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 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 51
Becoming extremely discouraged!Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
well lets face it; most guys in their 20s-30s online are looking to sleep with someone. Once they get that they move on. If they dont get it they move on anyway.

jmark4, it sounds like you are generalizing in stating that most men in their 20s-30s wanna just sleep around. I'm sure there are lots of women in that same age category who like to as well. Are you trying to villanize men under 40 and over 20, just for wanting sex? I've always thought that everyone who's capable of having sex, who does not desire celibacy wants to have sex especially if in a relationship. It's just a matter of when they want to have sex.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 52
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/27/2012 5:14:34 PM
big fun wave

What is high maintenance to you may just be attention and care to others.
If you keep avoiding these women that you feel you cant handle then that is why you are on a dating site, I guess. Most guys are just happy to have contacts.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 53
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/27/2012 5:17:14 PM
n2h20

It is not the reasons that you cite. You need to go to the gym I would suggest and okay you cant do much about your height but we are entitled to our preferences and do you contact overweight women?
 Rockstar_rabbit
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 54
view profile
History
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/27/2012 5:31:07 PM
Hey, I checked out your profile and it doesn't seem like you're looking for an ltr. I get the impression you're either a flake or indecisive, so maybe that's what you're attracting.

From your pictures you look really pretty and fun, I'm guessing you're easy to get along with.

You should probably re-word your profile, I did mine and as douchebaggy as it seems I get better messages.

Good luck.
 Hench4Life
Joined: 12/18/2010
Msg: 55
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/27/2012 5:41:05 PM

^^ Mr. Six Foot One, the 5-foot-5 guys want to know what planet you've been living on.


I'm 6'2", so it's not that... trust me. Finding SOMEBODY on here is easy for any guy. As long as you're willing to go a good 8 levels below what you would normally get in the real world.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 56
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/27/2012 6:23:16 PM

Put some effort into it. Why not as much effort as when you apply for that great job or when you go out and buy a car.


Ummmm,,,probably should put that "effort" into your POF profile.


I don't know what to tell ya OP other than if you really wanna truely enjoy the "winning" you better learn what "losing" is about WITHOUT your discouragement. You're 25 and you have a long way to go yet. Frig, at 25 girls were still the last thing on my mind other than the odd evening of sharing yum yums. You did read "girls" right???? Oh,,,and whenI was 25 I defined myself as a boy, and I acted like one.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 57
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/27/2012 6:45:35 PM

Why not as much effort as when you apply for that great job or when you go out and buy a car.

The effort in both cases is to land a necessity. Both are kind of a big deal if you want to be able to pay your bills. Not so with dating.

Meeting a mate is the most important thing in one's life.

Blech....hardly. It's nice, but it's not THAT big a deal.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 58
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/27/2012 7:14:47 PM
What is high maintenance to you may just be attention and care to others.
If you keep avoiding these women that you feel you cant handle then that is why you are on a dating site

damsel19, Jeez...that's a broad statement "attention and care to others". It lacks specifics! What exactly does that mean? Well, for your info damsel, I have no problem meeting women. For all you know, I could have a gf now. I've always been one to utilize various options available to help others at whatever. What's your reason for being on a dating site? I see, you have a long list of conditions as well..pfff tsk tsk. It's a free site, how serious do you think some people are gonna take pof considering much of it's free? Your out of touch with reality!

In my years of searching, I've become more proficient in spotting the materialistic self centered women. I've become rather convinced that women who have this "you must impress me attitude" are the ones that aren't worth any mans trouble! Regardless of how hot she may be
 N2H20
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 59
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/27/2012 7:54:47 PM
Damsel,

Since you asked, yes I do contact overweight women, thin women, athletic women, and even women without pictures on their profile. It's pretty broad spectrum here just as in the real world.

And since January I have trimmed down and lost weight. I'm well on my way. Six months from now I will weigh the same, be leaner, and will still be a few extra pounds (according the height-vs-weight charts anyway).
 ThatOneGirl005
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 60
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/27/2012 10:26:08 PM

Hey, I checked out your profile and it doesn't seem like you're looking for an ltr. I get the impression you're either a flake or indecisive, so maybe that's what you're attracting.

From your pictures you look really pretty and fun, I'm guessing you're easy to get along with.

You should probably re-word your profile, I did mine and as douchebaggy as it seems I get better messages.

Good luck.


I'm definitely not a flaky person so I guess I do need to reword my profile if that's what it's saying.
 ThatOneGirl005
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 61
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/27/2012 10:34:29 PM

Nothing wrong with standards or requirements. Anyone that doesn't like them is proving themselves wrong.

But the trouble with standards/what you want though is they tend to be hardly definitive and open to interpretation. You're meeting guys that apparently meet your standards and you're still failing. That means that your standards are flawed and it's frustrating too. Your profile says "looks are of some importance" but you fail to say how. Anti-standards are a lot more definitive. You know what you're not attracted to. There's no room for interpretation in those. It's best to stay away from personality traits and stick to things that imply undesirable traits you don't want.


I wish I could define what I found attractive but I can't. I think you're right it's easier to pin point what we don't want rather than what we do. I thought doing so would narrow my pool a lot but I guess I should to truly find someone. I aslo thought it would come across ****y. Idk
 92Gguy
Joined: 3/14/2010
Msg: 62
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/28/2012 7:38:50 PM
Hell, I'm getting discouraged myself, but I'm guessing I'm not attractive to the women I talk to. I'm genuinely looking for a decent woman with a good sense of humor, and someone I can be friends with and see what happens down the road. So far, I've spoken to a few, but we'd talk for a little and then I don't hear from them anymore. I shouldn't really be surprised since most of the females here seem to have high standards, even when looking for a "nice guy". lol I find it funny as hell and am waiting for some chick to call me ugly. Don't get me wrong, there are many guys that are dogs on here, along with creepers and perverts, but there is a fair number of us that want something, but are not in the prince charming or sissy pretty boy category. If it's all about looks and hotness on this site, then why do many women complain about finding a$$holes, when they are the ones looking for looks?
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 63
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/30/2012 3:44:36 AM
You are not alone here. I have been on both sides of this as well. However, one thing I want more than anything is to find one that lasts long enough for me to leave this site and never look back. It might be asking too much, but the only way you can win is if you actually play the game.
 Meems919
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 64
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/30/2012 6:39:17 AM

I really want to text the recent guy and ask him why he stopped contact after being so interested but I have too much pride for that



I hear you sister. I had given a couple of weeks to trying this out (been on dating sites before, years ago), and just as I was "hiding" my profile in order to just be on the forums, I saw a fellow who lived moments away from me who caught my interest. I wrote, he wrote back, and then because he seemed quite respectful of my privacy, I suggested we call...he gave me his number...we chatted a couple of times....all the while three or more notes a day back and forth, quite friendly and upbeat. Fun. Then I realized it's week three, and no suggestion of meeting.....and I had a head smack moment...he's just being polite....not interested! DUH. So I wrote and said sorry to waste your time, you're a nice fellow. I get it. Not interested.

Between this and real life/in person zip as far as fun people to spend time with, I'm discouraged as well.

This too shall pass. I figure it's the moon or something.....but I know in person is the only way that anything is real.

Wish you luck, and suggest joining things which are not online....volunteer, take and adult ed class, go hear music and talk to the people around you..these are the things I do, and occasionally (not recently) I meet people who become friends or more. Volunteering is great, because no matter what, everybody wins.
 fall-blossom
Joined: 3/22/2012
Msg: 65
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/30/2012 11:26:55 AM
What you described is exactly what I have been going through. I have met a few men where there was mutual connection and some hot kisses, but they always disappear. I didn't think this happened to women without kids so am surprised. I always wonder if they found someone better, or if they were already partnered, or if they decided dating a woman with kids isn't their thing, or if they came to the conclusion I wasn't what they were looking for. One man told me if I didn't cut off my hair and colour it that he would *not* date me.

It is a constant frustration for me because when I feel a connection with someone I prefer to see where things go with that person rather than go and pursue other men. This pattern I am running into is a viscous cycle that never seems to end. I wonder if this is just how online dating works. Now I will read what others have said.


I think people here have very short attention spans. Not everyone, but most. They want to keep their options open and when the next new pretty girl pops up in their search, the other are forgotten.

I agree. It seems lots on here want an upgrade, but will keep some on the backburner until that upgrade shows up.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 66
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/30/2012 1:34:32 PM
Ever thought about moving to Canada???

Okay, okay, seriously now though, I have no idea, and I've had the same pattern with women here, although I dont even get to the meeting part. And I've set up quite a few indeed, at least a dozen, in the last 2 years. And although I'm not the muscled gym rat I was 4 years ago (yup, before the shirtless pick I was a lot bigger lol), I think I'm attractive enough in my own right for it NOT to be the reason. I think people on here are just screwing around, are not serious, or are indeed looking for a quick lay. In this society of fast food, instant access in EVERYTHING, if something doesnt move at the speed you want, you just quit it and start over with something else. Its easier, quicker, no confrontation involved. Kind of why I'm a bit against dating sites for the last couple of months, because when your actually talking to someone, they cant just walk away in the middle of a conversation, now can they? It makes someone cough up answers
Anyways, it seems like you got the right approach, girl. Reading your profile and looking at your pics, only a fool wouldnt want you, and I dont mean just physically. Your a great person, so keep on going, take your time. You'll get there, Tiger ;-)
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 67
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/30/2012 4:07:47 PM
I've had the same issue a time or two. It's annoying, but what can ya do? Nothing. Just continue on and hope the right dude pops up.



p.s. lpnmommy is freakin annoying. Must you post that in every thread?
 icallbs
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 68
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:51:28 PM

I have found that with the men from this site as soon as I genuinely show even one ounce of true interest, they back off. And I'm saying something as simple as me sending them a text before they text me after the last time we've talked.
I think people here have very short attention spans. Not everyone, but most. They want to keep their options open and when the next new pretty girl pops up in their search, the other are forgotten. As much as I would like to meet someone worthwhile from this site, I just have to think of it as entertainment or a learning experience.


Thanks for posting this, MetalVixxn -- I was beginning to think I was the only one who gets this. And, those that didn't lose interest, ironically, were ones I didn't have any chemistry or compatibility with. The difference? I always let someone know where they stand with me, either way.
 JDinMN
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/30/2012 7:18:35 PM
It's natural to become discouraged without encouragement. Trick is to encourage yourself first. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Evaluate what you want, what you are looking for and make changes if needed.

Try not to get caught in a downward spiral though. It becomes much more difficult to dig yourself out of that hole. Every difficulty that we face becomes an obstacle to overcome. Once we do, it makes us a better person for the next person. (hopefully).

Be discouraged, scream at the universe if you need to. If you can muster the strength give the universe a big ol middle finger and then smile. Life keeps moving along. Keep moving with it. Do not give up. This is for everybody who feels that way too. DO NOT GIVE UP. Other people's shortcomings are not your fault.

Things are only temporary. Not sure how some of ya'll became so jaded but a cynic is just a true believer who has given up the faith.

Remember that "Love will makes us whole". If your heart wants it - keep fighting.

Because when you find it - your heart will burst with such passion and happiness that any pain now will be washed away in a moment.

P.S. You are still young. (Not to minimize your feelings because of age) You will be fine. Heck, I have drawers that are older than you. Keep smiling.
 moutainbreeze
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 70
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/30/2012 10:54:50 PM
They stop because while you are trying to build a relationship, they are still maintaining their profile and trying to find a woman who will have sex with them. They are keeping you on the side until they find her, then they no longer have use for you. This is how sociopaths act, and there are a LOT of sociopaths on this site. Be careful.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 71
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/31/2012 10:42:36 AM
OP, news flash, finding a lasting relationship is hard. If it were easy we'd have all found our life partner on the first try and dating sites like these wouldn't be needed.

Also, too many confuse "dating" with "relationship". Most can get a date, but dating is not a serious, long-term relationship, is it?

By your own admission you've only been on here for a few months, and even then "on and off". Heck, people have been single for years. Some have "never" found a partner they want to spend the rest of their lives with or been married/divorced multiple times.

Bottom line is there may be a real possibility you'll "never" find that perfect match. Don't go into therapy over it. Enjoy the few relationships you "can" generate and have fun while it lasts. The good experiences/memories can still last a lifetime.
 patrona
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 72
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 4/17/2012 9:27:26 PM
Gee. That sounds awful, but I can understand what you mean. Onally, I think it has something to do with all that porn people just are not real. How sade thas how things go online.
I hear that thkngs are bad in real life also. Pers
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 73
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 4/18/2012 7:26:04 AM

Wow. SO many women here truly hate men.


...with a passion bordering on semi-religious fervor, I might add...
 What_He_Said
Joined: 1/11/2012
Msg: 74
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 4/18/2012 7:41:39 AM

My problem is that I will go on great dates with these guys maybe even multiple dates and then all of a sudden they just lose interest or something stop texting or calling, the dates end. Its always very abrupt.


Can't say with any degree of certainty one way or another what the issue might be. But is seems like you are doing the right things and in the right way, so it could well be the people who are on this site. If you are finding the same results in real life, then some talk with your close girlfriends might be in order. They see and know you and might be able to pin point some things that we cannot know on here.


Should I just give up? I really feel like I have a lot to offer so I'm baffled and don't know if my confidence should be taking this beating of meeting these guys and just having them disappear.


It well may be that you need to step back and take a break. Or you can go ahead and weed out the men in hopes of finding that certain guy you click with in that special way. Just be on guard of becoming too jaded about everything. There is very little appealing about the jaded cynic who is simply going through the motions. True, it's easy to say and tough to do, but worth the effort.

Good luck.
 kpete73
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 75
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/2/2012 2:40:59 PM
This website is somewhat of a meatmarket. I would keep trying . Most people on here are definetly going with the pick of the litter and that is probably why alot of these relationships do not work out.
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