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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?      Home login  
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 KeithValentine
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 170
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?Page 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Yeah I've been there but sex is easy to get if you find like minded people. So I don't lack sex buddies.What I lack is a woman who is a "Keeper" as you put it.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 171
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 5/15/2012 9:43:59 AM
To be honest... yes. BEcause to me friends aren't a sub standard wanna be status; I LIKE my friends, we care how each other is thnking, love hanging out and laughing, enjoying time together, can talk about everything and anything and are there for each other.

And have developed trust. Add to that someone where someone can be intimate, sensual and sexual, KNOWING they will be there the next morning without worrying about what that "means", worrying over whether someone will immediately start thinking longterm that second and then get the whole freaked out analysis by paralysis thing, and then emotionally get themselves so freaked out they get bi polar and emotionally shutdown; the friend would know they're safe, comfortable and a wanted person to wake up with and not do that whole "a woman must have expectations and will immediately want to take me over mind numbing fear that SO many people get buried alive by when they project all this stuff on someone who is just laying there enjoying the hell out of a good cuddle".

I haven't done it; but it does sound a lot less comlicated. I want the uncomplication of friends with benefits with the exclusivity of a LTR... without the stupid mind games. :)
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 172
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 5/15/2012 12:54:53 PM
Thanks to messages # 187 and 197 for adding their voices to to the explanation that a genuine FwB is not about somebody using somebody else for sex, for clarification that it is not a detached, emotionless "mutual masturbation" event.

For those who are committed to a standard of "no sex unless it is within a committed relationship"-that's fine...dating is NOT about pressuring people to do something they aren't comfortable with. But there still seems to be a good deal of misperception about FwB by both genders. How much confusion about or opposition to FwBs is due to genuine misunderstanding and how much is due to misuse of the term(whether accidental or wilfull) is hard to say.
Speaking to the title question-I'm also not sure how many people actually set out to "look" for FwB as a preferential type of involvement,I'm more inclined to think that a lot of them just sorta happen. But if a person reaches the conclusion that they are better served to intentionally choose FwBs, I don't guess there is much we can say except to ask that care be taken not to hurt your FwB partner-please make sure that everybody is on the same page.
Cindy O
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 173
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 5/15/2012 5:54:52 PM


But have YOU ever gotten to that point ? Or think it might be easier somehow ?


In the past, it just happened but, ironically enough, I think this thread which made me think about it, has gotten me to that point. The FWBs I was in were hands down much better than the "permanent" relationships I've been in. When I say much better, I mean, they were _always_ rational, balanced and, reasonable. Those are characteristics that eventually got lost in the "permanent relationships".

As far as being easier, the answer is yes. That "yes" comes from the fact that the lives of two people don't have to be eventually merged. That's makes a lot of things easier. Another thing that makes it easier is that if you are in a FWB with a genuine friend, you can talk about a lot of things/situations that one cannot easily talk about in a "permanent" relationship. Another reason is that, when the time comes to end it (if it comes), it always ends _well_ (compared to a divorce, for instance.)

Lastly, after reading all the posts in this thread a second time, a number of ironies hit me and made me think about what happens in a "permanent" relationship (for lack of a better moniker). I'll share just a few of the thoughts because I don't want to bore anyone. Everyone, please note, it is _not_ my intention to change anyone's mind. I just want to share a few observations.

(1.) a FWB requires the creation of a genuine friendship first. This takes time which means that a significant amount of time elapses _before_ the relationship becomes sexual. Contrast this with the standard "permanent" relationship. In those relationships sex occurs much before a true, solid and lasting friendship develops. In other words, the participants become romantic FBH (that's "Fvck Buddies with Hope") until that "in love" feeling hopefully develops. I find it ironic and amusing, that those who end up in the sack first, with little basis other than "chemistry" (FBH), pass moral judgement on those who took the time to build a genuine friendship beforehand (FWB).

2. By far, the most common type of "permanent" relationship is the one which starts as FBH (see 1. above), goes through a period of bliss and then deteriorates into HFB (Hopeless Fvck Buddies). The participants stay together because neither is fond of the idea of being sexless in POF looking for a new FBH. These HFB relationships constitute a good part of the almost bottomless well of players, deadbeats and cheaters most women (and some men) in POF complain about. Ironically, in an FBH, after one of the participants silently decides that the "permanent" relationship isn't so permanent anymore (for him or her), there is usually a period of time that elapses before the relationship is brought to an end. During that period of time, one of the participants is effectively and unknowingly in a FWB relationship that will most likely not end as friends.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 174
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 5/19/2012 11:43:54 AM
I hate posting on these FWB threads, but sometimes I can't resist.

Everyone seems to have a definition of FWB. If you're a fan, looking for one for yourself and/or haven't been on the hurtful end of one you tend to say they're great relationships that fill a gap between relationships when you're too busy or incapable of having a real relationship. If you're not a fan of FWB you say they're dangerous and someone usually gets their feelings hurt.

Let's be realistic. Every relationship is complicated. You are not going to be in a relationship that isn't. If FWB had agreed upon rules/regulations & wasn't complicated everyone would be in a monogamous FWB relationship & we'd all be happy as clams. Thinking you're going to get hot, wild, regular sex with someone who is not sleeping with anyone else & without any complications and without romantic feelings coming into play is setting yourself up for failure.

My advice is keep it SHORT TERM and constantly remind yourself that you're single & can't count on this person to be your "plus one" to anything. You are alone. Keep in mind that they can suddenly decide they want a relationship (just not with you) or that they want a relationship with you (but you are happy with the way things are). Just like with any other relationship they could meet someone else or you could find out they're seeing someone else. Does it make it better if they say "it's not cheating, we're just FWB. Go get yourself a spare or even better just join us."??? (yes, men in FWB still ask for the same crazy stuff men in relationships ask for...they just don't feel the need to do the extra nice stuff for you)

Final note...every semi-attractive woman I know has a list of dudes willing to give her FWB at the drop of a text. She doesn't have to "go looking" to make it happen.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 175
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 5/19/2012 4:20:54 PM
^^^ domo31...you should move to Charlotte! You'd have more dudes offering FWB than there are days in the week.(or some other variety of NSA baloney, varies based on your personal definition)
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 176
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/28/2012 11:46:45 PM

We are still friends, although we live in different states so no longer see each other. The intimate part of the relationship finished but the friendship remains and always will be there. We speak about once a month or so, just to catch up on each other's lives, and I'm happy to have been in the relationship with him and have no regrets.

I had several FWB since my divorce and the friendship still remains even though our circumstances are different and we no longer have sex.

We had an agreement to sleep with one another from time to time and socialise if we were both between relationships. We weren't relationship material but it is possible for friends to be intimate and we were genuinely happy for each other when we eventually ended up in relationships with others.

Just like Mustang I have no regrets either.
 remixfa
Joined: 4/19/2009
Msg: 177
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/29/2012 6:23:02 AM

IF everyone could just relax and put that fine advice into practice, there would likely be many more couples out there enjoying life, doing many things together without having to conform/label/keep up appearances for family/friends or social groups...


Got that right. Honesty is the key to every relationship.. friends or other wise.
 remixfa
Joined: 4/19/2009
Msg: 178
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/29/2012 6:33:24 AM
Friends with Benefits is a misnomer. Its so undefined to most people, its not funny.

In a very general term, any one that is marry-able is a "friend with benefits". You better not be "in love" with someone you dont consider a close friend.. its not love other wise.

An FB is exactly what it sounds like. you randomly communicate with the person "hey, im horny.. you horny? wanna fix that".. and thats the end of the relationship. A FwB is someone you enjoy hanging out with socially, dont mind introducing to your friends, ect. The "FwB" is a non-romantic, yet physical friendship. It doesnt have to be monogamous (and normally isnt), and there are generally set rules on boundaries to the FwB. Breaking those rules normally breaks the whole thing. Its not someone you see all the time, but you definitely have more communication/contact than a FB. Thats my view on it anyways. To people in an open relationship with their spouse, a FwB that can respect boundaries is a golden find.
 Phil_an_derer
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 179
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/29/2012 8:59:52 AM
Am I ever tempted! Yes....Why! one night stands are far to complicated!"smiling"....
 funmma
Joined: 3/8/2011
Msg: 180
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/29/2012 10:32:59 AM
HMMMM???? FWB I've had a couple in the last couple of years. here's my input on this topic. Everyone should become friends at first to move forward. If the agreement is mutual than fine. Both receive the benifits of it. My number one rule is if your getting benifits from me your not getting them anywhere else. Because frankly I don't want to sleep with all your friends "smilng" I have found that men who enter into this type of arrangement only want the benifit when it suits them. Not when it suits the woman. They call the shots (for lack of a better word) That to me is a little degrading to the woman and to men. Your only good enough until the "right one comes along" Just my opinion.....If it works for you then go for it !!! :)
 meowkatt2012
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 181
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/29/2012 11:14:29 AM
Yes. When I was here a few years ago I ended up giving up on looking for relationship & went w FWB only. Now im back on & was really looking for relationship but didn't even talk w anyone I wanted to meet so started. To fall back into looking for FWB so changed to forums only. I already still have. FWB. I u want to go on some dates. But can't seem to find anyone for casual dating. I need to change my thinking & how im approaching it. But I in no way regret the FWB. I have net here. & I did have fun. So I say go for it if the feelings for it are there. It still leaves u open to look fir other guys.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 182
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/29/2012 12:36:23 PM
I don't know about FWB, but I have dated a few men who I had no long-term expectations -- would not marry or live with them -- so maybe that was the same thing? I really did have feelings, just not practical for different reasons at the time.
 bay_dweller
Joined: 8/26/2012
Msg: 183
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/29/2012 12:47:35 PM
Sure, if you just looking for a f'k go for it. Don't get attached though, they'll do a number on you. But then again you could just hit a bar if all you want is to get your itch scratched.
 funmma
Joined: 3/8/2011
Msg: 184
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/29/2012 12:58:59 PM
Exactly!!!! There is always somene out there looking for just that!!
 GuitarHero68
Joined: 6/15/2011
Msg: 185
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History
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/29/2012 1:51:52 PM
Do whatever makes YOU happy. The opinions of others don't matter with this subject.
 HaydenFan
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 186
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/29/2012 2:26:39 PM
Maybe this is a trend because we've all become self absorbed ego maniacs not willing to share and make a real relationship work? I know I was tired of being sport-fuked, that's why I'm here. I need more than that, always have.
 Indysweetpea2001_
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 187
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/29/2012 4:20:37 PM
[Thought about it. But I also believe the whole concept is flawed; maybe some very specific people can manage, but I couldnt. I dont believe in the concept of FWB, nor do I believe most people believe it either, just convince themselves they do. Seen too many FWB situations turn into one sided love instead, and it really isnt fair to either person.
So if I`m thinking of just "maybe I should sleep with this girl" then I`d much rather get into a relationship with her instead, and see where it goes.
What if I pass up a helluvan opportunity, to maybe find the love of my LIFE, just because I `think`that `maybe` we couldnt be a match?
I'll use a car example, its a bit un-personnal, but it still holds true; you dont know what she has under the hood, until you've driven her a few hundred miles.
Explanation: I wont know if she's the perfect person for me, no matter how I try to look at her and analyse her to death, unless I spend some time with her. And maybe she's not perfect, either; no one is. But maybe, with all her perfections and imperfections, she's the RIGHT one for me.
Food for thought]


I totally agree with this, FWB is just setting up a friend to get hurt in the end.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 188
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/29/2012 7:56:08 PM

^^^ So if I`m thinking of just "maybe I should sleep with this girl" then I`d much rather get into a relationship with her instead, and see where it goes.
What if I pass up a helluvan opportunity, to maybe find the love of my LIFE, just because I `think`that `maybe` we couldnt be a match?

Really? That makes sense? We’re in a friendship, the relationship turns sexual, and that prevents us from realizing we’re each other’s love of our life?

I guess stranger things have happened. But to my way of thinking, that would mean we’ve allowed labels like FWB to so dominate our thinking that we don’t even see the personal interaction for what it is.

I suppose that adheres to a kind of ‘forum logic’, where it’s all hypothetical anyway, and we spin these endless fictions to support our various positions on the issues – particularly the debilitating affects of uncommitted sex. But in real life?

I can’t picture that happening to me and a woman friend in real life, that somehow by starting to have sex together we're prevented from seeing that we’re perfect for each other. I wouldn’t have thought so.
 OmahaBoredom
Joined: 8/21/2012
Msg: 189
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/29/2012 10:01:08 PM
Considered that option... at 25 all girls seem to want LTRs with men their age or 10 years older, or someone rich. Or the general immaturity of wanting their own little Edward Cullen, but with a motorcycle.

Shit, maybe I should just be going for women in their 30's because the girls in their 20's are terrible.
 afixerupper
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 190
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History
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/29/2012 10:32:13 PM
I don't think sex with any of my friends would "benefit" me in any way...
 remixfa
Joined: 4/19/2009
Msg: 191
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/30/2012 8:16:01 AM

I don't think sex with any of my friends would "benefit" me in any way...



Have you tried? ya never know :) :)
 m8t
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 192
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/30/2012 8:27:14 AM
^ Once and I screwed up a 12 year great friendship our children even regret all these yeasr later.
FWB? In my opinion I think more of myself and my friends than to do something so stupid.
 tgrlily3
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 193
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/30/2012 8:31:22 AM
No, I've never been tempted to look for a FWB instead. Some people are willing to go the FWB route and that's ok by me, it's just not for me.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 194
view profile
History
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 8/30/2012 8:39:27 AM

I don't think sex with any of my friends would "benefit" me in any way...


Sounds like you need better friends, then!
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