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 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 4
Can we be JUST friends...Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
First of all there are no dating rules. Communication, being sensitive and honest are the only things you need to be.

Tell him the truth; if he moves on then that's his right.

Some guys will be mad some won't. Again, just be honest. good luck
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 5
Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/3/2012 3:55:31 AM
so guys would u be open to JUST a friendship with a woman u met online that u would date if she was game (but she's not)?

No. I don't want to be used for my brain any more than you want to be used for sex. If I wanted to date a woman (i.e., I had a sexual interest in her) and she had an intellectual interest in me, she'd have to manage to find enough chemistry there to be more than just friends.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 6
Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/3/2012 8:50:04 AM
Chances are the only friendship he would be interested in is FWB-friends with benefits. Guys and women don't date for the sole purpose of having a conversation partner.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 8
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Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/3/2012 9:08:01 AM
Just put it out there for him that you consider him to be an awesome person that you would enjoy a friendship with, but not a romance.

Once he knows the rules of the game, he will either play or take his ball(s) and leave, and that is his choice. I have many female friends that I have met from here and in real life, and many of them wanted more than the friendship thing, and those that needed more, moved on to those that would give it to them, and those that did not, are still my friends.

If you goal is to find just a relationship, or marriage, and be with the one and only, then that is how you play that game, and eliminate those that will not fit in the boundaries you have set up. It your goal is to just enjoy life, living, and adventures, then people will come and go, and some stay to enjoy you as a friend, and others as a lover, and as long as you are open and up front about it all......it is all good.

cd.........
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 9
Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/3/2012 10:43:12 AM

If you goal is to find just a relationship, or marriage, and be with the one and only, then that is how you play that game, and eliminate those that will not fit in the boundaries you have set up. It your goal is to just enjoy life, living, and adventures, then people will come and go, and some stay to enjoy you as a friend...


Good point. A lot of women are here strictly husband hunting, and dating becomes a chore to weed out people who are not a potential "Mr. Perfect Husband". Meeting people, having fun, and enjoying life does not fit into their tight time frame for finding Mr. Perfect.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 14
Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/3/2012 8:56:07 PM

No one is really considering the good possibility that even if am not interesting in the guy for a relationship,

I don't have to consider that. I wouldn't care and in any case, I've never met a woman I wanted to date through another woman, especially one I was interested in dating. Their friends are always less attractive. I think you're missing the point. If I wanted to date a woman and all she wanted me for was friendship, there's nothing else about her that would interest me enough to accomodate her without getting what I wanted. It's all or nothing. My life has been much improved by not dividing up my time among people from whom I'm not getting what I wanted in return. I think it's rather selfish to expect someone to give you what you want and settle for what you want to offer. Like I said earlier, I don't want to be used for my brain any more than you want to be used for sex. If I wanted to date someone, then she could want to date me, we could use each other or we could part company.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 15
Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/3/2012 9:35:40 PM
Good luck with the friendzone. I already know the answer to that. He wants sex and he will be insulted whatever way you put it. It is different if you have dated already and it didnt work out and you are just friendly now. Relationships have to have sexual attraction as well as friendship otherwise why bother?
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 16
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Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:26:52 AM
I don't do friends with online first meets. It is something to keep in mind in my opinion.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 18
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Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/4/2012 7:50:58 AM
If I wanted to make a new friend I would go to a local homeless shelter, or elderly care center to chit chat with people there. Vast, vast, vast majority of guys are not interest in women just to be "friends" with.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 19
Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/4/2012 8:03:13 AM
Men don't really have women friends.

I used to think that, but now I just think it's fairly rare and it's only possible if both never had any sexual interest in each other and never will. My best friend is a woman. She's hot, smart and 15 years younger than me. I've known her since before I met my fiancee, but for whatever reason, we just clicked as friends, but had no sexual interest in each other. Having sex with her would have ruined everything. Now that I'm engaged, it's also easier to just be friends, because that's all I can be.

A woman might think they're just friends with a man, but the man is always thinking about having sex with you,

Well, that certainly happens a lot more often than women would like to believe.

It's not your right to decide to keep someone in your life strictly on your own terms.

That's a nice thought, but it's up to the guy to have common sense or to learn something from having none. Relying on people to do the right thing isn't often a good idea, unless you know someone well enough to know the person will act with your interests in mind.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 22
Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/4/2012 10:58:32 PM
Friends is just fine if neither of you is attracted to the other or there is no chance of sex. I think as we mature we can be friends more with the opposite sex perhaps. The need to mate has diminished and we want other qualities
which we appreciate. Men on this site are in the main not looking for friendship, they want sex and sometimes with friendship and sometimes not. But in the main this site is not a friendship club.
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 24
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Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/5/2012 11:28:10 AM

so guys would u be open to JUST a friendship with a woman u met online that u would date if she was game (but she's not)?


Under certain circumstances, yes.

One of them being that she's not using the phrase to mean that she thinks we should part ways.
 vampyreshadow
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 25
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Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/5/2012 12:08:28 PM
I do not get this obsession with initial chemistry, knowing a bit about basic chemistry, and basic relationships, I know both of the two, while initial combinations might be fascinating to watch hang around to long there is going to be an ugly and dangerous reaction. Me personally, I would rather nurture the friendly interest as a potential relationship, then keep looking for possibly volatile chemical reactions. A good relationship has to be both friends and lovers, if you can not be compatible both ways, you are both just going to make each other miserable, while friendship can't grow from an incompatible lover, love can grow from friendship.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 26
Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/5/2012 12:12:42 PM
I know both of the two, while initial combinations might be fascinating to watch hang around to long there is going to be an ugly and dangerous reaction.

I've always liked those ugly and dangerous reactions. The more exothermic, the better. Endothermic reactions require too miuch engery to sustain. Count me as one of the initial chemistry proponents.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 31
Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/5/2012 3:16:58 PM
I agree Browo1f...this online thing real screws up the order of things...which is why I asked the question.

Since the online ``thing'' changes the order of things, the right thing to do when dating online is to adopt an approach that fits the order of things online. Trying to force online dating to work like traditional dating is no better than trying to make traditional dating work like online dating.

But yes, its really up to whether he can handle the "rejection"...

Well, if he handles rejection well, he'll just move on instead of trying to sneak in through the friendship window. If he wants more than you do, that isn't going to change by being friends with him. All that will change is his strategy if he accepts the offer. I also don't really understand why you really want so badly to be friends with a guy you've only gone out with twice, yet do not like enough to date. That seems strange to me.

my friends are NOT a consolation prizes,

He'd be accepting less than he wants from you. That makes your friendship a consolation prize, or more likely, not even a consolation. I think you're missing the point here. What makes your friendship valuable to him given that you've rejected him for what he wanted from you - dating?

I want to be just as physically and mentally attracted to the person as they r to me...I've tried just having either and its NO Bueno!

Of course, but if I'm interested in dating someone, it's a package deal. You either want both or you get neither.
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 32
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Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/5/2012 3:36:26 PM

I don't want to waste no ones time with waiting for chemistry to "grow"... what ends up happening, is that u go on a couple dates, then eventually (if he's attracted to u) he wants a kiss good night and u want to shake hands! am guessing most guys wouldn't want a pitty kiss, or a handshake if they're leaning in for a real kiss...I could be wrong!


Agreed. It sucks to be told about the lack of chemistry, but it sucks even more when a party maintains the facade of dating and being open to going further when they already know they aren't attracted enough (or whatever) to go further. Especially if there are significant distances involved.

Better to rip the bandage off rather than drag it out.
 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 33
Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/5/2012 3:42:54 PM
I had that happen to me. I met a guy, hung out with him a couple times, and when he asked to go out for a third time I said I wasn't feeling it. Some time passed, and I ended up getting another message from him asking if we could just be friends, and I declined. But you asked if a guy would be ok with being friends with a girl he wants to date, and he was such a guy.
 vampyreshadow
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 36
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Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 4/5/2012 11:22:18 PM
Oh really, lovers have to come first? Tell that to my parents,. been married for 47 years, and are still in love. And my parents started out with only one thing in common and no chemistry, actually they started out with the mutual realization, that both of their divorcee parents were nuts, and when my dad moved out with his panel van, my mom left with him. And yes, I know a bit about chemistry, hell, my grandfather before he died was well known for loving to create some violent reactions, and interesting chemical reactions :) hell he was the one to show me the Briggs-Rauscher Oscillating Color Change Reaction, which was rather fun to watch
 theritefoot
Joined: 3/30/2013
Msg: 38
Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 7/2/2013 9:49:15 PM
I would run, not walk, away from you OP.
The poor guy wants a GF, not another sister.
Better to tell him to just go away.
 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 39
Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 7/2/2013 11:41:20 PM
This is one thing I never understood about women. A guy can have great qualities such as being intelligent, good looking, and polite, but if he doesn't invoke or spark a specific emotion with the woman right away he will just get rejected quickly and almost permanently (the woman will never give him a shot at romance again). I can understand if something doesn't click and if two people are just incompatible but I personally would give a woman a few meetings or dates to gauge interests before just leaving her in the dust instantly over one brief interaction.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 40
Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 7/3/2013 11:26:50 AM

How can let him down easy but still be friends...

Unfortunately, he has to be part of this interaction for it to work. If you're not interested the choice is his whether or not to remain in contact as friends. If he can't get past his interest, then it's best he move on for your sake and his.

If he wants to remain friends in order to try and date you at some point in the future when you get to know him better, that'll annoy you - trust me.
 BabblingBrookes
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 41
Can we be JUST friends...
Posted: 7/3/2013 12:56:51 PM
It probably won't happen. Rejection sucks and some people don't want to stick around the person who just rejected them. I've tried being friends with guys that were attracted to me, but it always ended horribly. I was always upfront about my lack of interest, never asked for anything without giving compensation and was no more affectionate with them than I was with my girlfriends. That was a hard and painful lesson to learn.

All a girl can do is present her stance and then let the guy decide for himself what he wants. One guy tried to be my friend and ended it because hanging out as friends convinced him we were perfect for each other. I no longer offer friendship to men I'm uninterested in romantically. I figure if it's meant to be, we'll meet in the far off future and become friends then.
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