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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How would you retaliate when cheated on?      Home login  
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 Quasimodo11543
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 251
How would you retaliate when cheated on?Page 11 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
actually, the best revenge is banging her sister or her friends.
 Paulhoob
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 252
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/23/2013 12:55:31 AM
So true!

Being cheated on is not pleasant. When the next one comes along you become more "picky", at least i'am.
it has definitely changed my perspectives.
 JustABitOldFashioned
Joined: 3/2/2013
Msg: 253
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/29/2013 6:25:12 AM
I made the mistake of retaliating as well and it really does nothing. Yes, my logic is that I would want someone to tell me if I were in that situation. The worse part of my situation is that my ex told me early in my relationship that she was cheated on and found out because the other girl called her. Long story short of my situation my ex came around and got caught lying about being single and I let the guy know what is up as I would want someone to let me know. My ex got pissed which is hypocritical due to the fact of what I stated earlier.

Now as for Retaliation and where I failed was within the Bible:

It states in Romans 12 not to react out of anger or repay evil with evil. Let God handle all wrong doings. I believe somewhere in James or Luke it says the same thing. The best thing to do is follow that and even though I didn't last time and I hope to not have to be in that situation again, but if I am, I will just let God handle it and any other wrong that I may face and want to make it right in my own way.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 254
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/29/2013 10:42:46 AM
This is not actually true, at least not universally true; a lot of people think revenge is going to give them some kind of satisfaction, and they'll feel better. It doesn't seem to work like that.

Again, I said "fruitful" retaliation. Fruitful meaning it gets positive results -- the person thinking twice about doing it again and feeling regret for doing it in the first place. It's not merely about feeling good about it.

Not true. Forgiveness is within the wronged person and has nothing to do with the wrongdoer.

There's a difference between moving past something & accepting it -- and truly forgiving SOMEONE. People will re-define things to water it down -- but true forgiveness is more than moving past it. Yes, it's for you, the wrongdoer. To forgive is to not to have issue with them as a person. If they laugh at you for hitting you or your gf/bf, but you end up moving on from it emotionally -- you're not forgiving them. If you (rightfully) have issue with them as a person because of it and them having the Opposite of sorrow or regret, but say "I forgive you" -- you're lying. You can still move past things emotionally without true forgiveness.

I disagree; I don't think "punishment" is an effective deterrent to wrongdoing - if it were, there'd be no repeat offenders in prison, and people wouldn't cheat on partner #2 and #3 and #4 ...

That's not what I said. Just because you refrain from expressing forgiveness to a person who has no regrets for doing something blatantly wrong to you doesn't mean you punish. It's not an either-or thing. And it's not about "punishment", although in some circumstances that can be a means that fittingly leads to the right ends. The ends of course, is one realizing regret. Telling someone you forgive them WHILE that person has no sorrow or regrets about doing it, will perpetuate them to be doing it again. It's saying it's OK. In the end, it's "Okay... well I didn't do anything wrong, but great. I didn't really do anything wrong, you don't have any emotional bones about it... cool." What's stopping them from continuing? That's being a lesser person, not the bigger person, when you express forgiveness to the person when they don't believe they did anything wrong and they most certainly did.

This may sound bold, but think about it... It's a selfish, immature act to serve yourself by falsely being a "better person" by expressing that you forgive them when they blatantly did wrong to you and having no regret. If that's the routine/habit/way of emotionally moving on and you're only doing it for you -- it's sad in that case. You're perpetuating them to doing it again.

You make them understand. Sometimes lecturing won't do it as they're emotionally walled-up from realizing anything for their own pride/ego protectionism. Here's an example by JustABitOldFashioned ....

my ex came around and got caught lying about being single and I let the guy know what is up as I would want someone to let me know. My ex got pissed which is hypocritical due to the fact of what I stated earlier.

She got pissed because she knew she was wrong underneath it all and was instinctively defending herself. Her feeling bad = You being bad. It's a natural reaction at first for many. Being caught in an action like that prevents them living in their own internal la-la land or lying to themselves about how it's okay. She got pissed because she was caught. It's GOOD you told the guy.

What you did wasn't evil. Just because you felt satisfaction letting the guy know, doesn't mean it's bad because that same type of satisfaction can be found of people doing bad things. Just because you enjoy that feeling of indulgence when you eat an awesome steak after not eating for 24 hours, doesn't mean it's bad, greedy, or you're being too materialistic in life because of that feeling -- you haven't eaten in 24 hours!

What you did was Right. Do you think she's going to think twice about cheating again, or do you think she's going to go about it just as swiftly? A BAD form of response would be to cheat on her -- that would perpetuate cheating as a form of cold war, and just as satisfying for some if not moreso. Instead you did the right thing -- you let the other person know and you're a relevant person in the situation to do so. Not doing so would be cowardice. In the long run, the guy is glad he found out (if he didn't know already).
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 255
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/31/2013 9:20:16 AM
Retaliatory behaviour implies one wants to control another or make them pay.

I don't fully agree, but somewhat. It's to make them "pay" I guess -- serving consequences. It doesn't require irrational behavior at all. Handling any emotional situation in any particular way should be well thought out... and when retaliating especially, one should not let their emotions be their compass. But many times it's to take away control from another person that has control on oneself. Example: A company significantly cuts salaries of particular workers at a company. Those worker get together and *retaliate* by threatening to look for other jobs, leave immediately, form a union, etc. Retaliation doesn't at all imply a blood lust for vengeance.

Retaliation is a sign of immaturity.

I disagree. It by itself is not. You must not enjoy many many movies. :) Many movies have a good person damaged/wronged significantly by a bad person, and the good person retaliates. It's not limited to action movies either. It's HOW one does it which would be deemed fruitful or immature.

Cheating is a sign the relationship isn't working.

It's not just a sign -- it's a demonstration of the relationship far from not working.

When the clue is jumping up and down in front of you, do with it what you will, but it's to your advantage to pay attention and do what's best for you.

I agree. And what's best for onself, sometimes but not all the time when there's unjustified cheating and/or wrongdoing, is an effective opening to have that other person feel regret without making a jacka$$ out of oneself. Yes, emotional consequences. That in and of itself is not wrong at all just because many others screw it up. :)

This usually involves moving on.

Let's be honest though -- there's no argument about one moving on. In fact, a part of moving on effectively is knowing you did all you could for a fruitful closure. When there is an opportunity and the situation is fitting, one should serve emotional consequences to induce/ensure regret. Not by actually being the bad guy -- but to have the other person realize they did wrong and/or think twice about doing such wrongs again.

Avoiding or having fear of confrontation can hurt a relationship and cause problems. Doing so in the end of a relationship when the other clearly did wrong can hurt oneself in the long run when it's realized they logically should have done so. Avoiding confrontation for the sake of avoiding confrontation is cowardice and just as immature as seeking revenge for the sake of seeking revenge.
 stealthblonde
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 256
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/31/2013 12:39:23 PM
You did the right thing telling... I was the one being duped and no one said a thing... you did the wife a favor...took me six months to figure out why Mr. Wonderful was being an a&&hole to me. He could have just said he was done... instead he was banging the office ho on the side... he is the 7th coworker she has had an affair with (wow, how special is he?) - several wives have shown up and punched her in the face!!! Want to know why she has not been fired?? She files harrassment charges against the guy as soon as something goes wrong - so it is never "her fault".

How did I retaliate? I researched and found all the laws at work that she was breaking (including posting inappropriate pics taken at work while on the clock!) I printed them and mailed them to the president of the company. I also included two emails with NAMES she sent my ex telling him how she was going to get him fired like she did them if he didnt do what she said... LOL... that was a year ago... she is now on probation at work and under investigation... my ex got suspended for 3 days and some kind of counciling... I got lots of paperwork and bills to deal with to complete the divorce... BUT... I am content not to have that deperate feeling, the constant turmoil, the agony of his hateful words when I was trying to figure out what was wrong.... he is sorry now... asked for me back... h3ll no. BTW... I have been married to him for over 30 years, since I was 20 years old... sometimes the choices we make at 20 are not the choices we would make at 50... so I win in the end... ready to try again :)
 Notinterested5891
Joined: 7/29/2012
Msg: 257
view profile
History
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 4/3/2013 7:51:31 AM
I always warned my bf's that if they cheated on me then I would have sex with their brother, or best friend...
One time I dated a guy with a twin... Now that would have been really awful.

Never had to follow thru though..l never been cheated on that I found out....
 LoveBeautifulDays
Joined: 2/21/2013
Msg: 258
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 4/7/2013 12:37:03 PM
eh just move on
vengeance is mine says the Lord.
not your responsibility!
 PlayfulDrummer4u
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 259
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 4/7/2013 6:27:59 PM
Shoot the ****! Hell, shoot him, too! And the parrot that suggested the idea!
 marilynh77
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 260
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 4/7/2013 6:36:47 PM
I just moved on. Revenge would just be reaping what you sowed so just move on and be happy, no need to go back to cheater and a good person will find you.
 momastic87
Joined: 11/5/2009
Msg: 261
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 4/8/2013 5:33:13 PM
That's what the **** I'm Talking about.
 StrykinOut
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 262
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 4/16/2013 10:27:19 AM
The thirst for revenge stems from bitterness. Bitterness is akin to swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die. Best to learn from the experience and move on.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 263
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 4/20/2013 11:32:21 AM

The thirst for revenge stems from bitterness. Bitterness is akin to swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die. Best to learn from the experience and move on.

Bitterness is not a bad thing in and of itself. Neither is anger in general. If one doesn't feel it or by some crazed self-help-book one decides to make themselves suppress it automatically -- they're just robotic and that's kind of creepy.

Revenge can result in, but does Not Mean, over-reacting. Many times you won't have the opportunity to have suitable "Revenge" which would quench your emotions. One shouldn't act in Revenge to quell their emotions, I agree. But like fear and other emotions, it's there for a reason -- a good reason. One should take fitting "revenge" -- doing something to make that person think twice about doing what they did again & feeling regret. Sometimes revenge is being a better person or being with a better person, where they see it and regret hits them. Sometimes that's not an applicable option. IMO, one should set their emotions aside when it comes to what they should do after someone screws them over. But to be a coward and not do something when the sound opportunity arises, is a shame. People doing bad things should not continue on afterwards with zero consequences each time.
 Reg_Herring
Joined: 2/23/2014
Msg: 264
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/28/2014 8:36:52 AM
*shrug* -- don't get mad; get even...
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 265
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/28/2014 9:21:46 AM
The best revenge is living well, getting fitter at the gym, being positive, and then having the "cheater" bf/gf see you ridiculously happy and joyful with your new bf/gf a few months later.
 Iteration77
Joined: 8/22/2013
Msg: 266
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/28/2014 10:00:46 AM

The best revenge is living well, getting fitter at the gym, being positive, and then having the "cheater" bf/gf see you ridiculously happy and joyful with your new bf/gf a few months later.


OR

Doing the first few things and be perfectly happy and joyful with your life even if you aren't with a new bf/gf.

Just MHO, but I think it's dangerous to fall into the trap of thinking that living well means being in a new relationship.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 267
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/28/2014 10:13:05 AM
^^^

I must not have been clear.
Living well to me includes things like going bicycle riding with friends, hiking in the mountains, doing well at work, attending concerts, having fun with my siblings, and generally being happy. Presence of a new partner is totally optional!
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 268
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/28/2014 11:03:14 AM
Wow, what a conundrum. I've never been cheated on, so I'm not sure if I'd lose it if it were to happen to me in my next relationship.

Knowing my temper, my best "revenge" would be to leave them alone. After all, they just lost the best thing that ever happened to them (me).

To me, it's not about the cheating itself, I don't consider d*ck to be my property (unless we're playing that game), and I understand some people get bored of sleeping with the same person over time. My whole thing about it, is the whole putting my health at risk by sleeping with someone else, and then sleeping with me. That alone is enough reason to sever ties, as it shows you don't care about my health.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 269
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/28/2014 11:10:28 AM
When I was younger in my late 20s I once engaged in a kind of retaliatory relationship with a woman I had been dating. But I cheated on her first, so she had retaliated against me.

I have only had one woman cheat on me, my very first GF, and that was after 5 years of trying to get me to marry her.

But a determined woman that is bold and skilled in the art of revenge can always one up a man by picking up men and flaunting them in one way or another. It's a losing battle, and nothing to be gained by either party. You really can only “win” if the woman involved is a nice person to begin with.

It becomes a contest of who cares least.

Now If I break up with someone, I move on and don't care what they are doing or whether they know what I am doing or not. If they are living well then more power to them, I don't care.

I might retaliate if there was some grievance more serious than just cheating. Something that caused me actual harm.

I want to live well because I like to live well, not because of anyone else.
 the_regency
Joined: 12/20/2013
Msg: 270
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/28/2014 11:54:29 AM
In my youth on a couple occasions when a guy I was seeing, saw someone else behind my back, I simply cut communication without saying a word or even letting him know I knew. Drove them nutz. When they came to my door after not getting thru any other way I would open it, look around, and close the door as if no one was there.

Only once and in my early 20's a guy I was dating, who seriously courted me, told me one night after a long make out session he was still in love with an older married woman in another state. And it kept going....he would not inherit the family fortune if he married out of his religion and ethnicity, I was neither. Needless to say I was totally shocked, this happened after kissing for hours and drinking wine and talking about how much we liked one another.

After I spent the next day struggling to make it thru work, totally confused and bummed out, he showed up at my door around dinner time with a dozen roses, told me he was very sorry he could never marry me but wanted to continue to see me but keep it a secret from his family. Still and further shocked, I said I'm watching a movie and he invited himself in. Without thinking about it at all I teased him thru the entire movie, thought the guy was going to explode on himself a few times. I kept saying wait till the movie is over and kept teasing him.

When the movie finally ended, he grabbed me like a horny madman that had been teased for hours and I pulled back and said "What the hell is wrong with you, you can't marry me can you? You are in love with a married woman too, how dare you try to touch me, get out and never come back. He hesitated for a moment and I said I am calling the police and will send your parents a copy of the police report".

None of this was planned, literally all spur of the moment, nor was it the way I was raised, but I must say at the moment he walked out I got my peace back and was totally over it, the sadness and feeling of betrayal vanished. I've never done anything similar since perhaps because I learned and chosen better. Who knows, but I highly recommend it.
 Westernguy
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 271
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/28/2014 12:05:08 PM

the trick is to separate from your emotions and use your intellect. Be a man and let it be and recognize there are better people in the world for you


Best response of the entire thread !



Westernguy
 razors_edge55
Joined: 11/25/2013
Msg: 272
view profile
History
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/28/2014 3:14:15 PM
I did not ,(in a few words) she came home and I felt someting was not right ( you do that after 17 years) and to her credit said she had been with someone, now I've been tempted I would say three times in those 17 years but never acted on it so I did understand temptaion after along talk ,I said we can work this out ,but it must stop. Just before I fell asleep she said "your a good man" but the next day she was at it again .
Long story short ,he ended up in prison and now she is married to one cold fish.
I'm happy and the universe takes care of itself
Cheers
 Reg_Herring
Joined: 2/23/2014
Msg: 273
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/28/2014 6:51:13 PM
Would you ignoramuses *STOP* misusing the word "karma"? It does *NOT* mean retribution in this life delivered by an impersonal universe...
 the_regency
Joined: 12/20/2013
Msg: 274
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/28/2014 9:26:28 PM
^^^Dude I hear ya. Karma can be studied for years and not be fully understood. It has nothing to do with the western comparison of an eye for an eye mentality doled out by unseen forces.

Sort of funny how those who say it think they are pure and innocent....but it's said with a strong hint of revenge.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 275
view profile
History
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/1/2014 9:10:16 AM
I live in a larger city and you hear it in the news constantly...husband/bf/whatever shooting and/or killing wife/gf who he thought was not treating him right. Very often, they are violating a restraining order because of ongoing abuse. It is violent and very often women/children/and the perpetrator are killed with a weapon.
That being said, revenge of this type very often escalates to something much more serious. The man who cuts down a tree can have caused serious property damage to a house or possibly kill/wound someone in the house or innocent bystander closeby. What if you have/display a weapon just to "scare" someone, an altercation takes place, and the weapon goes off hitting someone in the head leading to death? Hostility fueled by adrenaline is quick to act and very often goes much further than planned.
The following are some of the outcomes of said actions....

Homicide/1st and 2nd degree, with prison time and possible death penalty.
Involuntary/Voluntary Manslaughter, with prison time
Aggravated Assault/Simple Assault, with possible prison time
Aggravated Battery/Simple Battery, with possible prison time
Larceny (crimes against property), with possible prison time
Arson/Vandalism, with possible prison time
Weapons Violations, in Missouri guaranteed prison time, along with the offense
Offenses Against Family/Disorderly Conduct, any number of ways you'll be punished.

Forget Karma...you have to deal with the laws of the land as they are written NOW...and I fully believe you reap what you sow or what goes around comes around. I didn't believe that at 22, but I believe it now.

The OP thought he was an innocent victim...BULL! When things fall apart both parties are involved. We only hear his side; we don't hear hers. It takes two to make; it takes two to break. If either cheats...then get your stuff and LEAVE. That way no one is hurt or killed and when everyone calms down, can go on with their lives.
Revenge never works!

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