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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How would you retaliate when cheated on?      Home login  
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 joelsprofile
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 126
How would you retaliate when cheated on?Page 6 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
You know what,the comments are'nt even worth warranting a response any more!Whom is to assume,dictate,and,or even comment on my actions?Were you there?Do you know?Were you one of them?

My post were in response to the question "Should you take action on a cheater",and I still stand firm to my decisions and actions!I too was cheated on by my exwife and some former girlfriends,and took no action!But where is the justice for the broken hearted?

As for me not LOVING her,instead being OBSESSED,grow up!I am 51 years old,and KNOW the difference between the two!It's like I told her in one text "No,I'm not stalking you,I am trying to get you to listen to reason"!

And just one more little thing here.If I am the guilty,obssesed and "wrong" party,that was devoted and loyal to this woman,without any demands,then why is it that I am the one with the heartbreak?
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 127
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 10:55:31 AM

As for me not LOVING her,instead being OBSESSED,grow up!I am 51 years old,and KNOW the difference between the two!It's like I told her in one text "No,I'm not stalking you,I am trying to get you to listen to reason"!


If you come across to her anything like you're coming across here, I can tell you that you sound about as 'reasonable' as a psychotic crack-addict going through withdrawl arguing with a cop that you broke into that house and killed 3 people because they 'didn't understand your needs'. You may see it as "reasonable", but I'm willing to bet nobody else would.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 128
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 10:59:54 AM

And just one more little thing here.If I am the guilty,obssesed and "wrong" party,that was devoted and loyal to this woman,without any demands,then why is it that I am the one with the heartbreak?


Oh, and the answer to that one is easy - because *you* can't accept that she's moved on with someone else, doesn't want you anymore (and at this point wants you out of her life totally because you're not leaving her alone to do what she wants with her life), and that its *OVER*. As long as you refuse to accept that, you'll continue hurting... its far past "her hurting you" - that's done and over with, now its just *you* continuing to hurt *yourself*.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 129
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 11:21:38 AM
Let me put it this way Joel - because I find this often a quite useful tool in my own life, to flip it around.

If you knew a guy, a friend you've known for years, who was dating a woman, the entire length of their relationship she would ignore his FB posts but chat it up with other guys, constantly lied to him and when caught in those lies would get "furious, curse, call him names, and even threaten him with violence", was always trying to hide using her phone from him, treated him with disrespect constantly, lying and deceiving him about her actions, and it was *obvious* even to him, and he found out was lining up sex with women when she was on trips and cancelling dates on him to sleep with other women... then she breaks up with him, showing absolutely no remorse or caring about him...

... and this guy was professing his 'undying love' for this woman... pursuing her to the point of having the cops called on him and being threatened with legal action... what would you tell him to do?

Think about it, remember this guy is a friend of yours, would you be advising him to continue pursuing this woman who has lied to him the entire time, has been cheating on him, cursing, disrespecting, and even threatening him with violence, and risk getting himself thrown in jail and destroying his life over her? Or would you be advising him to walk away from her and move on with his life?

Be your own friend.
 Rob3444
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 130
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 12:20:15 PM
Hello joel to me it looks like venomac1 and forums1 are giving you good answers.

I know what it's like and we all want to get even if hurt but you blew it.

You went out with a latent lesbian or bi woman and caught her cheating. She took the low road so do you have to mess up "your" life for this?

Outing her on FB always a bad idea. You have charges against you and somehow think the world will at least know the truth. The court won't care about infidelity because it's not illegal. The public will never hear about it. Worst thing that will happen is some of her friends and family will know and may not even really believe you.

As far as a revenge story goes, I hope no one goes your way and ends up looking like a stalker.

I'm not saying revenge is right but what you are doing is working against you, no gold star for you.

That doesn't mean I don't feel your pain, but why promote self destructive behavior?
 joelsprofile
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 131
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 2:33:17 PM
WOW!Thanks forum 1!That made the most sense out of everything anyone has had to say about this whole matter,friends,family AND strangers!Just one question tho.Why did'nt you post that the first time?Yes,I do love her,and always will have that love for her,even though I know myself (and have for a couple of months) that it will never happen,and that I am better off without her,but like I stated earlier,I can't just turn the love off like a light switch.In fact just finished a crying spell about an hour ago about it all,but someone in my position,going through the heartache,needs more the CONSTRUCTIVE critcizm over the DESTRUCTIVE!When you get negative feedback from ones when you yourself don't know what you are doing,it confuses and upsets even further,but that last post actually made more sense than ANYTHING I have read so far!Actually sir,I thank you for that!

But I do want to clear one thing up with you all before ending this post.What I fell in love with was the woman I MET,not what I ended up with!When we were together,it was wonderful,actually beautiful,and had GREAT times together.But you can't ignore the other when you know something is going on when you are apart,but pray everyday that it is just in your head,and that it will change!Maybe I did'nt respond in the way I should have,in which I openly admitted to in the post above,but when the hurt and pain come,we never know how we are going to react,until its too late,even though we thought we were doing the right thing!
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 132
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 3:00:56 PM
Ah, Joel, it happens... as Venomac said, you're not alone, almost 20 yrs ago for me too, and we were together just shy of 5 years. I was a basket case for months, sank myself 'into the bottle', almost got myself fired but my boss pulled me aside and asked me what was going on... even he could see "it wasn't me" (ie, "you've been here for 10yrs and I've *never* seen you like this"). And y'know what he did? Told me *his* story of a long past ex...

And yes, who I fell in love with was what she was the first *3yrs* of our relationship... now? Well, she left me for a guy everyone told her she shouldn't, with a history of cheating (on 13 relationships in 8yrs at her job - every one ended with him cheating with the next)... and yup, he was cheating on her (knocked up a poor girl like 14yrs younger than him, and married her - I feel sorry for that girl and the poor child). The "ex", well... she wound up going off the deep end, in and out of shrinks offices, last I knew was on more medications than your local pharmacy has.... haven't talked to her in quite a few years. Do I still *care*? Yeah, I do... you don't love someone like that and just stop caring entirely, but I had to discover (through trying, as you, after she got cheated on by the 'new guy') that she had just turned into a block of ice emotionally, and *I* kept hurting myself trying to make something happen that wasn't going to - its healthier for me not to be around her. I *do* hope she's ok, and I really hope she finds happiness someday.

edit: oh, and I see you with the guitars... I play a bit (although you say you're a drummer), one thing very cathartic for me was I poured my emotions into a few songs (poems & chords). Quite funny/interesting now for me to go back to them, 3 in a row... in a summary... #1 "I love you so so much", #2 "How could you do this to me?", #3 "F**k you" :laugh: Never played them for anyone, but, they helped get the feelings out.
 Plenty_of_FreeTime
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 133
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 4:24:15 PM
I think somebody got thread jacked!
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 134
view profile
History
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 5:38:25 PM
Its amaxing that when a man feels pain and acts
on it he is called a freak, stalker- when he shows
his pain he is threatened, taken to court, bullied,
mistreated.

I know tons of women personally who have losts
thier minds, keyed cars, ruined reputations, lied
about guys. Just to get back at them.

I just read this page- not the whole thread.

I am in awe of the raw emotion and heartbreak
shown.

We truly are not alone in our pain. At any given
time someone, somewhere is feeling it too.

So the original question- no. I would walk away.

Thinking, contemplating keeps me connected.

I like being free. Let them have thier shiity lives.

I get a second, third and fourth at getting it right.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 135
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 6:12:58 PM

I think somebody got thread jacked!


Nope, not really, I think it has to do a *lot* with this subject.


So the original question- no. I would walk away.

Thinking, contemplating keeps me connected.

I like being free. Let them have thier shiity lives.

I get a second, third and fourth at getting it right.


Exactly Curlygrl, not to say that everyone doesn't go through *some* pain initially, I think its a natural reaction to getting cheated on, etc - but 'retaliating' is only keeping *yourself* enmeshed emotionally. As I said in an earlier post, the initial hurt you can blame on the other person, but when you find yourself 'hanging on' to that pain for weeks, months, etc, that's not *them* anymore. When I see someone contemplating 'revenge'/retaliation, its obvious that rather than moving forward/letting go, they're keeping themselves enmeshed in it, and in effect rather than being the "better person", sinking to the same level as their ex partner in seeking revenge... as is often said, the opposite of love is not hate - hate is still an emotional bond with the person (just a different emotion) - the opposite of both love and hate is *indifference*, moving on and not keeping yourself enmeshed with them.
 raicor
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 136
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/28/2012 8:27:59 PM
turn away from the dark side. once you start down the path to the darkside forever will it be your life. :)
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 137
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/29/2012 1:24:06 PM
i'm just checking in during my lunch break at work and...... WOW!!!! i'm gonna have to go home and read this stuff and see. these forums are quite interesting. i agree with what you said though, raicor. it's not good to go down a dark path. it kinda consumes you and prevents you from progressing or just "moving on"...... it is indeed an issue that i am currently "working" on.
 solongagothegarden
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 138
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/29/2012 10:48:58 PM
she was probably omly still being nice to you.cough cough, because you could spill the beans and or you were a safe place for her. with that said she did not know how to treat a safe place.
 MyNameWasTaken2
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 139
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/30/2012 9:43:58 AM

But, the douche bag's wife didn't meddle with your life, just the douche bag did. I'd have considered telling the douche bag something like, "Hey. I told your wife, dude. She knows."


Best reply yet! Make the dumba$$ think she knows and walk away laughing. All kinds of thoughts would be running through his head after that and who knows, it may even scare him enough to stop cheating.
As to Joels post... WOW! That's just messed up dude. All the way around.
 Polly192
Joined: 5/25/2012
Msg: 140
view profile
History
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/31/2012 1:54:21 AM
Good for you! You got even, and if I were that guy's wife, I would want to know what had happened, even though it might be painful. But I hope you are now ready to forget your ex-girlfriend.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 141
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/31/2012 4:58:01 AM
I'm not sure if I would retaliate, it doesn't really solve anything. If I ever marry, I'll put it in the prenuptial agreement that I shall be compensated in cash if my wife cheats on me; $100 the first time, $200 the second time, and so on.
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 142
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/31/2012 2:18:09 PM
at Dominic_Deville


I'm not sure if I would retaliate, it doesn't really solve anything. If I ever marry, I'll put it in the prenuptial agreement that I shall be compensated in cash if my wife cheats on me; $100 the first time, $200 the second time, and so on.


i don't think i'll ever do an "agreement" for where i'll get "paid" everytime a girlfriend/wife cheats on me.... i don't think there's even a "$$$" price for that. that's just setting yourself up for failure, giving your S/O a way out...

and pre-nup agreements?? in my opinion, that's kinda like not trusting your future spouse to begin with. in MY opinion.

for me, it's a "priceless" thing.... where if a woman cheats on me once, she's gone. no price to be put. i drop her like a hot potato. plus.... i'm vengeful, but in a control my anger sort of way..... hehe.
 AdventureFit
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 143
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/31/2012 9:55:49 PM
I am quite surprised with a lot of these comments.

If you know the truth you have an obligation to tell the affected parties (in this case the wife). Horrible things like this only happen when good people do nothing. Trying to take a high road in life is one thing, but turning a blind eye to someone being lied and manipulated to? That's cowardly in my opinion.

So OP even if your intent was wrong (vengeance, spite, etc.) your actions were very, very right. Good for you.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 144
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 6/1/2012 3:02:16 AM


i don't think i'll ever do an "agreement" for where i'll get "paid" everytime a girlfriend/wife cheats on me.... i don't think there's even a "$$$" price for that. that's just setting yourself up for failure, giving your S/O a way out...

and pre-nup agreements?? in my opinion, that's kinda like not trusting your future spouse to begin with. in MY opinion.

for me, it's a "priceless" thing.... where if a woman cheats on me once, she's gone. no price to be put. i drop her like a hot potato. plus.... i'm vengeful, but in a control my anger sort of way..... hehe.


Agree to disagree. If she is going to act like a prostitute, I might as well pimp her like one. If she is loyal and acts like a lady, that is how she'll be treated.

Not getting prenups? Do you not wear a seat belt when you drive? Do you skydive without a parachute?

What is wrong with giving your S/O a way out? I'd rather her be with me by choice, not by force. She needs to choose to be loyal. She's no hostage, she's a human being. I don't want her to have Stockholm syndrome, I want her to actually love me. If she changes her mind, she can love paying me.
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 145
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 6/1/2012 9:16:16 AM

Agree to disagree. If she is going to act like a prostitute, I might as well pimp her like one. If she is loyal and acts like a lady, that is how she'll be treated.

Not getting prenups? Do you not wear a seat belt when you drive? Do you skydive without a parachute?


i kinda see now where you're going with this. and i understand. i still won't do the pre-nup thing though. if i was about to get married, and ask for a pre-nup, to me it's like telling the woman "hey, i love you and everything, but just in case this marriage doesn't work out, i want you to sign this contract with a list of things...cuz i don't REALLY trust you 100 %, just at a very high 95%"

i can see how pre-nups work for some people. but for me, i don't think it would work. i dunno, i've never been married. plus i wipe the slate clean with each new potential date. and now, because of the bullsh!t that happened with me and my ex, i am able to see the obvious signs of what not to look for. she was a habitual cheater, so i will NOT date someone who's cheated on past relationship more than once, on 2 different boyfriends. i was the third she cheated on. she also showed other signs.

the person i end up marrying will not exhibit these red flags or warning signs of cheating. they are actually easy to spot, but sometimes you ignore them because you don't want to believe. it's about making the tough, RIGHT decisions even though those decisions are extremely hard to make.
 lynyrd_hatchet
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 146
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 6/1/2012 11:19:31 AM
I think its a sh1tty thing to do man, so your skanky girlfriend cheated on you with a married dude, and you told his wife so what will that do ? except drive her closer to him, or the wife might forgive him and you end up with nothing and no one, if anything you should picked up one of her friends and banged her that would be revenge.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 147
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 6/1/2012 11:56:12 AM
joelsprofile, I read your first long post, but without reading everything that follows after, it sounds like a typical bangkok bargirl story. I loved a hooker and she played with my heart kind of song.

Good luck with your next pick.
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 148
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 6/1/2012 12:25:05 PM

I think its a sh1tty thing to do man, so your skanky girlfriend cheated on you with a married dude, and you told his wife so what will that do ? except drive her closer to him, or the wife might forgive him and you end up with nothing and no one, if anything you should picked up one of her friends and banged her that would be revenge.


at lynyrd_hatchet
you're implying that me ending up with "nothing" and "no one" means that i want my ex-GF back. it's actually a win/win for me if you think about it. sure, i could have driven my ex-GF closer to the married guy, but that relationship WILL FAIL due to the fact it was based on a foundation of lies, and deceit. or the married douche gets "forgiven" by his wife and works on his marriage somehow, leaving my ex-GF alone. and SHE ends up with no one.

ok, everybody is entitled to their own opinion. that's the lovely part of this open discussion thingy here in the forums. of course, i'm going to defend my actions and do them anyway regardless of what others think.

but to all the naysayers on this thread, let me ask you this. regardless of what my motives are, whether they were out of spite or to actually help you:

if i came to you and said "look, your husband/wife cheated on you with my girlfriend/boyfriend on this date and time..." you would think me as some a$$hole that did you wrong? how so? please explain that to me. i just want to know what you're thought process would be on that, if YOU were the one whose spouse was cheating on you behind your back and meeting up with people. would you REALLY want to live in ignorant bliss??

oh, and please answer honestly these MOST RECENT posted questions on these here most recent post that you're reading, and don't run off on a tangent. makes for good arguments.
 lynyrd_hatchet
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 149
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 6/1/2012 12:28:59 PM
i had a ex girlfriend cheat on me and I banged two of her friends after and I told her she was pissed, I knew the guy she fooled around and I knew where his girlfriend worked I could of told her but chose not to, but I banged her two friends and the look on her face when I told her was priceless that was revenge and from what I hear she isnt friends with one of them.

Now If I could of banged his girlfriend I would of and that would of been revenge.

I dont think youre A hole but telling her but I dont see the purpose, it just look like youre still in love with the B1tch and she is still on your mind
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 150
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 6/1/2012 12:36:39 PM

I dont think youre A hole but telling her but I dont see the purpose, it just look like youre still in love with the B1tch and she is still on your mind


you are right Lynrd_hatchet, she is still on my mind. but i do disagree with the purpose thing. i haven't spoken to my ex since the sh!t hit the fan, but she could very well be alone without the married douchebag, or they could actually be dating right now. either way, it's a win/win for me. they deserve each other. i really do think if they end up together, the relationship will fail. relationships based on lies/deceit very seldom succeed.

i probably do still love my ex-GF. but i am a realist. i will not take her back if she asked. even though the decision would be tempting to make. to forgive and forget. but that's the whole point. why bother f!cking someone over and expect them to forgive and forget?
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