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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?      Home login  
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 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 76
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?Page 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Hell no.

I can't count the number of online men I've talked to (and some I've met 'cos they were wise and didn't 'talk' about it first) who wanted to jump right into sex without any OTHER 'feelings' for each other going on yet. Just wanted to get some penis satisfaction. *puke*

I've grown to be very disgusted with all that. Last thing I'd do is go look for it.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 77
view profile
History
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 8:52:53 AM
I can't count the number of online men I've talked to (and some I've met 'cos they were wise and didn't 'talk' about it first) who wanted to jump right into sex without any OTHER 'feelings' for each other going on yet. Just wanted to get some penis satisfaction. *puke*

I've grown to be very disgusted with all that. Last thing I'd do is go look for it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 coderedjulia1
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 78
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 9:27:07 AM
I found an extremely attractive guy on here, ****ed him and then never spoke to him again. I try to look on the bright side, at least I got to have sex with him. I'm sure he found a girl better looking than me. lol
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 79
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 9:35:01 AM
Yeah, it seems more logical. I'd prefer to find love, but it seems like love is on back-order, so FWB's would work.


Its easier to have a fwb than deal with the bs of dating and being turned down all the time. Im over being rejected constantly so


Perhaps I need to go this route and adjust my profile to reflect it.
 shyshy84
Joined: 10/12/2011
Msg: 80
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 9:52:34 AM
it aint easy being a woman, either your a prude **** or your a whore.
 OneGodfather
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 81
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 9:59:54 AM
We are all tempted to look at FWB, but in reality some folks chooses not the go down that road , I dont look down on those that chooses that , they are adults but in my experience from what Ive seen ,Having a FWB with someone in this way is not fulfilling in the long run, Why? Because the need we try to fill isn't purely sexual, The need is a sense of belonging and connection, You can fool yourself for a while this way and end up putting feelings into this limited connection,Settling for the immediate gratification.

The thing that can suck about a FWB is that it you end up fooling yourself for at first, You think it is better than being alone

That's somewhat true, what you haven't consider is that you may end up passing on someone who is better for you because you are preoccupied with current FWB, sure you can say if Mr/Mrs Right comes along you can break up with your FWB but in reality it can be harder to do because you enjoyed the intimacy but is it fair to the other person you've met , then there is guilt do I tell him/her or keep that a secret?

The longer it goes on the more you might think is this the best that I can do? When you start thinking that way, it could lead to thoughts of settling, and settling leads to regret in most cases, Why do most FWB ends sometimes on a sour note? because what we really want is belonging, intimacy and connection, things FWB can only temporarily provide.

By the way Domo is it? It has nothing to do with prudish, dont know why you think that? some folks dont want temporary solutions, its like putting a band aid on a sharks bite, or eating at a Fast food joint to satisfy a hunger but we all know the long term effects of eating every week at a fast food joint right?
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 82
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 10:05:42 AM
Thank you, Fleuron!

How about any other exes? And why would you have to act like it never happened? That sounds needlessly melodramatic, like a Lifetime movie or a junior high breakup.

I know lots of people (myself included) who are capable of friendship with an ex. Believe me, I don’t look at my ex and think “We used to have sex. Now I have no control over myself!” Please.

Relationships of all kinds END all the time. Want a guarantee? Don’t get into any kind of relationship. Simple.

FWB isn’t for me….that’s my choice, and I respect the choices of others. I don’t need to belittle anyone because their choices are different. Adults can and will determine for themselves who they will have sex with, regardless of the unnecessary, irrelevant and obsessive shaming going on in this thread. Pfft.


As I've said on the other FWB threads, I am on the other side of this: I can and do and have had FWBs (keyword FRIENDS!) but I respect that for many people - if not most people - that's a situation they can't or don't want to handle. It does work for me but I am not looking for FWBs instead of my true goal. FWBs happen with FRIENDS along the way and the FRIENDSHIP is the most important aspect of the relationship. Yes, friendship is a relationship.
 Merman1970
Joined: 3/16/2012
Msg: 83
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 10:14:23 AM

Ok - I'll admit, sometimes, after meeting a few people without any of them turning into a "keeper" , I've thought about simplifying things, and just looking for a FWB ("friends with benefits" - for those not familiar ).

I've not actually done it though , as I really would like more .

But have YOU ever gotten to that point ? Or think it might be easier somehow ?


As far as I'm concerned you're free to do whatever you want with anyone who's free to do whatever they want.
I've never liked the FWB setup, firstly because I don't believe in having sex without feelings for the person and secondly because the benefits most often end up being unequaled.
And if you do have a regular FWB relationship then why not call it "being with someone" or going out with... After all, what is a "relationship" if it doesn't come with "benefits" and being in a relationship with someone must also involve friendship, otherwise how can you expect to get along with your "huney"?
That's my two cents anyway.
Have a good day.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 84
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 10:15:30 AM
No; because I have patience and self control, and sex means something to me. It's a great connection with someone I care about. Dogs have FWB.

I love romance, passion and the great emotions that deal with it. When I have sex, I give everything to that person; not just an orgasm. Casual sex? not for me.


Well stated....nice to hear a healthy male perspective.

So many fluff words and rationalizing on other posts.....but at the end of the day its simply casual sex. Which is an oxymoron due to the fact that sex is anything but casual for humans that are properly wired.

This topic should be in the personality disorder section.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 85
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 10:20:48 AM

FWB isn’t for me….that’s my choice, and I respect the choices of others. I don’t need to belittle anyone because their choices are different. Adults can and will determine for themselves who they will have sex with, regardless of the unnecessary, irrelevant and obsessive shaming going on in this thread. Pfft.

I had to quote this again. Some should print this and tape it to their fridge.

People who don't do what you do aren't always wrong, and by comparison you are not always right. If people are OK with something that doesn't hurt others and you don't agree with it, it doesn't ultimately make you the picture of "normal" nor does it make them "abnormal".

A lot of people around here really need to learn to live their lives and let others live theirs without the ivory tower perspective.
 tilark99
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 86
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 10:26:44 AM
OneGodfather, I think you put this very well.... better than I did. It would not work for me, for the very reasons you discuss. This isn't because I'm a prude, or am not willing to risk being hurt, or don't like sex. (I'm not, I am, I do) Attemping a legitimate relationship may or may not work out, and I gladly accept that risk. But I know for sure, that FWB would not work, there's no upside, just downside risk.

If it works for someone else, great. At this time I have several friends who are involved in FWB type arrangements-- and in each case, one person cares more than the other, and wants more, while the other simply wants handy sexual release and has no intention whatsover of it ever being anything more. Neither of those roles appeals to me so I should not go that way personally.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 87
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 10:41:00 AM
A lot of people around here really need to learn to live their lives and let others live theirs without the ivory tower perspective.


It makes perfect sense that a proponent of casual sex would say this. You don't have a clue. Here's a hint...

1. Casual sex spreads STD's which can be fatal. So instead of telling us to shut up why don't you look inside yourself and ask the question....why is it so easy for me to have sex with no emotional connection?
2. We care about younger readers who are reading your drivel at this moment. We care enough for them NOT be pressured into thinking dangerous sexual behavior is ok.
3. This is a public forum and we get offended by being offered this crap from strangers in our inboxes on pof. We have a right to vent about it.
4. I've read a few articles on the internet stating that swingers inflitrate free dating sites especially pof looking for new partners on a regular basis. They also troll for these new partners on the forums starting threads like this or asking about open relationships. That's seriously manipuative and disgusting to infiltrate a dating site of genuine people looking for a relationship. So many simply give up here due to creeps looking for a never ending supply of casual sex.

Is that a little clearer now?

edit to below:

You don't have a clue what I have a clue of. My personal preference has nothing to do with what I said - nor do you know what I am actually a proponent of. I happen to agree that each person should do what works for them - this doesn't tell you at thing about how I live. It shows your way of thinking though.


I've read several of your posts of the last year or two stating your preference for casual fwb sex. If you want to ask me questions, pls keep it honest.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 88
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 10:57:12 AM

It makes perfect sense that a proponent of casual sex would say this. You don't have a clue. Here's a hint...

You don't have a clue what I have a clue of. My personal preference has nothing to do with what I said - nor do you know what I am actually a proponent of. I happen to agree that each person should do what works for them - this doesn't tell you at thing about how I live. It shows your way of thinking though.

1. Casual sex spreads STD's which can be fatal. So instead of telling us to shut up why don't you look inside yourself and ask the question....why is it so easy for me to have sex with no emotional connection?

Yeah, this is sort of proving my point. There are many in relationships that contract STD's. If everyone is safe and uses common sense, then people don't have to put up across the board boundaries to weed out what they think they can't control. All people who don't engage in casual sex aren't safe, and all people who do aren't in danger.

Unless, of course you have been ALL these people in each individual situation, and then well I guess you're qualified to educate the rest of us.

There are people married and in relationships who have no emotional connection. There are people who never have sex but do have an emotional connection. The broad brush never proves anything but how judgmental some can be.

2. We care about younger readers who are reading your drivel at this moment. We care enough for them NOT be pressured into thinking dangerous sexual behavior is ok.

Fairness to humanity and not judging others based on what we do is drivel? Uh huh. Young people have so much information at their fingertips to research and learn that they are in a much better place than earlier generations. But the willingness to want to know is something they learn from their role models. YOUR thinking they care what I say, or thinking you know anything about how they interpret anything I'm saying is again indicative of that "all knowing" vibe you're trying to throw.

3. This is a public forum and we get offended by being offered this crap from strangers in our inboxes on pof. We have a right to vent about it.

My post was to people who think that everyone who doesn't live like they do are normal, healthy, superior even. We all get crap in our inbox. I don't come here and inflict my frustration on forum strangers, because I realize it's not personal to me and I suck it up. Your sensibilities warm my heart though (oh wait, I don't have one do I?), they really do. My faith in humanity just got better.

4. I've read a few articles on the internet stating that swingers inflitrate free dating sites especially pof looking for new partners on a regular basis. They also troll for these new partners on the forums starting threads like this or asking about open relationships. That's seriously manipuative and disgusting to infiltrate a dating site of genuine people looking for a relationship. So many simply give up here due to creeps looking for casual sex.

I got news for you - people infiltrate every possible situation looking for whatever it is they want. I'm not sure why swingers need to look for partners to that extent, but there are people in church who do things they don't tell anyone and there are people that never go to church that live sugar free lives. You CANNOT point to one area of the world and think you know what you're looking at. There are articles on the internet that will prove just about anything you're looking for if you look hard enough.

Is that a little clearer now?

Oh yeah, you're coming across very loud and clear. Not to worry.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 89
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 11:01:04 AM
@ Msg #92. I have NEVER been tempted to look for FWB. Speak for yourself. And @ at the chick calling folks a prude just because some of us don't agree with her stance on FWB "relationships." Girl, get the hell on.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 90
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 11:04:12 AM
Isn't marriage a FWB arrangement? They both have many of the same rules and regulations.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 91
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 11:10:23 AM
^^^

Roflmao!!!
 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 92
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 11:17:44 AM

Isn't marriage a FWB arrangement? They both have many of the same rules and regulations.


TOO funny... but in all actuality a " marriage " involves a contract... and certain goods, services and monies are exchanged... That makes it something else entirely. lol
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 93
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History
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 11:19:04 AM
Besides the religious clamoring here and there I think alot of ppl here are confusing F@ck Buddies with Friends With Benefits. Those are 2 different animals.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 94
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 11:26:34 AM
WomanInProgress
 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 95
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 11:27:10 AM

there I think alot of ppl here are confusing F@ck Buddies with Friends With Benefits. Those are 2 different animals.


That's what I eluded to on page one and no one even picked up on it? Glad I'm not the only one who sees a diff!?
 largo2
Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 96
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 12:03:36 PM
You know, some of us had good marriages that were genuine. How do you think sex is not an extrinsic motive, anyway?

I have nothing against FWB, but I am tired of people dragging out disparaging remarks about WHATEVER arrangement 2 consenting adults feel is in their best interests.
 m8t
Joined: 3/20/2012
Msg: 97
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 12:08:23 PM
We all seek what ever is right for us at the time. As we continue to grow and evolve our goals and relationships change. Who really cares when or why. Im the best me for me I can be at any one time.
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 98
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 1:24:39 PM
None of my friends attract me that way, and some are perfectly alright looking.
To me, sexy is a lot of things--grace, a person who feels things profoundly, quirks I like.
Sometimes I have crushes and sure they look good but it's usually an energy I feel from them that is unique to them and interplays with mine.
These crushes may have no stability and if I were to act on them, the aftermath wouldn't leave me satisfied. The fleeting moment might be nice.
I guess I associate the act with a deep bonding.
Could I have light hearted flings... Physically yes, but emotionally I would find it masochistic.
I doubt I can think another way, because my emotional needs override my need for physical intimacy.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 99
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 1:25:01 PM
I have promised myself never to get involved in another FWB thread, but here I go. Obviously I am a glutton for punishment.


FWB is more genuine than marriage. No extrinsic motives involved. Just good ole pure unadultered SEX; yeah,

Seems so simple, yes? I tried it and for me it is not that simple. As time passes & you spend more time together you become more attached, or I do anyway. 5 years later I couldn't understand why I wasn't enough. I didn't want to meet anyone else, felt like I was cheating if I did date someone else. He didn't want me to meet anyone else, but didn't want to be my "boyfriend." As one poster mentioned, it can end up unequal & that's how I felt.

Domo...please don't settle for FWB 'cause you think that's the best you can do. FWB, in my opinion, is for people who have an overabundance of self-esteem, not those who struggle. I am a pretty confident person, but it really took a lot out of me.

The "better than nothing" story is so boring to me. I like to think I'm "better than nothing." In fact, I like to think I'm something else altogether. Sounds like it has worked ok for some, but "better than nothing" made me feel like I was losing my marbles!

As for those who say this or that scenario is "not true FWB"...there are as many definitions of FWB as there are people on POF. The version you have in your mind is almost assuredly not the same definition as the person offering it to you. COMMUNICATE & keep one foot out the door. (my best advice for anyone attempting it)
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 100
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 2:10:16 PM

Besides the religious clamoring here and there I think alot of ppl here are confusing F@ck Buddies with Friends With Benefits. Those are 2 different animals.


That's amazing.....a casual sex expert....different categories? How charming! Do you guys every stop rationalizing?
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