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 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 176
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?Page 8 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
RenissanceMan68- I managed to follow your analogy just fine. It's a house now?
Dang, the teens I see on facebook just clued me in it can also be a box and right here on the forums I just found out it can be a snack called jellyroll. :D
Ren, notice Gto and I have both now given you the same advice about renting messy people space in your head. ;)
Any way, well meaning people keep telling me I should relax and do the casual thing. Nah, I'd rather not pick up something I'll have to carry around like luggage.

All this talk about casual sex, houses, boxes and jelly roll made me think of a song I love (ya'll know how I love my music). For you, Ren and Gto. Enjoy :)...................


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXoxH8HI7z8
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 177
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 3/31/2017 3:49:05 PM
Never realized how much Pete looks like Nicolas Cage.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 178
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 3/31/2017 4:38:57 PM
gtomustang- "Never realized how much Pete looks like Nicolas Cage."

He does, just a bit, doesn't he?! :o :D
 RenissanceMan68
Joined: 12/3/2016
Msg: 179
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 3/31/2017 5:14:05 PM
forumslady
Im glad you followed. I didnt think it was hard to follow, or I wouldnt have posted it.
That analogy was probably childs play for you...and gto also.

My xoncern, as it usually is... is ohers getting LOST in the analogy and end up wasting time dissecting it instead of the point it was used to make.

Regarding my xjoice of 'houses now'... not really just MY use of houses has been used to describe women.'An example can be found here:
http://www.healthforthewholeself.com/2010/08/body-metaphors/

I like where it says,

These days I think of my body as my home. I don’t want to get too attached to my home because I know it is only temporary, and what’s inside is what really matters. But I still want to take care of it because, well, I have to live there! A home that’s messy and malfunctioning brings with it extra stress and headaches, which takes time and energy away from all the wonderful stuff life has to offer. But a home that is clean and operating efficiently becomes a place you want to go to, a place where you feel comfortable.


I think, especially for women, youre gonna wind up depressed when youve let others come use your home, your temple...as a crash spot.
No casual visitors women!
And men, treat them BETTER than you treat YOUR home...remember, youre the guest, so step correct, step with respect, and DO NOT step into a house, even if its just to weather a passing storm, even if youre invited in.Men need to learn just because they CAN does it mean you should, ESPECIALLY when you ALREADY have a home to go to.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 180
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 3/31/2017 5:34:18 PM
see, folks, its not just a man who sees his home as a castle...needing a moat and defenses :)

But yeah, the house analogy can be taken literally, there are women here who rail about "men" who are couch surfers, just looking for a lay'n'stay. There's nothing wrong with making a material house a refuge from the world and the workplace, I used to love leaving work and turning on the afternoon jazz public radio station and going home, even to an empty apartment. but then I had a nice patio to hibatchi on :) But it was better than happy hour for chillin' after work and getting away from it before getting ready to go out for the evening.

as for treating others' physical property with respect...that's natural when you've earned your own, and have respect for it. I find the people trying to smoke in my place, etc were living at their parents' house and getting away with it, et cetera. but even jerks could have respect for the property of others' (not leaving cigarette butts in the yard, but putting it in pocket instead, washing out the glass they just used, not leaving wrappers under the passenger car seat etc) when they owned their own and treated it well.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 181
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 3/31/2017 5:47:01 PM
RenissanceMan68- That was a great article, thank you for sharing it.
I like this part........
"Some people build their careers around fixing bodies that are broken, healing bodies that are bruised."
I've been a nurse for 20 years.

"what’s inside is what really matters."
Indeed, and no man knows a heart better than his own. Namaste :)
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 182
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 3/31/2017 8:09:10 PM
So if a chick invites a drunk guy over for sex, he might get depressed later?
 RenissanceMan68
Joined: 12/3/2016
Msg: 183
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 3/31/2017 9:29:23 PM
clooneystutor
Yep... he MIGHT

Said 'chick' didnt know 'guy' was in fact, an alcoholic, as became glaringly evident by his either non existent or seriously lacking performance. Maybe said guy wakes up the next morning hung over and looking at a woman who looks very different now that the beer goggles are gone. Maybe his walk of shame the next day gets worse... when she doesnt ever call him for a repeat performance and wont return his calls and changes her number.

Maybe he ends up on the airwaves crying 'You... you... you used to call me on my cell phone, late night when you want my love...' lmao!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 184
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/1/2017 8:24:25 AM
Do we agree that "depression" is a state of mind?

With that, shouldn't each individual be aware and understanding their OWN "line of thinking" when it comes to stuff like this? If you believe deeply that sex shouldn't be just "casual" than I would suggest you don't have "casual" sex. It will eliminate that "depression" that sneaks in the back door, after the fact.

Many people believe that sex is an act that reflects love, commitment, etc , all because of numerous teachings, thoughts, and beliefs that each individual has faced when living their lives. You can add "morality" and "values" into the situation too, if you believe in that.

Is sex just a physical act, to you? Or is something you do to accomplish, sayyyyyyy, a baby? Can you use sex for fun? Or do you have certain things you add to the list of "your" requirements before considering sex? We can keep on going back at what he have been taught, what you believe, and what has been installed in your mind earlier in your life before having to deal with "sex" and what you think it should involve. And yep, religion will also enter the picture, if it already is part of your life.

People get depressed because they have something in their head thinking they are "not meeting" certain expectations. These expectations have been placed in our heads by the individuals themselves, or at least, "remain" in our heads, after being told, taught or whatever. Remove, replace, or change those expectations, and the feelings of an act will change.

We also should look at the society of which we live. Here, in North America, boys can be pigs and it's high-fived. Girls get labelled "sluts". That, right there, is one of the reasons this depression can sneak in, after "casual" sex. In my mind, if sex doesn't include fun, it shouldn't be happening. If it includes a few other things, a bonus. But, it definitely better be fun, and I better be feeling good afterwards.

If your "depressed" afterwards, you're doing it wrong.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 185
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if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/1/2017 9:34:42 AM
I'm starting to miss Natalie.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 186
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/1/2017 9:41:12 AM
Last I heard she was very depressed after being dumped by a Subaru salesmen.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 187
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if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/1/2017 10:42:54 AM
A part of me wanted to help her but it just became so obvious so early that it was hopeless. But I'm sure that there is a Subaru salesperson for each of us.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 188
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/1/2017 3:40:56 PM
so apparently, she wasn't Impreza with the Subaru guy? So much for his plan to get some Outback, that's what happens when you already have your Legacy planned out ahead of time.

sex is like beer. You can have a buzz by yourself, you can share a buzz with a friend, you can go to a bar and get a buzz with a complete stranger and then convince yourself you have a new friend.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 189
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if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/1/2017 4:56:51 PM
he might if they had unprotected sex and he got an STD or she fell pregnant.
 NoxzemaWA
Joined: 2/19/2017
Msg: 190
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/1/2017 5:28:44 PM

so apparently, she wasn't Impreza with the Subaru guy? So much for his plan to get some Outback, that's what happens when you already have your Legacy planned out ahead of time.


LOL!!


he might if they had unprotected sex and he got an STD or she fell pregnant.


Keeping up with the Subie puns, maybe an STI was in their futures.
 diaboloacetin
Joined: 12/20/2014
Msg: 191
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if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/2/2017 6:36:25 PM
Actually they probable gave each other the WRX.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 192
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if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/2/2017 8:56:13 PM

gtomustang
so apparently, she wasn't Impreza with the Subaru guy? So much for his plan to get some Outback, that's what happens when you already have your Legacy planned out ahead of time.

I love it! Fantastic play on words, a big thumbs up!


Walts
Do we agree that "depression" is a state of mind?

With that, shouldn't each individual be aware and understanding their OWN "line of thinking" when it comes to stuff like this? If you believe deeply that sex shouldn't be just "casual" than I would suggest you don't have "casual" sex. It will eliminate that "depression" that sneaks in the back door, after the fact.


Some very wise words from Walts. Once again showing that he truly does have a great mind, that is, when he isn’t busy numbing himself with that scotch whiskey.

I would have a lot more sympathy if he drank something decent, like bourbon, instead of that nasty scotch.



If your "depressed" afterwards, you're doing it wrong.

Couldn’t have said it better myself!
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 193
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if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/3/2017 3:16:44 AM

People get depressed because they have something in their head thinking they are "not meeting" certain expectations. These expectations have been placed in our heads by the individuals themselves, or at least, "remain" in our heads, after being told, taught or whatever. Remove, replace, or change those expectations, and the feelings of an act will change.


Spot on, Walts!

I have two friends who get fed up of hit and run sexual adventures. Every time it's because their longer term expectations have been higher than the other person's. What to do? Well, they can either not get so sexually involved so quickly next time, or they can enjoy the experience for what it is.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 194
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/3/2017 3:45:18 PM
Thanks, Henry, but Noxie was good with the STI ref. Can't believe I missed it :)

to go further with car analogies, I guess casual sex offers are like minivans. No one really wants a minivan, its boring, its plain, and we worry what people think of us when we have one. But when the minivan is in the shop a few days...we have to sit at home alone with nothing to take us anywhere...the pantry gets empty of food b/c we can't go shopping....we're glad when that minvan comes back to us. When its minivan or nothing, we'll take the minivan.

its all in the frame of reference.
 RenissanceMan68
Joined: 12/3/2016
Msg: 195
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/3/2017 11:10:27 PM
gto...better to deive something than walk ans drive nothing?
Yeah.. but why do people get 'depressed' driving mini vans?
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 196
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if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/4/2017 3:20:54 AM

Yeah.. but why do people get 'depressed' driving mini vans?


Because they're tied up in the idea that they should be driving something better. However, that's borne from insecurities formed by social expectations and interactions with peer groups. It is entirely possible to get past that and recognise a minivan for what it is: a reasonable method of transport that will fulfill most needs. Once one does, the depression would dissipate.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 197
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/4/2017 5:55:33 AM
Well, I should have added a detail to that analogy. When I lived in a city, I had my Mustang, but I walked for exercise and hoping to meet someone in the entertainment district. I could choose to walk, or choose to drive. Out here in the boonies with no sidewalks and narrow roads, a car isn't really a luxury. Stores are about an hour's walk away, and no fun after dark. And that's the basic stores, a department store/WalMart is an hour's drive away. Everyone here can't wait to get their license at age 16.

Like Tiger said, a minivan is basic transport. Cheerios are caught in the carpet, fruit juice is spilled, no one puts chrome rims or a stereo on these. Its a transport shuttle. For all the room to get laid, no one gets laid in one. A pickup truck at least, suggests you're ready to do work, help people move, get off road, maybe wrangle steer. Its practical for a different reason. Minivan suggests the driver is wearing "mommy clothes", baggy, comfortable, stain resistant. Practical.

on its own, "practical" is not sexy. A "little black dress" isn't practical. Stiletto heels, isn't practical. Now, I once spent a wonderful weekend with a curvy woman who sent me a photo of herself in her mommy clothes. Her curves were hard to hide, and she sure rocked my world those 48 hrs. but apparently I was the only guy looking past the clothes at what she offered. we flirted online for weeks, and one day she was amazed that the guy at the Walmart photo desk was now flirting with her. I said yeah, you no longer act like someone's mom, you feel attractive now.

so, I get it, a minivan doesn't automatically have to be dull. but for some, it has to be overcome. they have to be sexy, the clothes and the minivan "do not make the man". a woman who doesn't know what real success or real wealth looks like, might see a billionaire slumming it on the weekends in a pair of Dickies and not even recognize what she's looking at. but the broke dude wearing his old Hugo Boss from when he used to have it goin' on? she's smitten.

I was just posting about my 3rd gf elsewhere, the woman I lost my virginity to. she was getting over her last bf, who she still worked with. he wasn't financially stable, but he was attractive and she saw him 5 days a week while I only saw her on weekends, and she was still carrying a torch for him. Looks can cover a lot of sins. People can complain that casual sex with a hottie sucks, but then they go back and try it again just to be sure :)

usually what sucks about it, is that they can't get it anymore. like drinking soda pop.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 198
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if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/4/2017 7:03:27 AM
Forumslady: Squeezebox has been stuck in my head now for 4 days... and I hadn't heard that song in 20 years. Damn, just can't get it out of my head. Look what you did!!
 RenissanceMan68
Joined: 12/3/2016
Msg: 199
if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/4/2017 11:21:23 AM
I completely agree with everything youve said. iamanorangetiger included. Im sorry for asking a rhetorical, sarcastic question. Its like people who complain about eating Hamburger Helper and drinking Kool Aid instead of steak and wine, when they could damn well be starving and eating nothing.

The killer word is expectations. People expect themselves to be eating steak, drinking wine, and owning nice cars, and get depressed when these often lofty, unrealistic or idealistic goals they expect to attain arent met.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 200
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if casual sex leads to depression, what causes a stroke?
Posted: 4/4/2017 12:59:17 PM
My last car was a Ford S-Max. I loved it, but then it bucked the trend for MPVs, which I would refer to as 'plastic mummy cars', going by what Renault, Citroen and Vauxhall were churning out at the time. It was big, cavernous inside and had a good turn of pace. Unlike most MPVs, it drove like a car. I'd still have it now if someone hadn't written off in a head on.

I know people who have traversed Europe and beyond on a Honda Cub C90. Did that spoil the experience?

Sex done right is a highly enjoyable pastime. Sometimes a ONS is just that. Sometimes FWBs are just that. In most cases, it's better than what ifs and no sex at all. Whatever the case, the circumstances should be right for both concerned, without pressure involved. That way, everyone knows where they stand.
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