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 FatBottomGirI
Joined: 6/28/2011
Msg: 99
When a woman sends the first message.Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Just because I am not interested in someone romantically does not mean I can't find something they said interesting. It's not a waste of time to me. It takes 10 seconds to type "wow a bio chemist?! Cool job. Just not a career you see often on here". Or "thank you for your service". My world doesn't revolve around meeting someone for dating. I have other interests too.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 101
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When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 3/17/2013 12:18:39 PM
A woman should send out a short message. A couple of words or a sentence. This is like in real life...a smile or eye contact across the room. It's permission for the man to make an approach.
 eddiee1982
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 102
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 3/18/2013 4:27:21 PM
I personally like it when a woman messages me first.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 104
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When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/7/2013 3:36:13 PM
Being an egalitarian, I would concur that:

1. Most people enjoy getting messages from people.
2. Women shouldn't feel any worse about their poor success rate at first-messaging than men.
3. People who react with anger to friendly overtures (and I do not mean crude propositions) are mean. As I say proudly on my profile, Mean People Suck.

Must say - if I hadn't received a few messages from women in the first six months I was on PoF (when I had zero responses), I'd have given up. Alas, more than half the first-contacts I have gotten from women were trying to get money out of me.

INDIGOTWO: You don't have to check your Favourites page to see who has selected you as a Favourite: if you have e-mail notifications turned on, you will get a nice e-mail letting you know that someone has selected you as a favourite.

Learn to recognize the exact syntax of a PoF favourite message: the title will say "Somefishorother has added you as favorite!" [with the specific name]
Many spam sites will send similar messages to tease you into going to their portal and being infested with drive-by downloads or scoring commissions for the scum who targeted you.

Now, the UN marriage issue is really interesting to me. For centuries, the thinking was that women needed men to support their kids, and thus lack of marriage enforcement is a sign of oppressed, neglected women. This is antiquated in a world where contraception, abortion and emancipation of women have been making great strides (and no, I don't by any means think it's a done deal) toward gender equality.

I never knew about Israel's being bullied by the UN to accept more universal marriage-by-appliance. Wow... what a nugget of modern history! Israel was founded in large part by idealists, and it's sad to see it gradually be overrun by fundamentalist right-wing old-heads. The use of fear for political gain, and the deliberately high birth rate among the extremist settlers, has combined to alienate the non-jewish population and foment a much less hopeful place.

That being said, humans the world over are learning to see over nationalistic, bigoted walls, and I think chauvinistic nation-states have no place in its future.

I don't think I have to listen to the cries that Things Will Never Change, either. Marriage is not what it was when I was a child, women's rights are not the same, and people laugh at those who want to keep'em barefoot, naked and in the kitchen.

If the progress of modern ideas looks slow, remember that it still progresses. Look at all the US politicians rushing to discover the beauty and justice of same-gender relationships, now that they can see the march of history has left them behind. I'm sure that many were only refusing to accept it because they believed that the public would scorn anyone who did, and the writing is on the wall now.

In Canada, we've turned the corner on politicians revealing gay acceptance, relationship equality and their pot-smoking pasts. It IS the 21st century.
ED BEAR
 59thShadeofGrey
Joined: 9/25/2012
Msg: 105
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/8/2013 7:08:35 AM
A woman making first contact says to me she is confident, mature, and not stuck in a chuavinistic world view that says she's supposed to sit on the lawn in her taffeta dress like Scarlett O'Hara waiting for Ashley to ride by on his white horse.

And yes, it's flattering to have someone express an interest. Magic can be made this way.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
? Rumi
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 106
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When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/8/2013 8:29:30 AM
It's old-fashioned to think that way, IMO. Even 12 years ago, it was outmoded, and that was when I was actively dating.

In fact, of the 50 or so first dates I had back then, all but one or two resulted from women contacting me first. It just worked better compared to the results when I initiated contact.
 _BuckeyeMan_
Joined: 1/9/2013
Msg: 107
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/8/2013 4:04:11 PM
Nothing wrong with this at all... kind of makes it interesting to see a lady initiate the first contact as years ago that was almost unheard of
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 108
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When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/8/2013 5:48:50 PM
I think you will find just as many men who enjoy it as to who are opposed to it.

We are all pretty much products of our environment (we are what we are) and since we can't jump over our shadows, we will probably have some deeply ingrained feelings about socialization between men and women.

Some men will no doubt endeavor to change but change is not easy ... so even though you may find some men who state they are just fine with the lady making first contact, deep down they may still really want to make first contact.

Too often, the idea is that women who make first contact are hard up and needy, but that's just not true. I think "DaddyMac324" put it quite eloquently when he wrote "... she is confident, mature, and not stuck in a chuavinistic world view ..."
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 109
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/29/2017 5:34:51 AM
I had the best dates with women who wrote me first.

Basking in the afterglow with my Budweiser on the night stand as she puffed her cig.

Very beautiful
 chongpeace
Joined: 4/23/2016
Msg: 110
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 5/8/2017 6:14:48 PM
I put women in great disadvantage in dating market since social norm expects male to initiate. :) As a female, I am uncomfortable to initiate. But I will do if the guys or guys profile is attractive enough :)
 NoxzemaWA
Joined: 2/19/2017
Msg: 112
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 6/6/2017 10:21:30 PM
I've had better luck when I initiated contact with a man. It seems many men do appreciate when a woman contacts them. One male acquaintance even told me that it can be "exhausting" to always be expected to make the first move and be the initiator. I don't doubt that!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 113
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When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 6/6/2017 11:52:00 PM

I think you will find just as many men who enjoy it as to who are opposed to it.

I disagree. I think you will find MANY LESS guys who Oppose being written to by a woman online. Seriously? :) I understand there are too many (but still not a ton) of guys who are a little "eh?" when a gal writes him, because he's stuck-in-his-ways on expectations or may think "Hmmm, so what's the catch?"

But the system isn't designed for guys-To-Write-gals, and it's not 2002 but 15 years later. Only Really weird guys would be Opposed to a gal writing him.

One male acquaintance even told me that it can be "exhausting" to always be expected to make the first move and be the initiator. I don't doubt that!

Oh, it's the Common consensus. And guys who don't feel Relieved by it -- are still not that far from it, either. A large majority of guys Want it. Some gals may say "Well, why don't they always write me back?" I always say Welcome to the guy's world of striking first. ;) ... but still, assuming a gal's striking in her league, her results will be better, pound for pound.

I've had better luck when I initiated contact with a man. It seems many men do appreciate when a woman contacts them.

IMO, one reason why it is better is because the gal -- many times swamped with dudes bombarding her inbox with 1st-strikes -- is that she'll take you more seriously. She went out on a limb and made the sacrifice to write you and not just wink or something. You writing her back is going to have more stock in it than another guy on seemingly equal (profile) value who writes her out of the blue.

And the guy knows she's not writing him to be cordial in response to anything, or replying because he seems like a decent-enough catch that she should at least let simmer as she's juggling her options: You instead got her eye And she stepped forward to write ya. Bigger stock value for both parties.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 114
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 6/7/2017 7:25:13 AM
i'll take a step further, and suggest that men who are successful at getting dates (they probably go after women who are already showing an interest in them), may not oppose asking first. Its successful for them, and they get to control the venue when they do. They may also appreciate cute girls writing to them, but may feel a little uncomfortable shooting down a woman they don't find attractive who moved on them first, b/c they know how it feels to shoot someone down.
 ready4u182
Joined: 5/10/2017
Msg: 115
When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 6/9/2017 3:54:09 AM
We would want that to happen more often.
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