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 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 779
You are Hot!!!Page 28 of 43    (3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43)
I'm not saying it has anything to do with me. I'm just making the point that no matter how you twist it, the girl is looking for that attention, either from me or from some someone else.

Like I said before, you might take offense to someone commenting on how you look, but to someone else that could be the best thing that happened to them all day.

Not every woman is going to have a problem with guys telling her she's hot. It's a crazy idea to think of this, but there's some girls out there who disagree with you, who LOVE being told that they're hot. And they're a lot more common than you'd think.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 780
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/16/2012 9:36:36 AM

I'm not saying it has anything to do with me. I'm just making the point that no matter how you twist it, the girl is looking for that attention, either from me or from some someone else.

Some are, yes - I covered this.

Like I said before, you might take offense to someone commenting on how you look, but to someone else that could be the best thing that happened to them all day.

Like I said before, I don't take offense - I might chuckle at it, but that's about the only reaction it gives me. I mostly don't see the point - as it's an easy thing to say to a stranger in terms of what you think she wants to her, and it has nothing to do with her, really. It's also not something she caused or accomplished - she is who she is. The only time I want to hear it and appreciate it is from someone I actually know. Same with "you're smart", or "you're funny" or "you're nice" - all things that only people who know me can say with any meaning.

Not every woman is going to have a problem with guys telling her she's hot. It's a crazy idea to think of this, but there's some girls out there who disagree with you, who LOVE being told that they're hot. And they're a lot more common than you'd think.

Most will agree with me that it doesn't matter. Most will agree with me that being offended is sort of a waste of time. A lot of women decided to enjoy it and move on because they didn't know how else to react...and that's adjustment. Nothing wrong with that.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 781
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/16/2012 9:53:09 AM
So let me get this straight.. if a woman dresses revealingly/attractively, she's just asking for 'ur hot' comments and thus should not be annoyed when they are given?

Hahaha.

So if a man types unintelligible idiocy then he should expect to be ignored and not complain about it?
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 782
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/16/2012 10:40:11 AM
hey forums1, thank you very kindly!

lol and groan cap'n! :)



I'm not saying it has anything to do with me. I'm just making the point that no matter how you twist it, the girl is looking for that attention, either from me or from some someone else.


It's funny; you're kind of damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.

Some of us dress in things that flatter us because if you don't we look like a bigger bag lady and you get bad attention from those who assume if we're all covered up we're fat and they DESPISE fat people

so we dress to flatter our curves and then we are supposedly looking for hot comments. I dress to make me feel good; if people appreciate what they see, great. More power to them. If they don't? Great. More power to them. I dress to flatter my body type because it's a weird one; unless you wear very specific types of things, I look like a bag lady and if I wear other things I have a pretty damn good shape; so why would I choose to look like a bag lady? I wear what makes me look and feel the best I can look and feel and then once I'm done with the mirror getting ready I'm done with it and don't think about it anymore (although yes, I have been told by both men and women I wear stripper shoes; but I LIKE my stripper shoes and I get far more comments from women (and gay guys) on them than I do guys; so I don't think they're a turnon; they're just fun and funky.

Danged if you do and danged if you don't.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 783
view profile
History
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/16/2012 11:09:33 AM
Women in baseball caps can be hot to men too, so how a woman dresses is only a small part of it. *HKOangel99 proceeds to hide under his desk*
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 784
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/16/2012 12:39:21 PM

Telling a woman you don't know that she's hot is tantamount to telling her you're braindead.


I agree completely.

That man would also be telling me he’s no one I would have the least bit of interest in.

I like smart, challenging, interesting men.

Women who dig on guys who call them hot should round them all up and get them out of the way. That will leave the yummy smart imaginative men for me. : )
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 785
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/16/2012 5:57:18 PM
Women who dig on guys who call them hot should round them all up and get them out of the way. That will leave the yummy smart imaginative men for me. : )


I think taking "You are hot" as a compliment, and digging on the guys that do it are two entirely different things. While I don't get offended when guys call me hot, I'm probably not going to consider them as serious dating material, either.

Since I'm an older woman, I'm more apt to be flattered when I hear it coming from a much younger man, as opposed to one my own age or older.
 SpittyKitty
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 786
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/16/2012 6:24:19 PM
I haven't read all the posts. Just the first few and last few.
But I can say that being called hot can be looked on as a compliment.
I would be flattered if they were referring to my total package. ie: brains and body.
 Dgrenee21
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 787
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/16/2012 6:33:31 PM
Take it as a compliment. Make Sure you pay attention to your conversations with him to see if this may lead to a "lets hookup" kind of thing or if they take you seriously enough to get to know you. Its mainly about the respect that they have for you.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 788
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/17/2012 9:23:41 AM
So let me get this straight.. if a woman dresses revealingly/attractively, she's just asking for 'ur hot' comments and thus should not be annoyed when they are given?


No... What I'm saying is that if your tits are falling out of your shirt, you're not allowed to get pissed when someone makes a comment about them. If you don't like the attention, stop drawing it to yourself. There's tons of ways that you can dress attractively while actually covering your boobs.

Do you girls ever wonder why you're single? When something as little as a ****ing complement is assumed as saying the guy is an undatable moron? What the hell do you want me to say that's SO much better? No matter what, if we say ANYTHING whether it's reciting poetry or just saying you're hot, it's the same exact message, just one isn't some lame line from a poem that the guy says to every girl he sees.

If you don't want us to say something, block us out, or don't stick your tits in our face. Women of POF... Take responsibility for your own actions. Remember, you're far from the definition of social perfection, otherwise, you wouldn't need to be on this site.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 789
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/17/2012 9:37:40 AM
Rockstar:
No... What I'm saying is that if your tits are falling out of your shirt, you're not allowed to get pissed when someone makes a comment about them. If you don't like the attention, stop drawing it to yourself. There's tons of ways that you can dress attractively while actually covering your boobs.
I'll wager that the women who display their breasts as you suggest are the ones who enjoy such compliments. But I wouldn't know since I don't put my boobs on display.

I have received the 'ur hot' comments without being dressed that way though, and I'm sure other women have as well.. so I don't think your point is overly relevant.

Do you girls ever wonder why you're single?
You girls? You are addressing all the girls on pof.. ?

What the hell do you want me to say that's SO much better?
This question makes me really, really sad.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 790
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/17/2012 9:48:41 AM
OK, so yeah, if girls who dress like that like the comment, WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!

Why am I considered a ****ing idiot if I'll say "you're hot"?

And I wasn't addressing all girls on PoF, i was addressing most of the ones in this thread. Something is seriously wrong with you. If you don't want the compliment, ignore it, but don't tell me I'm dumb, or not worth dating because of one ****ing sentence.

I think you're dumb because instead of saying something original, you had to borrow from a poem... There's how's it feel turned around?
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 791
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/17/2012 10:06:00 AM

OK, so yeah, if girls who dress like that like the comment, WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!
It obviously doesn't seeing as I don't fit the profile. Some like it, some don't. I kinda figured that much had been established 30 some pages ago.

Why am I considered a ****ing idiot if I'll say "you're hot"?
I don't recall saying you were.

Something is seriously wrong with you.
Good to know, do you have advice on how I could fix it too? Lol..

don't tell me I'm dumb, or not worth dating because of one ****ing sentence.
I haven't said any such thing.

I think you're dumb because instead of saying something original, you had to borrow from a poem... There's how's it feel turned around?
I think you could have done better than that.

You do realize that you aren't making your position look any better, right? No one has to insult you, you do it all on your own..
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 792
view profile
History
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/17/2012 10:10:23 AM
" Telling a woman you don't know that she's hot is tantamount to telling her you're braindead. "

I don't agree at all. A compliment to someone you don't know carries more weight in my opinion because you don't really gain anything by saying it to a stranger. If a man in an established relationship that does this with his girlfriend he has much more to gain for a variety of reasons. This is why a compliment that is least likely to generate a reward is the most genuine and sincere.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 793
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/17/2012 10:16:40 AM

This is why a compliment that is least likely to generate a reward is the most genuine and sincere.


Eh, maybe. The problem here is, some of us don’t think ‘ur hot’ is a compliment.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 794
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/17/2012 10:40:02 AM

Why am I considered a ****ing idiot if I'll say "you're hot"?

And I wasn't addressing all girls on PoF, i was addressing most of the ones in this thread. Something is seriously wrong with you. If you don't want the compliment, ignore it, but don't tell me I'm dumb, or not worth dating because of one ****ing sentence.

I think you're dumb because instead of saying something original, you had to borrow from a poem... There's how's it feel turned around?


Quite honestly doesn't bother a lot of people at all, but *some* people tend to take every comment on the internet even remotely connected to something they said, and make it a personal insult, and start yelling and cursing in response, as if somehow the other people, virtual strangers, really 'care' that they're angry. And of course, especially on a dating site, that generally makes them look unattractive - since most women really have no interest in men that blow up angrily over stupid little things (ie, if they'll blow up over something so little, what happens when the big problem comes along?).


This entire question/debate is of course, entirely the personal preference of the people involved. Some women will take it fine, some will think it a stupid "come on" line, as shown by the different female responses in this thread. That is their right, nobody can *tell* them how they are "supposed" to feel or react to it.

The flip side of that is the man's side. Now if 50% of them women say that they'd 'punt'/reject a man who says that, then it is obvious that - as a man - if you use that 'line' 50% of the time it'll backfire on you (maybe its 25%, maybe its 75%, but that percentage will reject you). That isn't "wrong" of them, it just is, it's their choice/feeling about it - the *only thing you can change* is whether you use that line or not, your approach. If you choose not to change your approach, then you are choosing to have 50% (or whatever percentage) reject you for it - it is not "their fault, they are wrong, *they* should change their views", it's *your* failure to adapt your approach to the information given.

Touch a 'hot' stove the wrong way and get burned, most people learn respect for 'hot' things () and how not to get burned again. If you *choose* to keep doing things with the 'hot' stove that get you burned - that is *NOT* the stove's fault, is it?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 795
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/17/2012 11:51:48 AM
What I'm saying is that if your tits are falling out of your shirt, you're not allowed to get pissed when someone makes a comment about them. If you don't like the attention, stop drawing it to yourself.

Totally agree. But it doesn't require showing the cleavage, but it can also be in other "look at me" ways too by the style and fit of their clothing. They WANT attention. But they want it the way they want it.

But when it boils down to it, there are uptight idiots out there. They'll take any compliment as insincere or non-genuine. Some are just too sensitive and don't want to hear the -same- thing over again and you won't really have much of a chance if that's what you open with. Most will accept it at least as mild flattery if they aren't bombarded by compliments (ie by what they're wearing), even if the timing and delivery of the compliment wasn't the most effective, as long as it wasn't ridiculous.

Timing & delivery is the key to a compliment. For instance, if a woman walks up to the bar where you sitting at to order a drink and she says aloud "It's hot out there", and you exclaim "No, YOU'RE hot!" and she is an attractive woman (ie wouldn't be taken as sarcastic), it IS genuine, and understood that way, but it's just... well, lame. If your opener is "You're hot" and it's left at that, again, lame when she's (probably) heard hot/gorgeous/beautiful every 20 minutes from a guy. You should have no sympathy for a gal who's over (or under) dressed showing her wares, if she has a "Well I never" look going on. But still, it's not good game.

Pretty much every pickup artist handbook, which many vary widely in concept & theory, pushes for you Not to compliment an attractive attention-seeking woman so generically and readily. You're just another dude in the crowd if you do. You won't get the "Well I never" looks so much unless you're being ridiculous (see above), but you're just going to be framed as just-another-guy.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 796
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/17/2012 1:04:13 PM

No... What I'm saying is that if your tits are falling out of your shirt, you're not allowed to get pissed when someone makes a comment about them.

Yes as the person displaying whatever you are allowed to get pissed by a comment, actually. What you aren't allowed to get pissed about it is someone noticing, pointing, etc - anything that doesn't engage the person you're noticing.

The line is crossed when a comment is made and the person is addressed. Once that happens, the reaction you get is what it is. You can't get upset at that. People have the right to take comments addressed to them any way they want.
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 797
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/17/2012 1:18:36 PM

Pretty much every pickup artist handbook, which many vary widely in concept & theory, pushes for you Not to compliment an attractive attention-seeking woman so generically and readily.


I can't say I've ever read one, but I'm guessing they're not taking into account that things may vary by location, setting, and atmosphere, etc.

In my own experience, I've witnessed many men ****foot around with a bunch of small talk to get a woman's attention, and they fail. Most of them don't have the guts to even compliment the women. (I witnessed this just last night, actually, and it was hilarious)

So, I guess my approach is the complete opposite of what any books may state. My general rule is, if a woman looks at me more than once, there has to be a reason. I either have a leaf caught in my hair, pizza sauce on my face, or she's wanting to look at me. I do catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror beforehand, so I tend to go with it being the latter.

From there, I'll say hello and drop a compliment immediately, and most of the time they appear stunned, then tell me how bold it was. Now, I don't gush over them like a stuck PIG (yes, I did just say that) but I waste no time in letting them know I find them attractive.

I'm not saying this has a 100% success rate, but good enough for me to stick with it, and I've never had a woman give me a "how dare you!" attitude.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 798
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/17/2012 1:38:14 PM
The thing is... everyone in this thread is saying different things; no one is saying they hate compliments nor are they saying they reject all compliments either NOR are they saying all NEED compliments; just several are saying the words "you're hot" are somewhat lazy on the compliment scale.

A friend of mine and I (a guy friend) started joking back and forth because of it and started coming up with ridiculous over the top but funny compliments that are less easy and sexy; and besides being bust a gut funny they were creative; someone doing something out of the norm is welcome to say anything they want. I think that is all some people are saying. We aren't saing we are insulted by you are hot. We are saying we aren't blown away by it. It's too obvious and easy to really be that much of a turnon to hear.

That is hugely different htan saying we are offended. So if a person wants to get appreciated; saying something that will make them stand out will be nicer if the person is a stranger.

If a person is a close friend and you've known them a long time; absolutely not only can they say it to us; we can say it to them too. It's all good.

It's not rocket science, we're not quivering evil eye palm rulers... just saying if someone wants the compliment to be appreciated more than just kind of meah, whatever IF the person does not know the person well.


coming up with a unique compliment is a better way to go.

That is not calling people idiots, that is not saying we are all that, that is not doing anything that a COUPLE of posters in this thread are accusing most of us women in this thread of doing... just saying if you want better results when you talk, mix up what you say.

that's all.

peace.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 799
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/17/2012 1:51:49 PM

That is not calling people idiots, that is not saying we are all that, that is not doing anything that a COUPLE of posters in this thread are accusing most of us women in this thread of doing... just saying if you want better results when you talk, mix up what you say.


Which, along the lines of what C-R alluded to, you're probably guy #40 for the night that's approached her with "you're hot", which makes you "no different than all the rest" - you're shooting yourself in the foot. It's a "tired cliché unimaginative line", and you're probably the millionth time she's heard that in her lifetime.

... and she's probably thinking she's the 40th woman you've said that to that night. (And she wants to feel special, not just the latest attempt after the prior 39 failures ).

You can get pissy over her not taking it "the way you think she *should*" all you want, but changing your approach might be a better solution if you really want results.
 VeryDeep
Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 800
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/17/2012 2:37:16 PM
Females never cease to amaze me with their love of being victims! What is amazing is that this little non-issue actually takes up 35 pages of wasted virtual real estate. Obviously, you’re not American – yet, being told “You’re hot” has become a cause for concern for you. Why?

Having someone who is miles away from you when he’s giving you a compliment (it’s not “complement”) would never be a worrisome problem for a rational thinking female. Did he approach you in a mall while salivating? No. You even said you’ve been chatting with him for awhile. So, he’s not a stranger out of the blue, is he?

You put on makeup, wear a pushup bra, expose your chest while out in the woods (is that for the benefit of the squirrles?), show off your legs all to attract attention. Nothing wrong in that. Men like it, and females enjoy making themselves the belle of the ball. So why do you do all the preening for? Answer: To get a response out of a man (and to have other women wonder who you are, as well).

If you don’t want a response, go join a gay site and stop acting like some hapless victim – especially at your age. You should know better by now.

The man didn’t say anything insulting. He was telling you he found you sexually desirable. Well, duh – you’re on a friggin dating site – that’s why people are here – to find sexually, emotionally, and mentally stimulating people. Got it?!

If you don’t want men to find you attractive, if you don’t want to find a man to have a romantic/sexual relationship with, then put away all the makeup, the pushup bras and only show yourself wearing baggy clothes.

But you won’t do that, will you? Of course not. You’d rather become the heroine in a cheap dime store novelette scenario you’ve got going on in your mind.

I guarantee that if you two were to meet and if he never gave you any type of compliments at all you’d be back here screaming “This man doesn’t know how to treat a lady! Should I stay with him or find another who appreciates real beauty?”

I know American women have fallen hook, line and sinker for that “Oh woe is me, men are such brutes” nonsense – but I thought European women were more savvy. Apparently, I was wrong.
 fredster45
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 801
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/17/2012 5:53:03 PM
It's probably because he doesn't know you yet...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 802
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/17/2012 8:00:14 PM
but I'm guessing they're not taking into account that things may vary by location, setting, and atmosphere, etc.

Well, no, one should pay attention to that -- but again, key word: generic. It being too readily AND generic -- bad combination. How generic it is or can be taken does vary by location, setting, atmosphere, etc. But in the end, if it's done so readily in a very generic fashion -- it's not very effective to someone who gets a lot of attention. If the guy's a hunk and the gal's not the classy-uptight-hottie, he has a lot more room for error, so it matters less.

I've witnessed many men ****foot around with a bunch of small talk to get a woman's attention, and they fail. Most of them don't have the guts to even compliment the women.

I'm not at all saying someone who doesn't -readily- compliment them means things are going to work out for them. Of course they can go in the complete opposite direction, which is no good and can sometimes be worse. And a compliment's effectiveness is surrounded by timing & delivery. Emphasis on delivery (which should be taken into consideration, as you point out, by location, setting, atmosphere, etc).

I'll say hello and drop a compliment immediately, and most of the time they appear stunned, then tell me how bold it was. Now, I don't gush over them like a stuck PIG (yes, I did just say that) but I waste no time in letting them know I find them attractive.

And if it's bold -- ie non-generic that's better... and the level of how generic it may be is based on the delivery and how it's carried out. And different guys (based on looks and personality which affects the delivery) will have different levels of success of the bold-compliment-immediately-approach (as opposed to something else bold or first generating a bit of convo), which is also affected by the distinctly different demographic-types of their target audience.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 803
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/18/2012 4:52:48 AM

I've seen some tortured reasoning in my life, but this right up there with arguing black is white.

No, I get this - it's another way of saying what you already said earlier. You give compliments for the sake of it, not to gain anything. This is another way to say that...it's when someone has nothing to gain, the compliment you give will be more sincere. When there is something to gain, there's always the possibility the gain is driving the compliment.
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