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 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 151
Casual sex linked to depressionPage 7 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Msg 163
I don't think not wanting to have a fwb has anything to do with success or failure or marriage/being "protected by a husband"(virtue? what, who thinks such things in this day and age?), or not making sexual choices, or being "bullied into a chastity belt". Are we really about chastity these days?
It's about a comfort level and a desire to leave that space for more potential-sure there are no guarantees, but so what?
Maybe some form attachments and can't be so casual?
If one is pro fwb, one doesn't have to claim the choice not to have fwb is a sign of "repression".
It is a personal choice.
 vampyreshadow
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 152
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Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 4/5/2012 11:50:22 AM
You know, I have this theory that maybe this depression might come more from our prudish ideals of how woman are supposed to behave and think then what this article says. I have met more then a few happy. sex positive feminists. I know gays who are depressed not by their lifestyle choices but by the way their peers treat them. Why don't we quit trying to justify judging a person as damaged just because we do not agree with the way they choose to live, if it isn't right for you, don't live that way, stop judging others.

FYI, I live in Rural Nevada, I actually know people who work as Prostitutes in brothels, as far as casual sex goes, I think they top the bill, you know what, some of them are quite nice, and very well adjusted individuals. (Saner and more cheerful then some of the people I meet daily) As for drug use, considering they do randoms in the brothels, its the same for the rest of you.

I have this bizarre theory, that I haven't the right to be convinced something is wrong without first getting a good grasp of who is involved and what is done. Given that I live in the state and constantly bombarded with both sides of this argument I went strait to the proverbial horses mouth, I went and spent allot of time talking to the people who worked there, even worked as a bar tender for them for a while. And pardon me, if I trust the word of people I actually know, and that actually do this to some psychobabble someone of questionable political leanings wrote.
 RedElectric
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 153
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 4/5/2012 12:31:14 PM
@vampyreshadow, I can see how prostitutes are ok with their profession and "not depressed" because they're actually getting paid. They're getting something out of it. It's when women are manipulated into thinking they have a friendship with someone who is only using them for sex. Plus, how many of those women are in denial? I do strippers nails all the time and some don't even like admitting they dance. I don't think it's just societies view of them that makes them feel like that, it's their view of themselves. I KNOW that if you asked any of them if they ever felt like the only good thing about them is their body/sex skills, they'd say yes. Sure a lot of them have self esteem issues as is, but we're not doing anything but perpetuating that problem, and that's what the whole thread is about.

I get that other factors are put into play and some of you say, "If you can't handle it, don't do it." Well, most of these damaged women with other issues don't know going into it that they're going to be put in the fcuk buddy category, or think they're strong enough to handle it when they're really not. Some people are master manipulators, and some are easily manipulated. These people are drawn to each other and it's a vicious cycle. If we just tell our kids, "Have sex with whomever you want, it's human, it's fun, it's natural, just wear a condom!" That's not preparing them enough. IMO we should have mental health classes just like math, science, literature etc if we're going to have all these demands and expectations in adult life.

@ the person who asked about monogamous relationships with sex outside of marriage releasing the same chemicals, this is strictly about no-strings-attached sex, be it FWB or FB or whatever you want to call it.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 154
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Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 4/5/2012 12:52:47 PM
I think she's a sexist moron, and her "scientific" data is bunk. Oxytocin is released by both male and females.
Casual sex is either healthy or not healthy depending on the reason's for having it, and as long as both people know the reason's and are REALLY fine with them, depression won't happen because of it.
Depression is caused by many factors, but having sex isn't one of them. Sex actually is good for depression. The reason's why people have casual sex may be because they are already depressed but that isn't true for everyone who engages in casual sex.
 vampyreshadow
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 155
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Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 4/5/2012 12:57:03 PM
Um sweetie, I worked as a stripper back in college, I am not ashamed to this day to admit I stripped, I am one of those sex positive feminists, I don't have casual sex, because I generally don't like the men involved, well I have with other woman, but lets face it, mentally I have found myself more identifying with men, or bull females in which case I find this sort of defeats the purpose and are generally looking for femmes anyways, emotionally as well, and don't blame it on daddy abandonment issues, my parents have been married for 47 years, my dad has always been there, I am the child of hippies, my aunt is still jokingly called the topless topless due to her time as a stripper, oh and FYI, back when I was a stripper, I also did and sold one porno just for kicks, me and a couple friends decided for the hell of it :) I am blunt, if you want life experience I can keep going, oh and fyb, is fine to, I have had one long term fyb, we are still great friends, hell I set up his dating profile when he was ready to move on, and perfectly happy to do it, simply put, some of us just view life different. (I also tend to avoid casual sex as a bit of a germaphobe, I am a tad anal about who I touch, even with woman casual requirement is a damn medical card. (Which is why I sometimes go to the brothels, because I know the girls and I know they are tested) I just see casual sex a bit more intricate and sometimes expensive form of masturbation, damn the lack of male prostitutes I was hoping the Shady Lady Idea would take off
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 156
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Casual linked to depression
Posted: 4/5/2012 1:15:21 PM
RedElectric: "what I gather from all of this is that men and women speak different languages and never in a million years will a guy understand what a woman goes through in love/relationships/sex."

And, vice-versa to a point. No one can understand what or how another person feels unless they can communicate with each other. I some of my past relationships, I knew exactly how some of the ladies went through in love/relationships/sex because we talked about it.

RedElectric: "and sure, it's ALL the womans fault for having sex!! they purposefully go out looking for fcuk buddies! the man has absolutely no say in the matter at all. *rolls eyes*...crap shoot"

Nice sarcasm, but if a man or a woman agrees to have sex, are they not responsible for their actions whether they are depressed or not? I don't know about you, but this man (me), takes responsibility for his (my) actions and any and all consequences or rewards that come by it.
 R00T
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 157
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 4/5/2012 1:19:40 PM
Oh yes us men are just to use women for sex. Good grief. Then how come lesbians have casual sex also? Seriously, are you going to blame it on the men for that also?
I had FWB with an older woman, 16 years older. No way in shape or form did I con her into having casual sex. In fact I told her up straight from the start what I wanted. In fact I treated her like a human being. I wanted to go and do things with her but all she wanted to do was watch or sex. Only once we went shopping together. Not once did we go out and eat. She asked me to drop by her work and wait outside. WTF lol I treated so well I ended meeting her daughter and she liked me so much she wanted a relationship. But I didn't want one because she is older and the fact she couldn't really make up her mind and still in love with someone else. From there it go nasty she frequently talked about her ex boyfriend, how special he was and she would get pissed when I made a simple comment. In the end we stopped seeing each other. I can tell you that I will never have casual sex again. Simply the fact it's not worth it. Too many headaches.

I worked with the public and I didn't say much and yet I had plenty of women making sexual advances at me. The worst were the married ones or had boy friend. We are grown up and we should take responsibility for own actions if we blame someone else then we can never grow, mature and succeed in life.
 Darkbutcomely
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 158
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 4/5/2012 1:27:08 PM
bacteria ; Oxytocin is a natural antibiotic, attacking hostile bacteria, decreasing susceptibility to uterine infection.

WHERE did you get that mess from?? the underlying cause of cervical cancer is the human papillomavirus or HPV. Because HPV (a viral infection) may lead to cervical cancer, putting yourself at increased risk for HPV. IT IS a numbers games you will hit the chamber with the bullet in it. Same as HIV. YOU will with each lover increase your chances of getting it.
 vampyreshadow
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 159
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Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 4/5/2012 1:34:53 PM
Um, its called requiring testing, they have very few cases of AIDS from legal brothels, you know why, constant testing,and constant protection, they are required weekly check ups, and condoms are required for all encounters and yes, they do have condoms made for female to female oral. Smart people require testing and require condoms for all partners
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 160
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 4/5/2012 1:47:37 PM
Oxytocin is released by both male and females.

Yes, and I don't think it makes a distinction about whether the sex is in marriage, committed LTR, or what strings may or may not be attached to it.


I think she's a sexist moron, and her "scientific" data is bunk.


What I keep wondering is why someone saw a need to post it here.

I'm sure there are college students who visit the forums, but I don't think they are significant sector of PoF forum participants.
I'm more inclined to think that it is another attempt to demonize non-marital or non-commercial sex.

Usually when someone feels a need to demonize some aspect of Adventures in Modern Dating/Relationships,it's because they perceive themselves to have personally, been negatively impacted by that aspect.


Well, most of these damaged women with other issues don't know going into it that they're going to be put in the fcuk buddy category, or think they're strong enough to handle it when they're really not.

And you know this for a fact because...? What do you reckon we should DO about what you perceive to be a big problem?
Appoint a Ministry of Damaged Women who will make it their mission to warn women that casual or semi-casual sex might be a manipulation that will cuse depression?


I can see how prostitutes are ok with their profession and "not depressed" because they're actually getting paid. They're getting something out of it.
So that is what counts? Obtaining some kind of tangible,quantifiable value from sex?


If we just tell our kids, "Have sex with whomever you want, it's human, it's fun, it's natural, just wear a condom!"

I seriously doubt that everyone is telling their own kids or those that they have a responsibility to-to behave in this manner. I suspect that nowadays people may not be telling their daughters that what's between their legs is their only source of power, but I also doubt that many responsible/sensible parents,teachers and advisors are advocating sportf*cking for sportf*ckings' sake.


this is strictly about no-strings-attached sex, be it FWB or FB or whatever you want to call it.

Well, are you saying these hormones can distinguish what kind of framework underlies the orgasm? Even in the face of great sex, we all come equipped with a brain that ought to provide some reasoning power to evaluate the nature of the interaction?

Look-if a guy LIES to a woman, painting a fb as a fwb, isn't the problem(if there really IS a problem) more about men that are untruthful and manipulative? I would think that learning to deal with liars and manipulators would be an invaluable lesson.

As for HPV-yes that is a risk for any sexually active woman-which is why doctors urge regular pap smear tests for sexually active women.

Yes, a history of frequent completely casual sex with a variety of strangers is going to mean greater exposure to the risks of contracting a STD/STI.
Again, this thread has taken someone else's miscalling of "friends with benefits" involvements as the same thing as f*ckbuddy. They really aren't...in a true fwb there are a few strings-like the reasonable amount of obligation that comes with true friendship. It just is an involvement that both people KNOW is not going to become a committed long-term relationship. NOW-if people are LYING, saying "fwb" when what they really mean is f*ckbuddy-the problem is with the LIES, not the sex.
Cindy O
 sexyangel169
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 161
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 5/13/2012 9:40:11 AM

I can see how "casual sex" or a FWB situation can cause a woman to become depressed.

Women expect more.
They want the closeness, the feeling of belonging.

Casual sex does not supply that.

And yes ... women are wired differently then men.
This does not mean that ALL women feel this way, as we are not ALL the same.
However, I would say a large majority of the women are left feeling empty after the sexual portion of the encounter is over.


It really depends on the person. Some ppl can deal with the emotions that come with FWB.
I for one was just in this situation with someone. I was left with feeling empty, wanting more, feeling like I'm in limbo. I was the one who wanted it to be like this. I think that if there are no love feelings or strong emotions invested in it, FWB can work out. But once you have the love feeling and all the other things...expectations, wanting the closeness, feeling of belonging will make a person feel depressed if they are not getting this


There are two different topics going on here, really. One is that those who have casual FWB relationships and are female suffer from depression caused by the act of having a casual FWB relationship that they have freely entered into. The other, it would appear, is that some are taking the consensual casual FWB out of the equation and turning it into a matter of the female having sex "thinking" she is going to have more than a casual FWB sexual encounter(s) and is dismayed and depressed when it doesn't turn out that way. In both cases, however, a number of posters blame the man along with a particular hormone, rather than the woman for the choices she is making of her own free will.

It's kind of like blaming sweets for making you gain weight, rather than yourself, for not weighing the consequences prior to making the conscious choice to put the sweets in your mouth. The person who gains weight because of eating the sweets can get depressed about the weight gain after the fact, as can the woman making the poor choice about who with and how often she chooses to have sex. That the woman has a willing partner when it comes to casual sex, doesn't make him or the hormone to blame.

Again, it would go back to knowing yourself, the person you're with and your expectations prior to having sex. If you don't have the capability to understand yourself or know the intentions of yourself and your casual partner, then you really have no business having sex until you come to those understandings.


I believe this with my whole heart. Knowing the expectations is a must.
I know that a person can feel depressed after an encounter like this.
But that is our choice. Either stay in it and feel the way you feel. Or do something about it, even if the result is not what you really want. At least you know where you stand. I think that's one of the hardest things to deal with in a FWB situation....you don't really know where you stand.
Am I only here for the sex? Is s/he here only for the sex? Do I mean anything to the other person? Is this what I really want or do I want more from this?
It's so much harder when the heart is involved
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 162
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 5/13/2012 11:28:16 AM
There are always two sides for a story. I know there are a lot of people would agree with this topic; and on the other hand, lots of people don’t.

Nowadays, the younger generation, both boys and girls, have so much of sex education in school from grade 4. They learn about safe sex, contraception… All those are good. But why is that there are more and more pregnant teenagers now than ever before? Which cause to more unwanted babies dumped to garbage bins or ended up into orphanages when there are no people to adopt them yet. That is very sad.

Something is missing here. IMO, I think when the schools instruct those kids about sex, they should teach them about how to change pampers when the babies are full of poops and get up many times during the nights to feed and care for the babies when they are hungry and crying, not to mention about how they could have money to support those babies yet. Would the kids like to do that?

Women in the old generation were taught more about morals, causes and effects. Girls in the old days were taught to keep their “legs crossed”, and “if you have babies without wedlock, you are a bad girl”, or "if you are easy with men, they will just use you, and after they get what they want, they will dump you". They were “brainwashed” like that, that’s why they were afraid of punishment from their parents and the society and being used.

Now girls and women are “brainwashed” in different way. They have lots of freedom and peer pressure. They can do whatever they want and, on the other hand, they are afraid of their peers to laugh at them if they don’t do some outrageous things.

Some men say some women have sexual desires the same as men; they just hide their feelings. That may be true or not be true. But after all, I agree with Post #13 saying: “women are wired differently then men. This does not mean that ALL women feel this way, as we are not ALL the same. However, I would say a large majority of the women are left feeling empty after the sexual portion of the encounter is over.”

In addition, I think it is not about “hiding”; it’s about self-controlled. That makes the difference between human beings (with higher brains and so much education) and animals.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 163
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 5/14/2012 8:05:05 AM
If a woman is involved in casual sex--then she made the decision to engage in it--how is it the man's fault?

If she had sex to try and get a relationship how is she not as wrong as the guy pretending a relationship to get sex?

People need to be responsible for WHAT they are doing vs blaming the opposite sex for NOT doing what they wanted.

If a woman sleeps with a man but decides she didnt like it and moves on--it is ok but if a man does it --he used her. This is what makes women depressed--trying to manipulate someone and having it not work as they want vs them being responsible for their own actions.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 164
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 5/14/2012 9:49:07 AM

If we just tell our kids, "Have sex with whomever you want, it's human, it's fun, it's natural, just wear a condom!"



Well my kids are still young, I'm instead trying to teach them there IS stuff in life that takes priority over simply having sex, or making kids. Like studying in school, getting the means ready to support a family PRIOR to getting themselves pregnant. The importance of good education and a good job. Trying to sleep with someone you love, instead of just linning up partners at the speed of light like seems to be the norm. I regularly talk with my 9 y old about the realities of life, how they should set up their priorities. We've had convos about sex, mainly because she asked, and I told her that it shouldnt be her priority, but that if it happenend I would expect her to use protection, WITHOUT objection. Stressing the fact it should ALWAYS be used unless she's ready to have her own children.
Hopefully, she will follow her old man's advice.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 165
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 5/14/2012 10:15:19 AM

If a woman sleeps with a man but decides she didnt like it and moves on--it is ok but if a man does it --he used her. This is what makes women depressed--trying to manipulate someone and having it not work as they want vs them being responsible for their own actions.

And one also has to wonder how many women might possibly be attempting to assuage or ameliorate post-casual-sex guilt, by telling herself that she was "duped"?
Hey, up until there is some kind of official and openly acknowledged designation of "exclusivity and committment", there is always the risk that either party in a social/sexual/romantic "relationship" might decide to terminate the association, and I think people should be prepared for that. Unfortunately, concepts like "word is bond" ,and social conditioning to NOT casually toss aside a friend or dating partner do not have the strength they once had, in all social/cultural environments.
Cindy O
 NotSeekin
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 166
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Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 5/14/2012 9:06:32 PM
Ms. RedElectric,

I'm not a Dr. phycho., and I haven't read the book that you mentioned. However a LOT of what you say rings true. I think some of your responders might themselves be in denial, or defensive about what they do. And, I do not wish to add to that.

I appreciate that you started some intelligent chat, even if not all involved are in agreement.

Also, I hear that many of those women who have had abortions become very depressed about it later. I suppose that is the natural maternal instinct finally being realized.

Again, thanks for starting something intelligent and meaningful.
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 167
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 5/14/2012 10:58:40 PM

I think the key to avoid getting depressed over who you are sleeping with is for the woman to understand from first thrust that it actually casual. Far too many women don't ask.


First thrust? Very good Carolann0308!

I agree with the thrust of Carolann's posting, only go down the casual sex road with your eyes wide open, if both parties are on the same page it can be a totally rewarding experience between equals.

It's not the casual sex in itself that might lead to depression, it's unrealised expectations.
 NotSeekin
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 168
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Casual sex linked to depression - Celibacy
Posted: 5/26/2012 7:41:09 PM

...my choice to stay celibate till marriage people ask how do you do it i say its really easy when you weigh the consequences over the benefits ...

Ms. southernebella, you have shown a lot of wisdom in that choice. So many problems result from the other choices. Way to go!
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 169
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 5/26/2012 8:46:12 PM
i think a lot of women think that they are some how being liberated or modern by engaging in a fwb relationship, even if this is really not what they want. i've seen so many female friends go through a lot of heartbreak trying to have a casual relationship like this. it seems like they inevitably start to develop feelings beyond friendship, and they start to question why it is that the guy doesn't want a relationship with them. they start to feel insecure, inadequate, and rejected. anyway, i think it's more important to instill a sense of personal integrity in young women and teach them that asking for what they want in a relationship is not wrong, old fashioned, nor uptight. some women can have relationships like this, but most can't. if you know yourself and you know what you need and want, then you can choose accordingly. i've never wanted a fwb relationship because i know that i am not capable of finding fulfillment or happiness in such an arrangement. i am also wise enough to know that men are very good at separating sex and love, and that if a man doesn't want a relationship with you, sleeping with him is not going to get him to magically change his mind. i do believe that being unfulfilled in one's romantic life can most certainly lead to depression. we all have a need to be loved and give love. the fact that men and women are built so differently when it comes to sex & love is really a cruel joke.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 170
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 5/26/2012 9:01:40 PM
do believe that being unfulfilled in one's romantic life can most certainly lead to depression. we all have a need to be loved and give love. the fact that men and women are built so differently when it comes to sex & love is really a cruel joke.

I don't know that I'd agree so much with the last sentence but it may have more to do with age than anything. The number of women in the forums and in my circle of acquaintances who say that they don't want the typical relationship where sex leads to a full blown relationship seems to be outnumbering those who say that sex equals a relationship - they do tend to be able to separate the two and are perhaps more fulfilled because of it. It doesn't mean they don't love and respect the individual they have sex with - they just understand that it doesn't have to be the "typical" type of relationship. Younger people tend to be more affected by peer pressure to either have sex when they don't want to or to think there's something the matter with them if they aren't in a relationship. Too bad they can't seem to be counselled by their own parents on this as they grow up instead of having "some" misguided counsellors with agendas screwing with their head even further.
 NoxzemaWA
Joined: 2/19/2017
Msg: 171
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 3/31/2017 12:27:54 AM
When it comes to millennials and feminists, casual sex is imagined as some liberating action a la Samantha from Sex and the City but the reality is much different. I have single girlfriends who hop from one****to the next and they're not all liberated and 'empowered' like these movements want everyone to believe. They're perpetually unhappy and confused as to why these men go cold on them or flat out refuse their calls/texts. In my early-20s, I was like that too. Casual sex isn't all it's cracked up to be and the sexes ARE different, despite what feminists want us to believe. There are simply more consequences for women who engage in casual sex - biologically and otherwise.

The research shows that women in committed, monogamous relationships have a overall higher rate of sexual satisfaction than women who have casual situationships. However, that statistical truth doesn't support the consequence of "if men can sleep around, we should do it too!"
 RenissanceMan68
Joined: 12/3/2016
Msg: 172
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 3/31/2017 4:55:32 AM
Post casual sex depressed woman : "Who the hell did I just let in my house?"
Post casual sex depressed man: "That was a nice place to visit, but I wouldnt wanna live there...but, I have no home of my own".

Moral of the story?
Women, dont let just any guy in your house, and if you do, make sure hes there to put a name on the deed, or at least be a permanent resident, one who will treat your house with respect and lookmto upgrade it, no wreck it... and men... be thankful for a good home when you find one and make sure you take great care to both find a place to stay and maintain when you do, and dont treat it like a motel, but like a mansion. And rememner, it might eventually become your permanent residence ,,one you now possess,...but you do NOT own it.

A happy home is one well maintained and occupied bya clean, quiet, RESPECTFUL tenant, who will be happy having a good home !

Women! Keep up the curb appeal.,make sure your back yard is cleared up and no junk is left from previous tenants. Dont let past tenants jade you, and do NOT rent out rooms for the night. Guys looking only fora room to rent for the night often leave behind unwanted shit, and will,devalue your property. You sont need to rack up on tenants... your house will get worn down and lose its attractiveness. Clear all skeletons in closets and make sure your attic is cleaned up and uncluttered. Take your time, and dont just let them in. Make em woekmto show they really wanna live there.

Men! Houses are not motels! Take your time before entering ANY home. Do some research, check the place out. See what it needs, and see what things make it unique from other homes. Do NOT bring in any garbage or baggage, and act as if every time you come home its for the first time. Dont just rush in to any house, and when you finally DO.. be respectful. Dont steal anything, dont break anything, Be grateful and remember you could easily be homeless again.

Both will be happier!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 173
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 3/31/2017 6:15:11 AM
My first reaction to the topic is, "What a first world problem! You want to be depressed, find out no one wants sex with you in any form. be glad you got some interest." But I understand, if someone was hoping sex was going to lead to something besides sex, that's depressing. Unfortunately, in my lifetime people have decided (i'm sure its not the first time in history, 1920's flappers may have had the same results) to investigate their sexual identity, before learning their identity. Its easier to spread your legs than to question your fundamental beliefs and potentially have to rebuild your moral compass.

Of course, if you find your identity first, then you end up ready to have sex with people you are comfortable with. But if you find your sexual identity first, you have to make yourself comfortable sleeping with people. I witnessed many on this journey pushing themselves further away from themselves, as they made themselves a commodity. Offering sex, gets you sex. Offering yourself, gets you more than just sex. Become a friend, decide which ones you want to sleep with. "friends first", and all that.

Noxie, your friends are as "interesting" as my female friends :) And yes, women try to approach sex the way men do, but for child-rearing purposes we're just geared differently. Very few women can fvck for sport. When we all mature and give up casual sex for "making love", we form deeper bonds with that other body in the bed. We aren't using them to satisfy our needs, we're instead actually sharing who we are with them. With casual sex we focus on their orgasm in order to make a good impression or to get them to perform something on us in trade. When making love, we focus on their orgasm b/c we actually GAS about them. Their happiness is our's.

RenMan, is it just me, or could one replace the word "house" in your post with the word "head" or "life"? :) I think of the advice once given to me, "never let anyone stay in your head, rent free". Which I think meant, "don't let A-holes bother you".
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 174
Casual sex linked to depression
Posted: 3/31/2017 7:03:39 AM
Casual sex is not for everybody because some people will need or develop an emotional connection. However I don't think people that are not interested in casual sex should assume that all/most women that engages in casual sex will end up depressed or hurt. Simply because that happened to them or some of their friends.

A casual / FWB relationship can be mutually beneficial and can work out for some people in the right situation. Both people need to be upfront about their true feelings. I think some women will agree to casual sex or a FWB secretly hoping it will lead to something more. A relationship is doomed to fail in that situation. Also some people that were married in or long term relationships can get hurt and have depression when these relationships ended.
 RenissanceMan68
Joined: 12/3/2016
Msg: 175
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 3/31/2017 7:05:33 AM
gromustang ...'head'...'life'... 'drawers'...'panties'...'bed'.
The reader can take liberties in their translation of my analogy...whatever works for them, as long as they understand the point!

Most people who sex casually...have 'other issues', that lead to them devaluing themselves.
I domt think 'casual sex' depresses men nearly as much as women tho
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