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Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 43
Should these be red flags? Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Regardless of posters who disagree with the general consensus, I'm still going with the general consensus.

This girl is one hot mess. Irresponsible, dishonest, lazy, unambitious, and completely immature. How anyone can be stupid enough to have a kid with someone who beats her is beyond me. Then she hands it over to the abuser's mother.

Jerry Springer, much?

OP, you're a sensible, responsible, mature young adult. You may have felt a "connection" with this girl, but she'd do NOTHING but drag you down.

Please aim higher next time.
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 44
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 4/28/2012 10:12:57 AM

-She seems to have ambition to do more with her life
-Has a clear idea of what she would like to do for work (I have been out with several women who had no drive or ambition, no clue)

Talking sh!t about one's "plans" for the future is not the same as "ambitious."
Take the "attractive" part out of your list and see how the pluses outweigh the minuses then.

Is she going to school while working "part-time?"
Why doesn't she have TWO part time jobs?
Why is she hanging out at the beach instead of spending time with son?
Unlikely the child lives with granny for any reason other than being unfit. If she had custody, she would be eligible to have help with housing, etc. for her and her kid.
Blaming her "living situation" for her lack of custody is fallacious. She was most likely deemed "unfit."
Does she have a high school diploma? Does she have a drivers license (maybe she had DUIs)?

Do you really want to waste your time with someone who is full of krap about her future plans?
If she cared about her kid, she would be busting her ass tobetter herself and get him back.
This doesn't add up at all.
Don't be a sucker, OP.
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 45
view profile
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 4/28/2012 1:49:59 PM
You should run and run fast. This is not the life you want.
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 46
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 4/28/2012 5:40:24 PM
Too many red flags!!
If she isn't raising her own child, she is irresponsible & may have drug/alcohol issues, or the courts may have taken the child for abuse/neglect issues.You haven't been told the truth about why she really isn't raising her own child. She is lying through ommission.
She's getting kicked out of her current place. Why hasn't she found a full time job? What is she doing all day if she's not working & not raising her baby?
Did she graduate high school? She has no car, does she even have a drivers license? If not, why not? This girl is using you, hoping & hinting for you to buy her things. She's dishonest, irresponsible,very manipulating & promiscuous. She's not trustworthy, & is lying to you. She's hanging out with a carni in between dates, nice.
You were called a clown, & all she says is we're friends? She didn't want to defend you, or admit you are dating.
This girl isn't worthy of you. Too many red flags!!
You're a young, handsome young man with an education. Date a nice girl on your level, who has something going for herself. If you stay with this one, use a condom everytime. If you don't, be prepared to raise a baby on your own, if you get her pregnant. Of course, be ready to pay $1,000 for the DNA test if she names you as the father. Are you ready for that now?
Joined: 3/8/2011
Msg: 47
view profile
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 4/29/2012 12:28:36 AM
One thing I know is texting is a sign that she is being bored/disappointed in your meeting; she is expecting something more you're not giving her. Do you play pocket video games while you're watching the Superbowl or at a
Let me give you a translation of "friend" if the "friend" is a male: he is a "friend" with benefits or doesn't know how to tell her he WANTS to be a fwb. She may not know why he's tagging along her social circle, so she rationalizes...he must want to be my "friend".
It's fine if a lady doesn't have a car, just make sure YOU do.
Lots of girls don't hang out with other guys because they don't trust other girls (in the words of many of my gfs) a girl will stab her "friend" in the back before Jack the Ripper does; it may be also that other girls don't want to be round her. But when possible, you should encourage it for it may come in handy for you.
She's talking about her bfs? A sure sign you've taken toooo looong to move in. What she would like to do with YOU should be the main subject.
If you care so much, you could work through plans with her as what she could do w/ her life, & see if she takes steps in that direction; either way, move in or move away, 'cause she's losing interest fast, though she had lots of hopes for you in the beginning--or she wouldn't have made out with you.
Stay with her if you see your thing, but don't invite her to the ranch yet. Women need direction, so help lead her, don't be a captain save...but do be a resource of enlightenment as the MAN to her. Pleease make sure YOU're doing something worth both your interests and investment...she may want to jump on your boat as your assistant.
If she HAS A JOB that's beautiful..if she isn't complaining about it that's young fellas need to know that there was a time in America when it was great TO HAVE A JOB (period). THIS meant responsibility of some kind & you would build on that. 99.999% of people took years to be established, & often the right mate was the fuel that made the rocket shoot so far, a far cry from today's "independence" propaganda to keep men/women divided. Capitalize on that with her...get her to become proud of just working & not being idle. This isn't captain save a ho, it's being an inspiring MAN. Give her riches for her soul & body, not her pocket book.
Either way, make sure you're doing this with different flavors/ages of women at the same time, like playing basketball with different guys of various musculature, heights & experience--to gain wisdom & be more seasoned, so you'll be the one giving the advice. Women are aching for a WISE man.
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 48
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 4/29/2012 1:41:44 AM
Msg 4
Whoa where did it say her situ was unstable?
"From what you posted looks to me like due to her instability, the custody of her kid went to someone else .... not a very promising sign IMO .."
Who said she was unstable?I can say when I was divorced I gave total custody to my ex because we were in different countries etc.. lot of reasons.. but I still came every other weekends a 7 hr drive and visited them.. Talked every day on the phone and made it for all the special events. Had nothing to do with paperwork! Dont make assumptions!
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 49
view profile
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 4/29/2012 5:51:52 AM
I won't repeat what others have already said better.
It's no good. Someone who is serious about their child would make an effort to at least visit often regardless of where the little tyke lives. But it seems getting it on with guys and parties is more important. THAT's your clue.

Before you go, if you really want closure with a bang, then by all means, give her what she wants and tap that derriere. But don't get emotionally involved.
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 50
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 4/29/2012 6:28:06 AM
Seems like you really like this girl for you to take the time and lay all of this out.

First, about her family/living situation. You don't know and you can't say.................
Second, go with your gut feeling.
Third, if you are unsure step away and breathe.
Maybe try to date other girls, you need to step away before you get hurt or deeper in this.
Joined: 6/15/2011
Msg: 51
view profile
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/1/2012 4:32:16 PM
If she can dish it out, she can take it:
Pursue her. Bang her.
Then either confront her or forget about her and move on.
Joined: 12/13/2008
Msg: 52
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/1/2012 5:23:29 PM
We'd all like to advise you what to do but we all have the same handicaps; we are not there.

What you need to do, and the fact you talked extensively before should make it easier, is to ask in a non-accusatory way what she needs to bring her life back on line. Then explain to her what you have seen and what problems you are having with the messages this sends. You want clarification and you would like to help, like with her resume, finding training in a field in which apply herself, advanced education and so forth. Play the experience card, you have already been there and can help her IF SHE WANTS IT.

This is key. If she wants no help then no one can help her; a lousy circumstance, but unfortunately true. That will tell you a lot.

Then you have to decide; do you want what she will be in 5 years, where you are now, if she continues as she is.

This may not be easy, but I think you have the sand to pull it off.

Good luck to you both.
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 53
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/2/2012 3:50:31 AM
Yeah, I'd tread carefully with this one. The age difference isn't that great, but clearly you're both in two different stages of your life. I'm sure she's a nice girl, but it sounds like she does have a wild streak, whereas you seem to be in "starting a career" mode.

All guys have "damsel in distress" fantasies. It's in our genes, we can't help that we evolved that way. Just don't get too caught up in this fantasy. Stay with her if you want and see how it goes, but for the love of God don't get yourself in too deep over this girl.

As a side note, the constant texting would drive me nuts. I don't know how you put up with it.
Joined: 3/9/2012
Msg: 54
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/2/2012 6:26:53 AM
lol run man, run. sounds like a good timewaster but thats about it, prob gonna get expensive for you in the end... good luck!
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 55
view profile
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/2/2012 7:43:50 AM
Ask yourself this question - Do you want to be part of her problem OR do you want to be part of your solution?
Joined: 2/6/2011
Msg: 56
view profile
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/4/2012 9:34:46 PM
Sounds just like one of my son's girlfriends. RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!!!!!! Your life will be a melodrama of untold proportions, she will move in with you, not work , and run off leaving you with a ton of bills. My crystal ball is working overtime on this one!!!
Seriously, your instincts are right and the red flags are huge- run for your life!
Joined: 4/28/2012
Msg: 57
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/4/2012 9:48:33 PM
Red flags all the way!
Joined: 4/27/2012
Msg: 58
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/5/2012 4:58:12 PM
No offense but she is 22 and your 27 and on top of that she has a kid that she is not even taking care of (meaning she doesn't have full custody) seriously you can do much better and at your age u shouldnt consider any chick under 24-25 they are just too young they are not yet wired for the real side of a relationship, its their time to experiment and have fun, the same goes for men, to be honest the chances of her being serious and pretty slim, not saying its never gonna happen but i think your best bet is to just hang out with this chick without making anything serious at all, there is nothing she can give you that will make your life better yet everything you give her MAKES her life easier, do you see what i mean here?
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 59
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/5/2012 5:16:51 PM
Hooray! Someone who does not want to conduct a relationship by text!!!! If you are not in a relationship she can see who she likes and so can you. If you get possessive early you will scare her away. I would not go into details about her life on here either. Respect her anonymity.
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 60
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/5/2012 6:36:36 PM
If I took a girl out on a date and she did all that texting etc etc while in my company, I would have got up and left right then and Why you bothering with Jerry Springer types?
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 61
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/15/2012 6:50:18 AM
You've got a list of red flags. I think you need to find somebody else.
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 62
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/18/2012 4:29:12 PM
Kinda shocked the thread was still going. The girl was really immature, she started dating someone else a week or so after I posted this. She actually asked if we could still hangout and be friends. I pretty much out right told her no and we have not spoken since.
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 63
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/18/2012 4:38:00 PM
Based on how you've described yourself and what you want, this is clearly not the girl you are looking for. IMO you should move on and not look back.

To be honest at your age it's going to be hard to find stable girls for a relationship. You might try dating girls who are around your age or a bit older. That's what I did when I was in my mid to late 20's. 18-25 is really more an exploratory age if I can stereotype it? Not saying you can't find a wonderful girl at that age looking for a stable relationship, it's just going to be harder.
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 64
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/19/2012 2:45:39 AM
Them red flags mean after date 7 she will be moving in with you doing nothing but texting/fbing. Just be prepared to taxi her around a lot too! Good luck and be sure to get a DNA test when the baby comes and it starts to look like your friend....LOL jk
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 65
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/19/2012 5:43:26 PM
Typical slut. Run!
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 66
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/19/2012 7:04:19 PM

Honestly it kinda sounds like you're about to break out the super hero cape and try to save this girl and it doesn't sound like she wants to be saved.

Furthermore; 8 out of 10 will hate you and try to screw your life over by even trying to help them in life.

There is no "good life" for many; they just count life by how many BAD things they have in it

I know it sounds super negative; but its true

That's alot of red flags.

Make sure you have your armor on tight, and your business all fraud and break proof bud.

And good luck
Joined: 5/10/2012
Msg: 67
Should these be red flags?
Posted: 5/24/2012 10:03:29 AM
FLAKE ALERT...think I might have met her older cousin last week!

I'm telling you these nuts are in plentiful supply. If you are just out for kicks, go with the flow. But if you are looking for a good one...well, let's just say it's B.S. luck and nothing else. The next one you meet could be your match. This one might be better left for one of the other 'keyboard kowboys'.

You are young and you have lots of time to find a single nice girl. Good Luck bro.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should these be red flags?