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 AUTHOR
 Meems919
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 50
Longest Relationship.Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I read everything with a grain of salt
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 51
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 7:47:08 PM
This is one of those questions that I don't think belongs on a profile. It's none of POF's business and it should be of no concern to anyone wishing to meet up. I can't think of a single woman I've dated that I knew how long her longest relationship was before our first date, or vice versa. Sure, it was discussed eventually, but only after we had already become close.
 wick61
Joined: 4/9/2012
Msg: 52
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 8:11:41 PM
I think it depends on your age, and what you are looking for in a relation

I am 50, I am looking for a long term relation, and yes I do look at how long their longest relationship has been. Lets face it, if you are in your late 40's early 50's and your longest relation has been under 5 years, chances are there are issues going on, and long term isnt in your cards
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 53
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 10:20:48 PM
""am 50, I am looking for a long term relation, and yes I do look at how long their longest relationship has been. Lets face it, if you are in your late 40's early 50's and your longest relation has been under 5 years, chances are there are issues going on, and long term isnt in your cards""

That "long-term-relationship" is equated with whats stable, healthy, and good, while "short-term-relationships" are equated with unstable, unhealthy, and bad is one of those myths that have been around so long no-one even thinks to question it. People nowadays mostly agree that it's okay to be single and never to marry, but it seems there's a condition to that, too...you still have to have had a least one long term relationship at some point in your life to be considered normal.

People in long term relationships don't have issues? They're all healthy and happy and successful? Not even close. Unhealthy, dysfunctional people regularly pair up and become unhealthy and dysfunctional together. How many people are really happy in their relationships? How much abuse is going on behind closed doors?....Half of all men and women are having AFFAIRS... or more than half... or whatever the statistics are...and it can and does go on for years... but still, you are not considered normal and healthy UNLESS you're in a long term relationship or are married. Then you get get credited for it automatically. I mean really, this antiquated notion should have died out with the dinosaurs.

If any of it were true, it would mean we would have all come from happy homes to boot...
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 58
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 5:27:32 AM
Lets face it, if you are in your late 40's early 50's and your longest relation has been under 5 years, chances are there are issues going on, and long term isnt in your cards.


While we're at it, we should also face that if you're divorced, your long term commitment didn't turn out to be as long term as you originally commited to. You have a history of failing to live up to your vows.
 wick61
Joined: 4/9/2012
Msg: 59
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 5:46:17 AM
"People in long term relationships don't have issues? They're all healthy and happy and successful? Not even close. Unhealthy, dysfunctional people regularly pair up and become unhealthy and dysfunctional together. How many people are really happy in their relationships? How much abuse is going on behind closed doors?....Half of all men and women are having AFFAIRS... or more than half... or whatever the statistics are...and it can and does go on for years... but still, you are not considered normal and healthy UNLESS you're in a long term relationship or are married. Then you get get credited for it automatically. I mean really, this antiquated notion should have died out with the dinosaurs. "

My post says nothing about, if you havent had a long term, You are not considered normal or healthy. I have many friends on both sides of the fence that are healthy and successful. I simply mentioned that by fifty if you havent, you probably wont....lol,, wow, some people get so defensive,,, probably means???????lol
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 62
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 6:06:52 AM
One problem with online dating is all of these stupid little questions. There are so many trivial details in our profiles that get used for filtering, I'm amazed anyone ever meets one another.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 63
view profile
History
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 6:08:26 AM
I tend to skip over anyone who can't maintain a relationship longer than a year.
 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 64
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 6:33:25 AM
I believe this topic is bitter sweet. (sorry , I didn't read all the responses)

On one hand, the ones with the longer relationships respect and believe in commitment. It displays a more attractive character.

On the other hand, this person HAS been in a long relationship, and they sure as hell do not want to have anything serious any time soon.

Depends on your interpretation.
 leagueofextraordinarymen
Joined: 4/12/2012
Msg: 65
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 6:51:58 AM
The longest relationship ...hmmm! now that a 10 year mark has been drawn in the sand, there are now people saying they will or won't date someone for this reason...its funny how people can be manipulated by a dating site as to who is fit to date and who is not....
 funinsun32
Joined: 9/1/2011
Msg: 66
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 6:53:51 AM
As most of the others have responded, I look and take it into consideration but it is NOT the deciding factor.
By nature, I am more of the "give the benefit of the doubt" person. What I mean by this is I ask questions instead of jumping to any preconceived notions. If I am looking at a profile of a 38 y/o man and it says "less than a year" it would make me wonder why but wouldn't steer me away.
Every part of our profiles gets an "evaluation". It makes me neither happy nor anything else, it just simply is part of the process. I am not going to be everyone's choice, that's life! I am looking to only be one person's choice.
 moun10dew
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 67
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 7:09:00 AM
Looking at some of the postings on here I sometimes wonder if dating is my thing. I've never had anything go past 3 months. I don't even look at that part of the profile on any women I'm interested in...maybe they need to put down "how many times have you been married?" to go with that question about longest relationship. I've gone out with women that have never been married...I've gone out with a woman that was married (lol..although I'm not sure just a couple months counts) 7 times prior to dating me. Luckily for me I wasn't guy 8. It was the guy that she dated prior to dating me...and they got married a month after her and I stopped seeing each other. I'd love to have a relationship...would be kind of interesting to hear that a woman has feelings. It just never clicks. Like the old saying goes "One day at a time".
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 68
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 7:42:46 AM
I personnally think its another one of those things they put up there so the page wouldnt look so blank. SOmeone really unlucky could have had 50 relationships in the past 5 years that all lasted about 1 month, and still be someone good. Or one person could have been with the same for 7 years, yet still be an overbearing, wife or husband beating phenom.
In the end, it really doesnt matter at all. What matters is how long you take your current relationship that counts.
 Palejewel
Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 69
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 7:47:52 AM

You didn't answer my question.

I asked why three years in particular? Why not 2 years, or 4 years?


Depends on the age of the individual.
Do you always take everything literally?
Not a good idea to do that.


not jumping to conclusions and spouting vitriol, respecting, listening, asking questions, giving feedback.


You asked, I answered.
Why do you feel that I am spouting vitriol?
Cause I'm not.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 70
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 8:09:18 AM
For me it's just another one of those things that make you go hmmm. Definately not a dealbreaker, but probably something that will come up in conversation if we ever get that far.

Myself? I've been in a relationship for over 10 years, however, someone might find it more important that I haven't been in one for the last 10 years or the last or the last 6 months. Maybe if they had a box for the longest relationship and let you fill in the number and/or had a box for how long it has been since your last LTR.

It would still be speculative, but possibly more useful.
 moun10dew
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 71
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 8:42:55 AM
The funny thing in a lot of cases it gives you just one more item you can lie about. I don't know why they give added amo to people. I can't speak for the women...hell I can't speak for a good number of guys on here either, but just seems from what I read there are a number of people that fake their relationship status. Why aid them?
 Sparkledustpajamas
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 72
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 8:57:03 AM
It doesn't factor into my decision making process.
 flirtmeister
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 73
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 9:04:35 AM
my baddest problem when i am with someone i like why want to let them go ...the timing i guess is biggest problem ..but i dont see a issue being someones girlfriend after dating them a few months but guys i like mostly never want a relationship back with me ....ones i dont like want me bad ...if they got bad teeth they want to keep you forever never let you go ...if they got something wrong with them they will try to trap you in a week or two ...so i kept my self single till i fall in love .if i cant love the person i am with why be with them .....
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 74
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 9:18:25 AM

The longest relationship ...hmmm! now that a 10 year mark has been drawn in the sand, there are now people saying they will or won't date someone for this reason...its funny how people can be manipulated by a dating site as to who is fit to date and who is not....


I've met some nice men here, but I've had better results at the paid dating site, where this question wasn't asked. I think the mere act of having to pay to meet dates could be a factor in terms of how serious they were in finding a relationship. To me, there seemed to be a higher caliber of people over there---that's where I met my partner.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 75
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 9:23:59 AM
I do everything forever, so I sort of look at the relationship duration.
I was married 29 years (27 of those very good), I've been single 12
years now, with a couple of short term relationships.

I will say that I have met quite a few men my age or older that have
never been married and have had a few relationships that they consider
long term, but I don't really. I totally fell in love with someone 4 years
older than me that had never been married and his longest relationship
was 9 years, and it was clear to me after 6 months why that was.

Of course being me, I hung on way longer than I should have, but I've
learned my lesson. I won't do that again. I think there's something to be
said for having a long term relationship under your belt.
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 76
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 11:50:29 AM
""My post says nothing about, if you havent had a long term, You are not considered normal or healthy. I have many friends on both sides of the fence that are healthy and successful. I simply mentioned that by fifty if you havent, you probably wont""

....Because you assume they have "issues"... yes, you did say that... meaning you think they are mentally/emotionally incapable of sustaining a relationship now or in the future. If you're going to say something, own it. Don't try to back-track.
 InMyOwnTime25
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 77
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 12:16:59 PM
Mine is under one year, and I tend to avoid people whose profiles say 5+ years. I didn't at first, but I noticed a distinct style of communication of the few people I talked to with 5+ years. They got a little condescending with me after they had found out I had less than one year's experience, and even before they found out that (like started talking to me before reading the profile) they acted like they were some sort of manager interviewing me for a position, trying to pick my brain. I guess they might have had an evil ex and the breakups were usually quite recent, so they want a clear picture of what another person's like to avoid some of the same issues, but the third degree got to be a little much. I didn't find this with guys who had had relationships of 1-3 years.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 78
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 12:20:08 PM
LOL, this thread is starting to remind me of the Star Bellied Sneetches and Plain Bellied Sneetches of Dr. Seuss lore.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 79
view profile
History
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 12:22:24 PM
Not in the market. However, if I was, it wouldn't be a dealbreaker. I would be less inclined towards a woman who had been married for 'a long time', had kids, now grandkids, etc. Too much of her life has revolved around another fellow. Same reluctance when I see 'widow'...not a clean enough emotional break...I'd always feel like like the second guy in her life.

However, not enough of a variable one way or the other to be 'the' factor.
 moun10dew
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 80
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/24/2012 12:40:18 PM

LOL, this thread is starting to remind me of the Star Bellied Sneetches and Plain Bellied Sneetches of Dr. Seuss lore.


LOL! There are a number of postings on the boards that are like that. Lot's of those that haves and those that haven't, those that are and those that aren't, those that do and those that don't. There is more finger pointing on the boards than there is at one of those companies that make the foam hands.
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