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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How would you retaliate when cheated on?      Home login  
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 livingwithadog
Joined: 7/11/2011
Msg: 201
How would you retaliate when cheated on?Page 9 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)

...my ex-GF actually posts on the married douche-bags facebook wall.

May I suggest you stop looking at the douche-bags facebook page. It's over, right, between you and the ex? Why go there, then? Move forward, not backward, if ya can.
 brisco414
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 202
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 8/29/2012 6:44:20 PM
I've been cheated on. It sucks, it hurts like hell ...but not enough to seek revenge or retaliation. There are other more positive alternate solutions you can invest your time in rather then let the cheater hold your emotions hostage.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 203
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/3/2012 12:40:09 AM
nitemonger- Would i be tempted? Yes, I would. Would I do it, no.
The energy you spend on revenge is better spent moving on.
Karma will take care of her, because cheaters never change their ways and like attracts like.
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 204
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/3/2012 1:16:16 AM
Yeah...the whole revenge thing often times backfires. From my own personal experiences, I can honestly say that (allbeit way hard) taking the higher road, maintaining your own level of integrity and letting Karma deal with those that need their big serving will have those that have done wrong getting "theirs" in ways and to degrees that I could have never even thought possible or could have done.

Something I'm curious about...why several months later is this still an issue and why are you looking at the dudes Facebook page and tracking the activities of your ex? THAT...is more concerning to me than your ex and the married guy being morally bankrupt. Just sayin...
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 205
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/3/2012 7:33:56 AM

Something I'm curious about...why several months later is this still an issue and why are you looking at the dudes Facebook page and tracking the activities of your ex? THAT...is more concerning to me than your ex and the married guy being morally bankrupt. Just sayin...


i also agree ocrebellion that me not letting this go is concerning..... i guess it's the feeling that "justice" was not served. i suppose. hopefully, karma DOES rip them a new one eventually. yes. i am a vengeful type, and i hold grudges. it'll probably take me a year to fully get over this. it usually does take me that long to get over MAJOR things like having a GF cheat on you.....
 grantfl80
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 206
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/3/2012 8:14:21 AM
I would absolutely do nothing.

G
 Perspektiv
Joined: 8/30/2012
Msg: 207
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/3/2012 9:43:09 AM

it's never good to make assumptions folks. you know what that makes you


I still stand by my statement made, and strongly do believe retaliation is sinking to the assailant's level, if not below it.
It's a sign of immaturity to me, and had you approached me to elaborate, I would've told you I had the common sense to hear someone out before completely judging them as a person. I've dated people who have done far worse in their past, and the reality is a mistake doesn't make a person if they've learned from it and moved on (which is maturity in itself).

Point I made, was me responding to the title of the thread. How would I respond when cheated on. I don't see how you feel I was targeting you in my post (as opposed to chiming in with an opinion based on the thread title).
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 208
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History
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/3/2012 10:08:54 AM


i also agree ocrebellion that me not letting this go is concerning..... i guess it's the feeling that "justice" was not served. i suppose. hopefully, karma DOES rip them a new one eventually. yes. i am a vengeful type, and i hold grudges. it'll probably take me a year to fully get over this. it usually does take me that long to get over MAJOR things like having a GF cheat on you..


Op, I think the longer you stew over this, and the more revenge you seek and commit, the longer it will take you to get over it. If you ever do. I know. I've taken the short term gratification route of revenge before. It DOES NOT work. All it does is cause long term regret and pain down the road.

Here, if you're such a vengeful person, and you really want to hurt your ex, there are much better ways to do it. #1 would be to be Mr. cool about the whole thing and act irresistible to her. Someday she would likely come crawling back and then you can drop a bomb on her.

Had you bitten your tongue and been Mr. Joe Cool about the whole thing, she would probably be the one feeling regretful by now and looking at your FB profile trying to figure out what you've been up to, and you could have been the one laughing and pitying her crawling arse, instead of the other way around. Instead, you've made her feel justified about what she did.
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 209
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/3/2012 12:45:23 PM
thanks for the feedback people. and sorry if some of my replies were a bit "short" if you catch my drift. the problem is me holding grudges. i feel like "grimes" on that episode of the simpsons, where homer has things "handed" to him and grimes has to do things the hard way. kudos if you know what episode i'm talking about. i'm not grimes by nature. it just peeves the living sh!t out of me when people get away with sh!t.

Mr Cool is what i'm trying to be. i'm actually seeing someone right now, and she knows my story. she also agrees that "vengeance" is left to a higher power. i just have a hard time accepting that. so it is very well indeed my problem.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 210
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History
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/5/2012 2:54:49 AM
By ignoring my ex and moving the F### on..........You know the saying "Don't shoot the messenger"?....I just changed my mind.....
 Perspektiv
Joined: 8/30/2012
Msg: 211
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/5/2012 3:20:44 AM
it just peeves the living sh!t out of me when people get away with sh!t


I understand where you're coming from, and I had that debate with one of my friends over my last relationship. She did me in a fowl way, and I told her I forgave her, and wished her the very best in life, and let her walk without seeking any retribution. He was livid, and couldn't understand why I wasn't legally seeking the thousands of dollars worth of gifts I had given her over a short period of time. That, or not letting the world know all details of what she did. I would always paint her as a good person, to anyone who knew her, to avoid any drama.

My attitude, was it was just money, and my dignity is worth far more. I can easily make the money back, but couldn't get my dignity back sinking to her level.

I say I understand where you're coming from, in that in some situations, I do agree letting life punish the person, isn't sufficient. I.E A women who ends up having two children by her man, and he ditches her and tries to duck child support payments. That's the kind of situation I could understand fighting back, and not letting someone weasel away.

But to me, it would be deeper than your dignity. You have children in the mix, that could potentially struggle due to your financial instability, due to a selfish man.

So it's more doing what's right for your kids, than retaliating.

So seeing things in that kind of light, make me understand some situations where someone would retaliate, or force the hand of the other party, to make things right. That said, I don't think I'll ever be able to understand someone retaliating, to settle a personal agenda.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 212
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/5/2012 7:17:39 PM
perspektiv,

I would always paint her as a good person, to anyone who knew her, to avoid any drama.

But that's a lie, is it not?

I can easily make the money back, but couldn't get my dignity back sinking to her level.

I agree that "getting your money back" would be a worthless idea. That's just the casualty of war, so to speak. But lying about how she is, to avoid drama is actually a selfish act, and although not sinking TO her level, it's going in that direction.

In many situations, you won't get the satisfaction of sufficient 'revenge' and nobody should ride things out until they do -- because the ball's not going to completely bounce your way in most situations.

But you shouldn't do the opposite. Bowing down like that is saying "What you did wasn't that bad" -- it gives her encouragement to do that to other guys. It sets a bad example, in the very least. There's a reason why many would say that it'd make you a weak person.

Now, that doesn't mean you go off like a madman and all that. But you let it be known, where applicable, if or when the situations present themselves.

In the OP's situation -- he SHOULD have told that guy's wife. It was his business -- his cheating GF was getting hollowed out like a pumpkin by the woman's husband. And OP -- doing so in a firm, civil, real way -- should have given you the satisfaction of "revenge". Nothing's going to undo what she did. Many people won't have that opportunity. You should be happy that you had that opportunity, capitalized on it -- which made you feel good & doing the right thing.

Nothing's going to fully get rid of the feeling of betrayal -- but she got what she deserved. She's going to think twice about cheating. "Revenge" should only be executed when it makes the other party learn at least a bit of a lesson about what they did, and heed, at least in some way, from doing it again.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 8/30/2012
Msg: 213
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/6/2012 3:57:15 PM

But that's a lie, is it not?


Only is if I tell them she's a fantastic person. I can tell people we're no longer together, without having to tell them how horrible of a person she is. If they ask why, I can point them in her direction, to ask her. It's not a lie, considering if you don't know me--it's not really any of your business.

I have told my friends, my family (in full). Those are the only people who need to know.

I think telling all my co-workers, her family, and her friends, is just me grasping at straws (considering I'm not friends with any of her friends).


There's a reason why many would say that it'd make you a weak person.


The same could be said about someone grasping at straws to get revenge on another.

Strength to me is not where you put your words, it's where you don't.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 214
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/7/2012 8:12:47 AM
I can tell people we're no longer together, without having to tell them how horrible of a person she is.

Very true -- I agree. Especially those who you didn't know you two together very well if at all, or not knowing her at all. It's a lie if...

Only is if I tell them she's a fantastic person.

But that's exactly what you said ...

I would always paint her as a good person, to anyone who knew her, to avoid any drama.

THAT is the lie. :)

I don't advocate "grasping for straws" or chasing down people she knows & ranting, etc. Not at all. That just makes you look like a bitter person and would negate any regret or lessons learned from her cheating (and let her subconsciously place her cheating as not that bad, etc).

But my post was about when the opportunity presents itself -- not you chasing it down -- and someone who knows her or of her and not through you -- let them know what' s up if they inquire (without ranting & keeping it short n sweet). That may be arguable in certain conditions, people, etc...

But certainly don't paint a false positive image for an unethical person -- that's just encouraging their behavior in an implicit way. No need to lump "grasping for straws" with saying it like it is, if/when approached & inquired about it by people who know her. She deserves to have it be known, and it's a good societal practice to let it be known, in a civil way of course, in that context. Avoiding that, in those situations, and painting a false positive about someone unethical, is fear -- not being 'the better person' -- that's just an illusion for one's own comfort zone.
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 215
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/7/2012 9:11:58 AM
Nitemonger, I understand what you did and I like that you admit that it was out of spite more than you thinking the woman had a right to know.

The retaliation aspect reminds me of a friend who had a "sort of " relationship with a woman who kept him a secret due to her circumstances ( her and hubby lived together for the kids's sake but hadn't slept in the same room for 10 plus years ).

He waited for 3 plus years for her to get out of her marriage ( initially she told him she was going to get out “ soon “ but felt “ stuck “ ), so they could finally get together. Within that nearly 4 year period he tried to let go many times but kept getting sucked back in because ... they worked together.

He finally let go about a month ago and he constantly tells me that what angers him now is that while he is very sad and feels ripped off that he waited so long for nothing , she seems perfectly fine as if it doesn't bother her a bit. He says his blood boils every time he witnesses her laughing away with someone.

He says he often thinks about getting revenge by spilling the beans to everyone she knows about what went on between them.

I tell him to take the high road by just letting it go and eventually he should feel better, but it’s easy for me to say.
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 5/27/2012
Msg: 216
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/7/2012 10:18:45 AM
Retaliate and you might go to jail or get a restraining order put on you. Leave it alone, move on.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 217
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/7/2012 1:45:11 PM
I'm actually quite grateful when catching a man cheating. His true colors are shown and I'll leave at that second.
My best revenge is the sting of me saying no when the ex begs for I to come back.
Even years later I would be asked and the answer is still .............no.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 8/30/2012
Msg: 218
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/7/2012 3:31:01 PM
THAT is the lie.


I've never been approached by her friends, so I'm only speaking hypothetically knowing myself (in me being the peaceful type). For all I know, I'd just blurt it all out, considering I'm brutally honest, or simply no comment on their questions, and direct them to her.

I don't need any drama, and am just glad it's over. I don't get the need to continue the bleeding.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 219
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/7/2012 5:25:01 PM
The actual FB messages my ex and his hookup in all there grafic glory were posted to his FB wall.I expected to feel shame and guilt, but it honestly tickles me still. :)
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 220
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/12/2012 9:11:53 AM
I don't need any drama, and am just glad it's over. I don't get the need to continue the bleeding.

I understand the reasons why one would (possibly) lie to a cheating person's friends when asked what was up about it. Just like some people instinctively want to "react" and go off and are willing to make themselves look really bad doing so, some people want to do the opposite and are willing to paint a false positive. The previous lets off steam (which is an internal positive), and the latter is their way to avoid stress -- you don't want to deal with things "stirred up" or dealing with the embarrassment entangled with being cheated on (it Is a different flavor of embarrassment).

As far as what actually happens, in reality, I have to disagree. Letting someone know, when the subject comes up, that their friend cheated on you, isn't going to continue any bleeding. Bumping into a family/friend brings up the subject internally, so any desired amnesia is a foregone conclusion at that point anyway. And letting them know they cheated on you isn't going to do harm to you or bring it up any more to you, if you've fully parted ways. IMO, it's being a good citizen to inform, in that case.

As far as the OP's scenario is concerned: Even if spite motivates you, it doesn't mean what you did is wrong. Don't apply guilt by association. You should keep your feelings of spite & revenge in check -- but when the opportunity arises, like you knowing how to reach the wife of the guy who was having an affair with your girlfriend, you should inform her. That's a good thing. And you do have the right because it was your business, and it is that wife's business -- neither of you are gossip wallflowers in that scenario. I'd feel guilty (and like an idiot) NOT telling the wife, if I ended up seeing her and her hubby out smiling and holding hands.
 Quasimodo11543
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 221
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/12/2012 11:23:11 AM
Why do people who cheat, hide it for as long as they can? Because they know it is wrong. I've been in this position before and had the opportunity to inform someone else of their partners wandering eyes/penis. Two wrongs may not make a right, but telling someone about their partners indiscretions, is far from the 2nd wrong. It's the straw that breaks the camels back.

And for all the naysayers who think that it is wrong to tell them because of the hurt it causes, in most cases they already have suspicions, you're just confirming them. Them being hurt, is an inevitability. I don't pull band aids off slowly, letting someone become even further invested in a relationship with a cheater, I can not do. They should know, life is too short. Anyone who would cheat on a partner, is someone who has NO problem toying with someones emotions, and are not deserving of any type of courtesy.

Any dissolved relationship is going to leave hurt. I see no point in letting a coward get away with their actions.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 222
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/12/2012 1:22:13 PM
I cry like a baby and throw up in her purse.

A lot of women cheat and their husbands never find out, they both get older, desire for variety fades and they live happily. BTW, women are better at cheating than men.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 223
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/16/2012 5:13:47 PM
I would have done the same thing. When you are cheated on, so many emotions are present. Anger, sadness, betrayel, profound hurt, helplessness, you feel sick.
They had it coming, & they got what they deserved. You can forget about ever getting back with your ex, you may have hope that she'll forgive you, but it's never going to happen. Move on, & meet a nice girl who isn't a cheater.
Getting revenge helps you heal, as long as it's of a violent nature.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 224
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/16/2012 5:21:25 PM
i also agree ocrebellion that me not letting this go is concerning..... i guess it's the feeling that "justice" was not served. i suppose. hopefully, karma DOES rip them a new one eventually. yes. i am a vengeful type, and i hold grudges. it'll probably take me a year to fully get over this. it usually does take me that long to get over MAJOR things like having a GF cheat on you..


You sent the letter, you got your revenge, now you have to let this go!! You cannot hold a grudge & walk around angry. That will only hurt you. They'll go on with their lives & not even think of you or know/care you're mad. Holding that anger in will cause you physical & mental health problems, Neither one of them are worth that! You need to give this deep hurt to God, & leave it there. Ask him to heal your broken heart. Sometimes, in deep dispair, there is no where else to turn.
Don't let this ruin your life & your health. You have to change your mindset, as you have already decided you're going to mad for at least a year, change that now! Forget about them &what happened, put it behind you & move on. A year from now you should be happy in a new relationship & happy. Getting on with your life, living well & finding a new love, now that's the best revenge!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 225
How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 9/17/2012 12:23:01 PM
I've been in this position before and had the opportunity to inform someone else of their partners wandering eyes/penis. Two wrongs may not make a right, but telling someone about their partners indiscretions, is far from the 2nd wrong.

I agree, if you do Know. I think it becomes a wrong if there's mere suspicion -- don't get involved unless they bring up the subject if there's mere suspicion and you don't know. But if you do KNOW -- then that's a different story.

And for all the naysayers who think that it is wrong to tell them because of the hurt it causes, in most cases they already have suspicions, you're just confirming them.

Very true -- hurt is going to happen anyway. I think a lot of naysayers don't want to get involved... they don't want to even tell their friend, if their friend once told them they always want to be informed. It's dealing with tough stuff.

But this thread is about retaliating on someone who cheated on you -- by telling the other person who's being cheated on too in that case. I think that's a no-brainer. You let them know, if you know them or know of them. It's not lashing out, it's doing the right thing, actually.
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