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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?      Home login  
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 slpboo
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 101
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?Page 5 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Who "looks" for FWBs anyway? Do you even know the definition of that? You have them as established friends FIRST, benefits LATER - anything else is just a FB (f*ck buddy). People around here are dense.
 The Waiting Knight
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 102
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 7:30:27 PM
I don't know how to put this lightly or "politically correct" so I am going to just say it. Either you're married and miserable or single and lonely. Take your pick. Oh sure married couples say they are happy but let them not come home at the usual time or call to get permission or let the other know their where abouts. You are controlled. Reminds me of being a Marine when Uncle Sam owned you for his desires.

Oh, by the way... I would gladly be a FWB for someone. (Until I get into a relationship that is - see my definition of marriage)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 103
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 7:40:16 PM

Either you're married and miserable or single and lonely. Take your pick.

I pick option 3, where your life doesn't revolve around your relationship status.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 104
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 8:31:11 PM
It's interesting how some people assume loneliness is based off of not having an SO. Therefore, that automatically qualify them as lonely.
 The Waiting Knight
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 105
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/24/2012 8:38:28 PM
Well RushLuv. There are exeptions to every rule. However, give a toast and see who taps your glass. Or if everytime you eat you are feeding your family?

I'm just saying. Certain times bring up certain conditions.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 106
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:41:19 PM
Wow-reading this thread sure points out that there are a lot of people who seem to have had a lot of situations of just getting used for sex,apparently because someone mislabeled it as FwB.
Since quite a few folks are present at this dating site because a LTR or marriage failed,why aren't they also badmouthing those relationships?

Yes, there are people who will intentionally assign "fwb" label to a fb or a bootycall relationships, and yes there are fwbs where misunderstandings arose ,or one developed a stronger attachment or wanted to convert the fwb to ltr. And of course fwb is the only sociosexual involvement where things ever go wrong-ltrs and marriages never have problems, never break up.

And what is this "fwbs don't work-just what is it they are supposed to "work" for?

By their nature, they tend to be self-limiting,and for every one that ends "badly"(whatever that means),I'm sure there is one that ends peacefully because both people move on. I bet there are some that DO develop into more(but one should not go into one expecting for that to happen) and I've seen some that seem to have been going on for years. I've seen non-cohabiting LTRs that get mistakenly labeled by other people as "fwb".

Guess what? A lot of dating situations don't "work". Documentation indicates that 50% of marriages don't 'work'-and I bet there are quite a few that don't work but no official action has been taken to dissolve the marriage. Lord only knows how many ltrs end up failing...
So maybe we should all mothball our sexuality and stay single because all sociosexual relationships have a certain number of failures?

I'm never tempted to "look" for fwb-but there have been times in my life where I was in one and I did not feel that was being used, or that I was somebody's dirty little secret...I never had a FwB with a man that I didn't like-but sometimes that fondness and friendship was not strong enough to sustain a committed ltr.

In fact, now my ideal is a non-cohabiting, more autonomous,yet committed LTR,which some people seem to think means "fwb", and yes, I've had to head off a few that really meant "fb" but tried to stick a fwb label on it.

As far as anyone who chooses to look for fwb as preferable to ltr, more power to them-but that word "friend" does carry some degree of responsibility. Or do you only call your friends or go see them when YOU want something?

I can't help but wonder if what is at the bottom of this contretemps is that there are people who don't really grasp what "friendship" means.
Cindy O
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 107
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:50:59 PM

In fact, now my ideal is a non-cohabiting, more autonomous,yet committed LTR,which some people seem to think means "fwb", and yes, I've had to head off a few that really meant "fb" but tried to stick a fwb label on it.

As far as anyone who chooses to look for fwb as preferable to ltr, more power to them-but that word "friend" does carry some degree of responsibility. Or do you only call your friends or go see them when YOU want something?


Why worry about long term?You might as well be married.

Friends call each other.They get together for a good time.
 hugehank2
Joined: 10/19/2007
Msg: 108
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:25:45 PM
All the time. Just be sure it's what the other person REALLY wants or it could blow up in your face if they get too clingy.

good luck1
 adora71
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 109
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/25/2012 11:38:36 PM
I can't imagine having an ongoing FWB arrangement. I would get attached. But sometimes it is difficult to be alone every single night, so I guess I have considered it and then rejected it because I know my own nature.

I have a good friend who has been single her whole life and she has a few FWB's that are good long-term friends (spread all over the country) and they genuinely enjoy seeing each other and spending an evening. Sometimes it is just about sex, but sometimes it is not about sex at all. I just can't see myself doing the same thing, though.



, I often thought how nice it would be to have a lover to get all animal with, and have a torrid affair that did not lead to a long term thing or marriage. May have to travel to do that...Hmmm


I love this quote. Sometimes, especially right after my divorce, I dreamed of an affair like the one she described above.
 gaiaisnotthesameasvenus
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 110
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 3:30:23 AM
Don't downgrade your standards because these man can't appreciate your value. Screw them. They will make you sick and bereft; you deserve appreciation and respect.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 111
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 6:39:30 AM

Gwendolyn, you've nailed it yet again.

See? Apparently wether you believe in the concept or not, you'd make a great FWB lol
Just wanted to comment on the person who said the concept inherently Evil. I wouldnt go so far as to say Evil, and I do think some people can profit from such a relationship. But I don't think it should be an "end goal" in the sense that if you start out that way with someone, why SHOULDNT both parties want to explore the possibility of a relationship? My dream relationship would be a FWB for like, 20 years; until you wake up one morning and realise your married, but didnt have to pay 4000 for a ceremony, and your DAMNED happy about it lol. All of the pros, none of the cons; all the love and affection, sex and romance you could want, none of the arguments, fights, ties to the OTHER family or obligations. Just two people together enjoying each other's presence. And of course as time goes by, you start doing the stuff I mentionned above, but it feels different, because you dont have the pressure of; this is my fiancee, or future husband, or serious boyfriend.
So, that's how I view the concept. Just sex? Couldnt do it I think. Got too much respect for myself and for the other person to WANT to do that. Or is it really respect? I dunno.
 CptIronJack
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 112
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 7:29:17 AM
for a girl who wants hundreds of emails from equally losing prospects FWB, hell can't even think of the names of the other sights. But end result is you'll be hammered with emails and gain what exactly?

I'd tried a brief stent in one of them but soon after just deleted it as I was tired of getting emails from 23 year old aussies lol

Here is actually harder to connect than in real life and I've not figured out why, on the pay sights its even worse just more expensive. So yeah I've thought about it, yeah I've tried it and yeah I quit trying it and returned to the real world instead. But then I'm male.

I've a gf who was on some sight or other forget its name, she told me when she goes visible the chat request crawl across the screen like****roaches. So there you go, you can be popular just for being female :)
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 113
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 7:29:51 AM
"Don't downgrade your standards because these man can't appreciate your value. Screw them. They will make you sick and bereft; you deserve appreciation and respect."


I don't see choosing to go the FWB route, to be "downgrading standards" - it's simply a different choice, an alternate way to go. No - it's not for everyone - but it certainly works for some ! Because it's not YOUR choice , doesn't make it wrong - only wrong for you.

And "sick and bereft" ? Why ?

Do only those in committed relationships get appreciation and respect ? Hell - so many don't ! And many friends do very much appreciate ,respect, and yes - love one another. Doesn't mean they're meant to be together forever - or that they'll ever make a life long commitment though.

These are choices. Made by mutually consenting (in my mind, single) adults . Not harming anyone else.

It's ok.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 114
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 7:34:54 AM

Do only those in committed relationships get appreciation and respect ?


Just bringing something up to think about but maybe a FWB would not be so attractive if people sought to find relationships based upon commitment/ appriciation and respect from the start.

As I see and this is, my personal opinion about it.... that considering a FWB situation or being in one does not say someone has very much value upon themselves to begin with.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 115
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 7:54:18 AM
^^^



… considering a FWB situation or being in one does not say someone has very much value upon themselves to begin with.

Oh, ffs, having cornflakes for breakfast also ‘does not say’ someone has much value. Using weasel-worded arguments also ‘does not say’ someone places very much value upon themselves. Or self-respect.

And seeing evil everywhere but in the mirror is not a sign of moral discernment.

We're talking about sex with friends. You're talking about fellating dead snakes. Maybe your imagination could use a reality-check? Or at least be accountable for the voices in your head? Before you take it upon yourself to guide the thoughts of the less enlightened?
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 116
view profile
History
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 2:06:24 PM

Oh, ffs, having cornflakes for breakfast also ‘does not say’ someone has much value. Using weasel-worded arguments also ‘does not say’ someone places very much value upon themselves. Or self-respect.

And seeing evil everywhere but in the mirror is not a sign of moral discernment.

We're talking about sex with friends. You're talking about fellating dead snakes.


I have never had a FWB situation nor did I consider one.. ever. far as the dead snake thing, that is from another topic of those who are doing the FWB.. only having to do this dead snake thing, for lack of willing and able candiates.
Think of it as "satire"
 optimismfirst
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 117
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 2:22:22 PM
I love fwb some times lol. only with trusted friends though
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 118
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 2:50:54 PM

….relationships based upon commitment/ appriciation and respect from the start.


Those are often called, ‘friendships.’


..only having to do this dead snake thing, for lack of willing and able candiates.


Maybe you should just accept your bestiality fantasies and go with it.

Don’t want a FWB, don’t have one. Why you are so obsessed with other people’s sex lives is mystifying.

It’s like watching porn and saying, “This is so sick,” while fondling yourself.
 lacalli
Joined: 3/17/2012
Msg: 119
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 3:15:50 PM

only having to do this dead snake thing, for lack of willing and able candiates.


Maybe you should just accept your bestiality fantasies and go with it.

Don’t want a FWB, don’t have one. Why you are so obsessed with other people’s sex lives is mystifying.

It’s like watching porn and saying, “This is so sick,” while fondling yourself

Fleuron, you're too much. I always read your posts when I see your name. The dead snake mention has become common with her and first few times ok, by now it's downright creepy and weird.
 OneGodfather
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 120
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 3:21:45 PM

DONT DO THAT U MIGHT GET AN STD
I hate to break to you man, so excuse me If I come across as rude, you know it take once to have sex with a infected person right, if you've only been one person your entire life, I remember reading on the forums the last time I was on, I was reading a thread about a 60 year old woman who has herpes and she was only with 2 men her entire life, both husbands and obviously the second husband couldn't keep his d1ck in his pants and infected her and what did she do to deserve that?
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 121
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History
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 3:25:31 PM
There have been times when I've been tempted, but have never followed through on it. It's just not for me, but if someone else wants to do it, go for it. It's their body; not mine.


considering a FWB situation or being in one does not say someone has very much value upon themselves to begin with.


I disagree with this statement. I've known people who have utilized the FWB route. It had nothing to do with how much value they placed on themselves. They just wanted to be able to get their rocks off without the hassles of a relationship.

Again, it's not for me. I'm not comfortable doing that, but if someone else is, I don't see an issue with it providing that everyone is honest with each other about their intentions.
 spartanx
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 122
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 3:30:03 PM
this is to ontariowoman, why do u have so many pics of urself, some r the exact same, i would have private messaged u but im not old enough :S
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 123
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 4:28:21 PM

As I see and this is, my personal opinion about it.... that considering a FWB situation or being in one does not say someone has very much value upon themselves to begin with.

A person who values him/herself does what he/she wants to do or what best fits his/her goals at any given time. The person who truly doesn't value him/herself is the one needs validation from others and and who needs to conform what other people think in order to feel ok about what he/she does. You apparently fall into the latter case, since your self worth depends on the validation you get from a guy who will commit to you, not from yourself.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 124
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 4:42:23 PM

msg 139: as a man i still need sex. fwb is the best to get sex and not deal with kids. ill turn to prositutes after…

Heart-warming example of human friendship there.
 Rob3444
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 125
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 5:06:32 PM
I was because, I like living alone. Then after a lot of though I realized what a hassle it would be and it wouldn't go with my nature. If ask by an attractive friend then my nature may have been misplaced all of a sudden. I find being single a place where anything could happen.
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