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Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 26
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-socialPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

As an introvert, I have my own views on this but I wanted to hear from others on the subject. Are introverts shy and anti-social? Or, is shyness separate from being an introvert?

Some can be anti social or shy, some are cold and indifferent. Me I'm a introvert that can be an extrovert giving the subject matter, if it interests me I'm and open book, if not I shut the f*&^ up and look off into space. lol.
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 27
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 4/25/2012 4:29:06 AM
I always thank any person that wants to or has called me anitsocial. I consider it one of the highest compliments,especially from a "social" person. Also confirms that yes, I am on the right path.
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 28
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Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 4/25/2012 5:45:54 AM
I would consider myself as an introvert, having endless chit chat about fluff topics can be draining and my mind will wonder nor do i have to be around people 24/7, I don't understand people who have to be constantly on facebook telling the world they are doing laundry or making breakfast. Now if you want to have a conservation about your interests, a good debate/other perspectives/opinions or some current event, something funny that happened then I can probably talk your ear off.
I was very shy when I was younger, this was due to my own insecurities and if I was in large social groups I would put up barriers to protect myself from possible ridicule, which gave the impression of being anti-social, which was not the case. I didn't have to much of a problem if it was one on one conversation with people I already knew, but put me in front of a group of new people and I would break out in a cold sweat. Getting over my shyness took alot of work and practice making conversation with strangers, learning to face those insecurities and resolving my own issues, I have very extroverted friends which helped me aswell to be more open, now I can speak infront of a group and be fine. I think introverted/ extroverted or a mix of both is just who you are, shyness for me is more based in fear of not fitting in and making an idiot out of myself, that I could change in my life.
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 29
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 4/25/2012 6:00:00 AM

Could that not be associated with SAD?

Sexual Alcoholic Disease? Nah, it's a common condition with men, but subtler with women, don't worry, there's no connection....

Joined: 1/22/2012
Msg: 30
Introvert vs. Shy/Unsociable
Posted: 4/25/2012 6:03:27 AM

Ahhh, the life of labels.

Could that not be associated with SAD?

I find your unwarranted over-estimation of your own wit to be quite entertaining.
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 31
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 4/25/2012 6:06:59 AM
Introverts aren’t anti-social. Anti-social behavior violates societal norms and disregards the rights of others.

Nor are they shy. Shy people feel awkward about approaching others, even when they want to connect, and feel anxious about social interaction.

They may be thought unsociable, but introverts are not that either. Introverts are energized by time spent alone and in small groups and find larger, noisier groups draining.


Being either an introvert or extrovert is linked to the origins of how the person gets energy. An introvert will be more energized with alone time, whereas an extrovert becomes energized interacting with the external world.

Sociability is linked to upbringing and self confidence, not how a person gets energized. An introvert can be socially opened, enjoy being around others, and can even appear to be the life of the party (I dated one of those). An extrovert can be shy, nervous, and socially awkward. Introverts don't necessarily enjoy alone time more than with company... they just need more time to "recharge their battery" which ends up being alone time. Yes, extroverts like participating in the external world but that does not make them socially adept just because they seem to get energy being in the outside world. Introverts like to observe the external world first and then pick and choose what part of the external world to participate in. If anything, I think extroverts are more obtuse about their environment than introverts.

When I interact with others, people think I'm an extrovert because I'm socially fluid. It is not the case. It's really all from my upbringing. I'm an introvert and I'm not shy, I'm socially opened, and I like being around others. I was raised in some of the largest cities in the world, and I've spent the majority of my adult life in urban large cities as well. My cultural background/ethnic make up are all very social, so I grew up being around a lot of different people. Because of my upbringing, I couldn't just sit on my hands and be "shy" and worry about what others thought of me. It was necessary that I quickly picked up the necessity of socializing and try to enjoy its benefits. I like to have conversations for the sake conversation, but that's probably because I'm a Gemini. I do admit that I cannot make small talk even if my life depended on it. I'm actually more socially advanced than the my extroverted friends. While they're busy worrying about other people's opinion of them, I'm picking and choosing interesting people to socialize with.

This is not to say that I interact with a ton of people everyday. I actually don't. Because I freelance, the bulk of my work is through indirect communication, rarely face to face. I live with 3 roommates because I cannot afford to live alone anymore. I like going out and being around people, but I don't have to interact with them. I actually prefer to NOT interact because I am already content with being near. I don't mind going for days, wished I could go weeks without having to see or talk to others so I could totally recharge. Nothing is better to me than just hanging out in my room with my cat. But I live in a society full of people and so much depends on how others perceive you, so it doesn't make sense to be anti-social when that proves to be more of a draw back.
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 32
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 4/25/2012 2:40:26 PM
I'm shy as hell and there is nothign wrong with it.
Joined: 3/12/2012
Msg: 33
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 4/25/2012 10:25:58 PM

I think of introverts as people who think before they talk and are more interested in a in depth conversation with one person than in being a social butterfly who flits from topic to topic without saying anything. I might be thought of as introverted and anti-social, but the fact is, I'm just not that interested in talking to a lot of people unless what they say really interests me and isn't just bullshit about nothing.

Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 34
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 4/25/2012 11:41:36 PM
I am an introvert but can be a social butterfly. Just prefer a few special people to be around and yes can get drained
if constantly surrounded by extroverted people needing attention and wanting to make small talk. Understanding and accepting your preference and being happy with who you are is all that matters :).
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 35
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 4/26/2012 1:48:10 AM
I'm attracted to shy/introverted people. Most seem pretty laid back and level headed. Again everyone is different but I think shy is kind of cute in a woman. It sure is rare nowadays though.
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 36
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 4/26/2012 6:51:22 AM
I'm shy as hell and there is nothign wrong with it.

HAha, you SOOO do not sound or look the part at all, specially considering some of the comments I saw you post elsewhere on more, let's say salacious threads.....
Plus looking at your picture from when you visited me, you should so NOT be on a dating website and having to beat down men from ringning your doorbell everyday lol

Blushing behind your PC yet?
Joined: 8/6/2013
Msg: 37
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 8/1/2014 3:46:24 PM
true introverts are not shy...they have a strong inner reaction (thinking and feeling) to those things around them...more so than extroverts (who need alot of stimulation to get their inner fill). For this reason, extroverts can be easilt overloaded. It has nothing at all to do with shyness, as that is a different matter. Introverts invest alot of energy in encountering others, and need time alone to rejuvenate as well.

Anti-social, is a trauma/abuse reaction (massive fear cycling), and is an entirely different matter...apples and boats.
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 38
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 8/1/2014 8:53:32 PM
Anti-socials are psychopaths (i.e., Jeffrey Dahlmer, Ted Bundy), introverts get more energy back when they have time to be alone. Extroverts get filled up with people. My joy and way to get recharged is to be away from humans (only dogs and cats) until I have to be in the public again. My professor in college - Human Growth and Development class, didn't like the term anti-social being used to describe someone shy.
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 39
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 8/2/2014 7:59:05 AM
Anti-socials are psychopaths (i.e., Jeffrey Dahlmer, Ted Bundy),

So true and it is funny to see normal people labelled as anti-social simply because they don't like big parties and like to spend time alone.

introverts get more energy back when they have time to be alone. Extroverts get filled up with people. My joy and way to get recharged is to be away from humans (only dogs and cats) until I have to be in the public again.

I am with you on that one. I have been very open about being in a long distance, part-time relationship. When we were first trying to see if we could make this work, my SO told me I deserved more, as in someone who was there all the time. My answer to him was "I would rather have the right person part-time than the wrong person (or really any person) full-time. The part-time, long distance has worked for over 2 years because we are both introverts with careers that require us to be outgoing and people oriented all day every day. We both like living alone, cherish our solitude as a way to recharge and take much greater pleasure in other's part-time company.

My professor in college - Human Growth and Development class, didn't like the term anti-social being used to describe someone shy.

I was a painfully shy child and teenager. When I was very young, I would actually cry if a stranger so much as looked at me. Social interactions with anyone new were incredibly painful. Was I self-centred and thinking only of myself and what people thought of me? Not all, I really can't describe what is was all about, it just seriously almost physically hurt to have to interact with strangers. It took me a very long time to make friends because as some of my best friends said, it was almost like taming a wild animal. We would go to parties as teenagers and I would just sit on the sidelines and quietly watch or talk only to the people I already knew very well. I was about 18 or 19 and some guy I didn't know made a comment about me being standoffish and antisocial and a friend of mine said "leave her alone, she is very shy". Wow, I thought it is so bad that my friends have step between me and strangers (and apparently had been doing it for years). So I decided that day that I needed to change things internally. God that hurt, on the attempt to approach someone new, I actually walked off and threw up a few times before I was successful. It was hard, I had to work at it every day, say hello to strangers on the street, smile back at people who smiled at me instead of ducking my head. Be the one to answer the door and pay for the pizza (yep couldn't pizza if I was home alone because I couldn't talk to the delivery person!)

So to say that someone who is shy is self-centred, thinking only of themselves and what others thing of them is a load of crap. I never cared what others thought of me and most shy people are the same way. It has nothing to do what others and everything to do with something internal.

So at my age, I have a job that requires me to talk to and deal with strangers on a regular basis. Walk up to people and introduce myself, lead meetings and negotiations. I still tremble a little inside before any of these interactions but then move on. So I tell you, I will take introvert over painfully shy any day. But neither of these are anti-social.
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 40
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 8/2/2014 8:55:38 AM
New year, new comment.

Actually, just a line from a new song out there.

"" I'm not anti-social, I'm just tired of the people.....""
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 41
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Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 8/3/2014 11:34:29 AM
Introverts are not shy and anti-social. Usually, they are quiet, observant, sensitive, intelligent and caring.

They do like socializing in small groups, especially with people they know and feel close to. They get tired easily in large crowds and noise. They want to help others who are in need; but when they learn that if someone is a user, they stop helping and stay away from that person. They do dare to speak up and stand up for themselves when they face bullies. They observe and think more than those who bounce around and babble too much; therefore they learn and invent things. They are intellectual ones. Some are/were genius like Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Wozniak, Warren Buffett, J.K. Rowling, Steve Job, Thomas Addison, Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin, etc…

Some introverts (in a very small percentage) might be anti-social probably because it has had something to do with the upbringing situations; or some of them are/were TOO smart/intelligent, they cannot stand some people whom they think are as stupid idiots. Just saying.

How do I know all about these? Because I am an introvert; and I experienced all the things above. And I know many of my co-workers like me because of my characters and admire me because I’m intelligent.

I really enjoyed the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 42
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 8/4/2014 8:37:49 AM
I think you mean shy or socially inept. Introverts can totally be anti-social at times, that is to say they choose not to socialize, even though they are more than capable of doing so.

I am an introvert. There are times I am OK with socializing but it usually has to be in small doses and I like to control the circumstances of it. I want to be able to choose to do so, and feel I have the option to disengage at any time in order not to feel taxed by it.

While some get a charge from being around other people, it drains me to do it. If it's not extremely intense and doesn't require a lot of my input or participation to continue, it's easier for me to be OK with it.
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 43
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 8/4/2014 9:27:22 PM
I work shift hours all week long so I'm having from now until Wed 3 p.m. of solitude. Nothing but my 3 dogs for over 24 hours for companionship. This is bliss to me.
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 44
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 8/5/2014 8:16:57 AM
Introverts arent necessarily shy, you just dont feel the same sort of need to socialize. Not having a need to be around people isnt the same as having a social phobia about it, or being unable to be around people..its about not always WANTING to be around people.
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 45
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 8/5/2014 8:40:07 AM

Introverts arent necessarily shy, you just dont feel the same sort of need to socialize.

This is very true. The thing is that an introvert can function and do well in social setting, but what makes them an introvert is that when it's time to recharge the batteries, relax, we do so by ourselves or a very minute number of people. An extrovert relaxes by being with people. They feel weird when totally alone, while the introvert it totally at peace being alone.

I am primarily a social introvert. Yes, that is what a test I took said. I do a live show for my company every week in which I am goofy and fulling charged, and motivate sales people. Yet, I could not function well if I had to spend all my time talking to customers. It would drive me nuts. I also dislike talking in the phone. It annoys me. I'd rather talk in person, or send an email.

Shy people many times use their shyness as an excuse to be antisocial. The reality is that shyness can be overcome by simple practice. The problem is that many let their mind spin out of control. Of course there are those that suffer from anxiety, panic attracts, and other mental conditions, such as clinical depression. Many of those are chemical conditions that cannot be controlled by the person, but many cases, the solution is a mix of meds and therapy where the patient takes some control for what their mind is doing.

When you're a shy person, there's a point where you have to take control of your own life and make a decision to break out. Otherwise your own fears will control your life. I know, since I was growing up a shy kid. That does not mean that you have to be the life of the party, but simply that you can function well in any situation.
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 46
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Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 8/7/2014 5:48:02 AM
People who criticize shy/introverted people are saying you don't seek my company so.....there must be something wrong with you.
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 47
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Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 8/7/2014 1:31:15 PM
Shyness is a general fear of rejection. An introvert is someone who is simply more content to be "within themselves". As such, they are two different phenomena.
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 48
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 8/18/2014 10:55:54 AM
I've been called all three labels, introvert the least, shy mostly as a teen.

Am proud to be "anti-social". Am a lot more of an extrovert than an introvert. Extroverts do not require being around people, and we can be quiet.

The bad shyness that overlaps with introversion includes using shyness as a way not to deal with people, and not saying or doing what you want to do or are supposed to do.

Characteristics I still have at times that people might classify as shy have nothing to do with introversion. Aversion to eye contact. Looking away from a woman as she starts to bend over or otherwise might show something. The animal instinct to be wary of a stranger. Hesitating to take a relationship to the next level. A compatible partner is sensitive to this and doesn't feel personally rejected, and might help by being patient or meeting halfway.

On the other hand, some people try to rationalize rejection by imagining the other person is shy. Introverts are most likely to do this because introverts want everything on their terms, inflexible, narcissistic, unable to blame themselves for anything.

Introverts are takers, mooching psychic energy from extroverts. Sometimes introverts are irritated by this psychic energy. Shy people and anti-social people who are not introverted are independent, not living off the energy of others.

Autistic people, Asperger's, INTJ, ADD and other socially challenged people tend to be introverts. They may or not be shy or anti-social.
Joined: 5/9/2013
Msg: 49
Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 8/23/2014 11:14:52 PM
Interesting how the word 'anti-social' is attached to 'shy' or something like that.
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 50
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Introvert vs. Shy/Anti-social
Posted: 8/24/2014 6:43:06 PM
You could fit everything that I know about the clinical delineations of human personality, into a cat's @$$.

What I do know is.............................I am extremely introverted (my energy is renewed by being alone, or with no more than one other, very carefully chosen person). Like most people, I am my own worst enemy. The 2 major reasons that I have to subject myself to this sh*tty online dating stuff are: 1) I work way too damn much and 2) It is far too easy for me to spend ENTIRE weekends without leaving the house. The Internet is my****ail party.

I am drained by "people".

If I go to the mall for an hour (and don't even talk to anyone), I come home and need a nap.

I have NEVER been a "people" person.

However, no one would ever accuse me of being shy. I have frequently been accused of having a "very strong personality". Put me in a room with 1 to 3 people, and I will "work" that room like LBJ in a room full of Congressmen. Put me in a room with 20, 50, 100 people, and I will be looking for my hat and coat.

Anti-social? Hmmmmmmmmmm. I can be sociable, in small doses, (if properly medicated).
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