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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How would you retaliate when cheated on?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 76
How would you retaliate when cheated on?Page 4 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
OP, I know what I would do in that situation. I would fly to Bangkok and have mindless sex with 10-20 women for a couple of months. After that I doubt I would even remember what the old GF looked like and if I gave crap what happens to her. I tend to want to take care of myself first.

But I would blame my GF more and not the husband she was cheating on so much. Usually cheaters get found out eventually even if you didn't email the wife. But that is a common tactic, to let the spouse know about the cheating. If you don't let the wife know, likely the GF stays as the other women for a much longer time before something blows up. Often that means your GF is a little more miserable because she no longer has you as an emotional backstop.

Emailing the wife, the situation becomes unpredictable. Maybe it escalates to violence, and you stay embroiled in the relationship. Maybe the husband and wife divorce and he marries the GF. Maybe that works out, maybe not. Maybe your old GF is miserable about losing both of you.

But I don't think you did the wrong thing or the right thing by emailing the wife, if it works for you good. If you can TRULY forget about it now, good on you. But by posting about it the whole affair still seems to be on your mind way too much.

I have known a lot of people that take revenge, in general women are better at it than most men. But I have known a few guys that were very good at it. It never bothered them after wards and they lived on to be happy.

Some of the revenge stories I have heard from friends and acquaintances have been true artistic works of an evil genius. As a former GF once told me, keep smiling at him as you place the knife in his back and slowly twist it.
 ~chill-pill~
Joined: 10/31/2009
Msg: 77
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/9/2012 5:49:55 PM
This whole thread has been quite an enjoyable read. Lots of interesting and well thought out responses regardless as to whether I share the same mindset with a lot of the posters.

:)
 Rob3444
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 78
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/9/2012 8:51:47 PM
You either did it out of spite or to help the poor cheated on wife. Which was it? Are you also going to tell on every cheater you ever know of now because it's the right thing to do?
You had a short lived relationship with this g/f. She decided to cheat and yes it's very wrong. Did she do this to hurt you?
You took the most powerful weapon you had and reported to a woman that you know nothing about, to get even, with your ex.
Of course it wasn't the right thing to do, because you did it for the wrong reasons.
Ya the guy is a, d-bag but your ex is responsible for her own actions and you wanted to hurt her back. You say you feel better but ask this question and only except the answers that suit you. You seem to be questioning your own actions.
It happened to me and I really got even but left my ex and the other wife out of it.
Now it's done and although my d-bag learned a lesson, my ex's life, his wife's life and his can go on to their own way without me having pushed the nuclear bomb button.
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 79
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/9/2012 10:25:23 PM
at rob3444

It happened to me and I really got even but left my ex and the other wife out of it.
Now it's done and although my d-bag learned a lesson, my ex's life, his wife's life and his can go on to their own way without me having pushed the nuclear bomb button.


i don't get what you're trying to say here.... you got even with your ex, but left her out of it??

anyway, i did it for multitude of reasons... including what you stated, it was out of spite, and (if you read previous posts) to help the cheated wife ( i DID consult with friends and family FIRST afterall...).

and YES, i will tell on any cheater that has a direct impact on MY life. i will NOT tell on every cheater that i know of. where did you get this ridiculous notion?? i have a friend who slept with a married wife, and i told him that sh!t he did was wrong, and to not complain about ANYTHING, should the husband find out. i even told him that he deserves to get his a$$ kicked, but it was not my place. i did not rat him out, he is my friend and i can only give him advice.... however, let's say, for example, some married or otherwise "taken" douche bag comes into MY life and MY relationship, to try to steal MY significant other, THEN YES, G!D DAMMIT i will rat his a$$ out. DUH!? what's he gonna do?? kick my a$$?? usually cheaters don't have the balls to confront their issues, this married idiot proved it to me..... and if my next girlfriend cheats, i will make sure she hurts too.

i'm not questioning what i did, because i WILL do it again IF i get cheated on.... people can't go around f!cking up other people's lives and NOT expect any retaliation because that's just plain STUPID. or let me put it this way, if YOU come into MY life and try to steal MY girlfriend, then i will make sure YOU suffer, because for YOU to expect ME to NOT retaliate in any way is just plain....... ?? see what i mean?? but that's just my own opinion and the way i think. obviously some people would rather turn the other cheek and not do anything, and that's just fine... for them. but for me?? not so much

i never did ask anybody on this forum if THEY thought what i did was wrong, because quite frankly, i don't care if you think i was wrong. i don't even care if you think i was right.
i'm just trying to get feedback on
"how would you retaliate when cheated on?" <-- see???

and trying to get other people's perspective and thought processes on how they would go about if they ever got this screwed over before, and why they would go about . and it's interesting reading the responses on this forum.

also:

Did she do this to hurt you?

she did it because she wanted the best of both worlds. she wanted to string me along still while having a side dish. she wasn't "planning" on getting caught, but she was sloppy in covering up..... she always claimed to want to be with me during the six years i've known her. although technically the "official" relationship was short-lived, we basically acted like boyfriend/girlfriend ALOT during various times throughout the 6 year friendship/relationship...i saw the red flags and it was stupid on my part to fall for her, but hey... sometimes you can't help who you fall for. but now i know, and knowing is half the battle....
 Rob3444
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 80
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/10/2012 7:59:28 AM

i don't get what you're trying to say here.... you got even with your ex, but left her out of it??

Yes I got even with the d-bag guy (confrontation like a man) and left my ex and his wife out of it
______________________________________________________________

and YES, i will tell on any cheater that has a direct impact on MY life. i will NOT tell on every cheater that i know of. where did you get this ridiculous notion??

I never had that notion but am making a point that you did it for you, so don't make it sound like you also did it for the d-bags wife. This is all about your anger and revenge and not about the wife. The whole ratting out you keep talking about is just not the way to go, for those of us that are not rats.
_____________________________________________________________


YOU come into MY life and try to steal MY girlfriend, then i will make sure YOU suffer, because for YOU to expect ME to NOT retaliate in any way is just plain....... ?? see what i mean?? but that's just my own opinion and the way i think. obviously some people would rather turn the other cheek and not do anything, and that's just fine... for
them. but for me?? not so much


But it was all about making her suffer and not him. I didn't turn the other cheek but dealt with the guy. You just ratted to his wife and that is where you were wrong. You make a point of how the cheater won't kick your ass if you snitch because they don't have the balls , how about you having the balls to confront him?
_____________________________________________________________
So when you ended your OP with sound off people!! What was that an invitation as to how many people would do just as you did? We can't tell you what we would have done without saying we would "not" have done what you did, if we feel that way.
Did you think everyone would just say: ya man you're good, you did it, right on.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 81
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/10/2012 8:58:46 AM

How would you retaliate when cheated on?


I continue to enjoy life. There is no better retaliation than showing that your happiness does not depend upon the actions of the offender.
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 82
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/10/2012 10:36:08 AM
at rob3444
i see.... i proprosed a confrontation to the guy as well (like a man as you said) but he declined. but i'm curious, if you confronted your douch-bag guy, what happened?? did anybody go to jail?? was there any legal matters involved?? you see, i was threatened to have the cops called on me, who knows?? he could've pulled a gun on me if i showed up to his house... so the best thing i could think of was to let the wife know (she was collateral damage unfortunately, but WHO put her there to begin with??)

and YES!!! i admit i ratted the guy out to his wife with MAINLY the intent to hurt my ex. because i knew he was the type that would go running back to his wife, so now my ex-GF is alone... we can agree to disagree on the notion of if it's ok to rat out on someone's extramarital affairs but the whole point was that he intentionally came into my life to f!ck it up. and i agree that it was about making her (my ex-gf) suffer AS WELL as making that idiot suffer. they were BOTH douche-bags, and towards me, so they deserved whatever i can give them (and we can agree to disagree on this, everybody thinks differently)


The whole ratting out you keep talking about is just not the way to go, for those of us that are not rats.

right, because i am a rat. did you miss the part about my friend (who is on this site by the way) who hooked up with a married woman??? did i "rat" him out?? NO. because he's my friend. totally different circumstance. when i asked people to sound off, it wasn't to get a "pat on the back" as you make it sound to be. it was to see how/why would people retaliate, if they ever would. and also, selfish people have to understand that is is ALWAYS "collateral" damage when they do their shenanigans without thinking of the consequences and how it would affect other. but yeah, i wanted to hurt these 2 people (my ex and her lover) which is my MAIN reason to retailiate, but i thought it through before i decided to do it. i tend to think before i do actions.... but that's just me. don't know about other people though....
 Rob3444
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 83
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/10/2012 11:08:15 AM
I almost did what you did so I'm not judging you, just don't like how vindictive your post is. but collateral damage? thats not necessary. A lot of couples have a tacit agreement as to cheating, they sort of know but don't want to. That and many other reasons mean stay out of it. It's up to you to hash it out with your cheating g/f or partner and possibly confront the guy. Most will say don't confront the guy as well.
I know full well that a confrontation can lead to violence and am not advocating that although I felt like trowing this guy off a cliff with his eyes taped open.

How did I handle it? I drove to his house and he hid. My ex told him I always go to peoples houses and whatever it takes and don't fear confrontation. She has seen me do it and thats one thing she never liked about me. He knew that at any moment I could be sitting across the table from him in a restaurant or show up at his work. That being said we are old guys. Your guy could have just said f u or start swinging so this does not always work.

After a few months my anger subsided and I only hope she has a good life with whomever she picks. I could not make rational decision while in that black hole and am glad I din't rune it for them.
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 84
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/10/2012 1:16:24 PM
i can see how all this anger and grief and hate could spiral anyone (whether man or woman) to go down a dark path. and in the end it's not worth it. but to me, personally, i just wanted to help "karma" move along at a quicker pace because quite frankly i'm sick of always taking the high road. in the past, this has been the case, and not necessarily with cheating, but douche-bags in general that screw me over. i can control my anger (and make it VERY calculating....). i don't "blow up" when something goes my way, it just happens when i let it boil over.... so to me, this was the best course of action with minimal fallout towards me. they both f!cked me over, so i decided to f!ck 'em right back and more.... i can see why people would disagree, and some of my friends DID disagree with what i did, but i went with majority rules. i am getting on with my life because i have no more feelings for my ex. it's a one-shot deal with me when it comes to cheating. and i just "KNEW" that the married douche was the type to go running back with his tail between his legs to his wife. it was very unfortunate that the wife was also hurt in this, but the husband did bring this on her.... interestingly enough, my married friends were all gung-ho for me letting the wife of douche know, but single friends, not so much. but yeah, thanks for the feeding folks. these forums are a good "therapy" session. lol. not that i need a shrink or anything.... right?? i mean... RIGHT???
 Rob3444
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 85
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/10/2012 1:45:20 PM
A lot of ????? after the word right. Are you asking?

You have different opinions from different people and what maters is that you are OK now and getting on with your life. If so then you don't need a therapist. Also the harshness you get on these forums is to be taken with a grain of salt because no one really knows you.

It should be easy to avoid a cheater in a long term for you because I doubt you will get bitten twice. In the end all is as it is and will probably never happen again.

Peace!
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 86
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/10/2012 4:42:46 PM
i concur rob about about what you just said. and it is taken with a grain of salt, and sometimes you need some "harshness" because it makes you think. i won't get cheated on again by her because i simply won't take her back if she asked. and i doubt she will ask me back anyway because i "ruined" things with her and the married douche, but it's ok, because i just don't care about her anymore. her selfish attitude just made her true colors even brighter than before, they were always there, i just refused to see them before. and it was a huge mistake on my part. but it is a learning process. i am ok with life now, i'm going out, making friends, going to the gym.

the "????" after the "right" comment is just a style of writing i do sometimes. and i kinda did the shrink comment to lighten up the mood, because it's kind of how i talk in "real" life, if that makes any sense.

and there seems to be quite the amount of cheating here in utah i suppose.... i've encountered people that were screwed over by their S/O. and in some cases, FAR worse than what i went through. so it kinda puts things in perspective and makes it easier to cope because hey.... things could be worse, right? ;)
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 87
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/11/2012 8:02:50 AM
at purewhitelily
I am sorry you went through that. were there any red flags?? his last name sounds quite appropriate for him. did these other women know about you or were they tricked as well? just so you know, if you seek vengeance of some sort, there IS this website called www.cheaterville.com I would recommend it if you were TRULY effed over, i mean REALLY f!cked over, and if you have PROOF. because anybody can post there, and you wouldn't want to get into trouble for slander. I myself was thinking about posting on there, profiles for BOTH people (since married guy knew about me), and I was actually going to email every single one of their friends on their facebook profiles (of course with the PROOF that i have). But I decided not to. I think I did enough damage, but if they intentionally provoke me in some way again, I will go ahead and ruin them.... because they both are habitual cheaters.

it is a small world after all. My ex lives about 20 minutes away, and we go to the same places for fun (seven peaks waterpark for example). Chances are we might run into each other. I haven't forgiven her yet, and I don't know when exactly that will happen, or if it does happen. Only time will tell. My ex said she was sorry and still wanted me to be her friend somehow. Her apology wasn't sincere because afterwards she "dropped" me after I told her I emailed the guy's wife (so she WAS going to continue seeing him after our breakup I suppose, and I "ruined" it now. tee hee, OOOPS, my bad...). So basically she was still selfish because she still wanted to keep me around?? Even though she knew how I felt about her?? while she still saw this other guy?? Anyway, I must say that forgiveness, in my opinion, is only reserved for people who are truly remorseful. It's reserved for those that truly repent and make the changes to become better people. This is just my opinion though. She was sorry she got caught, she didn't give a sh!t about me, even though she claimed to have cared about me and wanting me all these years. Only time will tell, as would be the case for you, purewhitelily. Hope things work out for you.

And a note to other cheaters out there, if you happen to read this. Hope that other guy or gal that you decide to screw over and cheat, is not as calculating as I am. Hope that he or she is not more vengeful than I am. They might not be as lenient as I was. I was pretty lenient considering what I have posted previously. Think about all the possible worse outcomes that can come from your deceptive, selfish practices.... but this is a mute point because cheaters never think about others besides themselves. Buncha dumba$$ people. Sheesh!
 LG2727
Joined: 1/20/2010
Msg: 88
view profile
History
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/12/2012 8:36:25 PM
You only told the wife to piss off your cheating gf. That's very sad and horrible behavior. You could have cared less if you would have known it wouldnt have broken up thier affair. I always go to plan B if someone runs ragged over my heart, I do whatever I want that makes me happy and sitting home alone isnt going to cut it! Just how much do you think it would needle her if she knew you were out and about having fun and meeting new women? Quite a bit, even though she cheated, she doesnt want to know that you cared so little! Perfect revenge for those who think no further then themselves!
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 89
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/13/2012 2:45:33 PM
i guess we can say that people can agree to disagree.... if everybody thought alike, the world would probably go to shit... maybe? i dunno.
 ~chill-pill~
Joined: 10/31/2009
Msg: 90
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/13/2012 10:51:04 PM
Once I had an ex that was very nasty to me for no reason and we parted ways. I heard from her 3 months later and it was very tempting to tell her to go fly a f*ckin kite. But for myself and looking back I'm so glad that I did this, I told her that although I did not agree or understand why she did and said what she did I forgave her and that I wished her the best with everything. So even if you can't tell this to her because you are obviously still quite bothered about everything get into this mindset that this is how you feel.

Set yourself free.
 seasmaster
Joined: 1/28/2012
Msg: 91
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/14/2012 1:02:20 PM
For me, it may not be so much "retaliation" as informing.. I'm at the point now in my life, given the circumstances you described, I would notify the married person's spouse, so she could get tested for STD's.

It's ok to follow the mantra: "Don't get mad, get even.. " But seriously, after some time has passed, we do need to move on. We all know it's unhealthy to wallow in the past, but y'know, there is a time for everything - A time for revenge AND at time for forgivness.. The trick is to make the former very short, and the latter happen much sooner!!
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 92
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/14/2012 3:08:37 PM
at Arron1991

You are one bitter person. Just saying.


yes,.... I am. but time will heal all wounds i suppose. this happened day before valentine's this past february... so it wasn't TOO long ago... but yes, i agree i have bitterness issues. seeing as the relationship was a 6 year long event in the making, turns out to be a "rip-off" of time.... but i'll get over it. there are worse things that can happen.
 livingwithadog
Joined: 7/11/2011
Msg: 93
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/15/2012 12:23:17 AM

I do nothing; the best revenge is to be happy and successful. All of the nasty things you can do to her will only make you ugly inside. The best revenge is to be happy and succeed.

I would say what I need to say to the personwho cheated and then strive for jmark4's initial plan.

I can understand why you were hurt, but ratting the guy out to his wife was rotten. It wasn't your place to do that, and besides your issue (if any) was with your "GF"...

As human beings, we tend to lash out, or act out when hurt, sad, pissed, betrayed and so on. I commend you for knowing now (and saying so) that you did inform "the douche bag's" wife out of spite. Unfortunately, the wife ended up as your collateral damage. I, too, agree that your GF's betrayal is between you & her. ... Now, if the DB's wife had asked you if you knew anything—different story altogether. Hang in, dude. This stuff takes time to get thru, but you're on the way. Ya can't control what others do... only what you, yourself does.
 ~chill-pill~
Joined: 10/31/2009
Msg: 94
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/16/2012 6:05:20 PM
Here's something I read online and thought that you might appreciate this. Million dollar advice.

"When you are happy with your own life, you will no longer care about hers so much. That doesn't mean you'll ever think that what happened was OK, but that you'll become fairly indifferent to what's happening in her life because it will no longer be relevant to yours."
 makemyheartbeatfaster2
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 95
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/16/2012 10:26:41 PM
My ex cheated on me.. My retaliation was.. I let her have him... wasn't long till he cheated on her.
 Rob3444
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 96
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/16/2012 10:32:54 PM
Last night I got drunk and don't really drink so I sent a pile of emails to the guy telling him what a sack of sh** he is and lots more. Felt I had to come clean on here after shooting off my mouth and must learn to practice what I preach.
I am also bitter at times it comes in waves and punches in the gut but it always gets better.
Hope you're doing well nitemonger!
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 97
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/17/2012 7:20:48 AM
i know the feeling Rob3444. hang in there. there are times when i just feel like doing what you did, although i don't drink. i'm a light social drinker, i suppose. it is tough though. but i'll pull through.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 98
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/17/2012 4:34:27 PM
I applaud you sir. The wife had the right to know her husband was unfaithful. What her husband and your ex was doing is wrong and they need to understand that.

Now the best thing you can do is chalk up the score board and beat feet on down this road of life.


Nice response. This is what I think:

1..Where's the retaliation? You frikken talked about it to those involved. No one, absolutely no one but another cheater would come out and say, keep it to yourself. Geez talk about revictimizing someone. No one with self respect just lays there and takes it. They get up, clear the air, express their anger, which happens to be an appropriate emotion and expressing it holds the key to cutting those emotional ties and ending the pain. God helps those who help themelves and speak out against wrong doings.

2. When I found out my fiance who had been tellling me everyday how much in love he was with me but was cheating, not only did I manage to break them up and hugely embarrass them both publically, I released my anger on him each time he tried to talk to me. The anger went right where it belonged. People say once a cheater always a cheater but I doubt either of them ever cheat again. Express yourself!!!
 nymphess43
Joined: 3/22/2012
Msg: 99
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/20/2012 5:09:04 AM
dude there is so much variety in this world and people are bound to go astay... if it was really love the respect factor would have been there... god gives us eyes to see and temptation is the forbidden fruit... after years with this lady did you get to comfortable....? you always need to keep the zest to keep a lady... great sex.. flowers sexy texts t her phone try toys in the bedroom... your new relatonship must be as if your on cloud 9 all the time this is what keeps the ladies around dont fall in the comfort zone good luck
 scpumkinfan
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 100
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/20/2012 8:52:45 AM
No need to retaliate. What goes around comes around. I just would've dumped the person and that's it. As far as telling the other guy's wife I wouldn't bother. Most of those women "know" what's going on and some women are just so trusting and want to put their head in the sand so to speak that the obvious isn't going to do the trick. Better to just move on. Let Karma work itself out.
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