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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Woman and relationships after giving birth      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 13
Woman and relationships after giving birthPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Most times when a woman feels she is better off going it alone, even with a child, it is because something has shaken her-she see's you as actually bringing more issues and complications to the home and she would rather be alone than deal with all of that while she is supposed to be focussing on being a new Mom. I know I would shove anything that was inconsistant/not reliable out of my life pronto if I were in her shoes.

Having a man in your life to share a baby is awesome, so long as that man is actually helping and bearing some of the weight. Otherwsie, you are just making it harder for her and she wont want you around.

Add to this, the possibility of ppd...and you will find yourself alone and looking for more visitation to child.

Take a good look at how you are leading your life.
 smilingrock
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 14
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/26/2012 6:34:15 AM

She just gave borth. Her primary responsibility is the son you share with her. Or, maybe she's sick of your nonsense and we don't all of the back story. Anyway, this is not a question you should ask us. I feel this is a pity cry. And why the hell are you on a dating site, anyway? Sheesh


Oops sorry wrong thread
 shiftingGears
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 15
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/26/2012 8:42:41 PM
because i just updated my profile after she told me she didnt want to be in a relationship. I joined the site to meet new people and I started this profile in october, yes, but to only meet new people, not looking for a relationship. I get along with everyone. But its also good to have a woman's point of view and listen to them. THEY KNOW ALOT!
 shiftingGears
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 16
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/26/2012 8:43:43 PM
It states i dont want kids, Myself taking that as i dont want anymore than what i have NOW! But it does say on my profile that i do have kids!
 shiftingGears
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 17
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/26/2012 8:46:45 PM
you people read more into than what a simple statement is. ME meaning spend time outside the house means just that. Not being couped in. I do take walks with her and our son, we go to the park, we watch the sunsets etc etc, we eat meals togther....but there is also MY TIME, and HER TIME, i let her go out with her friends for a night out, Y cant i do the same?
 shiftingGears
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 18
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/26/2012 8:57:38 PM
That is the only reason Im on the site, and i actually had another profile on here from years ago, but didnt remember the username or pw..But im only here to meet Friends, Woman or Males, She has more guy friends than girlfriends...its really human nature and modern times now that this is normal. But she doesnt want a relationship, but we do live together, and I support our son and take care of him just as much as she does. Of course when i say we live together still, i dont know how much longer that will last. Im just hoping this phase gets passed over. Shes not a money grubber, but after talking with a friend of hers, she said she's really been independant woman all her life. It wasnt planned that she got pregnant, but i told her i will always love her, and im willing to wait til she is ready for a relationship. But being friends having a beautiful son , I guess i cant complain, just as long as shes not out of my life forever!
 shiftingGears
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 19
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/26/2012 9:05:38 PM
How do u figure no maturity is shown? I do give a crap...thats y im asking, You think every guy is on here for one reason PU%%Y, but your wrong. Our Baby Boy is really happy. Her and I do get along, She just said she doesnt know why she feels this way...she does though. I can only stand and pray and hope that things can go back to normal. Im willing to wait til shes ready again. But the only reason im on here, is again to meet people in the area, She has friends here, because she was raised here, i met her when she lived in my town, but we decided to move back to her town to be closer to her family. She has her friends(mostly guys) but im trustworthy of her and i met them and they do come over once in awhile. But i need my "own" friends as well, she gets her night out with her friends, and i watch our son. WHen i go out, im not gone long, just enough to ride a few miles on my bike, but i am looking for a friend to hang out with, like she does.
 irish_smackie
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 20
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/27/2012 8:31:11 AM
Oh sure, ALL the guys I know look for platonic friends on dating sites!
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 21
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/28/2012 9:27:12 AM
Op, you have to show her with your actions, that her life is better with you in it, then how it could be if you were not there.

Actions speak way louder than words.

You being on a dating site is a bad action plan.

I know you say you need friends of your own, but your actions are not going to net you platonic friends. This action will only bring more drama into your life. Think about it-who from online, is going to find your situation amendable to making new friends? A new daddy with baby mamma issues is only going to attract people in unstable places in life. The stable ones with young children are at home with thier families.

Go to the library on 'reading with tots day'...or the local parks and try to make friends with the other dads or something, but please get off any dating site while you are trying to work out your relationship. Being here is just not an action that is going to help you in your relationship.

And, like it or not, it just looks bad!

That alone should be a concern for you. I would be embarrassed if my Dad was on here while living with my Mom. Think always, how your actions can affect your child. Peoples perceptions can hurt the ones you love. So dont do things that will cause a bad perception, and then complain about it after the fact.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 22
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/28/2012 10:31:24 AM
The first thing you should do is make sure the baby has your DNA. It's odd she would want to end the relationship right after the baby is born. Maybe she used someone else's sperm and she feels a bit guilty now, so she wants to set you free so she feels less guilty. And then there are women who have a bad case of baby rabies and use guys strictly as a sperm donor, and any guy will do. Then once the deed is done, the guy is kicked to the curb. That;s why there are women who have 6 or 7 kids with 6 or 7 different fathers. So if either scenario is the case, I don't blame you for having a profile on a dating site. But then you said "...she doesnt want a relationship, but we do live together, and I support our son and take care of him...". So that will eliminate 90% of the people who might otherwise be interested in you.
 Faust_7
Joined: 10/3/2010
Msg: 23
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 4/21/2012 9:29:37 AM
She got what she wanted and she knows your gonna pay for her and the child for the rest of your life. What does she need you for anymore?
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 24
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History
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 4/21/2012 10:27:55 AM
It's probably a combination of some post-partum depression, which is VERY normal, and the fact that suddenly there's this demanding little human attached to her now who needs her attention 24 hours a day. The idea of being available to an adult human is just not what most new moms have the desire or mental energy for in the first few weeks or months. Plus, unless she's one of those genetic freaks, her old clothes don't fit, she feels fat, the house is a mess, she hasn't slept more than a couple hours at a pop for weeks, as well as had a shower that lasted more than two minutes before the baby started crying again, let alone been able to dry and style her hair. Put on make-up? Yeah, right.

If you are doing things like pointing at the calendar to remind her that six weeks is up now and the doctor said it's ok to have sex or asking when she's going to lose the baby weight or asking what she did all day instead of folding laundry and cooking dinner, then you should be taken out and shot. If you are on POF looking for dates, then you should be boiled in oil and staked out on an anthill at high noon.

Unfortunately, it's not all about you anymore. What you should do is take the baby for an hour or two so she can have some time for herself. Ask what you can do to help her out without expectations of what might be in it for you. Better yet, don't ask, look around and see what needs to be done and do it. If there are dishes in the sink, do them or load the dishwasher. If there is a pile of laundry on the couch, fold it and then PUT IT AWAY. Bring home dinner. You're not the studly boyfriend/ladies man anymore, you're a father, and she's the mother of your child. Her world is all about the baby now, join in and support her in that. When she sees you being an adorable daddy and has gotten some much needed rest and a good hot shower, she most likely will start returning to her old self. You might be surprised at how little effort it actually might take. Most of all, enjoy being a dad. :)
 COCODREAMZ
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 25
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 4/21/2012 12:05:19 PM
I betting on that she's waiting for YOU TO ASK HER TO MARRY HER! nuff said!
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 26
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History
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 4/21/2012 12:23:53 PM
For your son's sake, get to a counselor as soon as possible.

There's another person's life at stake, not just yours and hers. You owe it to your son to get this sorted out ASAP. These forums are not the place to do that.


I betting on that she's waiting for YOU TO ASK HER TO MARRY HER! nuff said!


Yup. That should have happened *before* the baby was even conceived. The kid needs stable parents. You need to provide that.
 Savona
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 27
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 4/21/2012 12:28:38 PM
Errrr this kind of a no brainer. You are on here looking for men and women friends. Hahahahahahaha bull crap.

Get your child support payments lined up.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 28
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 4/25/2012 12:16:27 PM
First of all, OP-congratulations!
Now-as for your gfs' situation-I'm with those who have mentioned PPD, extreme fatigue,stress.
Whether or not you do a DNA test would be a matter of YOUR judgement, you are the only one who can evaluate the risk that the child is not yours.

The other thing this thread has done, IMO-is to identify people who are still dealing with the damage of previous bad experiences. I'm sure we all hope that they regain their emotional equilibrium.

I want to stress again-as have other posters-PPD is not "just a bad mood"-and it is not always possible for a woman to just pull herself out of it by her bootstraps. It may not be a situation that calls for pharmaceutical intervention but I think it's very important that she be encouraged to speak with her doctor and maybe even get a 2nd opinion-(perhaps from a female dr who has children of her own.)
In the meantime, I think you can only be there for her.
And yeah-if you want to talk to people, get off the damn dating site. There are plenty of sites/forums that cater to new parents, and if you are looking for platonic friendships/activity partners, how the hell do you suppose people managed before the existence of the 'net,when they moved to a new location?
Cindy O
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