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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?      Home login  
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 a_Libra_rising
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 26
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I'm a realistic person but yes, I'm also optimistic. I've been through some tough times and struggled with my divorce. Nothing is easy, efforts and tenacity are constantly required. Don't worry about those you attract but don't want. Think of those you do want and keep your eyes on the prize.

People like to think there's some rhyme or reason to attraction, relationships, love. I don't believe that there's anything formulaic in those extremely subjective areas in life. If anything that I've learn is, life is fluid and goes on with or without you. I choose to come back to life and be part of life again.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 27
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/17/2012 4:36:14 PM
I'm jaded thanks to casual sex.

Someone tell the evil stepmother to remove the curse!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 28
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/17/2012 6:48:52 PM

Maybe it's just my perception, but it seems like more and more men are only looking for something casual -- just sex.

People don't have to get married to have sex these days, so people don't get married due to confusing lust with love as easily, especially if they've already done that before.

Are men more jaded about relationships when they've just come out of one and are over 40? I've come across these guys more often or not.

You don't have to be jaded to know that you want to have sex and not be in a relationship. In fact, it's better to not confuse those two things. Then, you can make better decisions about each instead of having to take a package deal.
 hugger236
Joined: 4/13/2012
Msg: 29
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/17/2012 6:59:38 PM
Well I can say this, When you go to sites and see that women only want women and men want men it gets kind of hard to choose. You get what you can. But now days people have such a bad attitude, that a man doesn't want to stay with them. For me if it is good, and I feel I could make it work then yes a long term is available. Of course what do I know I am old and no one wants me anyway
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/17/2012 7:04:45 PM
This is not new.. nothing has changed.. we are just open about this now.
If anything has changed its that its safer to be gay now. Sorta.
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 31
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/17/2012 7:38:45 PM
I don't think it's that more and more men are only looking for a casual thing. That hasn't changed, they are just a lot less discreet about their desires. And the same can be said for a lot of women, also. Marriage and the "commited relationship" seem to be becoming out-dated, passe. I think, personally, it the laws for divorce and common-law relationships that is causing a lot of men to run from commitment. If you live with a man for a certain length of time, he is required, by law, to give you have of what was aquired during your relationship (and many women will not leave the relationship without getting what is "rightfully" theirs.) Then there is alimony and child support....these laws can be so steep that men have to live on Cup"o"noodle.

And yes, I believe in women's right to be equal, but I think the pendulum has swung way too far! Men have the right to a reasonably decent life, just as we women do. And having so many women out there taking them for everything they're worth is making it FAR more difficult for decent women to find a relationship.

(Bring on the flaming) LOL
 7thour
Joined: 12/2/2011
Msg: 32
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/17/2012 9:25:47 PM
yep...even when you tell them in depth that you won't have sex til a committed relationship is developed they seem to push the button.

Biggest turn off...especially if I really like them. Just went through it myself.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 33
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/18/2012 1:22:55 AM
I dont think men are more jaded; I think men are just bigger dogs than ever. So many men treat some women beyond terrible and the woman keeps coming back. I see it in the white collar job field often. If my dad treated my mom even half as bad as so many men do to their women, she'd have kicked his ass!

I think there are still some good guys out there and some great women but they aren't as plentiful and are harder to find. Lets face it, people cheat, lie and many have no conscious and no problem doing it. Society is a mess morally.

I've found two types of people in many circles; either super jaded complainers or the pollyanna's that want the world to be rainbows and butterflies and it's a little annoying. I'd rather just be real.

I haven't been single for 14 years; 2 long term relationships; and dating has changed so much. I want a serious relationship and have had fun being single the last year but I'll settle down soon I'm sure.

And p.s. there is nothing wrong with casual relationships as long as the people aren't lying or playing head games with someone. I just hate cheaters and liars.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 34
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/18/2012 7:19:33 AM

many men do still get married.


...not everyone was born intelligent. 'nuff said.
 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 35
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/18/2012 7:45:48 AM
I'd have harder time washing my hair.


Both are easy for me!


I do have issue with how men are routinely treated in family court.


v v v v v v: Thank you!!!! It cost me THOUSANDS to have a split parenting plan....but I got it, and that"s all that matters.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 36
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/18/2012 7:47:57 AM
Its not just men who want this. Women do as well...if they didnt, men would stop looking for it eventually. Fact is, today people dont have to be married to fornicate.

Throw in the fact that while both sexes demand equal rights, the family justice system in N America has yet to keep up. I dont blame men for not wanting to get married, have kids and the whole nine yards under todays family laws. Id be shiat scared to have kids and risk that one day they will be taken from me and Im maybe gonna be allowed to see them once or twice a week unless I can prove beyond a reasonable doubt the mother is unfit...and spend thousands of dollars doing it. Maybe the guy didnt do anything to warrant this-the wife can today just fall out of love and not follow through on her vows. While I dont have the issue with her being able to make this choice, I do have issue with how men are routinely treated in family court. Men are taking more and more of the responsibility today, in actual day to day chores related to child rearing, and when the couple splits up, he has to prove he is worthy, while Mom is by default considered the better primary caregiver....even though the stats show most households consist of two working adults. So both parents are away from thier kids all day long, Mom should not be considered the better parent just because she doesnt have a penis. If I were a man Id be pretty hard pressed to see any upside to that proposition today.

The pendulum has swung...and a lot of good has come from it. But, there was collateral damage. Not until the pendulum swings and rests somewhere in the middle, will both sexes feel free to trust as they used to. I dont think Ill see this in my lifetime.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 37
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/18/2012 8:55:18 AM
The word "casual" has broad interpretations. So does "looking to date but nothing serious" too. Seems to most, especially women, it means sex with no commitment, but it's not how I viewed it being in a few such relationships before. They were all exclusive & didn't always include sex, but were monogamous when they did. It was more so the mutual understanding to enjoy each others company, while dating & such, without the pressure or expectations of immediately getting serious, which we've all done & regretted, especially post divorce & in our 40's. My only vice is she be open to a relationship if it develops & have the potential to be long term if it leads there. I pretty much take "friendship first" to mean the same as "casual" & or "looking to date but nothing serious".
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 38
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/18/2012 3:46:14 PM
Divorced 3x. Paying alimony. Not the best father in the world and I made the bed I lay in. I was once naive and believed love conquers all. Now whenever I think of marriage, I also wonder what my exit strategy would be if it failed again. Does she work? How much will I pay next time? Are those fair thoughts? Too judgmental? Not blaming women but the courts favor the party with less income. I have met 2 women that pay palimony, so it does work both ways. So no for marriage, for now. Yes to a committed relationship. Cohabitating? With the right person, why not. Very cautious here and it can be hard not to let that caution interrupt a good time on a date. Honestly, hurting someone's feelings is a high cost to pay to get sex (i.e. lying, playing someone, etc). I'd rather someone be into me before we go there.
 catalina_view
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 39
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/18/2012 8:10:34 PM
Hey far, you're local so you should know casual is only good for longshoring. ;-). No harm in trying though.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 40
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/19/2012 2:04:00 AM
On a free dating site.

Yes.

And on paid dating site you get to pay for men to lie to you


yep...even when you tell them in depth that you won't have sex til a committed relationship is developed they seem to push the button.

Biggest turn off...especially if I really like them. Just went through it myself.

How do you think men feel when that particular button is pushed? When a man says no sex it's like the sky has fallen and she must do everything to get it back up.


The pendulum has swung...and a lot of good has come from it. But, there was collateral damage. Not until the pendulum swings and rests somewhere in the middle, will both sexes feel free to trust as they used to. I dont think Ill see this in my lifetime.

Indeed. Adaptation is the key to survival and humans a very adaptable species. Social change can be instantaneous given right conditions.

As for thread subject, your perception binds you. It is a innate human quality to generalize so if you chose to see in black and white you miss out on wide range of colors.
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 41
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/19/2012 2:14:26 AM
What happened to the glass is half full?

Somewhere there is an amazing person waiting to meet you and to be what you want and you will be what they want.
Irrespective of what it is you are seeking.
Surely?????
I certainly hope so.

Yes there is social change.
The world is very very different to when I was last single.

Petrol is more expensive.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 42
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/19/2012 6:39:36 AM

What happened to the glass is half full?


That's just delusion. In reality....there is no glass. The Matrix knows
 sweetlonelyheart
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 43
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/19/2012 2:04:47 PM
Its not just you, I had a guy contact me the other day and right off the bat told me:


FYI.... at this point and time, I'm just interested in friendship and not looking to push anything more serious at this time. .... I can't promise you anything except some great company and if you're open to a "FWB's" arrangement, some great sex. Like I said, I'm a pretty straight forward kind of guy and I hope that statement wasn't too blunt for your taste


So based on this apparently so, he claimed to have gotten out of a 24 year marriage and was also into doing some "swinging". I have gotten several men that want casual "open" stuff only. And to top it all off on a 1st date to a mans apt, I was told: "FYI, you are not moving in, or I am not getting married" Wow! like who said I even wanted to! there again was a man getting out of a 27 year marriage. I am to the point of just giving up and just enjoying myself by myself, LOL!

I dont think I am saying anything to indicate that I want "marriage" or "shack-up" off the bat--Im afraid of that myself.
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 44
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/19/2012 3:27:12 PM
--Zen--
And on paid dating site you get to pay for men to lie to you


EXACTLY! what kind of s hit is that huh?

an to answer as for what happened to the glass being half full? HA more like grab another bottle i atleast wanna be drunk while i have to listen to an deal with this load of crap..

@HazelDragen ive talk to guys like that for some reason they seem to think that if you want to actually GOD forbid want to hangout an maybe watch a movie or just do more then have sex..automactically they become overly paranoid over simple normal things that most friends or regular people do when getting to know each other..dam dude i said lets watch a movie not lets go pick out rings..

calm down i think these types are better suited to just go buy some goldfish an leave the female species alone atleast ya dont have to worry bout the goldfish wanting anything from ya other then hey i wonder if ill get feed today or somebody will clean my tank..
me thinks if you said hey ya mind if i use your bathroom right quick an do you have a towel so i can dry my hands after i wash them they might start flipping out thinking your on an evil plot to want to move in with them..
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 45
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/19/2012 4:44:28 PM
Its not just you, I had a guy contact me the other day and right off the bat told me: FYI.... at this point and time, I'm just interested in friendship and not looking to push anything more serious at this time. .... I can't promise you anything except some great company and if you're open to a "FWB's" arrangement, some great sex. Like I said, I'm a pretty straight forward kind of guy and I hope that statement wasn't too blunt for your taste


1. Great guy; a keeper to be.
2. He respected you enough to show you his truth.

I dont think I am saying anything to indicate that I want "marriage" or "shack-up" off the bat--Im afraid of that myself.


Choose him. ^^ (That guy.....up there)
 shawn45241
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 46
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/19/2012 8:31:53 PM
food for thought. do you think its more a guy thing, or perhaps with growing independence and no rush to settle down, theres some trade off alot of women are making. perhaps more women are only interested in guys who see them as casual relationship material, and not long term. perhaps guys willing to only be casual are far more attractive or financially stable than the men showing genuine interest.
 Dolphinguy2011
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 47
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/19/2012 9:18:58 PM
Its the otherway for me, cant find a woman that wants a relationshi, they want one night stands
 rockz333
Joined: 11/23/2010
Msg: 48
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History
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/20/2012 12:53:33 AM
I have to agree with Allen on this one. I was married once and have been happily divorce for about 20 years now. The financial cost of divorce to a man can last the rest of his life if you get a vindictive women going against you. These days you can have wonderful, long lasting, loving relationships without getting married. I have had a couple of great relationships since I've divorced and we are still best friends. I haven't talked to my ex-wife unless we are in court fighting about something. Its just not worth it....Yes, men are still getting married and most of them are getting divorced....I think its about half....Of those that do stay married, well, lots of them are not happy. So what is the % of married people who are happy and stay married these days.....not very high. Gues you could call me jaded.....yup!
 rockz333
Joined: 11/23/2010
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/20/2012 12:55:15 AM
Well said....thank you
 elednuw
Joined: 1/11/2011
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Does it seem like more and more men only want casual?
Posted: 4/20/2012 4:16:05 PM
I think that guys that are single over 40 and have been screwed by the court system in a divorce situation and as you say "jaded",have a new found freedom and don't wan't to go through another relationship/ marriage situation where your potentially stepping back into a divorce situation and having to go through the b.s. court system and losing more than you did in your first divorce.Most guys now wan't nothing to do with a relationship and are just out for sex.They don't need the hassle of the previous,and are just looking out for fun.In marriage you make a living to support your wife,your kids,paying the bills etc,etc, and in most case such as mine you lose everything to your spouse in a divorce including a majority of the custody.So why would a man who's devoted his life to his wife and kids and then get totally screwed want to go through that b.s.again.I know every situation in divorce is differant and sometime divorce is a guys fault for whatever reason but generally thats why guys just want casual or just sex.They don't want or need the hassle of a relationship unless its absolutely a perfect situation.
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