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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Being stood up      Home login  
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 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 26
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Being stood upPage 2 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
These are nothing more then "meet and greets" OP, so handle them as such. When you meet friends for lunch or a drink and they can not make it, what do you do?

I plan those activities that I can continue on by myself and enjoy the experience, while I know that it is their loss for not doing their part. I have had some that I know from here, that would be at that meeting place early, and if the one they are to meet, does not meet their expectations, they just slip out and leave. I know others that will meet and say they have to use the restroom and then never come back......so, who and what is worse here? The answer is to have some thick skin and plan accordingly, and know that they either have a good reason, or they have lost their chance with you.

To many, to often, plan so poorly, that they have no choice but to be set up and disappointed. The "hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and enjoy what you get" philosophy is what I use and that is why I set my "meets and greets" in such a way that I can still have that drink, or buy that book and read it with coffee, or break out my laptop while enjoying coffee, do emails and include an email to them letting them know that I am very sorry for their loss.....which is me!

Time to think less and move on OP, and know that business meetings get cancelled, family meetings get cancelled, and if anyone just does not show up and does not let you know beforehand, they will not get that invitation the next time.

cd
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 27
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Being stood up
Posted: 9/17/2012 7:17:25 AM
Gourmet? To be honest with you, if you did all that checking with me beforehand, I think I would probably decline to meet based on that! lol...far too extensive imo. And doesn't show positive attitude
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 28
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Being stood up
Posted: 9/17/2012 11:13:30 AM
Nope Gourmet, can't say as I have lived there. Never visited either come to think of it! lol..ok, if that is truly the way it is, my apologies. Suffice to say? Based on that dating scenario, I will do my datin here! lol
 mjseek
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 29
Being stood up
Posted: 9/17/2012 11:15:13 AM
Some people can talk the talk, but even at our age...can't walk the walk! Consider yourself lucky!
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 30
Being stood up
Posted: 9/19/2012 5:58:25 AM
I agree with RealwomaninNJ & would have text, then called if she didn't reply. At least you'd know definitively if you were being stood up if you got no answer to either. Crap happens & you move on. No sense dwelling on losers since they'll just discourage you.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 31
Being stood up
Posted: 9/19/2012 6:18:08 AM

hey i met a guy at a restaurant.. we ate had drinks.. got a long great.. then he started asking me if he could come to my house. and i said NO.. he went to the bathroom. .and well didnt come back.. i got stuck with the bill.. all 75 bucks of it !!!!!!!!!!


This is precisely why first meets should be cheap, like a cup of coffee or couple drinks.

If you had the guy's phone #, you could have turned it over to the restaurant so they could give it to the police.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 32
Being stood up
Posted: 9/19/2012 1:12:43 PM

I find with alot of women nowadays..they are kinda wimpy...i double-check..triple-check..the day before..the nite before..the day of..an hour before..and then right before i leave. I also always have a backup plan and put my expectations very low..in fact..i expect them (NOT) to show..if they do..well, i figure they had nothing better to do..LOL...


Actually, I've been known to do this myself. I sort of treat it like a joke, but yeah, I'm making contact
pretty regularly on the day/night of the meet and I also have a back up plan. I usually like to meet someplace
I wouldn't mind being anyways, so if they don't show, it's all good.

Not something I used to do, but online dating changed a lot of things I used to do. I think most people who have
experience with online dating would understand other people's foible's when it comes to first meets.

I'd like to say online dating is like dating in the "old days", but I'd be lying.
Not that I don't think it should be...I just know it isn't.
 Plenty_of_FreeTime
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 33
Being stood up
Posted: 9/19/2012 4:44:34 PM
Never been stood up, but did have someone cancel at the last minute after I had already bought concert tickets.
Then there were a couple times I had wished the other person hadn't shown up! LOL

And to the OP I would've texted or called for sure!
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 34
Being stood up
Posted: 12/20/2012 9:47:39 AM
Have meet tonight at a local Italian eatery....I usually prefer coffee or a drink but I'm willing to share a meal with this guy. He seems like a terrific guy and I've exchanged a number of e-mails with him. Don't think I'm going to have to worry about him standing me up.

But.....I may end up with egg on my face...I'll keep ya'll posted *grins*


...mae
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 35
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Being stood up
Posted: 12/20/2012 10:27:38 AM
Good luck with that meet and greet Mae!!

OT......There have been those that have not shown up, and those that I wished had not!!....Go figure!

cd
 banderson617
Joined: 12/5/2012
Msg: 36
Being stood up
Posted: 12/20/2012 1:53:00 PM
I was stood up last night. Made the date a couple of days in advance and confirmed it that morning. Sent a text when I got there and nothing, zilch. Waited at the bar for 45 minutes then decided to have dinner by myself. Still on the fence on whether to confront her about it. Probably won't though.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 37
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Being stood up
Posted: 12/20/2012 2:06:40 PM
Banderson I wouldn't bother going after her to find out what was going on. I had a no show once and I never gave him another chance. If she didnt have the decency to let you know she wasn't going to show, i wouldn't expect an honest explanation from her. This happened to me once, and the dude never got a second chance. I think disrepecting a person's time is really low and a great indicator of their personality type
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 38
Being stood up
Posted: 12/20/2012 10:26:50 PM
Good luck with that meet and greet Mae!!


Thanks CD.....Didn't get stood up. *grins* As a matter of fact I had a truly enjoyable evening. Some great food and even better conversation that went on for hours. He's off to see his family in Vancouver but we have agreed to get together again in 2013. And as my daughter would say, "Did you get his digits?"... Yes I did.


OT......There have been those that have not shown up, and those that I wished had not!!....Go figure!

Haha....I consider myself very lucky in that area. Only one really bad first meet. He was two sheets to the wind when I arrived...I didn't realize that right away so I ordered a drink. Needless to say I left almost as soon as my drink arrived.
I don't go on many meets but have been lucky in that they have all been pretty decent guys "so far" Just never made any romantic connections. :(

...mae
 tanzanitediamond01
Joined: 10/24/2012
Msg: 39
Being stood up
Posted: 12/23/2012 10:47:12 AM
I find it quite common w/ the men around here. I've been stood up about 8 times, now, 6 of those times in the past 5 months & 2 of those in the past week. I have never stood anyone up at any time in my lifetime. If i have an emergency, going to be late, whatever, I always call or send a quick message to the gentleman.
 anita_lay
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 40
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Being stood up
Posted: 12/23/2012 1:25:35 PM

So if you are an attractive woman and you appear to be on your game, consider that the guy who stood you up was and is probably a loser

And if you're ''unattractive'', you deserve it, huh?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 41
Being stood up
Posted: 12/23/2012 6:30:49 PM
^^^^ Along the lines of what Angel has said,SOME people (both male and female) will be sitting off the in the sidelines watching and looking for you, the dater to show up to say, the coffee shop. When they see that you are not who you or what you represented, "poof", gone they go,never to be heard from again.
Mind you, I have personally only been told of this practise by women,since that's who I talk to. I could imagine some guys doing it though. Doesn't sound like a bad idea in some circumstances.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 42
Being stood up
Posted: 12/23/2012 7:47:20 PM
^^^ I had a guy this summer ask me to wait outside for him by a text message--so I waited and this van with darken windows drove by stopped in the front and then drove on and about 30 seconds later he appeared from the same direction the van had gone...I giggled cause to me it was funny. The last guy I met said I was better looking than my pictures but I think he just wanted brownie points.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 43
Being stood up
Posted: 12/23/2012 7:58:29 PM
Along the lines of what Angel has said,SOME people (both male and female) will be sitting off the in the sidelines watching and looking for you, the dater to show up to say, the coffee shop. When they see that you are not who you or what you represented, "poof", gone they go,never to be heard from again.

Mind you, I have personally only been told of this practise by women,since that's who I talk to. I could imagine some guys doing it though. Doesn't sound like a bad idea in some circumstances.


I once had a date with a guy who told me he did this. He would meet his dates at a hotel bar that had an upper level where he could peek down at the bar area without being seen. If he didn't think the woman looked good, he wouldn't go down and meet her.

He admitted he did this with me---and I passed his inspection. Unfortunately for him, he failed mine--and I cut the date short. I thought that was rude and tacky in the extreme.
 Ria4now
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 44
Being stood up
Posted: 12/24/2012 7:18:16 PM
You're not being whiny. It's rude and unacceptable. Consider yourself lucky to have found out now that this person is not for you.
 Ria4now
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 45
Being stood up
Posted: 12/24/2012 7:22:13 PM
Smart girl! I will learn from this. TY!
 Ken_19
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 46
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Being stood up
Posted: 12/28/2012 3:01:37 PM
Welcome to the joys of dating. What does that old 60s era poster say, something about kissing a million frogs before finding the prince?
You will have some dates where this happens. My own life experience is, as someone else said, you just dodged a bullet. Best to drop that person and move on. Hey, there are exceptions and if you learn something like the following is true consider the second chance.
I was standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus to take me to our meeting when suddenly I was kidnapped by terrorists who held me incommunicado until a SWAT team rescued me this morning.
I have been in the hospital in a coma for the past week due to a sudden car accident.

Beyond that you now have proof this person is unreliable and there are (probably many) occasions when she will put her promises, or agreements with you second to her desires of the moment.. BTW, yes at minute 20 I would have texted or called her to make sure a) she didn't forget, b) she was okay.
 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 47
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Being stood up
Posted: 12/28/2012 10:05:21 PM
I can't imagine being so rude. Luckily I have never been stood up, but one time a coffee meet thought I had stood him up because he didn't check his cell phone. I called 2 hours before the meet to let him know I would be half an hour late and left it on his voice mail. He was still there when I arrived but the meet did not go well...for numerous reasons. :(
 Kippercat
Joined: 8/15/2012
Msg: 48
Being stood up
Posted: 12/29/2012 3:58:02 PM
never assume anything, deal with the facts. Call and wait until the next day.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 49
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Being stood up
Posted: 12/31/2012 6:39:16 PM

(msg 93) I have a theory why some guys may stand women up, which of course is inexcusable in itself. If you are an attractive woman and seem to have a lot going for you, perhaps the guy thinks he is not good enough, and rather than face that possibility and rejection, he decides to quit before the game even begins.


I'm glad that it's just a theory, because it's poorly thought up. If the guy is afraid of rejection, how could he have made the meet/date in the first place?
 tridi
Joined: 3/25/2009
Msg: 50
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Being stood up
Posted: 12/31/2012 7:24:54 PM
There is no excuse. If I say I am going to meet someone, that is exactly what I do. Doesn't always work out, but I keep up my end of the deal. I once planned to meet someone from another site, he gave me his number and told be he drove a SUV (no model or color). But I took a chance, told him what I drove and at the time you couldn't miss what I was driving and parked somewhere that he would be able to see me. I waited 1/2, called and texted him. Got home and sent him an email. He responded the next day and still wanted to meet. I simply told him thanks, but no thanks, my time was too valuable to waste on him again. Usually it is for the better. I know this is an old post, but good luck in the future.
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