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 XoXLUXoX
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 26
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Kids will change your life ... you will never experience a deeper love ... and they will make you see things about yourself that you would never have seen otherwise.
There's a period in their lives (between 4 & 14 roughly) sometimes called the golden years where you and your kids are connected as close as can be. Google the song called "Cats in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin and don't do what he does during those years.
Make your kids the first priority over everything. Listen to them. Love them. Take pictures , lots of pictures and save them for when your old. Because those golden years go by so fast and before you know it , your kids are teenagers and connected to things other than you. And if you don't take those opportunities to be with your kids during the golden years , you will be having major guilt my friend ... believe me.
I was scared to have kids for several reasons but i had 2 boys finally , all grown up now. It was the best best thing that ever happened to me.
 Sportsfreak89
Joined: 12/28/2010
Msg: 27
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/23/2012 9:14:09 PM
OP

I can say that I too through observation do not envy those who have children. I have also found that just from helping my uncle raise his and watching parents while they shop at the place I work and how loud and obnoxious their kids get, it is just one of many reasons why I do not see myself as a future father in my lifetime.
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 28
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Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/23/2012 9:27:14 PM
maybe your perspective changed because you matured, observed, and realized that now you don't want children. many young couples do the baby thing because it is expected, they see it happening with their friends, etc. but they are not making the decision based on really knowing themselves. perhaps that is your case in the past and that is why you have changed perspectives.
kaylee
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 29
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/24/2012 5:23:40 PM
32 an going once a upon a time i wanted kids but after all the bad dates an meets an relationships not lasting forever like you would hope i realize i dont want to get stuck/left with a child i would have to look at everyday reminding me of a man who has either dumped an abandoned me an our child or decides he wants to play single guy for life..an not even take care of the child he has..

plus everybody i know but 1 person has children an i see how they struggle an have struggled especially the single ones or having to deal with a deadbeat daddy or deadbeat man who already has multiple children he barely takes care of..

it's hard enough finding a mate/match being by urself and dealing with if they have multiple kids with multiple women or are taking care of thoses kids if they are a commitment phobes or just wanna bed hop an bang everything around or are still involed with an ex or have a girlfriend/wife it's enough to make somebody dizzy

an i know an seen it's even harder if you have children just to find somebody worth more then a 10 cents for urself let alone to bring into your life an around your kids..

not trying to be another statistic.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 30
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/24/2012 5:37:16 PM
I never changed my mind about children. A NEVER will either. If I had my way I would have a hundred of em.(I'm serious here). The problem that I've always had was that there always seem to be the requirement that a woman had to involved somewhere along the lines.

Some people are not meant to be parents. Those that have "second thoughts" are probably some of them. There is no better gift that the love,mind and heart of child. Not one thing. Again,my opinion only.

Oh,for those that can't "wait" for their weekends "alone". Just imagine having 52 of them every year for the rest of your life. Still happy????
 SimplyEric
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 31
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/24/2012 6:13:08 PM
I see my niece and nephew a couple hours a week and that's enough for me!
 FairlyAlright
Joined: 9/26/2011
Msg: 32
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/24/2012 7:32:31 PM
I have made some horrendous mistakes in my life, but having kids is not among them. I'm sure it's great for other folks but I've always known it isn't for me.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 33
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Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/24/2012 7:59:15 PM
I love kids and want them in my life but I never wanted to have kids and raise them. It is great when other people want to have kids but I also respect people who choose not to have any. I can't stand being judged and labeled for not wanting to have kids although often I think the some of the ones who choose not to have them would make far better parents than some parents who have children for selfish or wrong reasons.
 YayForBeer
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 34
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Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/22/2012 9:34:10 AM
OP - I couldn't agree with you more. I've never felt the need.

I will be thrilled to be an Uncle to my brother's kid(s) when he and his wife have them, and I think my Cousin's newborn girl is absolutely adorable.

But I have no desire to ever have children.
 Ida_B_Wells
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 35
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/22/2012 9:44:36 AM
Bringing a child(ren) into a world that is strife with continual struggle is a selfish act.

Raising that child(ren) in that same world with compassion and patience is a selfless act.

Perhaps volunteer as a Big Brother and make a difference in a child's life that is already struggling. It will make a difference in your life too.
 tuxqueot
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 36
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/22/2012 11:36:02 AM
I'm going go the other way and offer an different perspective...

I married a woman with 3 kids. I wasn't supposed to have kids of my own due to a ruptured testicle when I was a teenager. So I did the dad thing, treated the stepkids like they were my own (or at least, so I thought).

Then she became pregnant with my child. The odds were so against it I never thought it could happen. But again, I figured I had the daddy thing down pat, so no big deal. Just another kid to take care of, right?

I'll tell you, the second the nurse handed me my child and said "this is your son", my WHOLE world changed. I broke down and cried right there in the delivery room. I still love my step children, but as much as I hate to admit it, I love my biological children just a bit more. It's not something I can help, that's just the way it is.

You may think you don't want kids now, but if someone were to hand you a baby and "this is yours", I am willing to bet you would change your mind quick, fast and in one M-F'er of a hurry.
 Rob3444
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 37
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/22/2012 12:02:05 PM
Wow what a bunch of diverse ideas all based on what instinct?
If you don't want kids don't have them, more people should be that way.
All the talk about how wonderfully it is, has nothing to do with this decision. Yes it's wonderful, to have a kid, but it's not for everyone.
No men can't have "healthy" kids for as long as they want.
I see the couples or singles pushing their strollers and with a few toddlers in tow and do not envy them at all in-spite of their fulfilling this natural calling bases on instinct.
The old guys that need kids a t 50 usually have lives that suck, so I doubt you will be back looking for young child bearing women as was mentioned.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 38
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Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/22/2012 12:27:45 PM
I thoroughly enjoyed being a dad...I still do in fact. My daughter is 27 and has turned out quite nicely... However I will not date a woman with minor children under the age of 17-18...In my experience they seem not to have the time to devote to a dating relationship... There's just too much to work around for my tastes.
 MyHandsHurt
Joined: 4/9/2012
Msg: 39
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/22/2012 12:32:40 PM
Sorry that I'm a girl. But I have no kids, no desire. When I see my friends with kids I'm happy I don't have to put them to bed or worry about their education.
 starofgaia
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 40
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/22/2012 2:46:06 PM
I truly respect people who refrain from breeding until they're emotional secure to handle the huge responsibility that comes with being a parent. It is a plus when people have children and actually care for them well; it demonstrates your ability to make sacrifices, to keep your commitment to them consistently, and it shows you're capable of properly caring for somebody else, apart from yourself. People forget this when they forgo a responsible human in this situation.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 41
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/22/2012 3:04:28 PM
When I was 32, that was the time I considered having kids. It didn't happen and started losing the desire for it 4 or 5 years later. I understand exactly what you're saying, though for me, it apparently happened a little bit later than it is happening to you.

I guess I burnt my fatherly instincts by mentoring and tutoring 3 kids (15, 10 and 30) at different times on or after that. It was a very rewarding experience for me and, if you think you might enjoy doing that, I highly recommended. You make great friends in the process.
 cashleys
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 42
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/23/2012 12:47:31 AM
It is a big decision to have children. But, seeing others with them has no comparison to how the bond and feelings come from your own children. If someone gets injured you might say or feel bad for them, but you don't FEEL it. You can't feel by observation those feelings about others love of their children.

Not everyone should have children some just do not have the same nurturing feelings. It should come from you, not what you see of others.
 complete_moron
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 43
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/23/2012 2:44:32 AM
I'm the other way. I didn't feel like having children until I was like 34. Now I'm 37, and I want at least 1. But it seems like I got a big obstacle..and it's nothing to do with me.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 44
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Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/23/2012 4:56:02 AM
For me, I've only once ever felt like I wanted to have children and this was due to the man I was dating and not for a need to have children. It shocked the heck out of me because I had never considered having kids. So for me, it was really because of the love that I felt for this man and me wanting to create something with him. After we broke up I wasn't as militant about not having children, but I realized that if I was to have a child it would be because of my partner and not for an innate need to have children. Perhaps this is what you are experiencing.
 missmaddy
Joined: 10/29/2011
Msg: 45
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/23/2012 5:03:50 AM
OP, im not a dude but im starting to feel like i would be perfectly happy if i never had kids. im only 25, so this may change but the more i think about it and watch my friends start families the less i want children at all. i used to want kids, badly. i wanted a big family with 3 or 4 kids... but now not so much. dont get me wrong i love kids, but i also love sending them home at the end of the day.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 46
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/23/2012 5:20:52 AM
Absolutely loved having my kids.. but they grew up during the time of 3 decades ago.


So very often I think "dear Lord, I'd NOT want to have children growing up in these times"!
It's a way different world/influences out there.
And geeze, you can't even (properly)spank them!
 Jason022679
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 47
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 6/23/2012 6:24:33 PM
Those guys that you envy for having kids are looking at you saying "what a lucky guy" for not having kids. Everyone who has kids always says it's the best thing that ever happened to them but is it the best thing that ever happened to the kid? In other words, divorced couples have torn apart a childs life. While they still may love them, they have also hurt them.

I don't have any kids but rather a nice house, truck, boat and all the free time I can handle. If I met the right girl and felt "we" could provide a loving household then sure, I wouldn't mind having kids. However, if I never have kids I'm ok with that as well. It's sad to see all the mistreated kids in Wal-Mart who will eventually grow up to rob me. Sad sad...
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 48
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 6/23/2012 9:25:07 PM
I'm still living the selfish single life before I want to have kids. :-p I would like to have a long good well quality relationship and marriage before I will consider having kids. As well a good well paying career to start as well.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 49
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Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 6/23/2012 9:58:13 PM
I never wanted kids - it wasn't that I didn't like them or didn't want the crimp in my lifestyle as much as I didn't think I would be a good mum. I never got the hang of 'kid speak' and really envy those people who can naturally step into a kidsspace.

And then I had my Most Interesting Year - married, pregnant, divorced and gave birth within 12 months. Wowzer.

In the months where I was pregnant and alone, definitely not ever how I had planned how my life would go **grins** I laid awake at night worried about the awesome responsibility of launching a human being in the world. I really worried whether I going to be able to do this well. I really wanted to be a good parent, but sometimes you suck at something no matter how badly you want to do well at it... and I was afraid this would be one of those things. She wasn't even born yet and her parents had messed up her life. Great start, eh?

But yanno, in the moment she was born I felt my life's priorities effortlessly and instantaneously alter. It was the most extraordinary feeling. In that moment I "got" what love is. I "got" how my parents loved me. I don't think anyone can really get it until they have their kid. It's kinda like when you were learning how to ride a bike, no matter how well someone explained "balance" you didn't get it until the moment you experienced it. I used to worry about maybe resenting "giving up" stuff or the way my life would alter because I had a kid... all of it was absolutely nothing to give up, because my life was willingly transformed in the moment of her birth. That still blows me away.

She's off to university in 10 weeks. It sure doesn't feel like it's been a 20 year ride. Yeah, there's been some rough patches... I've laid awake nights worrying about how to handle something or how I can help her get out of her own way. I cannot imagine my life without her in it. It would seem somehow less significant. I have learned so much about life and love being her mum. I never did get the hang of kidspeak but we sure had fascinating conversations and I've done so many things I would never have done without her. Gosh, she is so different than I am it has been fascinating to see the world thru her eyes. I learned how to throw a ball, do the nine timestables with my fingers and fell in love all over again with hockey. **grins**

The best thing I have ever done in my life is be this extraordinary person's support. I have had successes in my life - climbed the corporate ladder, achieved what I set out to, travelled a bunch, but yanno, as important as I once thought all that was, the thing that really matters to me, the thing I am most proud of is being her mum. It was the toughest job I have ever done and absolutely no contest, the most fulfilling and rewarding.
 Anthonypie
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 50
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 6/24/2012 1:07:56 AM
I use to baby sit kids and some nights I felt like screw this. Im getting a hesterectomy
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