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 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 26
Dosen't want to move in with anybodyPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I have -0- desire to ever live full time with anyone again.
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 27
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Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/13/2012 5:11:58 PM
My last relationship was going great until we got a place together, then it went downhill fast. I was very unhappy, felt like I'd given up my life.
 PamiOakley
Joined: 9/26/2010
Msg: 28
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/13/2012 5:37:45 PM
I'm honestly not opposed to living separately or together if the commitment is there. I've been self-sufficient for quite awhile, and I would have to feel very confident in the relationship to live with someone again but I would never rule it out. For me, it is the "never say never" thing. I'm not interested in a FWB relationship, but neither am I looking for instant "family."

I want to believe, do believe that whichever works for a particular couple, is good for THEM. Perhaps I will meet someone tomorrow I'd like to see regularly and not live with; perhaps I will meet someone tomorrow that it just feels right to live with. I don't like to rule out options.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 29
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Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/13/2012 5:52:43 PM
Some interesting perspectives in these posts.

My girldfriend and I are madly in love but both value our respective 'space'. We have our own houses, garden, etc. Only a 5 minute drive apart (sometimes I jog over) . No financial issues. We travelled together perhaps 2 months this year and never an issue being with each other. We see each other maybe 4 days a week and sleep together maybe 2 nights. Both of us would drop anything and be 'there' for the other if needed.

We love the way we feel like we are boyfriend/girlfriend and dating. A fresh easy feeling. I enjoy picking her up Saturday night to go to the theatre or whatever and she enjoys dressing up. The sex is also like when we first started. We're hungrier for it than if we saw eachother everyday in bed.

My down time is just pursuing my hobbies, reading, going to the gym, etc. Eat the foods I like. Listen to the music I like. Turn on BBC news station, etc. A relatively peaceful and quiet time. She's the same but also likes to have her young adult daughter over a night or 2 to her place. Her daughter always tells me how happy her mother is since she met me and that means a lot to me.

Anyways, we're both completely content with our arrangement. We just flowed into it. We miss each other as soon as we part but it makes the thought of getting together all the more special. I have nothing against anyone wanting to live with the person they love but I'm a bit of a loner and at times want to be by myself. I don't want relaltives. boarders. etc. besides, I can play my guitar at 4AM as loud as I want and wash the dishes when I feel like it (although I'm a neat freak).
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 30
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Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/13/2012 6:09:21 PM
I maybe the exception,...
but I would consider a exclusive relationship and even marriage , while maintaining seperate households.
Sometimes blending everything together is very complicated.
 Doc_Sage
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 31
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/13/2012 6:47:53 PM
I expect a live-apart relationship. I am king of the castle when I am home along and she is queen in her own dwelling. Yet, we get sleep-overs regularly.

Doc Sage
 imacipher
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 32
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/14/2012 12:13:43 PM
I enjoy my independence too much & bad enough I've got to cook & clean after myself & before that, "Years", of providing the same services, for "Others". It's not that I don't want a companion; it's just that I want one, on my terms; without the added domestic duties, obligations, & responsibilities that the whole-"Live-In" thing entails. For example; I'm a smoker, my last companion, was not. Every time I wanted a ciggie; it meant a trip-to commune with the Great Outdoors, no matter what weather conditions existed-No Thanks:}
Dues-Paid in Full:}
 zippytwo
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 33
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/14/2012 3:00:12 PM
Most of us have probably been single for a while and can't fathom having someone around 24/7. I, too, would go for a monogamous relationship with someone, but not live together full time. Each have our own sanctuary to go to when solitude is needed, but share each other's place when the mood hits us. Independence is intoxicating for sure, but having someone to share your life is also intoxicating. (OR perhaps we just haven't found the 'right' someone we could co-mingle with on a permanent and daily basis??)
 Sunshinelady555
Joined: 4/10/2012
Msg: 34
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/14/2012 4:45:46 PM

I do enjoy living on my own.. However if I met the right person that I thought I could share my life with then I would not half step.. I found that most people do not wish to share their life with another so am rather surprised you cannot find someone of the same mindset


I agree ! lol
This has been my experience on datesites.
 skarabians1
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 35
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/14/2012 4:51:51 PM
Its so nice to find out that I'm not abnormal. I like men, like spending time with them, but I like my alone time. I like doing the yard work....hate the womans work things. Would like a relationship....with separate houses. Love this post!
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 36
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Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/14/2012 5:11:37 PM
I did not date with the intention of living with anyone... just get out and date some. The more I did and more repelled the typical online situation proved to be, just made me want to date more, because 100 percent couldn'r be undateable !
Then walks in someone different and not jaded, critical or misrepresenting themself !!!
a really great guy !!!

and so we married now... living together... its nice.
I married a king amoung men in all ways... not easy to find online, but like I figured 100 percent can't suck.
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 37
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/14/2012 7:00:24 PM
I don't want to live with anyone again.

I've always owned my home and this last time sold my home to buy one with the ex and lost a lot of money, family heirlooms, and my own self-respect for allowing it to go on so long. I have been divorced over a year yet still trying to unload the house.

At this stage in my life I do not want to buy another house and don't want to lease an apartment. I don't want to share rent with anyone or live with a man.

I'm tired of yard work. I have 8.5 acres on a mountain, commute 135 miles a day to work, and tired of doing it all. As of next month I'm turning it over to him to finish selling and going to move into my RV in an orange grove with high security and virtually no outside work. I can come home and eat a Lean Cuisine, read, or whatever I want. When I transfer in two years for the VA or SC area, my home goes with me.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 38
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/14/2012 7:25:57 PM

Does anybody else feel the same way? I am at a point in life where I am reasonably happy with my living situation. It would be nice to be involved in an exclusive relationship with a lady who felt the same way. It seems that a lot of women are looking more for marraige or long term cohabitation. I'm not talking about a FWB casual thing.


I agree 100% I live 8 miles from the Gulf of Mexico my job allows a lot of time off. I can come and go as I please, and like another poster I doubt I would find a lady that would split the bills 50/50.

So why on earth would I want someone to be there 24/7/365.25 days a year?

A LTR would be okay as long as we each kept our own places. I would also not want to spend more than 3 night a week at either house together.

After two divorces and living single for almost 5 years now I find I am much happier with my own space and privacy.

I wouldn't even want the duplex way to close together.

Right now I am enjoying having my freedom and dating........living on the sugar sand beaches of Panama City Beach is not so bad either.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 39
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/15/2012 4:54:48 AM
I'm still working on the dating part, so,I'm gonna save my brain from thinking and not worry what could or couldn't happen in the future. Wayyyyyyy too much concern for sumttin that is about 5 or 6 steps after I start dating somebody. One step at a time for me.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 40
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/15/2012 9:00:34 AM
I somehow find it sad that folks our age seem so set in their ways, want it their way or no way, seem jaded from past relationship, etc. that they just will not consider co-habitating or marrying again. I know it's a "to each their own", but again, somehow I find it sad. Maybe I'm just a romantic or haven't been hurt or just look on the sunny side, dunno.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 41
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/15/2012 10:14:01 AM

I somehow find it sad that folks our age seem so set in their ways, want it their way or no way, seem jaded from past relationship, etc. that they just will not consider co-habitating or marrying again.


Maybe they are not jaded or set in their ways maybe they have just figured out that they are really happier being single.

Maybe they want to have time to do the things they have always wanted to do.

Why is it sad because someone decides they don't need marriage or a person to cohabit with to live a full and happy life?

I am not single because I am jaded or set in my ways. I am single because I am having the best time in my life.

I am not giving up on a relationship, I know I am happier without one. I don't need to be completed I am just right without a life partner.

I am happy being me, I am happy having my freedom, It took me years to understand I was never meant to conform to the idea the world has about "normal relationships."

So just because someone on here posts they will not cohabit or marry again that does not mean they are broken or dysfunctional.

It might mean they have found the strength to tell all the people around them I'm happier doing it my way and I am not conforming to what you expect just because you want me to.
 SunInLibra
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 42
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/15/2012 10:37:20 AM
I feel the same way; I've become quite satisfied with having my own time and space. This doesn't preclude having a strong relationship with someone - I'd stay over at his place or he could stay at mine ... for a short time (like the next day.) It's good to know I'm not alone; most of the women I know are looking for someone to live with and/or marry, etc. I guess it's an individual thing.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 43
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/15/2012 11:39:04 AM

I have always thought that a duplex may me the best way to go. We can each have our own places and keep them how we want them, our alone time and our together time.


Funny you should mention this.. I am presently dating someone new and he casually asked me what I thought about him building me a home on his property..He happens to have a gorgeous property with private lake on 25 acres.. He and I both like our alone time, however am not at all sure I would like to live like a kept woman..

But who knows maybe he will give me the home in my name as well as the piece of property it sits on.. Then I might consider it after dating him for sometime..

nativerock
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 44
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/15/2012 2:10:20 PM

I change in ways I don't like when I live with someone. Suddenly I become some stepford wife kinda thing that I then get resentful for being.


I too have seen this in both my marriages........The funny thing is most of the men I know doesn't want their lady to change.

They just want the lady they fell in love with to start with.

Yet when the changes come the resentment comes as well.
Us men seem to get the blame when we didn't want the changes to begin with.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 45
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Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/15/2012 8:20:33 PM

I somehow find it sad that folks our age seem so set in their ways, want it their way or no way, seem jaded from past relationship, etc. that they just will not consider co-habitating or marrying again. I know it's a "to each their own", but again, somehow I find it sad. Maybe I'm just a romantic or haven't been hurt or just look on the sunny side, dunno.


I sat on my front porch this evening, admiring the view...then I moved down to the lower patio and sat there for a while...watching the boats going up and down the lake, then went up onto the upper deck and watched the grandkids jump on the trampoline. LOL! I gave it 7 years Welshie....lived in "limbo"....not wanting to get permanently established anywhere...because...who knew, I might find someone I wanted to be with and didn't want to complicate the situation with being "tied" to a place. 10 months ago, my new home was completed...though I'm still working on getting the guest suite finished, but I'm where I WANT to be...and I'm NOT moving....NOT changing a thing that I've WORKED for.....and I think that I damned well deserve....a nice, quiet, comfortable life.

When my grandchildren are off to college (9 years), I'm thinking of turning my house into "GrandmaBooBoo's Home for Wayward Seniors". I have 4 extra bedrooms to rent out, 2 full kitchens, 4 full bathrooms...the community center offers a variety of senior activities, euchre, bridge, pinocchle...indoor pool, fitness center...LOL! even roller skating. There's an 18 hold golf course, 3 beaches, outdoor pools, full service marina. LOL! I don't really expect to get very bored....and I kinda think that I AM "looking on the sunny side".

Far from calling it "being set in my ways"....I've simply made some reasonable decisions on the course that the rest of my life is going to take. And quite honestly, it was a "relief" to make those decisions....and get out of that "limbo" that I was in....waiting for something that was not very realistic from the get go. I'm not opposed to a monogomous LTR, but am afraid that it would have to be in separate residences.....at least until my kids are grown. I'm quite content as things are now though.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 46
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/15/2012 8:27:14 PM
^^^^^ I am wondering just how many men may be trying to make reservations in advance... many of us have years of experience being wayward and we will be seniors in the near future.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 47
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/15/2012 10:44:25 PM
it's so much the preferences of the person. Some people seem to want to jump into it instantaneously... some people want to never have any bleeding over in the real life and stick to one side or the other only.

One person was talking passionately about wanting constant companionship, the love, friendship and the eventual living together in a relationship (in general terms; we weren't talking literally at the time); but when talking in generalities about their goals; when discussing comfort zones the idea of them coming to my home if it came to it rather than my automatically going to theirs made them absolutely belligerent; they called the very idea of it "them living in some woman's basement". so why to them would it be insulting if it's them in mine but totally cool with it if it came to it if it was my living in theirs? Similar houses, similar property situations, identical size and similar features...

but WAY different feeling about cohabiting in their own home versus the woman's.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 48
Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/15/2012 10:46:27 PM

I sat on my front porch this evening, admiring the view...then I moved down to the lower patio and sat there for a while...watching the boats going up and down the lake, then went up onto the upper deck and watched the grandkids jump on the trampoline. LOL! I gave it 7 years Welshie....lived in "limbo"....not wanting to get permanently established anywhere...because...who knew, I might find someone I wanted to be with and didn't want to complicate the situation with being "tied" to a place. 10 months ago, my new home was completed...though I'm still working on getting the guest suite finished, but I'm where I WANT to be...and I'm NOT moving....NOT changing a thing that I've WORKED for.....and I think that I damned well deserve....a nice, quiet, comfortable life.

When my grandchildren are off to college (9 years), I'm thinking of turning my house into "GrandmaBooBoo's Home for Wayward Seniors". I have 4 extra bedrooms to rent out, 2 full kitchens, 4 full bathrooms...the community center offers a variety of senior activities, euchre, bridge, pinocchle...indoor pool, fitness center...LOL! even roller skating. There's an 18 hold golf course, 3 beaches, outdoor pools, full service marina. LOL! I don't really expect to get very bored....and I kinda think that I AM "looking on the sunny side".

Far from calling it "being set in my ways"....I've simply made some reasonable decisions on the course that the rest of my life is going to take. And quite honestly, it was a "relief" to make those decisions....and get out of that "limbo" that I was in....waiting for something that was not very realistic from the get go. I'm not opposed to a monogomous LTR, but am afraid that it would have to be in separate residences.....at least until my kids are grown. I'm quite content as things are now though.



good for you. Isn't it frustrating how many assumptions and stereotypes people make all the time without thinking about it that are so flawed in so many cases? I love it; I know someone that can market it for you if you decide to do it; it sounds like quite a retreat! :)

more power to you, truly
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 49
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Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/16/2012 4:48:59 AM
^^^ LOL! Maybe I should start taking reservations early! But my point really was, that far from being a "knee jerk reaction" to some bad break up...or from being "jaded"...most of us who have decided to "live alone" did NOT do so out of hurt, or bitterness about the past (though some may have) we made the decision after sometimes a considerable amout of time alone...and realized...."Hey, this ain't half bad"!

I also believe that it's prefectly NORMAL for human beings to seek "permanence"...stability and that it's also perfectly natural that when 1/2 of your life is well behind you, it isn't "sad" to develop a resistance to change, but rather...."normal". I always think of a line from a favorite movie, "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir"...where at the end of her life, as her daughter is questioning why she never remarried...Gene Tierney replied, "I was meant to have THAT kind of happiness". If one is a negative thinker....they see that as a sadness...or a loss. To those of us who are positive, we see it as that there are MANY kinds of happiness....and many paths which lead to those different kinds of happiness.

With all the "single" people out there "Over 45" and more so ..."Over 60"....I really don't see any reason for us "oldsters" to "be alone" if that's not what we want...but that doesn't necessarily mean that we have to "co-habitate" in a "relationship".

LOL! Anyway, thanks for the "reinforcement" about my plan for my "old age"! I really think that it's a viable plan, and would offer companionship and support to other older people who enjoy being independent, but also want the ability to be with others when THEY want company. I think that "assisted living" is great for those who need the infernal "hovering" of people who think that because we're "old"...we're in our 2nd infancy....but I hope that I can avoid that situation until I'm at least in my 90s!

So, if I had 4 "roommates"....we could all take 10 minute shifts on the tractor to get the lawn mowed....LOL!!! Nahhh, forget that....I'll just hire some hot 22 yr old to mow...bare chested....while we all sit in the hot tub and admire THAT view!
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 50
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Dosen't want to move in with anybody
Posted: 4/16/2012 11:17:16 AM
Count me as part of the people who enjoy living alone.

"With all the "single" people out there "Over 45" and more so ..."Over 60"....I really don't see any reason for us "oldsters" to "be alone" if that's not what we want...but that doesn't necessarily mean that we have to "co-habitate" in a "relationship".

Exactly.

When I was widowed almost 20 yrs. ago, I wouldn't have believed that I wouldn't remarry. Considering my marriage, I considered marriage to equate happiness. After I had done most of my grieving, I started dating again figuring that I would meet someone and get married. After several years, I found that I really enjoyed living alone. I also started travelling by myself. The first trip, I was supposed to attend a convention in another province with another women. She had to pull out of our travel plans. I clearly remember thinking, I can pull out too, or I can go by myself, and see if I enjoy travelling alone. Next thoughts I had was, I can wait for years not doing things I want to do or planning the lifestyle I want while waiting for a partner that I can share my lifestyle with, or I can move on to change my lifestyle to what I wanted it to be that would make me happy. No one is more surprised than myself how happy I am with single lifestyle, and the fact that I now wouldn't want to change it by living with someone that I was in a long term relationship with. I do know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't date anyone who's long term goal is to find a partner that they will live with in the future.

I often travel International, and spend most of my time at the home of friends. I love being their with them. I also love coming home to single life style I have.

We can have the best of both worlds if we find the right person who wants to keep their own home just as we do.
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