensible sex objects.....jesus.
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 30
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 2:29:07 PM
I would hate to ruin a friendship by adding an active sexual component to it. Doesn't work for me at all. However, after my spouse passed away, I often thought how nice it would be to have a lover to get all animal with, and have a torrid affair that did not lead to a long term thing or marriage. May have to travel to do that...Hmmm
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 31
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 2:52:13 PM

I think there's something inherently evil with that concept. At best it trains people to desensitize the art of making love to the point of being able to "do" most anyone for sexual release. How frikking charming is that?


I agree with that !
but the fact remains, there are women ( and men) out there who will go to any extreme to be with a man, even digging under rocks.... performing oral sex on a dead snake to the point of lockjaw... in which they think is being open, mature... ??? maybe too a good fwb situation. so it takes all kinds.
It is not something I would even consider......... but for some it may be the only way they can have anything due to factors like obesity, personality/ mental issues, etc.

your post- awesome lotus ! lol...
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 32
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 3:11:03 PM

I think there's something inherently evil with that concept. At best it trains people to desensitize the art of making love to the point of being able to "do" most anyone for sexual release. How frikking charming is that?


Evil? Really? People in forums now have the ability to discern what is evil and what isn't? Isn't this how people have justified bashing and even killing gays: their sexual preferences are "evil"?

The emphasis is on "friends" with benefits and not any unknown Tom,****and Harriet on the street who is willing to have sex with anyone who wants to have sex. Having sex with a friend is "evil"? Is it up there with Jeffrey Dahmer and Hitler evil or little kids stealing gum from stores evil?

People romanticize sex based on religious teachings. That's fine for them, but when they begin to call other people "evil" because they disagree with their outlooks on life (which, by the way, isn't hurting the name caller), then if falls into the dangerous zone.


but the fact remains, there are women ( and men) out there who will go to any extreme to be with a man, even digging under rocks.... performing oral sex on a dead snake to the point of lockjaw... in which they think is being open, mature... ??? maybe too a good fwb situation. so it takes all kinds.
It is not something I would even consider......... but for some it may be the only way they can have anything due to factors like obesity, personality/ mental issues, etc.


Yup, having sex with a friend is definitely the only way that THIS obese, mentally ill, lacking a personality woman can find a sex partner.

How did FWB become analogous with promiscuity and ANY extreme to be with a man? Geez, I wonder how I managed to turn down the last 20 or so men whom I met for a soda?

Shall we burn some witches?
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 33
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 3:15:15 PM
I'm a Neanderthal. Not capable of sharing a woman with anyone. She belongs to me or she doesn't. The word 'belong' may be sexist but so be it. I don't mind doing the dishes, cooking, etc, but when it comes to my partner, I'm a territorial caveman ...she's 100% mine. (and the reverse).
 lacalli
Joined: 3/17/2012
Msg: 34
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 3:22:08 PM
Gwendolyn, you've nailed it yet again.
 jackiejc
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 35
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 3:22:16 PM
Never! but have had several offers on here ! So If that is what you want you will get it!
 shyshy84
Joined: 10/12/2011
Msg: 36
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 3:28:54 PM
i wouldn't mind haveing sex with a friend. if he really was my friend. if all you do is get together and have sex and don't talk on the phone or hang out or anything else, that's not a fwb that's just f buddies. a lot of guys on here are looking for that. i get like 3 messages a day that start off saying, can i come by and have sex with you. if i had my own place and wasn't worried about chaching things i would be like yeah if you give me a hundred dollars. id proply make a lot of money.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 37
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 3:35:49 PM
It is not something I would even consider......... but for some it may be the only way they can have anything due to factors like obesity, personality/ mental issues, etc.


I concur holycowwow. As i ponder this lovely thread....what comes to mind is narcissism. Who else lacks empathy? And narcissists are well known for using people. I postulate:

FWB = A narcissistic sexual behavior

edit to below:

and,
dahmer? hitler? yes I would say they are from the PRO fwb bunch.. yup.


As a matter of fact some of Dahmers victims were from his FWB arrangements. Good call Gwen
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 38
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 3:44:49 PM

The emphasis is on "friends" with benefits and not any unknown Tom,****and Harriet on the street who is willing to have sex with anyone who wants to have sex.


ah but gwen, your assuming your version of FWB is everyones. Trust me.... for many the emphasis is on BENEFITS, not friends. If you believe it is about 2 friends who want to expand their friendship, you are sadly mistaken !!!
therefore...

It is you who is assuming they of good intentions and are NOT evil !!!



and,
dahmer? hitler? yes I would say they are from the PRO fwb bunch.. yup.




I would never give a man my body just because he doesn't want to be involved in relationships and commitment.
this person has it right.

back on topic: just because everyones doing it, does not make it right. If it's right for someone... there is something wrong with the internal wiring system to even consider to disrespect ones self in such a way. Something like a short or glitch in the spiritual center of ones self.
 Just_do_it_now
Joined: 9/26/2011
Msg: 39
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 3:59:48 PM
Never works, someone always has feelings for the other person or gets knocked up because they are stupid.... But that's just my view on it.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 40
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 4:03:35 PM

She belongs to me or she doesn't. The word 'belong' may be sexist...


Not at all.

I expect my man to belong to me and only me.

Does that sound creepier coming from a woman?
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 41
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 4:05:26 PM
[qoute]
Never works, someone always has feelings for the other person or gets knocked up because they are stupid....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

or they get a std, or someone better comes along, or they tire of driving to meet, or get bored with the mutual masterbation ritual that is the basis of their 'friendship"


on topic.
STD's a big concern, even in monogamous FWB situations because they could be people who have had many FWB in the past..... so you get exposed to all that, hence the high rate of STD's. In other words... low standards.

yes much like digging under rocks and trying to orally manipulate a dead snake till the point of lockjaw, just for a night of sex with it.

low standards.
Granted, for some maybe the only hope of any sexual activity for a long period of time........ feel sorry for them. Usually what can help is some self improvement type things, lose weight, get in shape, learn to be fair with others, don't argue all the time, learn better relationship skills as well as those of self imprvement, hence, better choices.. no lockjaw from trying to revive dead snakes. No penicillin.
No loss of emotional health or any of those other things associated with bad choices.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 42
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 4:17:26 PM
No, I've always sought the relationship thing.
Which makes me easy prey for women seeking the FwB thing.
Those clever vixens.
Maybe it's just the ex-stepford wives that I keep bumping into.

:-P
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 43
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 4:17:42 PM

Gwendolyn, you've nailed it yet again.


As you do so often. :)


I concur holycowwow. As i ponder this lovely thread....what comes to mind is narcissism. Who else lacks empathy? And narcissists are well know for using people. I postulate:

FWB = A narcissistic sexual behavior


I will feed the troll.

It is amazing to me that you can see into the bedroom of EVERY person who has ever been engaged in a FWB relationship. I thought only god could judge evil people and know the mind of every person. Are you a licensed counselor or psychiatrist that you can make such a qualified pronouncement such as this?


ah but gwen, your assuming your version of FWB is everyones. Trust me.... for many the emphasis is on BENEFITS, not friends. If you believe it is about 2 friends who want to expand their friendship, you are sadly mistaken !!!
therefore...

It is you who is assuming they of good intentions and are NOT evil !!!


And you are assuming that every FWB consists of a person (most likely, a male) taking advantage of another person. You assume that two people cannot have a friendship and a mutually satisfying sexual relationship without one taking advantage of the other.

Define "evil." What constitutes evil within a sexual relationship? Is any sex outside of marriage "evil"? Are two people who DO engage in sex for the sake of having sex "evil" for doing so, even if they are not friends?

And again, examine the topic of this thread: it is FRIENDS with benefits, not "strangers" with benefits or "having sex with someone whom you don't like" benefits.

FRIENDS.

And even then, if two mutually consenting adults want to have sex with each other, friends or not, what is evil about that?

I define evil in sex as rape--whether it is forcible or where one person(s) takes advantage of another who is not able or not cognizant enough to give consent, i.e. underage or developmentally disabled people.

If people who are able to make decisions make the wrong decisions and have sex and then regret it, then they need to take responsibility for their actions.

What skin is it off anyone's derriere what consenting, cognizant adults do? I have a friend who is into BDSM--personally, I cannot understand why people practice this lifestyle, but it isn't up to me to condemn him as "evil." When we begin to define the sexual preferences of others as "evil," then it is a step backwards in time when we stoned adulterers and burned/imprisoned gays.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 44
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 4:24:03 PM

I thought only god could judge evil


See that is where your wrong. We are to judge situations and make choices.

The problem with being too open minded is, it tends to make the brain fall out !



I define evil in sex as rape--

really>? thats it? not terrorism or fraud, or murder?
your scope maybe a little limited :) lol what about war?
I'm sure you do not think war involves rape either.



FRIENDS with benefits, not "strangers" with benefits or "having sex with someone whom you don't like" benefits.

again, scope may be limited to your own experiences, not the vast nature of the actual meaning of the term. esp in the context when it is used online to make these connections.

don't appriciate the name calling in your post, not very nice...
tisk tisk.
try to stay on topic.. not your own issues.
on topic:
FWB, not for me. If it's for you, then God bless you and look over you. Your going to need it.
Lose some weight, take care of yourself, take self improvement or relationship classes, get more choices.

We all have evil thoughts at times, shortcuts if you will... moments of insanity, etc... what seprates us is those who act upon bad choices.


 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 45
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 4:32:22 PM
As an FWB is sex with someone you're already friends with - I don't think anyone has to look too far. It's more about who you can add benefits to without it complicating things, or without one person wanting more than was arranged.

If you mean random sex partner, or FB/NSA - eh, not so much. I like the element of familiarity.
 MrDubStep
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 46
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 4:54:18 PM
Nope!
As much as I love sex, I've never looked for FWB's
The Idea Is tempting considering how horny I am and all lol
But god gave us hands for a reason, I'd much rather be In a relationship and get my groove on then having meaningless sex.
 FrancoisVillon
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 47
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 5:25:26 PM
I did. I was so tired of the "Friend first BS."
What translate:
"I am a manipulatibe B-tch, and sex is my weapon, and I am not too good at it either."

I figured by looking for FWB, I may find some women who are "Normal", and understand their own sexuality, and not all scr-wed up in the head.

I meet some very nice ladies. We had a good time, we din't ask questions, the sex was great.
Then it backfired on me. All they wanted was FWB, and I wanted a LTR deep inside.

If it is more easy somehow ?

At least I was not sexually repressed, but I was missing the affaction that you have as couple.
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 48
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 5:39:28 PM
"instead" ? No. Preferred? Yes, definitley. I've always preferred to avoid the complications of women who think they are in love and love to play the role.

People get together for all sorts of reasons, eg loneliness, social climbing, peer pressure, family pressure, economic pressure, and on and on. Being friends and enjoying the pleasures of sex seemed like pretty good ones to me. But there are other benefits, like maybe sharing the rent, maybe getting the lower shared occupancy rate on vacations, maybe having the oil changed in your car, usually having a ready date for social functions, or others as the case may be. Yes, friendship is a relationship. True friends may not be "in love" but they are trustworthy and I prefer that.

Obviously people have all sorts of ideas of what "friends with benefits" means. You'll all call it as you see it depending on whether you like the idea of anything other than a relationship, marriage, casual sex, or whatever. Whatever it takes to rationalize and justify your personal preference. Dream on and enjoy, if you actually are enjoying, your preference. Evidence from the forums suggests generally not.
 _PassionFlower
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 49
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 5:39:57 PM
in order to be FWB u have to at least be a "keeper", other wise ur just a "hit and quit"....FWB require that u keep each other coming back for more, its like a bf/gf, yet u can date other people. You dont go looking for FWB, it just happens. Both parties realize that u would never be exclusive and establish something long term, but u have respect for what ur doing. I had a FWB, it lasted 2yrs. We would meet up, eat, chill, screw. I looked forward to seeing him, it was exciting, but I caught feelings, and he backed off.....The key is to ALWAYS stay exciting and never develope love feelings...always stay infatuated, and sexy
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 50
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 5:42:33 PM
Its not for everyone as some people just have to go father into it .. But if you meet someone who wants same thing that you do, then FWB is a great way to go. You dont need all that bull that goes with being with someone and you can still have safe sex almost as often as you want.. With sex out of the way and if you have other things you like to do. You would find that you are more happy then most married folks. I think its a much better way to go if you meet the right person. Most of the time its all about the sex anyway. As long as you have it, your girl friends is all the company you need. Dont forget that the older we all get the less of a reason there is to be in a relationship. Its the sex that keeps us going lol
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