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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How would you retaliate when cheated on?      Home login  
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 4x4guy95348
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 226
How would you retaliate when cheated on?Page 10 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
I just walk away and do my best to forget about them.

With time, your heart will partially heal. The wounds stay with you to remind you not to be foolish and to look out for yourself.
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 227
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/18/2012 4:14:45 PM

Getting revenge helps you heal, as long as it's of a violent nature.

Am I understanding this correctly?

Hmmm....

Anyway, silence is the best way to go. Walk away completely and carry on with life in the best way possible.
 sunriseguy5
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 228
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/19/2012 7:42:43 PM
nothing good can ever come from revenge or negative intentions wished on others; you don't fight fire with fire; revenge is bad karma, instead i recommend forgiveness and put it behind you and move on with life which is the healthy thing to do.
 NickCP85
Joined: 9/10/2012
Msg: 229
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/20/2012 1:44:11 AM
I wouldn't retaliate at all. I'd leave and move on.
 Anix12
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 230
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 10/6/2012 2:06:47 AM

some people are just very cold in side,just dont care.

Oh, there you go again... talking about the women on POF!


You NEVER retaliate when cheated on.

Opinions vary on this, chum.


Your actions were to intentionally hurt other people.

Hmmmm.... scratching my head trying to figure out why this is always a bad thing. Some people need hurting... end of discussion.

From curvesweetblonde99:

She didn't cheat on you as a personal attack towards you. She did it because she is a coward and a loser and you being cheated on was just an arbitrary symptom of that.

And this glib, sophistic explanation completely absolves her of any wrongdoing?! Do you really expect anyone with any backbone and moral fiber to swallow this nonsense?! I have to say though, that I admire your audacity! Wow!

Hmmmm... a thought occurs. Now why does it not surprise me that a WOMAN came up with such a specious excuse for an ugly, morally rephrehensible, inexcusable action.?


I wouldn't. I would just be sinking to their level if I did.

Yeah, well... I can roll around in the gutter with the best of them. Take a shower and sleep like a baby at night.

Nyte2008 (04/25/12) and AMETHYST666 (04/26/12) had thoughtful comments on this topic, the tone of which matched my own feelings on the matter. But the most eloquent statement was made by Integral on 04/27/12:


The quiet satisfaction of a well executed revenge plan is horribly underrated. All that turning the other cheek ever does is give you sore cheeks. Well played.


A rare testimony presenting hard truth in quietly elegant attire. Oh, very nicely done!
 Leviathan74
Joined: 9/27/2012
Msg: 231
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 10/6/2012 3:14:42 AM
When I caught my (now ex)wife (I had been with her for almost 20 years) , I found out who the guy was, and informed his partner. Whilst this in turn hurt her as well, I don't regret doing it for a second. The partner of this guy also thanked me for telling her. Apparently it wasn't the first time he'd done it. Maybe marriage to some people is a piece of paper, but to me, it's a commitment of the heart and soul. For someone to betray that trust and that bond is unforgivable. For those who have forgiven and moved on, I congratulate you on being stronger than me. I've now been divorced for 2 years, separated for 3. Only now after all this time have the ex and I started talking amicably again. The other couple as far as I know did split up, then got back together, and are now engaged.
 gato615
Joined: 5/16/2012
Msg: 232
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 10/7/2012 5:51:27 AM
I would have done exactly what this guy did and i give him two thumbs up for having a set of balls. And since im always packing heat wherever I go, I'd love for the douchebag to try and start something
 Spore2012
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 233
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 10/9/2012 6:54:16 PM
You like a little chaos in her life, and so does she. She only wants unavailable guys because that's how her father was to her when she grew up. What you should have done, is just manned up, ditched your petty emotions and try and get her some help or help yourself to prevent crap like this from happening again and preventing more pain and chaos for others.

You basically just took her match and threw it at the gas tank next to the orphanage. If this man and woman had kids, you probably just made their lives at least a little worse. Now they will grow up and continue the cycle of this kind of chaotic relationship bullshit and so on.

Besides my opinions (which are actually more just facts, I'm sorry to say), the best thing to do is just get over and it move on. If you truly were hurt and decided that it was over then you should have just told her to **** off and stop caring about what she's doing and ignoring her. You got your own life to worry about and she is no longer a part of it. You're wasting your time keeping her involved in your life when you should be focusing on making yourself better and finding a new woman. A real woman.
 catlady68
Joined: 12/23/2012
Msg: 234
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 1/7/2013 3:21:14 PM
I don't do anything out of spite as I believe in Karma. What goes around comes around. Many times, we as gf's or wives actually suspect or know we are being cheated on, we just don't want to face the facts.
“Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”
- Confucius
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 235
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 1/7/2013 3:56:43 PM
HAhaha well I'm glad u sent her an email. Pictures would have been even better. Maybe for next time.

I don't retaliate. It's a waste of time really for me. I have been cheated on once in my entire life of dating and not once have I done anything out of spite. I simply learn from my mistake, learn from my experience and am more cautious when dating.

Everyone is different though. Sometimes I do feel like getting back at someone for what they did to me. But then I think to myself, that is not who I am.

My ex's ex wife was the cause for my relationship ending. She got into a huge argument with him, cried few tears in front of him and guess what? The very next day he breaks up with me saying how he doesn't want conflicts between his ex wife and his parents etc. I'm like whatever. Ur loss.

I gave u the world, and u decided to stick with keeping an ex wife happy who cheated on u, abandoned her 2 kids and ran off to another province and stayed with the guy for over a month or so. Some ppl will never learn and in the end they will realize what they lost! Karma works wonders I tell u.

I got mine back tenfolds so I know, Karma is real!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 236
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 1/8/2013 9:08:46 AM

It seems to me that there are a lot of Blind eye,Cheek turners posting on this thread who believe that the meek shall inherit the earth

I agree. There is such a thing as being too meek, just as there is such a thing as being too vengeful. You just gotta have a level head on what you're doing when you're in a potentially revenge-oriented situation.

It is Not ok to Cheat. So if you do then be ready to pay the price for it.

Exactly. And sometimes people don't. The same can be said for a lot of really bad things that are on the social-human-relationship that's as bad as cheating. When people don't suffer consequences, they don't adjust their behavior. Sometimes, in certain situations, the meek actually make the situation worse -- out of fear of confrontation. It is good, when given the opportunity, to have one suffer consequences when they do something wrong in relation to you. Just because you have feelings of angst, doesn't mean it's bad to go in the direction of what it asks for.

The problem is, many times we let that angst control us and we do something stupid when going down doling-out-consequences alley. And also, many times, we don't have a good opportunity to do so in a meaningful way. I think one's goal should be for that person to wake up and fully realize what they did wrong when it comes to something significant... not so much riding off of pure primitive emotion to make oneself feel better (but a correct, sound "revenge" will make you feel better).

If one disagrees -- then you should really hate a lot of the good guys in movies. Many of them have them getting revenge over the bad guy. Revenge is actually not necessarily a bad thing. Again, it's just that many folks do a horrible job of executing it and shoot themselves in the foot, create worse situations down the line for themselves, etc. You just have to put some thought into it with a cool head, and only if there's a real opportunity, not just an emotional reaction to make an idiot of oneself.
 TALLTEXAN2012
Joined: 4/13/2012
Msg: 237
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 1/9/2013 5:14:10 AM
I disagree on that...as a wife that was cheated on and was "clueless"...I wish someone HAD told me!!! It ended a 39 year marriage but hey, he was the loser!!!
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 238
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 1/11/2013 1:02:44 AM
I recently was cheated on, for the first time (to my knowledge anyway), and I told the other woman about me. It really was more for her sake than anything though - my ex had spun me a very convincing story in which, among other things that later proved to be untrue, they'd been talking but hadn't had sex yet. I believed him, and as he and I were long-distance, and there's an age gap, I found it understandable he might have met someone, though obviously he should've told me right away, or just broken it off. And it explained a few things. I'd known something was wrong, but not what. So that was kind of a relief, in a way; I wasn't wondering anymore.

However, he'd also admitted he told the new woman that he was single and was visiting a friend when in fact I was with him for a few days, and, call me crazy, I had a funny feeling he wasn't going to set that straight with her. So I did, as I'd sure want someone to tell me if I were in her shoes, and she told me - rather in shock and very apologetically, as if it were her fault he'd lied to her - just how much had been going on, for just how long. Of course I told her I didn't blame her. And at least she knows what she's getting into, now, if she chooses to continue, though it would've been better for her IMO if she'd still, as I'd thought, had the option to bow out prior to getting physical.

Anyway, albeit upsetting, it turned out to be a good thing for me too that we talked... now I know I need to get some tests. So does everyone involved with a cheater. They might've been sleeping around for any length of time, with any number of partners.

What the other parties opt to do is up to them, but I wouldn't even consider this kind of information-sharing as retaliation. More like a responsibility, when possible.

That said, if I had known then what I know now, as with the OP, I'm sure there would've been some spite in it too. I've lost all respect for my ex and feel quite sickened by him now.
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 239
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/5/2013 10:40:14 AM
So, so petty. I don't consider anyone who has sex with someone outside my relationship to have "cheated" on me. What it is the big whooping deal? You don't own them. If you can't supply what they need, then is it not natural for them to go elsewhere? Of course. Face up to it and accept your shortcomings. If you weren't really ready to satisfy your partner fully, then what else can you expect from them. They are only human. If you want to go all nutso and take vengeance, all I can say is you need some counseling 'cause you're an immature jerk. And, maybe this little test was what was needed to find out what you were really made of. With some exceptions, there is little doubt that your partner has had sex with other people for you both met. What are you gonna do about that? You gonna go after all those people, too? PALEAZE! GROW UP.
 RonBurgundy117
Joined: 2/20/2013
Msg: 240
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/15/2013 5:59:08 PM
I wouldn't try for revenge.... I think I would simply tell them what I think about them doing what they did, And then say goodbye forever, If they have even an ounce of humanity, They should feel a buttload of guilt.
 sunriseguy5
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 241
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/15/2013 10:03:41 PM
There is already so much hate and negativity in this world, so why add to it? Instead try to forgive and move on in life, that's the healthier thing to do.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 242
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/17/2013 1:41:31 AM
With cheating, it depends on the situation. Honestly, I'd thank the other guy and tell him "she's all yours". I'd thank him from liberating me from a cheating woman, and congratulate him on getting my leftovers.
 Micosc
Joined: 3/6/2013
Msg: 243
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/17/2013 4:06:44 PM
you don't karma will take over...
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 244
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/18/2013 4:01:13 AM
Some are so low that they have to look up in order to look down. Karma has no effect on those types of people.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 245
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/18/2013 3:32:12 PM

Vengeance is fun. **** around with her friend. She'll be pissed. I'd tell her when she finds out, "If you don't want me to do it again, don't do it to me". Best revenge ever.

It is fun, and that feeling is there for a reason -- even though you can be playing with fire. A lot of the time there's no an opening to truly "retaliate". Of course, any retaliation should be a means, not an ends. It's for the person to realize that they did wrong and to have regret. Sometimes you don't have that option and emotion can make you do stupid stuff -- which will make them be further from thinking regret.

There is already so much hate and negativity in this world, so why add to it? Instead try to forgive and move on in life, that's the healthier thing to do.

Well, either way -- one is going to hate their recent-ex for a while. Having a fruitful "retaliation" can alleviate that hatred actually -- for them anyway. Also, actual forgiveness (not fake-forgiveness-to-sound-better) requires the other person genuinely being sorry. If that other person thinks "Yeah, so what? I'll do what I want..." -- forgiving them actually perpetuates the wrong in society... it lets them believe they can still go on doing what they're doing. People who do a lot of bad things to folks do so because they don't face little to no consequences.

It's much akin to being-a-doormat. Being a doormat in the dating or relationship scene actually perpetuates people to walk all over others. I'm no advocate for inflict-pain-on-others-for-raw-spite at all. If what you do makes you feel better + makes that other person think twice about doing it again -- it's a positive thing.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 246
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/18/2013 4:55:25 PM

How would you retaliate when cheated on?

I wouldn't, and haven't. I've tried to solve the problem that the cheating indicated existed. But retaliate? Nah, not worth it. Even when I felt angry/hurt enough to fantasize about retaliation, I also knew I wasn't really capable of maliciously doing something to harm another person, no matter how much I thought they deserved it. Besides, "getting back at" implies that someone still cares and why would I want them to think I did?

Well, either way -- one is going to hate their recent-ex for a while.

True enough.

Having a fruitful "retaliation" can alleviate that hatred actually -- for them anyway.

This is not actually true, at least not universally true; a lot of people think revenge is going to give them some kind of satisfaction, and they'll feel better. It doesn't seem to work like that.

Also, actual forgiveness (not fake-forgiveness-to-sound-better) requires the other person genuinely being sorry.

Not true. Forgiveness is within the wronged person and has nothing to do with the wrongdoer.

forgiving them actually perpetuates the wrong in society... it lets them believe they can still go on doing what they're doing. People who do a lot of bad things to folks do so because they don't face little to no consequences.

I disagree; I don't think "punishment" is an effective deterrent to wrongdoing - if it were, there'd be no repeat offenders in prison, and people wouldn't cheat on partner #2 and #3 and #4 ...

Forgiveness can also have health benefits for the forgiver.
http://www.ahinternational.org/media-home/news-articles/29/204-researchers-break-down-benefits-of-forgiveness
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131

Revenge, or retaliation, on the other hand, although possibly feeling "good" in the moment, is ultimately a losing strategy since in any conflict, both parties are likely to see themselves as being "right" - or at least "righter" than the other person.
http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/revenge.htm
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/emotionally-sensitive/2012/03/revenge-do-you-feel-better-when-you-act-on-those-urges/#more-331

It's much akin to being-a-doormat. Being a doormat in the dating or relationship scene actually perpetuates people to walk all over others.

Forgiveness for one event does not mean that future events will be forgiven or even tolerated. In the case of cheating, one can both forgive, and leave the marriage/relationship. The two are not mutually exclusive.

I'm no advocate for inflict-pain-on-others-for-raw-spite at all. If what you do makes you feel better + makes that other person think twice about doing it again -- it's a positive thing.

Aside from whether or not the wronged person feels better, the wrongdoer is unlikely to change their behavior much, in most cases. After all, if I cheat on you, I'm going to have my reasons why - and none of them are going to be that I wanted to hurt you. If you do something malicious to "pay me back", I'm unlikely to see that as my "just desserts", and more likely to consider you a bit of a nutcase, and perhaps even thank my lucky stars I'm no longer with you.
______________________________
The Nature of Forgiveness
• Frederic Luskin, a Stanford researcher who studies the effects of forgiveness, defines it as "…the moment to moment experience of peace and understanding that occurs when an injured party's suffering is reduced by the process of transforming a grievance they have held against an offending party."
• Forgiveness is not forgetting. In fact, one must acknowledge negative emotions and events before forgiveness can occur.
• Forgiveness is not pardoning, excusing, or stating that an offense will be treated as acceptable behavior in the future.
• Forgiveness is, first and foremost, an internal process. It is primarily for you.
• The term pseudo-forgiveness has been used to describe forgiveness that occurs with ulterior motives, such as wanting to aggravate or prove the offender's wrongdoings. This approach is not likely to have healing benefits.
• Forgiveness is a path to freedom. It frees one from the control of the 'offender.'
• Forgiveness can break patterns that would otherwise interfere with future relationships.
• Forgiveness can take time and hard work.
• Forgiveness need not require reconciliation.

from: http://www.amsa.org/healingthehealer/forgiveness.cfm
 oneofthefew13
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 247
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/18/2013 5:03:43 PM
My best advise for retaliation is to cut off all ties to the person that cheats on you. There's no need to stoop to their level, because it accomplishes nothing. And by paying them any sort of attention it only feeds their ego. The one thing I have found that works best for these types of people is to ignore them as if they don't exist, this to me is the best revenge because in their eyes they cannot get to you anymore
 buterfly41978
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 248
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/22/2013 3:39:12 PM
Why would you bother to retaliate? If you didn't mean enough to them to be faithful, why spend the effort on them.. That doesn't even make sense to me.
 venusenvy777
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 249
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/22/2013 6:04:43 PM
The best revenge is living well!
 Bohica4u
Joined: 2/11/2013
Msg: 250
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/22/2013 8:11:14 PM
"The best revenge is living well!" BINGO!!!!
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