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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How would you retaliate when cheated on?      Home login  
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 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 276
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?Page 12 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
Revenge or retaliation for cheating never made any sense to me. At least when it comes to cheating in response to cheating. I mean...why? If someone were to cheat on me, then obviously they don't want to be with me or don't need me, so I'm just gone and moving on. In fact, they'd probably be perplexed by my lack of action and sudden permanent absence otherwise, and my indifference. But then...if I'm majorly invested, like with marriage, finances, children...who knows...a lot more damage and danger might be posed, and it might be about a lot more than my feelings or thinking they lied to me about our relationship, so other action might be appropriate. But it still wouldn't make sense to "cheat back". That's a stupid idea.
 Reg_Herring
Joined: 2/23/2014
Msg: 277
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/2/2014 10:25:30 AM
Feeling wronged in the moment, and wanting to get "revenge", are hallmarks of a normal, healthy psyche, and I don't know why so many people are actrually *PROUD* of pretending that they don't have normal human feelings. I know that I've passed an idle hour or two fantasizing about burying the person what wronged me up to his/her neck next to an anthill, smearing honey on them, and letting "karma" (snicker) do the rest, while their begging for mercy falls on deaf ears. Not that I would actually *DO* it (probably... ). Having never been cheated on, I woudn't treat it as a "cheat for free" card. What I'd do is, stick with her, and do small things over the course of years, such as:

*"forget" her birthday (and forget to remind any small children of she may have of Mother's Day);
*call her CC company and report her credit cards as stolen, and could they please cancel them (when she's on an important business trip -- timing is everything);
*store random numbers on my cell phone, and leave it lying around where she's apt to see it;
*have friends occasionally call me from phone booths, and hang up without a word if she answers.

Stuff like that. Don't get angry; get even.

"Yea, though I walk through the Valley of Death, I will fear no evil -- because I'm the meanest sunnuvab!tch in the Valley!"
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 278
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/2/2014 12:06:59 PM

Feeling wronged in the moment, and wanting to get "revenge", are hallmarks of a normal, healthy psyche, and I don't know why so many people are actrually *PROUD* of pretending that they don't have normal human feelings

What should be done here is question what one thinks is a normal human feeling. And, if whether or not it's normal is even relevant.

This would be an example of the mischaracterizations that people convince themselves of concerning what logic and emotion is...this would be an example of what's thought to be logic versus emotion, but isn't. Of the fact that logic and emotion aren't opposites, nor flip sides of some same coin.

Emotion is certainly involved. And feeling a certain compulsion when wronged is logical...is a logical emotion. But some people's emotions are more logical than others, and whether or not a case of cheating is also a case of being wronged in the same sense as other senses of being wronged is being painted inaccurately.

To "cheat back" when cheated upon, when one isn't of the cheating psyche, is obviously inapplicable nonsense therefore not an emotional reaction that could even exist. F-cking another person just because I was cheated on doesn't negate the fact that I might not want to f-ck that other person in the first place. They aren't more appealing just because I was cheated on. And, to think that it somehow "gets back" at the other person is, again, weirdly nonsensical in the extreme sense. All it maybe does is let them get you to become like them...a cheater.

If a woman doesn't want to be with me, and cheats, the emotion is to just break up - if two people find each other or want to be together, but one or both is in a relationship that they then realize isn't the one they want, they should be allowed to not be constrained by circumstances.

The only things that can sensibly come into play and be important is whether or not someone lied - lied to do the cheating and hide it and remain with the one who was cheated on...not trying to tell them beforehand and breaking up, or not telling them afterwards and staying together. Even that would only warrant breaking up. Lying about whether or not you're a monogamous type. Lying about whether or not you want to be in a monogamous relationship with the other that's cheated on...the cheating would reveal the lie. The third party not being honest in whatever way, beforehand or afterwards. Etc etc etc...I don't really want to type out all of the possible combinations here, folks should do that brain-work on their own. And obviously, this also reveals the different kinds of relationships people can have, and what's wrong with some of them...the term "cheating" already implies that there're rules. In bad forms of so-called "relationships", this applies, because it's more like an arrangement than a relationship, and it's usually these types who experience the emotion of revenge, and actually believe it to make sense, or to be a natural normal emotion, to cheat back.

A real relationship is one in which the two involved truly want to be together, for the right reasons, monogamously, and it's of their own free choice. In cases where some cheating takes place within this kind of relationship, what's really happening is either - The cheating reveals that it really wasn't that kind of relationship for one of the partners, and they weren't honest about this with theirself or their partner. Or - They were simply exercising their choice, as it should be, to be where they want to be. What might be in question is simply the different ways in which honesty or respect was part of the equation before, during, and after whatever actions or decisions take place. So, in either case, if someone cheats on me, then obviously we just don't bel0ng together and/or she doesn't want to be with me or just isn't my type concerning philosophies on relationships, so I just move on...which includes no "second chance" or reconsideration at all, which also makes no sense to me. I wouldn't waste the emotional energy for anything nonsensical, and would simply break up and be gone. The emotion that would be experience is just disappointment that things aren't the way that I wanted or thought they were.

In relationships that aren't really relationships, but more like arrangements, wherein someone isn't capable of a revenge or cheating-back emotion and relates to the opinion that I've described here...for them, it can be because they just don't care about relationships that much in the first place. Which is very different.

For similar reasons, jealousy isn't very much a part of my makeup either. Either someone wants me, or they don't. No matter how much I like them or are interested in them, a prerequisite of that being legitimate is the other person also liking me. If they don't, then nothing's there, and no jealousy is possible, for being irrelevant.
 Reg_Herring
Joined: 2/23/2014
Msg: 279
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/3/2014 7:52:11 AM
^^^^^ That's a lot of words to say pretty much nothing. Don't you feel the slightest bit guilty for killing all those electrons?

ETA:


(DTSWMF) A real relationship is one in which the two involved truly want to be together, for the right reasons, monogamously, and it's of their own free choice...


What about polygamous Mormons, whose religion tells them that polygamy is the way to go? Are they "freely choosing", or are they indoctrinated/hood-winked, or is the paternalistic, condescending view that it's some combination of the two?
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 280
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/3/2014 9:55:51 AM
I think that to answer that question, I'll need to contemplate whether or not the electrons used by the Mormons when they turn on their computers in their houses are exercising free will or are subject to causal determinism when becoming involved in the computer...as well as the fact that said electrons aren't killed, but only channeled and employed in one way versus another.

While I'm at it, I might even need to figure out whether or not each electron feels that it was cheated on when a Mormon's computer happens to use another electron instead.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 281
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/22/2014 12:39:21 AM
As a person who grew up in a broken home with a messy divorce and hate filled bile oozing from my parent's mouths. I have to say the best thing to do is just move on. Retaliation is never the answer. Now what would I do though? ...hmmm. If I was in OP's shoes, I can't confidently say I could adhere to what I said above. To be betrayed by your bestfriend/lover after such a long relationship, must be incredibly painful. I know what I would do in my imagination though, and it would probably involve a bucket, leather, a car battery, and rainbow cake sprinkles. Let your imagination digest that for a bit and see what you come up with.
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 282
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/22/2014 5:28:45 AM
I need mind bleach.
Never been cheated on, have a feeling I'd do something rash I'd later regret. Altho I'd relish it at the time.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 283
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/25/2014 10:29:24 PM
Hmmmm, I'm thinking Carrie Underwood got it right.......Dig your key into the side of his car; carve your name into his leather seats, take a Louisville slugger to both head lights and slash a hole in all 4 tires.....then maybe next time, he will think before he cheats???? But it's just a thought..... ;)
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 284
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/26/2014 2:20:13 AM

I always warned my bf's that if they cheated on me then I would have sex with their brother, or best friend...
One time I dated a guy with a twin... Now that would have been really awful

I sure hope that any new girlfriend of mine tells me this ahead of time. She wouldn't have to worry about me cheating, but this is one of those things that I'd want to know about someone as early as possible. I don't think that I'd be interested in having anything with her. A woman who's so loose and casual to have sex with someone for this kind of reason is kind of unappealing to me. I don't like those attitudes about sex. What I don't think that some people here are seeing is that this is no better than the cheating - the action-for-action may be what makes it seem logical or sensible, but it's not about that...it's about the attitude about sex and relationships. If you can so easily have sex with someone for reasons other than because you want to be in a relationship with them or feel something with them, or use having sex with an effective stranger as a weapon/action against another...it's that mentality that can be as bad as a cheater's.

It's also like something that I've seen in social groups in my younger/school days, even if it's not intended or planned this way - The general attitude-meme-mill of the social environment in question would be that "cheating back" makes sense, is expected if you're "normal", and acceptable. And it was as if some or all were using it as an excuse to constantly bounce around and take turns sleeping with each other, in and out of "relationships" in a matter of days. One person spontaneously f-cking someone else that was otherwise a stranger and with no preamble or dating, all under the pretense of getting back at their ex-lover. And some using it to manipulate/trick others into having sex with them or their accomplice through the logic of "cheating back". Just all too damned weird to me.


the trick is to separate from your emotions and use your intellect. Be a man and let it be and recognize there are better people in the world for you

I think even this misses it and encourages these mentalities, because it still implies that emotions are a factor in a way that they often aren't, or that certain kinds of revenge are otherwise natural when they often are not - For me, there isn't anything to separate in the first place. It wouldn't take any effort to refrain from any kind of "revenge" against someone who'd cheated on me. I'm able to recognize that the emotions that I'd be experiencing would be 1) disappointment that someone wasn't who I wanted or thought them to be, or that what I wanted or thought that I had with them wasn't there. Or 2) dislike of being lied to. If you're with me, it's because we have an understanding about each other that we are monogamous-minded, and aren't casual. If you cheat, that means that you lied about this in the beginning concerning who you are. And cheating also reveals the lie that you want to be with me or feel a certain something with me, because if you cheat, that act is contradictory.

If you are with me, but think that you're interested in someone else, or aren't sure about me, etc...don't ask for a stupid aszed "open relationship" and don't cheat...either have a couple of very non-sexual dates with the other person, or break up with me first so that you can go "find your f-king self". And, if you're constantly needing to have these friend-dates with other people because you're "not sure" while in a relationship with me...then you don't need to be in a f-cking relationship with me.

But, "revenge" in which I have a need to "hurt" my girlfriend or "even the score" for cheating therefore makes no sense. It's not even a natural impulse. Seems ignorant as dogsh!t. And having sex with someone else that I otherwise wouldn't be interested in having sex with, in order to "get back" at my girlfriend, is the stupidest gard damned thing I could ever think of. I think, while someone's actions can reveal what kind of person they really are, that this includes how they react to certain things - if you react in certain ways to things like cheating, it can reveal an attitude about relationships that isn't any better or healthier than the cheater's. It can reveal that in order for a reaction to be natural for you or make sense to you, you would have to think or feel a certain way about relationships.

(Of course, there is always the problem of someone not really being a certain way even though they act or react in a certain way...because they let themselves be convinced by others or "society" that that's the way that they're supposed to behave if their "normal", and they never re-examine themselves.)

So, my "impulse" is to just break up with the girlfriend in question, immediately and permanently. Because obviously she isn't who she said that she was in order to be with me, and obviously I don't do it for her.
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 285
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/26/2014 7:32:26 AM

I just moved on. Revenge would just be reaping what you sowed so just move on and be happy, no need to go back to cheater and a good person will find you.

^^^^^^ Yet truth be told,it's a bit more then why or else....

Here is my post from another thread I wrote in why people start to cheat on each other.....
That i having sex outside the relationship was not the main reason for the act of infidelity......as the divorce is only 17% admit to only that act alone to terminate the relationship......as it is much more then that..... and in some of the other real reasons it happens.

And here a slight excerpt which I read from various marriage consulars in why infidelity is on the rise....

The reality is that there are a lot of unsatisfying and empty relationships out there, but however, the reason why infidelity statistics are as high as they are is because people place a higher value on their careers, children, friends or hobbies and not on their relationships with their partners.
Think about it. When you neglect any of these areas, it is just a matter of time before they deteriorate and ultimately lead to its untimely death. The failure in the relationship becomes imminent.
The bottom line is that if you want to avoid becoming yet another case that adds to the infidelity statistic, then you must nurture and prioritize your relationship with your spouse or partner.
As you may have already figured out, unlike planes, relationships cannot be maintained on “auto-pilot”.

Yes, in my case "auto pilot" may work for a little while, but you still need to fly the plane manually to keep the human interaction fresh & clear in goals, hopes & dreams together...
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 286
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/26/2014 3:24:46 PM
^ I supposed this would agree with me always saying that monogamy, marriage, or good true long-term Relationships don't have anything intrinsically wrong with them, nor are they any less relevant or practical today than yesterday, etc (within the context of people presenting their various cases against the idea of Relationships and monogamy), but it's just an indication that an awareness of what Relationships really are and how wonderful they can be declines or is absent.
 OnlineSkill
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 287
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/26/2014 4:02:50 PM
I've been cheated on by 3 out of my 5 partners.

First time was contemplating murder, decided it wasn't worth it and forgave the girl, and my best friend who slept with her. They did it again, I just walked away.

Second time I couldn't care less about, was a new relationship,

Third time, I still couldn't care about, I thought it was going to happen anyway, but I still mess with the guy occasionally, his really easy to aggravate.

Fourth time I walked away before it could happen again, and I guess thats just what I do now.

Kudos on telling the partner.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 288
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/27/2014 5:02:18 PM
I don't retaliate. What's the point? I did want to put skunks under his house, but decided to take the high road. Sometimes I regret that I didn't, but mostly I just don't see how retaliating would make anything better.
 Szaszaspasz
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 289
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 3/27/2014 5:15:46 PM
Eventually I dumped the guy and moved onward and upward.

Cheating was just one of the reasons I dumped him.

Spending no thoughts or energy on someone who was such a big part of your life and dropping them off your radar is the best revenge.

No effort required and no regrets.
 Onceblumoon
Joined: 3/8/2014
Msg: 290
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 4/3/2014 10:04:56 AM
Retaliate? I wouldn't, and didn't. In life, you really only get to decide who you are, how you will behave, and what kind of a person you want to be. You can't always control what happens to you (even good choices don't always protect against bad things happening), but you are always completely in charge of your reaction to life's events.

There are times when I think it would be ethical to perhaps inform the other "innocent" (so to speak) spouse/s.o. (of your gf/bf's affair partner) that something is amiss. But they are limited, and if your motivation is simply to wreak havoc wherever possible, you should refrain. Hate is as strong as love, maybe stronger, and binds you to the person you hate even more effectively than does love. I think most retaliatory actions probably stem from that negative emotion.

A quite different thing is to not protect your partner from the natural consequences of their own behavior. It's a delicate thing to let play out, but it's not your job to make it easy for them in their choice. Your job is to heal, to react in a way that protects yourself from further fallout, and builds strength for you to move on and stop giving that person power over you.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 291
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 4/4/2014 12:29:48 PM
As I've stated before retaliation will only get Karma on your butt, and sometimes the law. However, I remember once I got back at someone, and it was easy and didn't break the law. Those who are older, remember if you went to a boat show, or garden show...somewhere you could write your address and phone number down if you wanted more information (sales) for all kinds of stuff. At a garden show I wrote this guy's name, number, and address down for at least a hundred vendors who were trying to sell everything for the home/garden/boats. I would have loved to be fly on the wall when all these calls and letters starting pouring in. That was a long time ago, and I wouldn't do it now...not worth my time.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 292
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 4/7/2014 3:45:18 PM
This might be funny - actually, though it isn't my intention, if any cheating were to ever happen to me, my complete lack of any action, total indifference, and otherwise my only reaction be to end everything and leave, I can imagine that would be some serious retaliation in itself, and a bit perplexing.

I do know that when younger and a woman would play some arse backwards jealousy game, the fact that I offer no reaction at all and lose interest has really perplexed them (my reason being that a prerequisite of pursuing my interest in a woman is her having an interest in me to justify it, so if she's messing with someone else, then I figure that she doesn't really like me, thus I can't feel jealous).
 chillax123
Joined: 4/1/2013
Msg: 293
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 4/8/2014 8:54:14 PM
i totally agreed with your course of action my ex wife cheated on me and had a baby with another man cheating on someone is the worst thing that you can do to your partner it's disrespectful and insulting i think you did the right thing good for you
 TomorrowIsNotTooFarAway
Joined: 2/1/2015
Msg: 294
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/8/2015 12:03:36 PM
We had made plans for a week long trip. He had bought the plane tickets, we had our room booked, everything was planned. Until I found out he was seeing not one but two other women. I confronted him, he denied of course. Until the facts showed otherwise.
The plane tickets were non-refundable so guess, he went by himself but he's out $450 US dollars.
Revenge enough.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 295
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/8/2015 1:32:05 PM

i apparently am "dead" to her now because i sent an email to the douche bag's wife that she cheated on me with. just wanted to get some feedback as to what other's would have done.

Why wouldn't SHE be dead to you? :) You should have expected she and you to be dead to each other after launching that email. But no, you didn't go too far. There'd have to be an exception in the situation which would say that's too much. But by default, it's an ethical thing to do; you're not crossing lines. At all. It'd only be "bad" if someone outside your relationship informed his wife who they also Didn't Know. But you, involved in the situation telling the wife who's also on the short end of the stick? Hell yeah. NOT telling her would bring guilt.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 296
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/11/2015 2:42:06 AM
I end the relationship and move on....

No 'retaliation" is necessary for me....but I won't tolerate a partner who cheats.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 297
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/27/2015 8:18:26 AM
I replaced her Chiclets with Feenamint. She loved to share.....
 o0BrownEyedGirl0o
Joined: 11/12/2014
Msg: 298
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/27/2015 2:57:01 PM

I replaced her Chiclets with Feenamint.


That would be so funny if that were true, cc. I cannot imagine someone doing that. I must lead a sheltered life, though.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 299
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/27/2015 3:28:56 PM
A roadkill skunk in the mailbox. I put a stamp on his head so he'd be official.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 300
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 2/27/2015 3:47:39 PM

How would you retaliate when cheated on,,,, hmmm im sure this has been asked many times in the past, dont turn around and cheat yourself, two wrongs do not make a right,

Yeah, but if they cheated on you, and the relationship is Done with, but they don't know because they don't know that you found out -- porking or getting porked by someone else and having them find out wouldn't really be 'cheating'. It'd be a "Yeah, f u -- you ended the relationship days/weeks ago when you porked the secretary! So this is my way of tellin' ya bye." One could say it's childish because it does bring an emotion that is recognized since childhood and Can be childishly executed... but as long as she's not hurting/misleading the guy she's fooling around with to send the message to her officially-unofficial-ex, and as long as such guy wasn't someone she was in cahoots with that was at or near more-than-friends building up to it from the past -- then IMO, she was doing nothing wrong -- so there'd still just be 1 wrong, not 2.

Now, doing so would risk having the cheater not logically understand the concept, and instead, illogically find a scape-goat of a concept thinking that "Oh, we both cheated. Well, now I'm glad I porked my secretary..." but in the very least, you'd risk them Not feeling guilt after it all (learning their lesson).
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