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 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 52
Who is in the wrong? re Cat Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
When reading the thread I had assumed incorrectly the OP was possibly somewhere in her very early 20's and possibly not very experienced relationship-wise on top of it - not based on the picture but because of the description of the relationship between her boyfriend and herself. After reviewing her profile and finding she's in her 40's and dating a man who I would assume must be relatively close to her age and uses both his parents and her without any meaningful contribution, but instead figures he even has a right to state what he wants in her own home, I find rather disgusting. Disgusting on his part and rather desperate sounding on her part.

The cat isn't the issue at all. The boyfriend sounds like a loser in a number of ways. The fact that his behaviour is allowed is what I find even more disturbing. If the OP puts up with this and admittedly has self-esteem issues, I'd suggest she ditch the user/loser and not involve herself in any relationships until she gets a grip on her own issues first, likely with the help of some form of therapy.

vvvvv Then don't compound your problems by entangling yourself with someone who in no way bolsters your self-esteem. Some self help is in order - start by getting rid of him.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 54
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 8:37:12 AM

She mentioned nothing in the OP about this guy being CRUEL or INHUMANE to this stray cat....where did any of you presuppose this?


CulturedBlackMan..I base my comments on the experience of 30+ years as a law enforcement officer, having dealt with more than my share of domestic violence calls. There ARE red flags here; for the OP to see, and for the OP to deal with from herself.

The pet 'problem' is only bringing all of these issues out.

As some have said..I pity the cat, more than the humans involved.
 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 56
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 8:55:03 AM

He has always been controlling and plays a lot of mind games with me. Always insecure too and thinks that I am seeing someone else or being sneeky.


I wasn't able to read any posts beyond this point. OP, are you stupid? You obviously KNOW that this is a fvcked up relationship and yet you CHOOSE to stay! Get some help.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 58
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 9:11:30 AM
Argh.

Before my ex-husband and I married, I had a cat that he picked on to the point where the cat would not come near him. Since the ex loved animals, I didn't understand why he was borderline mean to the cat! I didn't figure it out until years later: he was jealous of both me and the cat. The cat liked me more than it liked him; I gave attention to the cat.

This didn't resurface for over two decades. He brought home a puppy that had been abandoned on the side of the road. We were going to take it to the shelter, but I fell in love with the little guy. He became MY dog, giving me more attention, etc. My ex went out of his way to sabotage my "relationship" with this dog! And no, I am not kidding. He wanted the dog to like him more than it liked me. He was also passive aggressive and was sneaky about how he went about winning the dog's affection.

I would say that your boyfriend has control issues. If you did not give so much attention to the cat, it wouldn't matter; if the cat did not give so much attention to you, he wouldn't resent the cat.

Don't spend 25 years trying to fix it. The issue with the cat is a relatively small issue, but it could well be indicative of bigger issues.
 Kariann71
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 64
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 10:17:55 AM
Um... Why are you with this guy??? What an ass. jealous because the cat likes you better? Sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. Unless you want to play Mommy I'd send him packing.
 DreamieDreamer
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 71
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 11:17:27 AM

I think he likes mePage 1 of 1 Posted: 3/12/2012


This guy at my work, well I think he likes me. There are plenty of people dating at our place, so don't think it is much of a problem as long as it doesn't intefere with work


For some reason, I am having a hard time believing anything the OP posts. Her posting history is interesting to say the least and she has posted this same question just a month ago...


A boyfriend jealous of your catPage 1 of 1 Posted: 2/26/2012
Hi
Just wondering (not for me) if it's normal for your boyfriend to be jealous of the cat and say that you give the cat more love and attention than him (seriously).


You know that all of this behavior is wrong so why do you insist on continuing to allow it all to happen? Because you like the attention it brings you.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 72
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 11:34:45 AM
You are putting the cat in harm's way, which disgusts me to no end, he could do anything or might already be doing abusive things to this poor cat who is unable to make sense of it or keep it's self safe. So when you let it in, you are giving him access to a defenseless animal. And yeah it could scratch the prigs eyes out but he'd only attack it worse. So take the poor thing to a shelter where he can no longer get to it and have no animals or children around for him to get at. You are an adult and you can use that poor pitiful me crap if you want but you have the responsibility of keeping innocent things from the reach of this POS you call your boyfriend.

As for therapy, any income level can get therapy, it's based on your ability to pay. Check around and find one in your area that has a sliding scale pay and contact them, or keep using that excuse that nothing is your fault and everyone uses you. Drama
 PutYouOnBlast
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 73
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 11:54:46 AM

This thread is amazing. People doing research, looking up posting histories, injecting their attitudes into the question....is there such a thing as "you forum people" ?

This is the norm here. It is why it is posted there. However, for those of us who have been posting here a very long time, we are used to these threads by the OP. It has been about 3 years.

In my first statement, I said that the bf talked about how great it would be to get a cat, he never figured that the OP would pick up one from the street. Agreed that if the home is rented by the OP, she should get rid of the bf and keep the cat, since she says that he is awful to her.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 75
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 12:09:39 PM
Dump him ,,,,,,,,,,,keep the cat............
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 77
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 12:42:03 PM

You're right, I do need therapy but I cannot afford it.


Sorry OP, but I am just not buying your poor me act. You come in here, start threads, admit that you need to deal with this, but still continue to see a guy that is clearly emotionally screwing with you, tells me that you arent serious. You dont need therapy to tell this guy to hit the bricks, you can do that all by yourself, but I am guessing that is too hard right? Guess what therapy is hard too. If you cant even muster up enough self respect to lose this clown, therapy isnt going to magically make these things happen, you still have to make these things happen. So until you are ready to take some responsibility to why you are doing things that are clearly not in your own best interest, therapy will be a waste of time, mainly for the therapist.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 78
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 1:12:18 PM
I think it is very sad when an attractive woman in her 40's that has a job and owns her own place, takes crap from a guy that lives with his parents.


Before we broke up, the routine was that he would go to his mum and dad's after work, make his packed lunch for the following day, have a bath and then come to mine where he would stay the night. He has two kids and when they stay over they have to sleep in a bed together at his mum's house as there is no room.
He didn't want to pay me anything towards the bills because he said he wasn't actually living there, didn't have his washing done at mine and wasn't using anything extra that I wouldn't have used myself. He also said that after losing a lot with his ex he didn't want to be paying my mortgage and ending up with nothing.
So I suggested that if he was serious about us we should save for somewhere to rent together, because he would complain that my flat was far too small for him to move into. At first he wouldn't commit and said he would only give me some money for savings if he won on the horses because he didn't have the spare cash. Then I manage to get him to set up a joint savings account and we saved nearly £800 before we split up. When we split up he demanded his half of the savings, which I gave him and he spent it all on a laptop.


Oh. My. GOD. If I was involved with someone like that, I'd suck on a barrel. WTF are you thinking?


He has also suggested (as he has given up smoking weed for her) that she should give up her cat for him.

That pretty big of him, giving up drugs so you can have no cat.
Maybe that's why I'm single. I need to be an animal-hating, weed smoking, homeless jerkwad.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 82
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 1:51:55 PM

Trust me, I've been there. A few years ago a man I was dating for a short period of time threatened to come over and kill my cats. I sat down on my couch, shook my head and said to myself "Really??" Does this guy REALLY think he's scaring me by threatening my animals??" You've got to be kidding me!! LOL I calmly cleaned and loaded my gun, called him on his cell phone and graciously invited him over to my place to do the deed but I made it crystal clear to him that he would have to go through me first before he ever got to my cats and it wouldn't be pretty sight and not in his favor at all. He never showed and I've not seen nor heard from him since.



That is the most awesome thing I've read here!
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 83
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 1:56:04 PM
yes, Sea, U rock- I am up to 6 now, I think that's it for now...but if anyone ever said bad stuff about my cats, they'd find themself FACE DOWN in a box of kitty litter- after my Tuxedo cat did his stinky poop!
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 86
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 2:13:23 PM
Regardless of all the other past, possible, or potential drama in the OP's history or not, you can tell a lot about a person's character by the way they treat animals/pets. If they're douchebaggery enough to be jealous of and abusive to an innocent animal, then they'll be jealous of and abusive to people sooner or later.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 87
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 2:13:36 PM
Double post, sorry about that. It just sat there when I clicked the first time, so I clicked again. Have a great weekend! :)
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 88
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 2:21:24 PM

Who's in the wrong here?


He is. Keep the cat and dump the boyfriend.

An inability to get along with animals in not a good sign.

Next question.

 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 90
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:15:42 PM
I'm gonna weigh in on the side of the stray cat.
(of course/LOL)

Taking in a stray cat is good karma.
So is ditching control freaks.
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 91
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:24:20 PM
there's something abnormal in this relationship - some possessiveness/jealousy issues to be sure. and the cat thing is a mild event. I love cats and have always had one as a pet, the last one I had my ex and I got together at the spca. after getting him home and over time, the cat gravitated more to him than to me (and I'm the one who loves cats!) now I certainly didn't react in such an immature and questionable way toward my ex or the cat. there are deeper issues here that are going to become more obvious over time and in different situations. any relationship expert would tell you, it's not about the cat.
 Tristle
Joined: 9/11/2010
Msg: 92
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:33:54 PM
yeah, I see more control issues and insecurity in this on his part than anything. a big red flag on a future with this fellow imo.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 93
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:45:40 PM

Taking in a stray cat is good karma.
so do me & seakytten win the lottery?
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 94
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:46:12 PM
Your boyfriend is jealous of a cat and makes remarks like you're in a sexual relationship with it? Keep the cat and dump the boyfriend.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 97
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 6:32:13 PM
This isn't about a cat at all, if you ask me. The issues are jealousy,control, self esteem & a seeming fear of being alone. Therapy is indicated, pet or no pet. Thank God it isn't a child!
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