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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm rel      Home login  
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 Wyliefella
Joined: 8/29/2010
Msg: 26
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Not sure about America but the benefits system and the legal system is a joke in the UK and I'm afraid it's on men. For example a father has contact with a child of a failed relationship 3 days a week and the other 4 days are spent with the mother. Father has to pay 4 day's maintenance to the mother even if she works, even if the mother earns more money than the father. Mother is only having one day contact more than father but there is no consideration for the time and expense that father has whilst the child is in his care. I would argue there is very little difference in cost, a man still has to have child care so he can work and be able to accommodate and cloth the child.

I have my son 7/14 so I don't pay CSA and neither do I claim it from mother. I could earn more money self-employed but office hours suit my child care and I probably earn the same, maybe less than mother. I can't claim anything for my son because his mother has it all, child benefit, tax credits, school meals, uniforms, various government grants. How is that not sexist? How can it be fair?

I would have to say there is very little reason for a man to have children in this day and age. Most relationships don't last and it's hardly hard to have friendships with benefits. But I'm old fashioned and I was never going to have anything less than the awesome relationship I have with my son. I couldn't comment from a female perspective.
 barnabyjames1
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 27
Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 8/5/2013 8:01:45 AM
No.......don't want kids, they're too expensive.
 barnabyjames1
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 28
Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 8/6/2013 10:12:29 AM
This scenerio happens often, too often. MANY women have sex(and end up getting pregnant MULTIPLE TIMES) by men they have no interest in having a lt relationship with, and the men don;t want that either. But, you can't explain this to them, they just don;t get it.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 29
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 8/6/2013 10:33:53 AM
^^^ It takes two unless your name is Mary...

Op: To answer your friend's question.

Yes if I wanted or needed it to be that way, women may have many reasons for wanting a child, not the man.

No if I wanted or needed it to be that way, women may not want to put children through a single parent home.

If I were a man...most likely be thinking, great I can have sex with no responsibility. I'm in!
 barnabyjames1
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 30
Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 8/6/2013 3:14:48 PM

^^^ It takes two unless your name is Mary...


Right, which is why I said men AND women do this(you missed the AND MEN part).
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 31
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 8/9/2013 10:58:45 AM
It does take two in order to conceive. However, it only takes 1 to determine whether or not it comes to term.
 house_full_of_bullets
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 32
Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 8/10/2013 9:42:49 AM
If it was because the woman in question just wanted a child from me her no strings, I'd point to closest sperm bank and thank her for her interest in my genetic material but I'm not interested in having a child somewhere "out there" that wasn't a part of my life.

If she wanted a child with me, me take on half the parenting duties, and yet not be together, that would also be a "no thanks". I'm good enough to sire a child and good enough to help out in rearing a child, but I'm not good enough for you?

Either way, as ridiculous as it sounds, the guy in question is being used.
 house_full_of_bullets
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 33
Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 8/10/2013 10:32:48 AM


If I were a man...most likely be thinking, great I can have sex with no responsibility. I'm in!

That's pretty disingenuous actually.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 34
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 9/5/2013 4:26:57 PM
I know a guy who had a kid with the woman he had been dating because he felt he was getting old and since she already had a kid, he thought she would be a good mom. No plans for marriage or any future together, he just wanted a kid and they had been together for a while. She didn't want marriage, but always wanted a son. Surprise, surprise - it didn't work out and now his kid lives across the country with the mother. He admits it wasn't a wise decision, but at the time it "made sense". I feel terrible for him but you have to live with the choices you make.
 Kelley1996
Joined: 3/23/2015
Msg: 35
Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 2/29/2016 1:51:20 PM
That is no uncommon. Typically, women. except elite women that already have the best, mate with someone dependable and a good provider for them and their children. However, when they are ovulating, they seek the best genes for their egg and that may be someone they would not or could not have a long term relationship with. Therefore, on average their children have greater fecundity . The evolutionary advantage is great enough (as much as 0.5 % per generation) that I believe that women that did not select the best genes when a low risk of discovery opportunity was available are not our ancestors.
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 36
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 3/4/2016 8:12:03 PM

That is no uncommon. Typically, women. except elite women that already have the best, mate with someone dependable and a good provider for them and their children. However, when they are ovulating, they seek the best genes for their egg and that may be someone they would not or could not have a long term relationship with. Therefore, on average their children have greater fecundity . The evolutionary advantage is great enough (as much as 0.5 % per generation) that I believe that women that did not select the best genes when a low risk of discovery opportunity was available are not our ancestors


Easy there. A lot of women on here have already heard the "Alpha genes for breeding , beta providers later".

No need to scare off potential betas.
 Kelley1996
Joined: 3/23/2015
Msg: 37
Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 3/4/2016 10:00:35 PM

A lot of women on here have already heard the "Alpha genes for breeding ,..

peter_hungus: That women mate with a dependable provider and when ovulating have sex with superior male is what British biologists, Robin Baker, Ph.D. says. However, while that is not uncommon, it is not the norm. What few studies I could find indicates 7 to 10 percent of children are not sired by the husband that believes they are his biological children.

Since that is only 1 in 10 or less, it appears that most women don't cheat on their husbands. Or if more than 10 percent do cheat, it seems that 90 percent don't get pregnant by someone other than their husband. Therefore, I believe most women by a large majority would not have children by a man they would not have a long term relationship with.
 HereComesYourSun
Joined: 9/7/2015
Msg: 38
Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 3/25/2016 10:11:02 PM
Well, the consensus seems to be, no.

Thankfully enough.

I wonder why your friend thinks that having a child with someone can equal no relationship, unless of course they're opting for a sperm bank.
And while something may sound ok at the moment, there are so many factors that can present themselves in the future that
it would be unrealistic and unwise to state that you do not need the other parent.

I do not for 1 minute believe 2 parent households are overrated.
I do believe parenting is one of the hardest jobs to do right.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 39
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 6/2/2018 7:24:30 PM
Having kids with anyone is selfish really. The kids don't ask to be born and it is purely down to the adults wanting to have children is why they come about.

Yeah i would have kids with someone who is not going to be a part of their life or is hardly in it and have done unintentionally but it went ok.
One person can do the job of two parents usually no problem and to suggest otherwise is offensive to all single parents and widows/widowers with children.

Whole communities and extended families are a part of bringing up children. Don't see why there is a problem with removing one person out of that. Kids need stability and love, and one person can do it on their own if they want to. It's the adult who usually needs a partner for support, for their own needs.

If the other person wants kids and you take them out of the equation then that's selfish, well more selfish than creating people because you wanted them -who never asked to be created.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 40
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 6/3/2018 10:20:36 AM
Having kids with someone you don't plan to be with is wrong and irresponsible. A single mother environment is the worst for kids.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 41
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 7/15/2018 9:53:49 PM
Children should be made with love, not because you want something a bit better than a cat to keep you company.

People need to be far , far more responsible with bringing children into the world. We are making more and more broken families, which for the most part makes broken children which makes broken adults.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 42
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 7/25/2018 5:02:44 PM

A single mother environment is the worst for kids.

Umm, no, not really.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 43
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 7/25/2018 9:02:35 PM

Umm, no, not really.


It absolutely is. Sara McLanahan has published books about her research that show boys are significantly more likely to end up in jail or prison by the time they turn 30. Studies by Bruce Ellis concluded that about one-third of girls whose fathers left the home before they turned 6 ended up pregnant as teenagers, compared with just 5 percent of girls whose fathers were there throughout their childhood.
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 44
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 7/25/2018 9:42:12 PM
No. I'm too old for that sort of thing now.

As for younger people, I don't know whether they should or not. Up to now, there is no arguing that two parent families produced more successful children but that was the past. With more and more children of single parents some of the old social handicaps may erode or disappear. For the far future, who can say? Maybe children of two parent families will be the despised, under achieving freaks.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 45
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 7/25/2018 10:21:55 PM

Having kids with someone you don't plan to be with is wrong and irresponsible. A single mother environment is the worst for kids.


Agreed, especially when little boys are in the home. Women cannot teach a boy how to be a man. Period.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 46
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 7/26/2018 7:10:22 AM
^^^ I get aggravated at the single mothers who say they're both a mother and a father to their children. No you're not. You're the mother only.

I have absolutely no interest in ever fathering children. Hell to the no...
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 47
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 7/26/2018 12:23:33 PM
Women cannot teach a boy how to be a man. Period.

When I say this, I get attacked and told how single mother homes are safer for kids.....
Then i need to hit them with some facts. Then they hide under the moldy rock they came from
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 48
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 7/29/2018 1:00:14 PM



A single mother environment is the worst for kids.

Umm, no, not really.

It absolutely is. Sara McLanahan has published books...


I'll still have to disagree.
Worse than a single mother home....
A home where alcoholism or domestic violence prevail.
A home where going on welfare is considered the best option in life.
A home where reading, intelligence, and ambition are scorned.
A home where secrets are kept, where sexual molestation occurs, where there is no concern or love for anyone else.
A home where the roles are reversed and the child takes care of the parent/s.

As for having children with someone I wouldn't have a longterm relationship with...
I guess I did.

ETA: Maybe I can't teach my boy to be a 'man'. But I can teach him how to be human.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 49
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 7/29/2018 6:26:20 PM
Those MIGHT be true, but its like which piece of poop is more appealing to eat?

Also for many single mother households you can ADD some of those other things. Welfare, abuse, alcoholism....
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 50
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Would you have children with someone you wouldn't have a longterm relationship with?
Posted: 7/29/2018 6:47:56 PM
*Worse than a single mother home....
A home where alcoholism or domestic violence prevail.
A home where going on welfare is considered the best option in life.
A home where reading, intelligence, and ambition are scorned.
A home where secrets are kept, where sexual molestation occurs, where there is no concern or love for anyone else.
A home where the roles are reversed and the child takes care of the parent/s.

No. They are not. Not even close. Single mother home is far and away the most important factor in a child's life prospects. That doesn't matter to women though. They are more than willing to sacrifice their children's futures for their own momentary preferences.
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