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 Purple_wings
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 76
Becoming extremely discouraged!Page 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Oh sister,,I feel the same way...did we meet the same guy here? Urggg the way u described soundd like the player I just saw...5times then he vanished..very disappointed...you're not alone sis....2
 ejlmeasap1974
Joined: 4/28/2012
Msg: 77
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/3/2012 8:31:57 AM
The thing is there are so many people on this site that it's kind of more of a meet (meat?) market than a place to find love. The more attractive you are (assuming you're not a total a hole which there are a lot of), the more dates you're going to go on. You probably are going on dates with fairly attractive guys who have more options than those who are balding/overweight/weird/whatever. This guy you refer to goes on a date with you and you hit it off. He changes his mind a few days later as he meets more women on the site and has dates with them too. It happens to me as I will only go on dates with attractive girls. I'm not the best looking guy and I don't drive a Mercedes, hence women whom I think I had great dates with flake on me too. It sucks and it stings for a couple of days. If that sting hurts more than it is worth staying 0n POF, delete your account.
 ejlmeasap1974
Joined: 4/28/2012
Msg: 78
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/3/2012 8:49:15 AM

ATTENTION GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!‚Äč!!! IS THIS WHAT YOUR TRULY LOOKING FOR?

HI, I'M SHELLEY, I'M JUST A RAY OF PURE SUNSHINE! I HAVE NEVER HAD A BAD MOMENT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED ANY DRAMA, I HAVE A "PERFECT" FIGURE, I HAVE A SET OF BOOBS YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ON, OR FEED A THIRD-WORLD COUNTRY FROM, AND I JUST WANT TO HAVE LOTS OF SEX BEFORE I DIE! I NEVER WANT TO GET "CLOSE" TO ANY OF YOU. COME AND ILL JUST MEET YOU AT THE DOOR NAKED AND SAVE SOME TIME! RID'EM COWBOY! OH, WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN? DOESN 'T MATTER, LETS HAVE SEX!


Damn! Where have you been all my life?
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 79
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/3/2012 12:11:19 PM
The problem with some people you run into on here (and from your post you probably are turning into one of them because of your bad luck); some people stay on that are discouraged; they get pretty gun shy and tend to not invest a lot because they fear the other person is going to disappear; so some people "play at" being online. They say the right thing; but they say it with an expectation that either the other person is going to let them down; the other person has so many options they can't compete so they give up from the start, or the other person is good enough but there MIGHT be someone better.

Some of the newer people don't have that but people who have been on for months, let alone years, can get a really large chip on their shoulder and become embittered and slightly hard and somewhat cynical. Not everyone; but quite a few. So when you talk to people, SOME of the people you talk to are going through the motions but they are gunshy and not easily trusting. Other people are literally playing at it; and are literally the kid in the candy store; seeing how many people they can talk to, some meet, some sleep with; and some literally ONLY want the "false fantasy" where they can have the pseudo relationship with none of the risk (not realizing people get hurt anyways).

So learning early on if a person is gunshy, a person is slightly flaky or a person is sincere and genuine is not always easy. But it gets easier.

But I have found not staying on for TOO long at a time (usually 8 weeks is my limit if I have not started exploring dating someone exclusively by then); then when you have a few months to do other things, re focus and catch up on other tasks or interests that fall by the wayside when wading throughthe time needed to keep up on interacting on this site you're in a better frame of mind; and frequently your luck does change a lot when you're first back on. I think a lot of damage gets done to both genders by one person having been burned and staying on, and taking it out on the other gender unintentionally... which seems to cause a lot of bitterness and anger. And distrust. When people don't trust they don't let someone in; and a lot of people play at this; burn hot, burn cold; find the next.

But you'll find someone serious. Just be patient, and don't forget to clear your head sometimes. Not everyone's like that... and sometimes a break from the site and a fresh start does wonders for the attitude. And trust me, attitude is HUGE in this place.

Very best of luck.
 ThusSpokeZarathustra
Joined: 4/24/2012
Msg: 80
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/3/2012 12:41:02 PM

HI, I'M SHELLEY, I'M JUST A RAY OF PURE SUNSHINE! I HAVE NEVER HAD A BAD MOMENT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED ANY DRAMA, I HAVE A "PERFECT" FIGURE, I HAVE A SET OF BOOBS YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ON, OR FEED A THIRD-WORLD COUNTRY FROM, AND I JUST WANT TO HAVE LOTS OF SEX BEFORE I DIE! I NEVER WANT TO GET "CLOSE" TO ANY OF YOU. COME AND ILL JUST MEET YOU AT THE DOOR NAKED AND SAVE SOME TIME! RID'EM COWBOY! OH, WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN? DOESN 'T MATTER, LETS HAVE SEX!


Now you've piqued my interest. One question though, are you into threesomes?
 Mistyfullmoon12
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 81
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/3/2012 4:57:01 PM
Omg the same thing happened to me! He was a 57 year old with the mind of a 12 year old. And he was a proud shriner-mason who' reveres' women! Turns out I was the other woman, to the other woman to the fiance! What a**** All the men on here that I've been in contact with have turned out to be the biggest ****ing liars ever!!! They talk a good game then act like the**** they are.
 Mistyfullmoon12
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 82
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/3/2012 5:07:32 PM
Because if they have a penis, they're mostly liars. You get these old men who talk about how sexy and horny they are! Yuck! Dirty old farts. If you want to get rid of them or find out how they really are, tell em no sex without monogamy and they run like****oaches in the light! Yep I'm bitter about it and men have made me that way.
 flyjenny30
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 83
view profile
History
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/3/2012 8:21:26 PM
Don't worry about the if you slept with them comment. I have had my account on here for a year. I've been on about 3 dates and have found that when you don't sleep with them you don't get a call back. I think most of these men are married and looking for someone to flirt with OR looking for a hook-up. That is the problem with these free sites.
 KatarzynaS
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 84
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/5/2012 6:20:17 AM
Same kind of thing u go on couple of dates n after that texts u that that's not going to work or on the day of when u suppose to hang out he doesn't call u at all n no I did not slept with any of them bc 2 dates is way to early but I have been here since jan n yes it sucks. My though on it is there is so many choices here that u don't even get chance to show guy everything u have to offer as a person I don't think I even get a chance to show a guy real me. There aliways going to someone else on here without kids or prettier or cuter or with better job of higher education or more fun or thatever it is I don't have lol
 KatarzynaS
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 85
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/5/2012 10:49:58 AM
I know after being here for a while I changed my profile to exactly what I'm looking for just now to waist mine or other person time if both if us r on different stages of life or just different pages in general n yes I still go on the date jyst to find out that guys have kids don't want any more n ain't into getting married again just forever gf will do hello did u read my profile saying looking for potential someone to settle down with m yes want kids whe I still can have them. U guess pol just look at pic n send MSG no they don't read rest. So after u end up liking that person they drop that on u. N then they dump u anyways
 rainbowsshowers
Joined: 3/20/2012
Msg: 86
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/5/2012 4:15:56 PM
Seashells by the sea you have a very observant and wise way of responding to this comment. I totally agree with you people treat others like objects and means to an end in this brave new world of dating, its not only demeaning,discouraging and demoralizing, its the way of the world generally. One is lucky to find a real and kind and honest person anywhere in life.
 Heyitsmeagain82
Joined: 4/30/2012
Msg: 87
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/7/2012 11:09:38 AM
Hey you never know they might think your a waste of time after few dates. It's disrespectful to say but its the truth, maybe its you and not them. We don't know what you did or what you said to them either that may have an effect on em.
 wxlq
Joined: 4/14/2012
Msg: 88
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/7/2012 2:08:22 PM
Is it possible they meet other girls and become more physically involved with them? Do you ever get the real reason they stop seeing you?
 thomasvl1
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 89
view profile
History
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/8/2012 12:41:55 AM
I feel ya iam almost to a pt of naming names so the women on pof will not go thru what ive been thru
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 90
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/8/2012 12:21:38 PM

but what can you do become mistrustful of all guys?


That's the choice of a lot of women.



i have decided to message a guy im really interessted in instead ........maybe this is the way to go, message the guys whos profiles you really really like.


That is a good proactive plan.
 KatarzynaS
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 91
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/8/2012 1:12:07 PM
That happend to me meet that guy a although he wasn't quite done with his divorce n couldn't have more kids I decided to give it try anyways I just loved his personality I though we were getting along Great we hang out went out went hiking n one the last date I realized he was giving me mixed signals n wasn't all that kissing n cuddly n hugging n stuff n he ended it up super early although we saw each other on weekends only following day he texed me that it's not going to work long run n day after that his profile was back up I was willing to sacrifice getting married n having my own kids for him n what I got in return was hurt fellings so yes I exactly know how sucky n horrible it feels yes very discouraging
 cute_teacher75
Joined: 4/24/2012
Msg: 92
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/8/2012 6:33:42 PM
Without even bothering to read what I'm sure are dozens of replies that say the same thing, let me just say that this happens to the vast majority of us, men and women.
 UKTom2
Joined: 8/24/2010
Msg: 93
view profile
History
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/9/2012 1:33:24 PM
I guess that most people will work on making a date a success. I would also guess that most of the men on the dates think that you're alright. They'll be weighing up your positives and negatives. It's good for the ego to go on a 2nd or 3rd date and I'd guess that most people would do it even if they have doubts. After that they probably think "actually, I'm not sure that I want to committ to this" and then they'll be back on POF looking at the near endless choices available.

Don't let it affect you personally.

Everyone is in the same game and dating has a lot of disappointment built into it.
 chrylann
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 94
view profile
History
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/11/2012 5:00:13 PM
More players on here, not wanting a relationship, just a roll in the hay.
 Sapphire256
Joined: 2/18/2012
Msg: 95
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/11/2012 7:19:41 PM
I find that a lot of people are like this more often than it used to be. I've had conversations with girls that would go great and then they would just ignore me all of a sudden for no reason like you said. I find this not only to be very cold but also incredibly rude. These people are not worth the time and effort. So yeah i'm convinced that dating websites are pretty much useless. Putting so much effort into something to get little to nothing in return.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 96
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/12/2012 11:42:00 AM
I'll wait for sex as long as we're exclusive first. Oh, wait...now I sound clingy and desperate. Doh! Mistyfullmoon12 is jaded. You're a bad judge of character and now us men have to prove ourselves. Umm..not.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 97
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/12/2012 11:46:50 AM
I don't expect sex but if I think you're dating around, I'm not gonna sit by while you comparison shop. Kissing you or 'trying to have sex' is one way the guys try and see what you're interest level is. No sex is understandable. No Kiss = bye bye. Lewd picture requests are disgusting and that crosses the line between gentleman and dirtbag. A lazy dater testing the waters to see if he can 'get lucky' and bypass courting you.
 happy2133
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 98
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/12/2012 5:06:55 PM
I have had the exact thing as you. I have gone on dates and even 2nd and 3rd dates where they went extremely well. He didn't want it to end. Couldn't wait to see me again. bla bla bla. Then, same as you. Went from HOT to COLD for absolutely no reason. One guy even said he kept going out with me to try to like me even though I wasn't his type. What the hell is that? I'm not anyone's experiment. If you don't like me don't see me again. Pleeeeeeaaaseee don't try to like me!!!! don't do me any favors please lol. I personally believe it's because they are seeing more than one person at a time and even though the date went well, they just want to see if there might be something even better out there. This is why dating sites are good but bad. In the "old" days you tried harder because it wasn't so easy to meet so many people. I compare it to a kid in a candy shop or toy store. There are so many to pick from, how can you just pick one??? It's easy if you look for quality and not quantity and stop thinking you are so great that you can just keep doing better and better and better. If you find someone you click with, consider yourself very lucky and get off this site. That's what I want more than anything. Good luck to you :)
 happy2133
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 99
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/12/2012 5:07:19 PM
and before anyone asks.......NO I didn't sleep with them lol
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 100
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 5/14/2012 7:52:50 AM

Well I am in the same boat but atleast you have been on a date. I have been on here for a while now and have been on other sites as well. I send emails and get to talking with them and set up a firs date but right before we are suppost to have our date they find some excuse to cancel and later I find out they met someone the day we were supost to go on our date. I have never had the chance and feal like I should leave the dating seen for another couple of years. Yes I am rusty and have not dated for 3 years and have not been with anyone either. Last relationship was long distance. It realty built my communication skills and I can hold my own for several hours. Maybe I am scaring them away or something because I can hold a conversation longer, IDK. I just want to find someone that wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them. I am not just all talk.


Hey, the fact you like communicating is a good thing; not a bad one. Some people might be a little scared off by the not having dated in three years; so being lower key and having it being more your choice might make people feel better; and maybe initially approaching it lower key where you are going to have initial dates with women with or without potential just to make sure that you get comfortable "back in the dating saddle" again, and can feel (and come across) a little more in your depth.

Not everyone can talk several hours at a time so you will definitely need to find people who appreciate the time thing; but if you are feeling discouraged; maybe a brief time out to collect your thoughts; figure out what you want and get back in a positive frame of mind; and then approach where you don't look for "the one" as much as people you're comfortable around; and see if any click. It takes off the pressure, you will not invest as much emotionally; you will gain confidence, and then you can build a friendhsip into more if someone clicks.

Worth a try maybe? Very best of luck to you.
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