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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How would you retaliate when cheated on?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 101
How would you retaliate when cheated on?Page 5 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
at scpumkinfan
i would agree with the wife having her "head in the sand" so to speak.... the guy just strikes me as a habitual cheater. i mean really, he was married to this supposedly "horrible" wife for 10 years. then, out of the blue, after being absent from my ex-gf's life for several years, he decides to initiate contact with her?? i think he most likely had other women on the side, and they either A]: grew tired of him putting them on the side or B]: they didn't want anything to do with him so then when he contacted my ex, she was dumb and fell for his sh!t hook line and sinker.... of course, she CHOSE to cheat on me with this scumbag, and so to ME, they both are to blame... dish out punishment to both is the way i saw it. but it sucks that his wife had to be brought into this, but i'm thinking she probably suspected anyway.... there is ALWAYS collateral damage when cheating is happening. if there wasn't, then nobody would be hurt when they find out their S/O is cheating right?

but what's done is done. so, anyhoo, i had a great weekend. hanging out with friends and bbq....and moving on with life. but i do like to read these forums and see how people think.

there's another thread where the OP asks if "oral sex is considered cheating?" i mean really??? i mean.... REALLY?!?! it is to laugh.... because it just baffles the hell out of me...
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 102
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/21/2012 8:54:50 AM
at Studly_P_Hungwell
i don't think the wife of the cheater is "destroyed" either.... especially since that married douchebag is still on my ex-GF's friends list on facebook. i'm willing to bet that he b!llsh!tted his wife somehow into thinking that there was nothing going on, and it was all heresay. i did let her know my ex-GF's name and town she lived in, and the DATE that they hooked up, because obviously he wasn't home that night. and he lives an hour and a half away, he left my ex-GF's house that night at 11:30pm. the douche is a manager of a Petsmart and i'm thinking he gives his wife the old "putting in extra hours at the office honey, i'm a manager, you know how it is...." B.S. line. that wife "blocked" me from messaging her on facebook. so i know she read my message. she's probably in denial or something. and i'm pretty sure she monitors her husbands online usage more. what kind of life is that anyway??
 TRESemme
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 103
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/21/2012 1:34:56 PM
How did I retaliate? The last fight that we had and that was the last time i stayed in our basement apartment, I went crazy. I was shouting, crying so loud, and breaking things. Neighbors heard and seen us. I couldn't take it anymore, what he was doing to me. Before I went off, I arrived home that evening to find him and the girl inside the basement. They weren't naked. I think she was using the washroom. And he was waiting at the doorsteps. And both of them were dressed to the nines. I was so hurt. Oh, God, anyways, I left with my clothes. All the stuffs that I left, I bought them with my own money. He had nothing before we got married and when I left he had everything. I even left him with the 2nd car which I bought with my own money. He got the bed, the dining table, everything. And now the girl and him are using it.

I dunno how to retaliate. But I was so hurt. I wanted to die because I couldn't take the pain anymore. I was always just crying. Even until now, I couldn't sleep because I still think about what happened. The hurt happened since January. And we separated last month. When he doesn't have access to the money, that's when I catch him with that girl.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 104
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/21/2012 3:18:27 PM
Wow, sending that email was a truly presumptious and vindictive move by a self centered, vengeful mind.

I personally do not believe anybody has the right to meddle with/in other peoples lives, sorry! It's not up to you to decide what this guys wife needs to know or not. And retaliation not being my style anyhow, I would have just ended it and go on with my life.
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 105
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/21/2012 3:50:58 PM
at Della_D


I personally do not believe anybody has the right to meddle with/in other peoples lives


i also do not believe in meddling with/in other people's lives as well..... unless they meddle in mine first. ;)


Wow, sending that email was a truly presumptious and vindictive move by a self centered, vengeful mind.


presumptious? maybe you should look up the definition of that word. all i did was let the wife know, and of course, dump my ex and give her a piece of my mind.... the outcome and things could have been MUCH worse....

i am vengeful, i'll give you that. don't know about the "self centered" comment though..... i don't recall ever being self centered in my past relationships, but hey, that's just me.... to each his/her own.
 ~chill-pill~
Joined: 10/31/2009
Msg: 106
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/21/2012 5:34:56 PM
@ Della_D
"It's not up to you to decide what this guys wife needs to know or not. "

If I was married and someone informed me that my wife was cheating I'd thank them with a cheque for $10,000.

You would prefer to not know that, if you were married, your husband was cheating on you??? lmao.
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 107
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/21/2012 7:50:30 PM
i think the thing that gets me is that for example, if i was a married man looking into another man's relationship and trying to steal his woman, and i'm found out, how can i NOT expect the guy that i'm trying to f!ck over to come after me?? or to notify my wife??

i should have maybe phrased this at the beginning of the thread. but really, if you're some cheating moron looking to f!ck people over, those that you f!cked over should just bend over and take it?

i'm sorry, i used to be someone that takes a higher ground, let's bygones be bygones. but not anymore. with reservations though. like i said, i really could have gone all out and ruined these two (douche and my ex) socially if i wanted to. but i won't.

it's the same as if a bully gets mad at the kid he's picking on, for fighting back. or the thief getting mad at someone for notifying the police that he's robbing them.

these unsavory, selfish people should just "man up" and take back what they dished out.
 d2327h
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 108
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/21/2012 9:59:55 PM
What's done is done but I would have just walked away and ignored the drama.

I've never found revenge to be sweet or satisfying. If I want to "get back" at someone, I just make it perfectly clear that they are nothing to me. Not even worth thinking about. Of course I do, because it hurts, but never let them see that. ;)
 Phony
Joined: 12/11/2008
Msg: 109
How would u retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/21/2012 11:24:01 PM
I feel that u shouldnt have sent her an email.Becuz,I am quite sure that this woman is aware that her husband is a cheater.He has cheated on her with this chic ~that is suppose to b with u.She is no good and neither is he.What goes around comes right back around...U learn from ur mistakes.I took my ex on a high speed chase with the chic in the car...Plz dont do this anyone.But, it was funny and crazy at the same time.I wanted him to kno that I was aware of him cheatn and had to actually catch him n d act.She was so afraid she was about to jump out of the car with it movin.He is not dating either of us....he texed me recently and said he was gettn married soon.But, continues to tex and call me often.I dont even respond.I just hope that she knows that she has a player for life.Just walk away from d situation.That person will never b at peace with themselves especially if and when they realize the best person that they had is actually gone.
 A_Gent
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 110
How would u retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/22/2012 5:56:03 AM
OP... it must be wonderfully satisfying for you to continue to carry the whole issue around with you.

What are you getting out of it?

Do you know the story of the two monks along the river? Or perhaps the story of how to catch monkeys?
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 111
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History
How would u retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/22/2012 8:15:54 AM
While seeking revenge, dig two graves -- one for yourself. ~ Doug Horton
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 112
How would u retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/22/2012 10:02:17 AM
I think you did enough by contacting the wife and shutting the cheater out of your life. I disagree with the naysayers on contacting the wife. I think she should know what kind of person she's married to. I would want to know if I were in these circumstances. I know women who have contacted STDs from their philandering husbands.
 SherryKayB
Joined: 8/2/2010
Msg: 113
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/23/2012 10:53:54 AM
In my view, retaliation is about getting even, being hurtful--in this case you chose an innocent party, the wife, instead of the person who cheated on you. It didn't solve anything for you and apparently cost you your "best" friend, although re-examining that designation is now certainly indicated. It appears you are feeling guilty about being spiteful now. Hopefully, you will reflect and see that you only really hurt yourself and your own values, while damaging the wife, who probably already knew or suspected her husband's infidelity. Cutting off all contact with your "best" friend will save you from her future hurtful behavior. You deserve someone better.
 skarabians1
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 114
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/23/2012 12:20:53 PM
In my area about 20+ years ago, two married people were cheating on their spouses. The wife of the cheater told the husband of the cheater. The man went home and caught them, shot the man dead and shot his wife several times...she survived. The wife lost her husband, the other woman took years to get over her injuries and the shooter went to jail. That may not happen often, but how would you feel if you had caused all that??? Moving on and being happy is the very best revenge.
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 115
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/23/2012 8:56:39 PM
at AspenJack

Sixpages, 140-some posts, Monger, and you're still going on about the "how-tos" of retailation and revenge. Yeah, it's still fresh. It still hurts. But, you can't live in the past for very long. It does nothing to forward your own progress.


i totally agree with everything you said, AspenJack

at skarabians1

The wife of the cheater told the husband of the cheater. The man went home and caught them, shot the man dead and shot his wife several times...she survived.....That may not happen often, but how would you feel if you had caused all that???


i guess i'm "the wife" that was wronged in this scenario. i thought about all possible outcomes for telling the married douche's wife. including him possibly having a gun and shooting me for "ruining" his marriage, even though he had a hand in ruining my relationship first. he didn't strike me as the type that would go all violent on people. given that i know about his history and "character". in your scenario, the other person who was wronged, retaliated in a very violent way. that man had issues to begin with. i am not a violent person by nature. i'm the person who was wronged, but i did not retaliate in a violent way. i just informed his wife. moving on and being happy is the main goal i have for now, but part of my happiness would be to see those that hurt me, hurt back. it's part of my vengeful albeit non-violent personality. and i have succeeded. for the most part. for my ex-GF is alone now. she's probably thinking why her life sucks now. she had a profile that was hidden on POF, but she deleted it. i know because when you search a person's screenname, if the account is deleted, it will say "account deleted". YES, it's pretty pathetic that i know this right? i would agree. and no, i didn't "destroy" the marriage as some posters claimed to have happened. YES, i still have issues, as you all can tell by this post you're reading. and as AspenJack said, i really do need to move on. i need to progress (some more at least)

i really do, need to move on.....
 livingwithadog
Joined: 7/11/2011
Msg: 116
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/24/2012 3:59:51 PM

i also do not believe in meddling with/in other people's lives as well..... unless they meddle in mine first. ;)

... But, the douche bag's wife didn't meddle with your life, just the douche bag did. I'd have considered telling the douche bag something like, "Hey. I told your wife, dude. She knows."
 joelsprofile
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 117
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 6:12:15 AM
OMG,have I got one for you!It is such a long story,but once you read it all,you will understand why I did what I did to get revenge,even tho it SEEMS like I am the one having to pay for it!It is time that those that use,lie and decieve others to the point of breaking ones heart and playing with their emotions for their ammusement and pleasure came to an end!If you DON'T stand up against them,then you are telling them it's ok to run over you,and they will continue to do so,and YOU yourself may be the next victim!Let me explain!
I met a woman on POF back in Dec.2011 and we hit it off from the very beginning!The first date,Dec.12,2011 was the GREATEST date I had ever had,lasted 10 hours,and was all we could do to tear eachother away to go home!In a few days we were friends on Facebook,and then the "problems" started to arise!She was posting statuses of FB and getting comments from other guys in which she would "like",but ignore mine!
Well,within 3 weeks we went down to Atlanta for New Years,and we met up,got a room for several days,and she supposedly went to dinner with some "friends" while me and a buddy from there went to see a concert.She was in bed waiting on me when I got back,and nothing was thought until the next morning,when she said she was going to go for a walk,and was gone for 5 HOURS!Hold on,the answer comes at the end!
Super Bowl sunday,2012,I was back in Atlanta,and we had arranged that I would stop and check on her on my way down,for she was having some "problems",but when I got almost there early that morning she called me and told me not to stop,that she was not feeling well,and that she didnt want to see anyone and/or go anywhere for the day so she could get to feeling better,so I continued my route to Atlanta.Arrived,my bud,his girlfriend and I went to a neighbors house for the Super Bowl,and afterwards I called her to check on her and see how she was doing.Well,no answer!After trying for a couple of hours she finally answered and said she had just gotten home from going out to watch the game!WHAT?Hold on,it will all make sense in the end!
All throughout our 4 month relationship this was happening!I loved her with ALL my heart,so much that I would of given my life for her so she could live!She would cancle "dates" and said she had to go home to see parents,she would'nt answer the phone and/or return calls and messages!Even one time she was EXTREMELY "out of herself" while I was on the phone with her,giggling,not making sense,even told me "I love you,in my own screwed up way"!When asked if anything was ever going on she would lie,even caught her in 5 different lies that night!She would get FURIOUS when caught in those lies,curse,call me names,even threaten me with violence!AND,she would never leave her phone alone!She was ALWAYS trying to hide using it,when I would catch her and knew better!Ok,we're getting to the end.
For 4 months she treated me with disrespect,lying to my face and decieving me about her actions.All along I had been questioning her about it all,and telling her she it looked like she had something to hide,and if she WAS inocent,then she did'nt show it!Well,we split up on or around sunday,march 24th 2012,and I gave her 4 months of what she had given me all in one night!But,I still loved (and still do,thats something that can't be turned off like a light switch),and was contacting her through phone calls,text messaging and emails explaining myself,my feelings and actions for that night,and then one day it happened!Here it goes folks!
Throughout our relationship their were sights,even during watching a movie with a "lesbian" scene she commented "That's hot"!One day I thought about it all,and out of curiousity went on POF and found it!She had a profile on POF,looking for other WOMEN!Since then I figured out what had been going on,and all the time I thought it was another MAN!She was lining up women for sex in the cities she was visiting,even the New Years Atlanta trip we took (hince the "dinner" the arriving night and the 5 hour "walk"),was cancelling OUR dates to be with other women,and having sex with MULTIPLE women together,one on one,and publicly whenever she chose!The night when she was acting "weird" on the phone?She was smoking pot with one,and having sex with her while we were talking,duplicating what she had seen in that movie!
When confronting her with my news,of coarse she lied about it,got ETREMELY violent,cursing and threatening,even appologized for "leading me on" but with NO admission or guilt!So,I finally got furious with all I had learnt,and I exposed her!I posted TRUE information about her on Facebook,and other stuff,and now I have pending court dates to defend myself from this woman that had lied to me,cheated,decieved,used and abused my heart and emotions!
But here is where I am going to be getting even!The number 1 thing this woman fears the most is BEING FOUND OUT!She does'nt want anyone to know about her lifestyle,especially her friends and family,how she has treated me and probably countless others,and her soon to be ex-husband in fear he will stop alimony payment,her only soarce of income!BUT.......once it goes to court,and all the truth and details come out,she WILL be exposed.....AND IT WILL BE PUBLIC RECORD!Then I can talk all about it,inform whomever,and expose her,AND THERE'S NOT A DAMN THING SHE CAN DO ABOUT IT!Even if I lose the trial,I win in THAT perspective!
 tgrlily3
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 118
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 6:50:03 AM
Dude...you have some serious issues. Yikes.
 joelsprofile
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 119
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 7:00:59 AM
Then you yourself must be one of those that feel like they can lie,cheat and decieve others at their expense then tgrlily2day!AND,with no remorse,guilty and/or compassion!
 joelsprofile
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 120
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 7:45:47 AM
EXACTLY!Thats what my point was in my post!I BEGGED her for the truth,repeatedly,and gave her the opportunity to "come clean",and I would have moved on!But nothing hurts worse than to have your heart trampled on,and they not even care,with no remorse and/or pity,and all along them telling you they care and WANT a relationship with you!And YOU are the one left paying the price with heartbreak,pain and humiliation.while they are laughing and proud of themselves!If nobody stands up to these people,then it gives the general census that its ok to do so,and they will continue!No,I'm not proud of what I did to my ex,in fact I was sick to my stomach for a week or so afterwards,and still cry in bed every night about it,but it DID help her see how she had been treating me!
 venomac1
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 121
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History
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 8:36:56 AM
"I gave her 4 months of what she had given me all in one night!"

WHAT!!!????? Exactly does that mean???? You are this torn up after only 4 months of dating?? Why is she taking you to court?? If you hurt her physically then you DO have issues. Heck, if my Ex had cheated on me with another woman I would have just laughed and walked away, you just can't compete with that(even after 20 years of marriage). LOL I have a sense you have SERIOUS control issues. I am a pretty good judge of that because I have had similar issues in my past myself until I learned how to recognize them and control them(haha, no pun intended). ALL men have control issues especially when in a relationship, its in our DNA(sorry ladies, its true for all men to differant degrees). Most woman have the same problem in reality. None of us like admitting it though, if you recognize your problems you can work on them. You have some SERIOUS problems my friend. I understand and agree with someone telling the Spouse or Girlfriend(I would want to know), but I would NEVER condone violence against a woman(that shows cowardice IMHO), or even the man in the situation(considering he was probrably lied to also). I wouldn't even spread what she was doing on her Facebook, the world doesn't want to know your problems, it has enough of its own. In that situation you should have just walked away in my humble opinion.

But on a differant note, I have seen MANY a GOOD man(and Woman) being driven to insanity by a decietful significant other in my day. Everyone should take care of the hearts that are entrusted to you.
 joelsprofile
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 122
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 9:03:14 AM
No,I NEVER laid a hand on her,and never would and/or will!She pressed charges for harrassment and cyberstalking after I text and messaged her TRYING to explain to her how I felt,the pain and my love for her,and the post on FB about her!AND,I must add,yes,I fell DEEPLY in love with her in only 4 months!You,and others,may find that strange,but we do not predict when,if or how it is going to happen!I know couples that have been married for DECADES that dont care for eachother,and I know ones that are happily together that knew when they first met that they wanted to spend their lives together!So that holds NO merit!We dont know when it will happen,and IF it will happen!You (and others) can bash me all you like for my final actions,but when it has been done to you,and at the soaring high levels as I experianced,then I will take note and listen!But don't ASSume that just because I have a court date coming up,that VIOLENCE had anything to do with it!Especially when I dont believe in violence against a woman,and she perfectly knows that!And controlling?Not at all!In fact everyone that knows me will say I am one of the most giving,compassionate and good hearted men they know!But it has been done to me over and over (my ex-wife which cheated,mant girlfriends that cheated,etc..) to the point to where enough is enough,and I forwarned this one from day ONE that if she wanted to get to know me on a romantic level,with the possibility of a relationship,then it would be me and me ONLY,or she could have everyone else,but not me!I do believe,and always will,that if you WANT to get to know someone on those levels,it has to be on a one to one basis,because you CAN'T learn and proceed by seeing 3,4,5,6 others at the same time!That is what defines a "player",inwhich I am not,nor never will be!
 joelsprofile
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 123
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 9:11:38 AM
Oh yeah venomac,let me add just one thing here also!It was'nt about the "cheating" with another woman!It was about the deception,lies,covering up and neglect!When we watched that movie with the "scene" in it,I even told her I'd love to see her do that!She even said it was "hot" and wanted to watch the scene over again several times!THAT was the moment she should of opened up and TALKED TO ME ABOUT IT!But instead of doing so,she always lied about what was going on!And no matter what anyone says,they dont want any mate lying to them!I even told her after we split up had she had opened up to me and been honest about EVERYTHING,then we would of been happly together,for I DID'NT have a problem with it!But she did'nt and would'nt,and instead chose to believe that the lies and deceptions were more important!That,or either she was afraid she would loose me,in which was the most selfish act she could committ!"I want my cake,and eat it too"!
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 124
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 10:06:18 AM

She pressed charges for harrassment and cyberstalking after I text and messaged her TRYING to explain to her how I felt,the pain and my love for her,and the post on FB about her!AND,I must add,yes,I fell DEEPLY in love with her in only 4 months!


Bullsh*t. If you loved her, you wouldn't have posted sh*t about her online, you wouldn't have been texting and messaging her desperately "trying to explain" when she didn't want anything to do with you. This has *nothing* to do with "loving her", and is totally about you being "obsessed" with her - love isn't an obsession, its not about "getting your way" regardless of how she feels. If you *truely* loved her, you'd let her go to live the life she wants to live, and while you might not agree with it, and might worry about her choices, they are her choices.

Harassement, cyberstalking, and obsessively messaging/texting someone who doesn't want you in their life has *nothing* to do with love, its totally selfish obsession.
 venomac1
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 125
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How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 10:25:56 AM
I tend to agree with Forums1. Joel, you are assuming that I am assuming brother. I have lived it. Was with a Woman that cheated (several men) and lied to me religiously for 20 years, because I loved her. The signs were there, they always were, I just refused to see them, just like you did when she was telling you what she really wanted(major red flags). Simple fact is, in the end I let her go, mainly because she wanted to walk a differant path than me. I will love her always, but I do not interfere in her life and I talk to her usually only when it concerns the kids. I have lived through more stuff than you know brother. I was not assuming anything other than the fact you have serious issues right now, which after any break-up we all do.

Get help and find your peace brother.
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