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 AUTHOR
 DeadPoetScience
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 57
The flakey-ness has almost become unbearable for mePage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
OP, your main problem is you are using POF. This site sucks, period. I haven't gone more than a month without getting _laid_ from another certain free dating site (and almost twice as many dates than that) in exactly a year (it started on my birthday last year, and today's my birthday!), but I haven't gotten a single date from POF in 2 years come June. Women on here are mostly flakes, and from what I've heard so are the men. You're better off using your energy on a different site, or do something completely different like lunch speed-dating or a Meetup.com group, etc.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 58
The flakey-ness has almost become unbearable for me
Posted: 4/17/2012 2:47:42 PM

Agreed, but the flakes have to be counted into the equation because they have the option to say no, but do not.

But my point is they (much of the time) DO want to -- at that time. It's not like they were chicken to say No. Much of the bails is because they weren't taking you/the conversation between you two seriously, and thus, weren't taking the meeting seriously enough, so when it came down to it ACTUALLY happening, THEN they said No (last minute). Usually brought on by "Oh sh!t, I didn't think about (this) or (that) or (the other guy)". Again, being whimsical, flakey, WHEN they said Yes. The thought of meeting you in their minds at that time was a legit Yes.

The high flake chance is when you may send them multiple sentences and they respond with abbreviated sentences, ie minimal communication. At first, you wonder if they're trying to be nice... but multiple times, they respond accordingly. They're not taking you/the situation too seriously, despite in-the-moment, legitly agreeing to it as far as they feel (in the moment).
 DeadPoetScience
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 63
The flakey-ness has almost become unbearable for me
Posted: 4/18/2012 12:34:49 PM
It may also help to not consider any of these meetings as dates. I look at them as practice. In the immortal words of Vince Lombardi, "Practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect." Every date I go on, I treat the date and the woman as if she were my absolute ideal woman, so that when I finally do go on those rare dates where I actually have some level of hope in something more developing with this woman, I am already in the mode to have a fun date with her and not be nervous or**** or whatever. The other thing is, if she turns out to be a flake, it's no big deal, because she was only practice anyway. *DING* Next please!
 djappatight
Joined: 12/6/2010
Msg: 64
The flakey-ness has almost become unbearable for me
Posted: 4/19/2012 6:47:08 AM
It is a thin line between love and flake...

I'm a very understanding person so I give the benefit of the doubt when something goes "wrong" when trying to meet.

First time it's definitely possible that something last minute happened. Once for me the apartment complex installed a new toilet in my apartment and I tested it and it overflowed like 20 minutes before a meeting. I just turned off the toilet valve and still end up making the date.

Second time an agreed meeting time is set and something goes wrong then again it's possible something last minute happened. Nothing really on my end has ever happen to where I couldn't make the second meeting but it's possible. So I'm understanding and say well try again...

Third time if something goes "wrong" then it is definitely an ongoing trend and a BIG sign of a flake. At that point, then I stop trying and tell her well since things just aren't working in your favor for us meeting then I'm going to let you decide when we should try to meet. I leave her alone at that point and if she comes up with a definite time then cool I'll be there. That then shows that something might have really happened and she's really interested.

If she sets a time for us to meet and a raincheck is needed again... then it's quite obvious that she is a flake and I will straight up tell as polite as I can that obvious it's not meant for us to meet so no need to try a let's just lose each other's number. This has happened to me and the funny thing was her headline was... "Please, I have no time for games!" LOL, really?

I feel you OP but this doesn't happen very often, as it sounds in your case that it happens pretty often. Only thing I can say is look for the signs early and just weed 'em out as soon as possible.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 65
The flakey-ness has almost become unbearable for me
Posted: 4/19/2012 7:13:34 AM
I do not see anything in your post that tells me you will accommodate someone if plans have to change. Why would someone wish to go out with a person who is inflexible. Yes, there is a limit, but people should be given at least one chance. Most of the time, women are just testing you to see how you will react and, based on your text, "Me: *nothing ever again*" you would and I'm sure have failed this test.

So, which is it, you, "don't get upset" or you, "get mad she wasted your time"? Obviously, you haven't mastered the rejection.

Write this on the back of you hand: "She doesn't even know me yet".
 djappatight
Joined: 12/6/2010
Msg: 66
The flakey-ness has almost become unbearable for me
Posted: 4/19/2012 7:13:49 AM

My definition of "flakiness" was stated as a man not bothering to say, "Sorry, not interested" but bails without a word.

If that is you, then why are complaining about women being flaky???


That sure as hell isn't my definition of flakiness. Flakiness is when both parties definitely confirm something and one of the other bails out. In your case, it didn't sound like you were flaked. They just wasn't interested and didn't have the balls to tell you.


I've had the same thing happen..had a pleasant date with a guy, then we set up a day the next weekend to get together. When I called him in the morning to finalize/set things up that day, I didn't hear back from him until I left a message for him at 6pm concerned about what had happened. He tells me he spent the day helping his dad clean out the garage and accidentally left his cel phone at home, so he couldn't call me.

I recall him telling me he lives 4 blocks from his dad..so, it would have taken like 5 minutes for him to run home and get his communication device.


That is more of an example of being flakey. Both parties confirmed and plus she tried numerous times to update. If I knew I made a date with someone and I left my phone 4 blocks away... I'm going to back to get the phone in case something happens. So in my opinion that was being flakey. No excuse there...
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 70
The flakey-ness has almost become unbearable for me
Posted: 4/23/2012 4:59:25 AM
I was going to reply to the other post, but, honestly, this is the best on on the thread:


yes this sucks but happens, just a nasty fact of life


If you don't understand that the above is a fact of life, you are really just trying to live a fantasy.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 76
The flakey-ness has almost become unbearable for me
Posted: 3/18/2013 5:53:47 PM
^^^^Exactly. Some who stands you up is disrespectful - but someone who cancels isn't doing anything wrong - in fact, they are saving you some time, money, gas, and you can then make other plans. It's far better to be canceled on than stood up.

Someone who has a habit of consistently canceling or changing plans over time is flaky. I agree that in THAT case, there's no reason to continue entertaining it. Still, if you don't know them well - you're not really involved enough to lose a lot of sleep over it. *shrug*
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