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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?      Home login  
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 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 126
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?Page 6 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
OP...

I've thought about simplifying things, and just looking for a FWB ("friends with benefits" - for those not familiar ).

LOL...For me this would not simplify anything at all!!
I still need to be attracted to anyone I am going to bed with.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 127
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 6:10:56 PM

LOL...For me this would not simplify anything at all!!
I still need to be attracted to anyone I am going to bed with.

When did FWB become sex with someone you're not attracted to? I wouldn't sleep (or do anything else) with someone I wasn't attracted to either! I doubt most people would do that...
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 128
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 6:49:04 PM
Yanno...after reading pages upon pages of FWB posts (this thread and the countless others), I'm convinced that the FWB relationship is the most misunderstood and unfairly maligned human relationship that exists.

Again...if someone doesn't want to have a FWB, then they shouldn't do so. There's nothing wrong with that. If two friends decide to be FWBs, there's nothing wrong with that. Because it works for some people and not others, doesn't make it wrong for everyone. Marriage doesn't work for some people, and that doesn't make marriage wrong for everyone
 Gzlueeze
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 129
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 6:56:56 PM
Don't ever settle for less than what you are looking for.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 130
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 7:58:32 PM
Ok....I better clarify myself....lol.
My point was or is....If I found someone that I felt...I was attracted enough to want to sleep with them...why would I just not try to have a regular relationship with him.???
For myself.....that kind of chemistry is hard to come by.
WHY....or how does it become just about "sex" with no feelings....???

But maybe....I am totally off base in the meaning??? shrugs..
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 131
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 8:49:17 PM

My point was or is....If I found someone that I felt...I was attracted enough to want to sleep with them...why would I just not try to have a regular relationship with him.???


Because your schedules are impossible, the distance is too great, your kids hate each other, you like everything about him except, um… something. Or one of you is leaving for Europe. Or taking care of aging parents. Or because you’re great as friends but not as 24/7 committed partners…and on and on.

And sometimes, frankly, the chemistry is just OK. Or the romance just isn’t there. And you’re mostly friends. And the sex is pretty minor. But it’s nice and it takes the edge off and sometimes it’s mostly about the cuddles and a sleep-over. While you both look for something else or maybe neither has the time or energy to look or to find.

I dunno… people have their reasons I guess.


For myself.....that kind of chemistry is hard to come by.

Me too. If there’s enough chemistry for an FWB, I’d be looking to see if it can be more. But I assume I’ve already had that look and decided otherwise.


WHY....or how does it become just about "sex"....???

In my view, if it becomes just about sex that’s a sex-buddy, not a Friend / Benefits. Fine if both parties agree. But I’d say some break-downs (and forum objections) come from someone calling it an FWB when it’s less than friendly. That’s my impression.

But ‘why not try to have a regular relationship’ when the requirement for FWB is almost as high as for a romance? Well, some do, probably. Some succeed as romantic partners. Some find out they were better as friends. Some probably don’t know what the hell they are and just fly with it.

I think out in the ‘real world’ where people don’t wear labels like internet daters do, and people don’t define their relationships in their profiles and over coffee-dates, they fall into things sometimes. We’re freakin’ policy wonks in here. Out there, things happen.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 132
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 8:55:27 PM
My point was or is....If I found someone that I felt...I was attracted enough to want to sleep with them...why would I just not try to have a regular relationship with him.???

I dunno. Why wouldn't you? If it were me, I would. It's not like you only get to have sex N times and you're using up your quota.

For myself.....that kind of chemistry is hard to come by.

Right.

WHY....or how does it become just about "sex" with no feelings....???

When it doesn't fit someone's idea of of what that means. People who can't imagine having sex any way but in a committed relationship seem to think they have the market cornered on feelings and seem to think it's impossible for anyone to have feelings without penalizing themselves to the same extent they are. I personally would consider them to be emotionally handicapped, not me. Ignore them.

But maybe....I am totally off base in the meaning??? shrugs..

Or maybe not.
 Frogy27
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 133
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 9:46:29 PM
i like the idea of fwb for me at my age so many woman have kids and i dont want to be kids dad and rise them i rather just keep it friendly come over hang out and maybe get lucky then be a full time bf and have to rise kids to old to rise any more and ther a lot of work
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 134
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/26/2012 10:05:51 PM
No I don't intend to be a friend with benefits, for me serious connection or bust, I have too much respect for myself,to be a cheap meat just to have a warm body to shagg me. Besides,I have better things to do, to enhance my life.............

I don't intend to offend others, if that makes you happy GO for it..
 BehinDarkBluEyes
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 135
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/27/2012 2:59:48 AM
I see nothing wrong with enjoying such a thing until you maybe indeed come across that special someone. So what do you do, let the days and months and possibly years pass you by because you're being stubbourn taking the approach of "either I find that special someone or nothing!'.....Well all in the meanwhile life is passing you by.


So yes as long as both people can keep it in it's proper perspective and enjoy it for what it is and USE PROTECTION lol, then I see nothing in the world wrong with it.
 Frogy27
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 136
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/27/2012 12:13:52 PM
fwb work when you have kids ant got a nuff time for a full time man our woman
 lacalli
Joined: 3/17/2012
Msg: 137
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/27/2012 7:49:58 PM
Where do you want it taken? I'm going to San Diego this weekend. I can take it there if you want.
 Unaccounted_For
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 138
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/27/2012 8:41:33 PM
HAHAHA! This!^^^^^
 Sussieee
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 139
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/27/2012 9:58:37 PM
DON'T DO IT! It NEVER ends well
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 140
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 4:28:45 AM
I'm not the kind of guy that women think of when they think of FWB. Besides, I'm a sucker for romance. So, no, I never thought of FWB as an option.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 141
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 10:02:10 AM

DON'T DO IT! It NEVER ends well

I know quite a few that didn't end badly at all. An FWB served its purpose for the time it happened, and when one or both in the arrangement wanted something different, it was dissolved and they went back to the friendship. So "never" would be inaccurate.
 slpboo
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 142
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 11:37:56 AM
just b/c it hasn't ended well for you or a friend of a friend that you know, doesn't mean it doesn't end well for other people.

can you people see outside your own little reality?

I've had 2 such arrangements. First one I cut him off b/c he was a d*ckhead and disrespected me (he really wasn't a "friend" at all - more of a FB). Second one I became attached and he definitely was not so to protect myself emotionally, I stopped talking to him.

So while they haven't worked for me (for different reasons), it CAN work for many people if they know exactly what the arrangement is and are mature enough to deal with the consequences/outcome.

I learned the hard way that it IS NOT for me, but I'm not going to bash other consenting adults' choices when it comes to the matter.
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 143
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 5:50:04 PM
It can end amicably if both can accept that you can't make somebody want you more than they do....
 Mr_Celibate
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 144
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 6:24:23 PM
^^^ What would that "lie" be? Something like you're a true friend or I love you?
 Caution_OpenSlowly
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 145
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 6:57:55 PM
I think you've already answered your own question...you would really like more than just FWB so do yourself a favor, get B.O.B. until you find a "keeper". I'm actually in a FWB and there is always the good with the bad. Feelings always get involved no matter how honest you both are in the beginning. From someone who's been there, don't go there if you're not a very emotionally strong person. You will get hurt or he will get hurt, its human nature.
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 146
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 7:28:36 PM
My oh my - all the warnings, and doomsday scenarios.

Like all "regular" relationships last forever, are emotionally mutual, and never cause hurt feelings !? Some are merely illusions.

In message #82, I describe a FWB situation that I was in , that was not hurtful, was mutual, honest, and respectful - and one that yes - ended just fine. No hard feelings - in fact a friendship that continues to this day - with both he, and the woman he met.

As several have pointed out , YOUR reality is not necessarily that of others - it's yours.

And certainly , if you don't believe a FWB , or just about anything in life, is not gonna work - well, it probably won't .
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 147
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 7:31:53 PM
^^^^Good gosh, Ego, don't be logical and mature--it confuses some people.
 Mr_Celibate
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 148
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 7:42:19 PM

From someone who's been there, don't go there if you're not a very emotionally strong person. You will get hurt or he will get hurt, its human nature.

Emotional strength is good. It can get you through a lot. For those women who are weak in this respect maybe there is an alternative FWB --- father with benefits. I see possibilities but perhaps that's another thread. Edit Disclaimer: Not referring to biological fathers.
 largo2
Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 149
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 7:46:18 PM
I think we already established that if a woman wants sex it is pretty easy for her to find it. So no, I wouldnt bother with 'settling' for a FWB- if I feel like having sex and I am not in a relationship, well its a pretty easy fix. WHy complicate a perfectly good friendship?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 150
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 8:06:42 PM
if I feel like having sex and I am not in a relationship, well its a pretty easy fix. WHy complicate a perfectly good friendship?

Personally, I think that is a much better approach. The problems with a fwb relationship are what happens when you want to move on. I wouldn't have dated a woman who wanted to remain friends with a previous sexual partner, so if she had a fwb that she was no longer sleeping with, she'd have to ditch him as a friend to date me. It's best to keep sex where it won't interfere with one's life later on. If it's just sex, do it, have fun and don't do it with anyone who has some significance as something else, like a friend. Also, it's much easier to maintain one's perspective when there are no other ties to the person to cause emotional confusion.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?