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 AUTHOR
 onehappyfellow
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 32
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History
SwingingPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Studies have shown that swinging couples have happier marriages than monogamous couples.

Swinging is not necessarily the same as free love where you take whatever you can get,, whenever you can get it, wherever you can get it.

Swingers can be committed within the parameters of their relationship and yes single men can be swingers.

My buddy told me his wife wanted a threesome and me to be #3 and thus began the most wonderful years of my life. We never went outside of the boundaries of the threesome. When I was involved it was always as a threesome, never a twosome. There was absolutely no jealousy or cause for jealousy, nothing was hidden or secret one from the others. No need to look outside of the threesome for variety - we had it No fear of STDs, we didn't play around outside of the threesome. It was basically about pleasing her and pleasing her was what pleased us two guys. MFM while not for everyone, was great for us.

It ended with his early accidental demise and I gave the oratory at his funeral. Did anyone else ever know or suspect what was going on? Definitely not. Discretion was the utmost imperative.

What I learned from her and them would make a great book, banned in Boston of course. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

Monogamy is not a normal state for many species. The only thing more unnatural than monogamy would be celibacy.

I expect to be pilloried by those who for religious or cultural reason abhor even thinking about it. Would rather answer emails privately
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 34
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 3:44:15 PM

I dont kneel down at work in front of my co-workers to blow my load because its an itch to scratch; its a CHOICE I make.

Well......YEAH! Of course I choose to do it. And once I`m finished and wipe myself off with Kleenexes, everyone applauds.
What....doesn`t everybody?




Oh.. and I giggled over your reaction to your parents having sex. I've never understood that reaction either. I figure if my parents are still getting it on at their age, there is at least some hope I will be too. My brother gets squicked out by it though.. which is fun to watch. Yes.. I am a sadist like that.
----------------------------------------------------

Well of COURSE they do. But is it REALLY something I`m interested in picturing?Yuck lol. I will hopefully be too, although to my defense (and no offense intended, hehe) My folks are pretty young, barely 53, so no question they still go at it.
I dont want to picture it though, and neither does my sis lol. My daughters will probably feel the same about me growing up and say they came from cabagges ;-)
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 35
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 3:48:32 PM

You call it whore house may be but we love it. Any way the word Whore is just like a rubber ban every one stretch it in the way it fits their judgemental theory.


Indeed. But still. Anyway, its wasted, I dont think I`ll ever get it, it still sounds like a brothrel kind of thing to me lol. No offense intended, and the last part of your sentence IS true, people throw about a lot of judgemental crap around. I have the opinion that swingning equates to cheating and whoring, however I do NOT have the opinion that those who do it are all pigs and piglets (piglers, piggies, arg, the female word for pig). It would equate to calling some of my friends that, and they arent. They`re just into something I personnally have no appeal for. Hey, as long as they pay their taxes and I don`t have to pay it for them, or mow their lawn, or whatever, they can do whatever they please lol.
Hell, maybe me and my future Mrs oops, almost wrote my last name LOL. Maybe we`ll try it someday to see what the fuss is all about, if she is curious.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 36
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 4:14:44 PM

How did you come up with that brilliant piece of logic?


Umm...because they can't seem to stick with ONE person and would have to
easily compartmentalize love and sex and to me,that's simply about being emotionally unhealthy.

But again,I have a right to my opinion....unless the 'POF Police' turn on thier lights and pull me over.

Oh....and I realize that swingers aren't the only one's with this issue.

Never said they were.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 37
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 4:38:42 PM
uugghh i have a friend who is older & not so ...appealing looking anymore who met a man on another site & they both swing...but they are older & both not exactly....appealing looking...I can imagine anyone that pays to go to a club then sees folks like them-ughhh refund time!!!

I also heard that a man can NOT get in UNLESS he has a woman w/ him...

Imagine going to a swing club & no one wants to swing w/ you...LMFAO...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 38
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 8:16:36 AM

Imagine going to a swing club & no one wants to swing w/ you...LMFAO...

I'd be more worried about going to one and finding no one I wanted to swing with. However, there is oine reason to go to one of those clubs. You can have sex with your partner in a really public venue without fear of getting arrested.
 loves_rush
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 39
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 11:06:06 AM
I'd like to add to your reply. If you alloud men to go to house parties, every man in the city would be there. In the lifestyle, women are more acceptable then men are for being bi. I have been in the lifestyle for a few years now, alone and with a partner. Yes this is not for everyone, we understand that. It's not about feelings or jealousy, its about good clean adult fun. Leave your troubles at the door and open your mind we say.
 loves_rush
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 40
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 11:13:03 AM
RE: @Capn_America – I think the reason those relationships you mentioned where your friends tried swinging and it ended badly.. quite possibly they didn’t have a strong relationship to start with. Swinging is not for the faint-hearted. There has to be a strong relationship, good communication and an openness and trust between the two spouses. Swinging can’t save a failing marriage most of the time, just like having a baby won’t bring a couple closer together if the relationship is basically crumbling under their feet. It’s really no different than bringing in a third for a 3some, or having an open relationship or being polyamorous (those are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS that can overlap, but not always).

Very well said. Both parties have to talk about the rules and boundaries and swinging is not a quick fix to an already rocky relationship, it will only complicate things. It's for people who trust their partners and can go into it with no feelings, it's only about sex and meeting like minded people. Some people just can't see them selves with the same sexual partner their whole lives.
 loves_rush
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 41
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 11:18:34 AM
Not everyone shares your same feelings. Sometimes it's the inner beauty that turns people on. Getting to know them and understanding who they are as a person sometimes far exceeds outer beauty. Just sayin.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 42
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 11:53:15 AM
In the lifestyle, women are more acceptable then men are for being bi. I have been in the lifestyle for a few years now, alone and with a partner. Yes this is not for everyone, we understand that. It's not about feelings or jealousy, its about good clean adult fun. Leave your troubles at the door and open your mind we say.


You say that...and then this in your profile.Now I am very confused.

NO MARRIED WOMEN! I WILL NOT BE A PART OF YOUR INFIDELITY! GET A DIVORCE.
I AM A MAN OF HONOUR AND RESPECT SO PLEASE RESPECT THAT.


I really don't see a major difference between cheating and swinging.....but I guess you do.It's all sex outside your primary relationship and love to me is about being loyal and faithful to one man,even if you are allowed to have sex with others.


And no 1 baby...That's where I get my "brilliant logic".

Love to me isn't multiplied by being divided.

 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 43
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 12:56:34 PM
ot everyone shares your same feelings. Sometimes it's the inner beauty that turns people on. Getting to know them and understanding who they are as a person sometimes far exceeds outer beauty. Just sayin.

In the post just above that, you said:

It's for people who trust their partners and can go into it with no feelings, it's only about sex and meeting like minded people.

If it's just about sex, why wouldn't I want to do it with the most (outwardly) attractive people?. It's the inner attraction that causes problems.

Some people just can't see them selves with the same sexual partner their whole lives.

I gave that a lot of thought before getting engaged, but although I could see myself with other sexual sexual partners, I couldn't see my fiancee with other sexual partners, so I just decided to take the better of the two options and embrace monogamy, since those options were mutually exclusive. I have no opposition to people who are open enough to do that, but i'm just not one of them. I don't have enough incentive to consider opening my mind that far in my own sex life and it's not something I'll ever have to worry about my fiancee bringing up.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 44
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History
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 1:25:01 PM

Umm...because they can't seem to stick with ONE person and would have to
easily compartmentalize love and sex and to me,that's simply about being emotionally unhealthy.

Swingers are usually couples though. Couple=commitment. Also, there are a lot more people out there that have healthy sexual relationships with people other than the person they are married to. Polyamorous folk have happy, healthy, emotionally stable, committed relationships with more than one person. But they aren't necessarily swingers. The guys that cheated on me weren't swingers, but were definitely commitment phobes.


But again,I have a right to my opinion....unless the 'POF Police' turn on thier lights and pull me over.

Of course you are... I'm just trying to understand how you got to that point. That's what I do. I try to understand people so that I am better informed. What you said doesn't make any sense to me, so was only trying to figure it out. What you said implied that ALL swingers are commitment phobic and that doesn't mesh with my first hand experience is all.

Kind of like other topics where someone who doesn't fit into a nice neat tidy box for society's sake gets labelled with things that don't mesh with what I know. If it makes you feel better to do that, then by all means continue to do that.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 45
Swinging
Posted: 4/11/2012 7:09:32 AM
Baby...you and I both know I am a repressed,closed minded,judgemental, bi*ch with issues...By comparision to you and others here!But thanks for always being there to call me out! I feel so loved! lol

Please try to remember,that I make alot of assumptions,generalizations and opinions that may not make sense to anyone but me,and I also project my issues onto others because my opinions are scewed by my own life experiences that haven't been very positive.Not much different than most others do here.

So take what I think and write with a grain of salt,as I simply am adding my two cents knowing full well,my opinion really doesn't mean sh*t in the grand scheme of things.None of our opinions really do help much unless someone comes here looking for a General Consensus.I'm sure they typically continue on with thier lives as though they never even asked a question.Another assumption...but what else do we have to go on?

I just don't want any enemies for giving my biased opinions...ok?

I also know that while you may not swing,you are in an open relationship with a Bi man and seem to feel the need to defend that in these types of threads, when in reality,it doesn't matter one iota to me what other people do with thier lives.

I guess I could say.....IMO...Swinging isn't for me and leave it at that.

Or just not post a response unless it's in TOTAL SUPPORT of someone's choices.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 49
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History
Swinging
Posted: 4/11/2012 12:57:30 PM

You say that...and then this in your profile.Now I am very confused.


NO MARRIED WOMEN! I WILL NOT BE A PART OF YOUR INFIDELITY! GET A DIVORCE.
I AM A MAN OF HONOUR AND RESPECT SO PLEASE RESPECT THAT.


This one is a no brainer for me at least anyway. If you are married and your S.O. has no idea you are out having sex with others, that is cheating. If you "both" are in the lifestyle, then you "both" are aware of what the other is doing so I don't consider that to be cheating?
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 50
Swinging
Posted: 4/11/2012 1:30:22 PM
My experience and many things stated in this thread dont mesh .... and my experience is extensive ...for years I did security at a swingers club .. I became acquainted with the swinger community through my association and attendance to bike rallys ..many people that I met at bike rallys were swingers ..and as soon as they found out that I was not judgmental and did not tell or gossip ..they let me in on their involvement in the lifestyle ..which led to my work in the club .. My wife and I are not swingers ...but we have many friends that are ... and we still go to swinger parties ... for the simple reason of atmosphere .. there is no pressure to do anything and most of the people there know we dont swing and so they dont ask any more....these are some of the nicest laid back people we have ever met ... few times I have ever went to a vanilla bar /club where there was not some kind of confrontation .. I have never seen any trouble at a swinger party/club ...the clubs we attend are off premises clubs ..IE sex does not happen in the ball room ...nudity ,yes flirting ,yes ... but sex is taken off premises

on the subject of liberal/conservative ..and the context it is being used here ...again I dont agree ..I consider myself sexually conservative in as much as what I do myself ..however I am not judgmental toward anyone elses lifestyle ..and their sexual lifestyle ..has no bearing on my association with them as friends

as for the attractiveness of the patrons .. there are some very pretty/handsome swingers //and some not so much so ..and swingers put a lot of value in being attracted to who they have sex with.. however most of them are not very snobbish on who they party with and who they are friends with ..not so with people in other groups


these observations withstanding .. me thinks people forming judgments should seek a swingers event and attend .. Im not advocating that any one should swing .unless they want to ..but every one of these events have one common rule ...no means no ... I have been to hundreds such events ..I have been asked many times if i was interested in having sex ...I have been invited to rooms hundreds of times ..and every time I declined it was taken with grace .. never was there any pressure ..and these people remain friends ..never once has anyone became upset when I said NO ..thank you

every swinger / thinking about becoming a swinger ..has a horror story about some over bearing person who they have met ..who thought sex was a sure thing ..these people are almost always newbies who dont know the rules .. you wont find this kind of people at a swinger party ..because these events are ..by invitation only ..and these people are weeded out fast .. swingers are very discriminatory about who they invite to an event ... bringing an unruly guest can get you uninvited to the future events .. let it happen more than once it is certain
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Swinging
Posted: 4/11/2012 1:47:17 PM
Mr. Dog, I bow to your wisdom on this subject. You are 100% correct. I am not a participant but like you have had friends in the lifestyle and have met a few folks. I think the thing is is that a lot of people have assumptions based on little knowledge. This type of lifestyle is not for all guaranteed. Then again, not everything is for everybody!
 len129
Joined: 8/22/2006
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Swinging
Posted: 6/24/2012 8:16:10 AM
Deer dog


You hit the nail on the head . I could not have put it in a better way.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 53
Swinging
Posted: 6/24/2012 10:09:34 AM
Swinging is not for everybody. But I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I have been to some swingers parties as a single male. Some men enjoy watching their wife having sex with another man ( or woman in some cases ). Especially if it fulfills a fantasy that she has.
 hotmerlot
Joined: 2/25/2012
Msg: 54
Swinging
Posted: 6/24/2012 3:32:03 PM
Swinging has been around since ancient times (the Romans for example) and has not ever become the standard format for relationships in any civilization that I know of. It's never lost it's fringe status.

That tells me that very few people are ever going to be accepting of it.
 WildDNA
Joined: 7/22/2011
Msg: 55
Swinging
Posted: 6/24/2012 7:17:45 PM
I have a friend that has been a swinger for years. Although it is not my place to judge anyone you did ask so here is my opinion. They swing with people who "swing" with people. You don't know when you've left the club, just how many people those people have previously had. You can't be sure they wore a condom every time, you cant be sure they didn't swing on their own time with others,you really can't be sure of anything. Sure you may know who you did at the club or at the home but...Those numbers grow and grow and grow depending on how many they sleep with when not swinging with you. Sure it's happy for a while , while everything is fun. But I think in the end it is one of the highest risks one can take.

Sharing partners, swapping, all of that going on trips to swingers location where you meet other swingers and "have a good time", you don't know them from a hole in the ground . When she came back from her trip with her bf, she said oh it was great we met a new couple. So that left no room for testing that "new couple out" and the chance you take well... lets put it this way it's never one I'm going to take.
My friend continues to explore every side of sex with her partner meeting other partners and so on. I think it may be some fantastic exploring and liberal thinking, open minded for sure... but the risk is way to high and I find every swinger takes a chance of catching something.
I know this much. If I meet someone that tells me he's been a swinger in his past or likes to do it now..I write him off as any type of potential...partner wise.

It's just not worth it.
 lookingforbigo
Joined: 8/10/2011
Msg: 56
Swinging
Posted: 7/23/2012 1:32:02 PM
do you go to any of the swing clubs in london
 HiHeelsLover
Joined: 7/13/2012
Msg: 58
Swinging
Posted: 7/23/2012 2:21:35 PM

See, I dont get this. What is the different between this, and prostitution?



pros·ti·tu·tion/ˌprästəˈt(y)o͞oSHən/
Noun:
1.The practice or occupation of engaging in sex with someone for payment.
2.The corrupt use of one's talents for personal or financial gain.

No exchange of money is the difference.
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 59
Swinging
Posted: 7/23/2012 4:22:40 PM
While I have no moral issues with swinging, and under the right circumstances, might have tried it , I see NO way to get into it fully without risk of exchanging all kinds of unwanted STD's. Oh well.
 hotmerlot
Joined: 2/25/2012
Msg: 60
Swinging
Posted: 7/23/2012 6:17:50 PM
It's a high risk activity. Stds, unplanned pregnancy and sexual predators are just a few of the risks associated with this kind of behaviour. I would not want anyone I loved male or female to do this.

Also, the sexual orgy is not a recent development, it is a part of the human story. People have been swinging from the Roman times through to the free love of the sixties. And it still hasn't lost it's fringe status.
 Morespam
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 61
Swinging
Posted: 7/23/2012 6:32:00 PM
I'll become a swinger when they have a cure for everything.
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