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 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 26
Becoming extremely discouraged!Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

I mean I guess it just hurts to put yourself out there and be rejected


Welcome to the world of human dating that we all experience.


Maybe its bad luck who knows?


If it weren't for bad luck, you'd have no luck at all. (Hee Haw flashback)

 a_Libra_rising
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 27
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:39:01 PM
ok, i don't agree with the majority of people in this tread pulling the cold yet realistic stance about your problem saying this is the way it is, and that people are retarded so that should be an acceptable answer. well, i reject that. i find it completely unacceptable for people to be flakey and if they are, i will definitely call them out on it. people are so afraid of confrontations with others that they can't even have an honest, straightforward discussion, much less handle disagreements. i think if you are firm in your position, it would help weed out those who tend to be wishy washy.
a few years ago when i first got on an online dating site, there was a guy who was gunho about meeting me. well 2 hours before we were suppose to met, i messaged him asking him to verify directions on where to meet. guess what? he didn't even reply. so i called him up, left a firm, yet clearly displeased message telling him it was completely thoughtless and disrespectful to cancel on me without telling me. well, he felt so horrible he kept bugging me to give him another chance. except i didn't want to, i knew he'd be the same way as the first time around.

i will agree that it's not necessarily the site, it's just that dating has gone online and this what dating has become. people online look at profiles like it's candied crack sorta like shopping for the best bargains on ebay... except you're trying to find a mate. yeah, that's a dangerous combo to mix with. it's like if you don't match with person A, there's going to be 2000 more to choose from so no worries! ugh. it's not true but a lot of people fall into that fantasy/trap. i also agree that it's not the people who are on online dating who are being flakes, but it's the way society has evolved overall to create this effect. we live in a throw away society where if what you got is broken, get a new one, and that includes mates. it's easy to discard people if you think of them in terms that they're easily replaceable like your broken toaster.
 a_Libra_rising
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 28
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:49:02 PM
i've also read that people have mentioned they've been this site for awhile, years even, and none or few relationships. i would agree with whomever it was that said it's just sheer luck.
when i moved to la in may last year, i was hit up by 2 really hot dudes at the same time and i was surprised because i didn't think they existed online and i certainly didn't expect them to contact me either. they were both really nice, smart, and have 6 packs (yum!) anyway, within 3 weeks of being on pof, one of the guys asked me to be his gf and so i said yes and we deleted our profiles together. granted that relationship didn't survive long but that was because of personal issues, not pof fault.

online dating websites are venues to meet someone. as far as the quality of people, that's up to you to decide. i happened to have met someone very quickly where i got into a relationship fast. that was all luck/timing.
 a_Libra_rising
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 29
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:53:48 PM
as harsh and cold as it sounds, landra2 is (always) spot on. it's true, those guys did try to see you a few times and something wasn't clicking on their end so they gave up. all they did was not tell you that they're no longer interested but everything else they did seems to fall in line with not being interested. granted they could have friend zoned you and make a new pal, but not a whole of dudes are into that.
 ThatOneGirl005
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 30
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 10:06:40 PM
Landra I am not desperate to be in a relationship. Yes I would like to be in one but I wouldn't force it with someone. I have rejected my fair amount of people because I'm not willing to settle. I think there's a difference between keeping your options open and not giving someone a chance. I have never been treated this way when I have met people IRL. Unfortunately I don't meet people IRL as I do my school online now and am too busy at work to socialize, I also hate meeting people in bars.
No I don't expect someone to keep seeing me for months if its not working but I DO expect them to tell me. The guys I have told I didn't see a romantic future with I remain friends with.
 youngking_s
Joined: 3/15/2012
Msg: 31
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 10:44:16 PM
people talk for the first time ,couple times, then decide to meet and go on a few dates and the dates could go real well then all of a sudden they stop talking to you. It happens and sometime they just not real enough and respect you enough to tell you why they want talk to you again and continue dating you at least for a little while if they decide to try to come back in the picture at a later time. Sometime they will try to come back after little while and make up some b/s excuses why they stop talking you. When the truth is really they just was pursuing other options and moved on to those other options for awhile to see what they were about. you should do the same rather than try to figure out why they just up and stop talking to you all of a sudden. Just move on to someone new and not worry about it.
 Bassmusician
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 32
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/26/2012 3:29:45 AM
I can so relate to you. I too am here for a "real" and permanent relationship, I guess it's right at a year now that I've been here, and so many dates, I cant remember them all, but of them all only 2 ladies really had any sort of chemistry at all. I met my ex through a pen pal site, and we were married for 28 yrs, so it's not the venue, and it's not POF, its just I guess a hard thing to find "THE ONE" I'm not giving up or anything, but I too am getting discouraged. I have found there to be alot of rude people here too, I mean, I answer every message I get, but I've written so many polite messages etc, and I'll bet maybe 2 out of 10 even bother with a reply. I also feel that perhaps they need a separate area for phone users, because sometimes they will answer with one or two words saying they are using a phone and it's hard to type. Perhaps that's why so many don't reply? I don't know how to use a phone on here, but one lady told me it's impossible to use the chat feature with a phone, yet her chat light lights up while she's online. Oh well, I say try not to be to discouraged and hang in there!! I'm going to. It beats hanging out in bars or some other way to try to meet someone, and atleast it's free. :) Good luckto everyone!!
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 33
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/26/2012 8:42:22 AM
So, OP,

In eight months on here you've gotten a 'good amount' of messages, and gone on some 'great' dates.

A lot of POF'ers would consider that you've had a lot more success than they've had.

Just how much sympathy do you think you should get?
 ThatOneGirl005
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 34
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/26/2012 12:30:41 PM
I'm not asking for sympathy just advice. I also like to meet people right off the bat like within a week to see if we have chemistry in person so I think that might contribute. I don't respond to every message by any means nor do I expect people to respond to my every message I send on her. You should only message people youre interested in or else it's mean or false hope.
 SilverLight
Joined: 11/26/2010
Msg: 35
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/26/2012 12:44:44 PM
ThatOneGirl, dont respond to any of these people who hang out here trying to make you feel bad. I have had THE EXACT SAME THING happen to me over and over...I'm either "friendzoned" or you seem to have this great connection or a great date, then they vanish....no explaination...it seems to happen alot, and I think it's because it's easy to "escape" like a puss in this age of the internet, it's almost like when you're enclosed in your car and you feel a boundary around yourself and other people...like you feel bolder to do more anti social things...I've thought alot about this, after being on these sites for 2 years with a 0% success rate as far as finding a healthy relationship.
I actually would stop using POF if I were you. I am only here for the forums, stopped trying to date people here over a year ago. No site worked for me, and I probably tried most of them..I also found alot of the same guys on many of the same sites.

Not sure what the answer is, and why the men find what weird things the women do.

I also suspect there's more "troubled" people on dating sites..men who really arent ready to make commitments, players, social retards, sometimes people just like playing head games who seem totally normal, suddenly...they vanish. Again, our electronic world creates that barrier.

Take a break if you feel you need to and whatever you do, DONT blame yourself. Dont see it as a reflection of our own self worth or beauty.

My best experience so far was a 3 month relationship from "real life" and although it wasnt meant to last, it felt more "normal"..he didnt just take off, we're still friends.

Real men and real women will tell you they feel "no spark" and wish you good luck...and that has happened with me..and I respect that at least they were honest and we could move on. Dont waste time trying to figure out the rest of them.
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 36
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/26/2012 5:21:54 PM
You seem to be going 'round in circles. You need to manage your dating. Have a game plan and stick to it. Start by sitting down and putting in writing what you want and what you can do to get it. There are books at the libarary on meeting men and dating. Study them. Work at improving yourself mentally and physically. Stop eating. Spend less time on hair and makeup and more time being active and having a heterosexual social life. People have suggested you are in a slump as if you don't need to change anything. You need to change your approach. Good luck.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 37
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/26/2012 6:23:33 PM
It is pretty common. They just dont feel the connection or dont see you as a keeper. Many reasons. Have others on the string. Who knows? Did you have any chemistry with these guys or were attracted, yourself?

I wouldnt post any group shots with other women either. Surely they dont want to be exposed to dating sites? Just shots of yourself alone. You are photogenic. Maybe exercise a little more and get fit and you will feel better. May meet someone at the gym, never know!

DONT ever text them once they are gone. Paid sites are no better and a girl paying money for contacts does not give a good impression. Dont waste your money. I think that meeting guys from dating sites give thems the impression you are a little desperate and will be easy perhaps

Join common interest groups and try to meet guys offline as well.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 38
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/26/2012 6:30:13 PM
Once you get a few abusive responses to your messages that you are not interested, you will learn to delete and block like so many women have to do, on here. So you are lucky so far. You are not obligated to respond to those who do not interest you. They just move on to the next one. It is only cyberspace.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 39
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/26/2012 6:33:00 PM
mountaingirl 1980

I would not worry. The men you find attractive, i.e. pics, may not be real anyway. Fakes or flakes.

I also wouldnt go for a man that was I knew instinctively, was wrong for me. Cut it off straight away. He sounds as though he just used you for a while. Not good for the self esteem I would suggest. I had the same potential situation but I always say "treat others with your heart and yourself with your head."
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 40
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/26/2012 7:06:22 PM
Many people may not admit this were the case, but whether your searching for love, companionship, sex or all the above, I believe it to be like all other shopping. People often go for what is the closest to what they want based on convenience. Some of those dates you had could have been good potential mates, but they probably got intimidated by you. You have a long list of conditions at the bottom of your pof profile. So judging by that, you probably project the same degree of high expectations while out on dates. It's good to have some expectations, but I think when I meet a woman with high expectations, then I may have to be more like someone I'm not to have half a chance with her. I've never had much luck with high maintenance woman, and try hard to avoid them. I think many men probably feel the same.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 41
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/26/2012 7:18:42 PM

I've gotten better at weeding out people who I think have ulterior motives so the dates I've been on more recently have been great.


And yet you're still meeting the wrong guys if you are not finding guys who are looking for the same thing as you.



I've had my friend recently meet her fiance on match.com.


Was her approach and filter process the same as yours?

 N2H20
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 42
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/26/2012 7:47:35 PM
Like some of the others I'm still wondering if there are any women who do respond. The majority of my messages have gone unanswered, even when I go so far as to quote parts of their profile. Then again, DC is considered the intellectual meat market where too many people put too much emphasis on career and setting extremely high standards.

 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 43
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/26/2012 11:33:45 PM
well lets face it; most guys in their 20s-30s online are looking to sleep with someone. Once they get that they move on. If they dont get it they move on anyway.

It's easy to blame all the guys but YOU are picking them. Try picking more mature; and better guys and you will get a better outcome.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 44
view profile
History
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/26/2012 11:48:15 PM
I'm just here enjoying ther forums.

I really don't 'get it' as to what the issue is.

I was on Match for a week and found the love of my life. No great mystery. I'm baffled why folks don't change their fundamental approach to these sites. Put some effort into it. Why not as much effort as when you apply for that great job or when you go out and buy a car. Meeting a mate is the most important thing in one's life.

-I had just over 400 women meet my criteria on Match. I went through those profiles and narrowed it down to one woman (yes one!).

-I went over her profie, made notes, etc.

-I edited my own profile to appeal to some of the issues. wit, subtelties, etc. in her profile.

-I spent hours (yes hours) writing her about a ten sentence email .

-She emailed me back saying it was the most interesting and fascinating message she had received. She also said that she was intrigued by my profile, etc. she said she's like to meet me.

-We've been crazy in love ever since.

Take a bit of time and make that woman or guy feel special. That you've singled them out above all others and really want to get to know him/her. This is potentially your future partner. Go after the best and let them know that you think they are the best.

We guys have it easy on these sites. We can control how fit we are. We need show that we are respectful. We 'get to' be forward and approach a woman. When we meet we need only courteous, clean, smile and well spoken....again all things we can control. As for 'looks'...I've still never met the woman out there over the age of 25 that put much weight on a guy's looks. Perhaps they like handsome but just about everything else trumps it. We can't control the chemistry that follows but most women set a minimum bar and it's baffling why most guys can't meet it...all most women are asking for is just a decent nice guy.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 45
view profile
History
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/27/2012 12:35:53 AM
^^ Mr. Six Foot One, the 5-foot-5 guys want to know what planet you've been living on.
 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 46
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/27/2012 4:25:16 AM

I really don't 'get it' as to what the issue is.

I was on Match for a week and found the love of my life. No great mystery. I'm baffled why folks don't change their fundamental approach to these sites. Put some effort into it. Why not as much effort as when you apply for that great job or when you go out and buy a car. Meeting a mate is the most important thing in one's life.


Let's just say , you just got lucky.
 ThatOneGirl005
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 47
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/27/2012 10:39:54 AM
I have taken some of this advice to heart. Sometimes you need to step back from a situation and get another perspective to truly understand what's going on. Yeah I thought I felt a connection with some of them but that could be because I so badly want/ wanted to be in a relationship. But who wants that to just jump into a relationship just for the sake of being in one. Dumb! I was delusional. Lol. As far as the portion of my profile that states what I'm looking for in a guy, its so annoying when men see it as "requirements" I didn't know having standards/ preferences was so high maintenance. Lol I wouldn't want to date a guy who's scared to date a girl with standards. Just as I'd hope he'd have standards. Also the advice about working on myself was probably the best. I have been exercising and eating healthy and have seen some results. I'll keep at it as it makes me happier. As far as the guy who told me to "Stop eating" I'll get right on becoming aneroxic...lol. Also heterosexual social life? I didn't know that I currently had a homosexual one...or how that became evident to him? I also don't see myself buying self help books about dating...but I don't feel I lack social skills and think they'd be just about as usefull as cosmo magazine. I'll stick to my business text books for reading.
 ThatOneGirl005
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 48
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/27/2012 10:41:22 AM
Oh as far as my friend I'm not sure what her method was besides meet people and see if you felt a connection which she obviously did and they are great together.
 slpboo
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 49
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/27/2012 10:52:01 AM

I was on Match for a week and found the love of my life. No great mystery. I'm baffled why folks don't change their fundamental approach to these sites. Put some effort into it. Why not as much effort as when you apply for that great job or when you go out and buy a car. Meeting a mate is the most important thing in one's life.


I liked your story. And as far as what someone said, "You just got lucky"...did you even read his entire post or just decided to conveniently quote what you wanted to? I don't think it was based purely on "luck". Sciencetrecker obviously put TIME and EFFORT into his quest for love on match and voila - congrats!

This is not directed towards the OP but people on here expect to find love with little to no effort. Good luck with that! Would you put little to no effort into finding a fulfilling job? Car? Graduate school? Yeah.....I'd think not.

Sorry OP, I am in a similar boat as you. This place is sorely afflicted with "candy shop syndrome"....it's like quantity > quality. I'd divert my attention elsewhere
 Mistyfullmoon12
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 50
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/27/2012 12:57:42 PM
I'm getting discouraged.too! I finally fell in love then found out I was the other woman, to the other woman, to the fiance! And he was telling all 3 of us he loved us. One of the women and I have become friends! And he's a mason and a shriner! All he talked about was how he respected women!!!! He broke up with me in a text like a 12 year old! What a prick. Then you get the old farts who think they're big studs; I'm not here to just get laid! But I'm thinking of traking my profile down. Too many idiots
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