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 BluejeanGirl3
Joined: 8/30/2010
Msg: 60
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When a woman sends the first message.Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I never have...think its the guys job and i do believe men like to chase.....part of the game.....BUT maybe I should rethink this???
 SmilingSalmon
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 61
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When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 6/16/2012 7:28:13 PM
One of my hobbies is history and I have read hundreds of old letter from the first 100 years of this nation. Many of them were personal letters. I was so surprised in the beginning to find that the woman made the request to marry or live together more often than the men. Also, women and men mostly came together out of a mutual desire to build a life, not because of some emotional attachment, that came later from respect and a history together.

That is another surprise...many couples just lived together, albeit, in a committed relationship, but never officially married. Justice of the Peace and Judges were scarce and so were friends and preachers, for more folks than you would believe. They also had three-way partnerships and gay partnerships, A LOT more than you would believe. This whole "Ideal Family" never existed in the mind of mankind before the end of WWI.

When this whole BS thing about a woman OBEYING a man and being under his rule came about, only 2 major things happened that had some bearing on it, that I can find, because I have been trying to pinpoint the reason for years.

1. Victorian England was at the height of power and ruled 1/3 of the world at the time. This fashion of women being under men came about slowly as the English tried to force Christianity on native and aboriginal people. Since every nation looked to the English Empire as the leaders, this BS spread like wildfire. In England they also used to to give control of wealth to men and for women not to be able to inherit. It was contrived for power and control both financially and physically.

Even the Islamic countries did not oppress women as much as they have for the last 150 years, before Victorian era England.

2. Later, other nations began growing and having political control, which slowly diminished the British Empire in size and scope, the United States being one. During WWI at the Paris Peace Conference, which lead to the formation of the League of Nations and later the UN, an idea of what created stable, peaceful and prosperous nations and one of the top 3 was married heterosexual couples with one partner as the head.

In one swoop, one decision, women and gays were reduced to people with no rights, along with whomever may be a minority in any particular country, unless of course, that minority was a white male, then he was in power.

3. Pre-Christian Era, women had more rights and respect than any of you can imagine, unless you have studied it. Think of elephants or lions where the males roam and hunt and fight. Women made the homes, villages, had all of the political and spiritual power and did all of the healing. People were happy and survived well.

Christianity brought the male into the home life, but imprisoned everyone else. My hope and prayer is that it is like a pendulum with the Pre-Christian Era being one end of the swing and Christian Era being the other end of the swing and soon, the pendulum will settle in the middle with the best of both worlds working together for us all.

Men are already starting to understand that women have to be treated equally, but aren't very good at living that completely. Enough time has not passed through generations of men to understand what equal is and what is specific to a man and what is specific to a woman, as far as natural gifts. Or if you are a Christian, God-given endowments. Too often men today have the attitude of laziness in a relationship or their approach to women. They just want to lay back and let the woman take the lead in everything, almost in a "pay back" kind of way. It is all BS and not loving at all.

Women, don't sell yourselves short, you should not bow to anyone and for gods sake don't do all the work in a relationship, he needs to put in just as much as you. Just completely ignore and walk away form any man that thinks he puts in all the work and you have to be controlled by him. Maybe there will be hope for those men if women stop playing their game.

Also, there are women that use their sexuality to try to control men. This needs to stop. It is just as doggish and piggish as it is when a man does it. It does not empower you as a woman, no more than a man controlling a woman empowers him.

People need to be 100% responsible for themselves and come together out of a mutual desire to build a life together. Unfortunately many young women today are very piggish with their sexuality and the young men are like lazy cuckolds. These young women are destroying every foothold women have gained and are very aggressive against anyone that doesn't think they are goddesses and always right. I would blame the "Disney Princess Movement" or media that shows females have to be skinny whores that are worshiped, but every person has a choice to make and they are making theirs and they will not have the right to claim ignorance later.

That is the way I read what I have read and studied and it makes sense to me. Food for thought, OP.

SS :-)
 knt3
Joined: 6/8/2012
Msg: 62
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 6/17/2012 6:38:47 AM
procolharem, i don't know if that's cute or sad but it made me laugh instead of just smile. thanks.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 63
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 6/17/2012 11:08:00 AM

That is the way I read what I have read and studied and it makes sense to me. Food for thought, OP.



*stands up and applauses*

It sure the hell makes sense to me!
 CaptainA.D
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 64
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 6/17/2012 12:01:48 PM
(scratching head) I thought this was OFF TOPIC??
 SmilingSalmon
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 65
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When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 6/17/2012 12:32:18 PM
Hey CharminC LOL Oh Myyyy you get me! LOL It is not often that people get what I am saying, probably because I write a few paragraphs. Thank You!

You know, when Israel was still a new nation, in the early 1960's, they had the majority of their citizens living together and refusing to marry, because of the BS of the institution of marriage.

Imagine, this was a couple of generations of people who had been born into or lived through fighting for their right to live and exist both personally and as a people and a nation. They had to literally work to build that nation every day. Each person was responsible for their part and they were very aware of that. Because of this intense reality of the moment, they were keenly aware of what was valuable and what was BS. They understood that choosing to commit to one another is personal, and does not need and should not be, regulated by and only recognized by, the government with a fee, a signature and being transcribed into a certain tax bracket.

However, the UN refused to give Israel full nation status because it did not have a majority of citizens legally married, so they claimed it was a nation of illegitimate children. This posed a huge problem for the country because the citizens gave their lives for it and didn't want to be dictated to, but this was an ultra important point that had to be given-in to so that Israel could take it's place with the nations of the world and be counted. UN membership as a full nation with all rights, dignities and powers is not only extremely protecting (though not so much for Israel), but affords a nation trading rights, medical advancement, and a say in what goes on in the world, especially with your neighbors, plus a lot more.

The government tried many things, but eventually it was Golda Meir herself that went from household to household talking to couples and explaining how good it was for the nation and asking them what it would take for them to marry for the sake of the country. The overwhelming majority said major appliances. Most households did not have a refrigerator. So in the end, the Israeli government gave a new refrigerator to every couple getting married. The plan worked and soon the majority of the nation was married and had their children legitimized.

People simply do not realize how deeply governments, fashioned only by a few men, controls even our choice of mate and how we choose to live. We really make few, if any, major decision in our lives. It all depends on how aware each person is that they are being controlled.

SS
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 6/18/2012 7:15:49 PM
I'm personally sick and tired of trying to send a first email and say hi to a woman, or I should say I'm sick and tired of a woman not talking or saying hi herself. Things are so unproductive and self-defeating lately in this area. I pretty much won't say hi to a woman or send a first email at all. I make it real clear in my profile. Since a typical woman's profile doesn't have anything real to read in the first place, and I offer the right important imformation upfront in mine, and they still play that game of sitting back too scared or shy or full of game wanting a guy to do something which just encourages the wrong types that they complain about, and don't know how to make conversation when they do exchange some emails with you...then I make my profile known so they have a chance to see that it exists, but if they want to talk, they have to say hi to me. I've almost completely lost general respect or interest in women that won't put out some effort and shed this passive/incapable game that's outlived it's uselessness a long time ago.
 MusicianInCanton
Joined: 10/18/2010
Msg: 67
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 6/19/2012 3:20:56 PM
I get occasional messages from women, and I'm perfectly okay with it. In fact, I prefer it, since I have never received more than a few cold, irritated replies from women that I have contacted. Unfortunately, many of the ones that contact me do not interest me, but I still send some polite replies, depending on what they had to say. But the ones that get me are the women that send me a cheerful hello, asking how I'm doing, or saying things like "you have a great smile...", then after I reply I don't get another message, and usually they have deleted my reply.

So I basically expect nothing from this site, but I remain here in hopes that maybe something will materialize someday.
 MysticalWorld
Joined: 8/15/2011
Msg: 68
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When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 6/19/2012 5:56:04 PM
All women should experience what it is like to send a first messages on a regular basis. True, women might get their feelings hurt when the guys ignore their messages. Or, would they feel worse if he wrote back "No thank you" just to be polite? Either way, women will develop a little more empathy for what they put guys through on POF.

If more women sent first messages, then you'd see more guys write ENTITLED carp on their profiles. And then women would start attaching shirtless photos & genitalia pics that'd gross out men. Finally, we'd get to a point where both genders stopped playing games. But that would seriously eliminate the need for online dating websites. So... Ladies, POF needs you to NOT message guys first. Haha.
 natgoat227
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 69
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When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 6/20/2012 11:56:59 AM

And I usually will delete those that add me to their favorites list and not send me an email asking if it is alright to do so. What a great way for a woman to contact a man without having to be to aggressive.......

That may be a good technique for ALL women that have complained...:
"He put me on his Fav's List, but didn't Write!!!"
Fine!! Call them on their Bluff!! . . (If _HE_'s interesting enough to write to!)

"Hi there! I noticed that I'm on your Fav's List....What do you like about me..??"
(...or something like that!)

Just a thought..!!
 Tra_leannan
Joined: 5/21/2012
Msg: 72
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 6/21/2012 5:48:23 PM
...
do they think the woman is being too forward? Or is that an old-fashioned view?


It's the 21st century and we are online...trying to date? The old fashioned bit is already gone I think. I generally send the first message...some answered...some not.
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 73
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 6/21/2012 6:00:15 PM
i think most guys don't mind...but i have met a few stinkers who put me in my place quick enough...for initiating contact....
 Your_Move
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 75
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When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 12/26/2012 8:32:46 AM

It is hit and miss. Sometimes there is no response, and sometimes they reply.


As long as there's some hits, it's all good ;) Keep in mind that the general response rate guys seem to get is between 5 and 10% -- 90-95% "no response at all" - so if you're doing better than that, count it as a good thing - and Merry Christmas to you too :)

Personally, I figure a woman who's brave enough to initiate, is also the type who's more inclined to take control of her own life vs expecting a man to do that for her too -- so she's a step up in my view of her from the get-go.
 Just___Jim
Joined: 10/21/2012
Msg: 76
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 12/26/2012 11:47:12 AM

Personally, I figure a woman who's brave enough to initiate, is also the type who's more inclined to take control of her own life vs expecting a man to do that for her too -- so she's a step up in my view of her from the get-go.


So true, as the ladies who are confident and are here to date,and if it takes them to make the first move,they will. There is nothing forward in that. It's the 21st century,right? lol
Or you could just sit by the window waiting for your Knight in Shining Armor to come trotting along first. And for some give reason why they they can't find that one good man because of that..........
^^^^^^^^ cheers and merry xmas!
 Your_Move
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 78
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When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 12/26/2012 5:23:35 PM

They don't come knocking at the door, so we have to make the effort! (Form an orderly queue now please! Lol)


Another way to look at that - we're told that "Traditionally" (why do I picture Tevye talking now?) that men pursue, but women choose. So if that's the case, and since women are often so uncomfortable with the feeling of being a piece of meat when so many men are pursuing them (too hard?), doesn't it make sense for the women to take a little more of the control to avoid that feeling, since they're ultimately doing the choosing? Just a thought :)
 KSE78
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 79
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 12/28/2012 8:33:41 AM
It baffles me in this day and age that women still think that the man has to do all the work. Why have we fought for equality if we are just going to act like meek little lambs. I'm no feminist but I believe in equality and if it's ok for a man to do the chasing/first contact women should be doing it too!

I look at it this way, men like flattery. And what's more flattering than someone emailing you showing interest?

It works for me! I make first contact all the time and have great results. Do they all lead to successful relationships, no. But I get more responses than I get no replies, and I'm just an average looking girl but I think it's my confidence that comes through.
 BicyclingGal
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 80
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When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 12/28/2012 8:31:46 PM
When I was actively dating earlier this year, whenever I would send out messages first I would almost always get responses and frequently dates. So it works for me. But then again, I don't sit around waiting for my phone to ring, or for life to happen to me.
 Hapworth
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 81
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 12/30/2012 1:26:00 PM
I have an odd strategy. Though I occasionally contact women, I mostly sit back and let women contact me. Yes, I am that desirable! :-) Just kidding. I probably receive a message or two a month. Prevailing opinion dictates that I should take charge and reach out to all the women I am seriously interested in--this is my birthright and requirement as a man--but I actually like to wait for women to contact me. There are three reasons for this: 1) I like independent women, so women who contact me first probably fit this preference of mine; 2) Although messages, from what I gather, taper off for everyone after a time on this site, women still receive more messages than men; thus, if a woman has contacted me, she may have done so because she was truly interested in my profile; something sparked her (though this is not always the case--you should see some of the women who have messaged me: yikes!); and, 3) the women who have contacted me first have been, by and large, interesting and thoughtful.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 82
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 12/30/2012 1:41:34 PM

Or you could just sit by the window waiting for your Knight in Shining Armor to come trotting along first. And for some give reason why they they can't find that one good man because of that..........


This kind of thinking makes me laugh. Just how does a woman messaging a guy first ensure he’s that “one good man?” Makes no sense whatsoever.

Also assuming some women are just sitting around waiting for a man to make her life complete is pretty presumptuous and a bit arrogant, IMO.
 waiting4u49
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 83
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 12/30/2012 8:19:21 PM
Ok, let's think about those old fashioned values..... how did you let a guy know you were interested in the old fashioned sense? Smile? a look and a smile? Guys can't see you smiling through a site like this, plus there are a lot of members on the site. It may take him some time before he runs across your profile because of settings, and other filters on the site. I have personally had a few ladies email me on the site and I found it flattering and not being forward at all. If you were in public and in person, then that would be different, but online it is completely different standard. I say send the email. Keep it simple, just to let him know you are interested. You may not get a reply, but at least you know and you are not wondering. You may find a remarkable man that you may have missed by not sending the email............ jus' my opinion.
 SteelCity1981
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 85
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When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 12/31/2012 4:47:58 AM
on online dating sites whoever contacts who first is irrelevant because people are looking for people that they share common interest with, which is the point of sites like online dating.

What i don't get is why people click on the meet me and say they want to meet me but many of them never contact me. i have 150 people that said they want to meet me, but only prob 15 of them actually ever contacted me first or then when you contact them first instead a lot of them end up not replying back. lol it's like what's the point of even clicking yes that you want to meet someone when you don't contact them or even reply back to their message...........
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 12/31/2012 5:13:28 AM
(old fashioned values)

Many people who invoke the "old fashioned" jazz are just hiding behind an incorrect pretention, and don't know what old-fashioned really is -

- Old fashioned is when marriages were arranged by parents and grandparents, despite the wishes or feelings of the bride and groom.

- Old fashioned refers to a time when men did in fact initiate everything, and paid for everything, because women were second-class citizens and practically couldn't get a real job, and they were practically obligated to have sex if she accepted a man's invitation to take her out and feed her.

Btw, concerning sending first messages and getting or not getting responses...you can look at an escort service site and discover that some of the pictures there are the same as on some of the women's profiles in POF, so that might explain some of the confusion as to why many women here do or don't email, or email a certain way.
 Rexromeo2u
Joined: 2/13/2010
Msg: 87
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When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 1/27/2013 3:49:33 PM
I wish more women were like you... you sound like a forward thinker... there would be less lonely men on POF. Lol, because some of us are really shy... :D
I think its a great idea, keep thinking outside the box... sweetie!
 BigEyedFish8
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 88
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 1/27/2013 6:41:17 PM
I think women should be the one's doing the chasing, I find it laughable that so many women think men should put in all the work just to get their attention. What do we get out of it? A lot of blocks and ignores is what we get when we try being the chasers. I hate to say it, and maybe this is based off my personal experience but I am sure you would find many guys would agree, that no matter what we do to try and catch the attention of women, we are more likely to get ignored then the other way around. I think if women did more chasing, you would have less guys complaining about how terrible their POF experiences have been with trying to meet women, and you would have more women realizing that not every guy is a perverted blowhard just looking to get laid.
 vibrantshe
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 89
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 1/27/2013 9:27:28 PM
I have contacted many age and geographically appropriate men, making sure to fully read their profile and writing something about them in my email.

So far I have not received a single response. I can’t imagine that every man finds me so totally undesirable so I can only conclude that most men do not like to be contacted by women.
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