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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Are men really willing to wait for sex?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 101
Are men really willing to wait for sex?Page 5 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
Most men won't wait (long) for sex. We will, however, wait much longer for sexual intimacy if we want more than just sex. If I'm seeing a woman who is interested in a relationship, and I'm open to the idea but first need to work through my own reservations, I might even be the hold up on sex.
 OutofControlMan
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 102
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/1/2012 9:29:48 AM

if she cared about what other people thought, I wouldn't want to date her

virtually every human being over 5 (other than the extremely mentally ill, schizophrenic, perhaps), but OK, mentally well, sane peoplecare at least to SOME degree "what other people think" --those who claim otherwise are basically full of sh1te.,

indeed, virtually everyone who stses that "don't care what others think" , very much care that others THINK that they don't care what those others think..lol, nice conundrum there-put in an effort to make it SEEM like you don't care, of put in no effort

If people truly cared not a whit what others think they would jsut wear worn sweats & sandals almost all of the time.

and if the majority fit that category, Western economies woudl collapse, the adverstising business (Madison Ave.), the clothing/fashion, jewellry & fragrances & make up industries woudl all close down.

oops daring to disagree with a Mod, here comes the ban! :)
 prometheus76
Joined: 1/22/2012
Msg: 103
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/1/2012 2:41:11 PM

You are so rude.


What is the intellectual purpose of grossly misquoting the context of someone's post?


You know....it's funny, even on the internet one can get a sense of who the REAL Alpha's are. But keep studying and practicing.....you just MIGHT get there one day.


Textual context is actually the worst way to understand someone's personality, but you're fun.




Translation: I hide behind a computer screen when I want to be rude and say things I would NEVER say IRL.


No, I would insult you in real life as well if I didn't want to have sex with you.

Hint, the translation is: I get bored at work and debate hot topic issues with people on the internet. It's that simple, luv.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 104
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/1/2012 7:46:24 PM

Some people might need to get to know someone...before they feel comfortable with them.....is that really so hard to comprehend?? I guess for some it is??

I guess I'm not sure what you mean by ``comfortable.'' I'm either comfortable with someone right away or I'm not. If I'm not, I wouldn't go on a second date, much less kiss or sleep with a woman. If I feel comfortable enough to kiss a woman, I feel comfortable enough to have sex with her (and that seems to be the best predictor of sex with almost 100% certainty). Let's turn the question around. Why would you go on a second date with someone you weren't comfortable enough to sleep with?
 marcus_biggs
Joined: 4/2/2011
Msg: 105
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/1/2012 8:15:07 PM
only goofy guys will wait for you..
realistically, your only setting yourself up to be ****ed over. especially if your an old ****.

women act like there isn't two people involved, and that their choice is the only choice that matters.
if a dude wants to ****, give it to him, and then see what he does with it.. then you'll see what kind of man you got.

what's between your legs is why we deal with your bullshit, you talk about love, for YOU.. guys don't think about love first.. we think about ****.

and you bait us with implied promise of sex.
we bait you with implied promise of love.

we don't love you right away ever, and the man that does, is the one you need to run from, because he's copying you.

i refuse to waiting no amount of months... not even a week. i know i want to fu.ck, i fu.ck right NOW.. not in this imagined future that may never happen.

i don't have faith in a woman's rollercoaster emotions

besides.. it's better for guys to like you than to love you..
love is for you.
 RyJFa
Joined: 4/28/2012
Msg: 106
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/1/2012 9:17:05 PM
Depends on the guy. Being rather young, I don't think that most men around my age would be content waiting for a woman to ready herself emotionally. I'm sure the same is true of older men - in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if a good number of them are less patient and less willing to play games than the frat boys I encounter on a daily basis (which isn't to say that I'm encountering them in a romantic sense... lol).

Personally, yeah, I have no problem waiting. I'm not super in to sex, and if I'm taking a woman seriously enough to want to date her, I'm going to want to make sure that she's a decent person before physically committing myself to her. Hopefully that doesn't sound too weird. I like good-looking girls as much as the next guy, but personality and intelligence far trump sexiness, in my book.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 107
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/1/2012 10:24:03 PM
I guess I'm not sure what you mean by ``comfortable.'' I'm either comfortable with someone right away or I'm not. If I'm not, I wouldn't go on a second date, much less kiss or sleep with a woman.


"Comfortable" is not the same thing as "attracted to". Feeling comfortable usually means the woman trusts the man enough to feel safe with him---physically as well as emotionally. That type of trust usually takes some time to develop for many women---and some men, too.
 muscularlove
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 108
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/1/2012 10:47:45 PM
Its hard to wait because mens love is more pasion needs to touch body and smell neck! =)
 kcomfort0001
Joined: 12/22/2010
Msg: 109
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/1/2012 11:18:42 PM
Surprisingly we are.. I can't speak for everyone but I know even though I'm willing to wait doesn't mean I won't try, believe it or not I feel we appreciate you more when we've been made to wait a little bit and everyone has their own time, its kind of like that girl that will give it up on a first date sure we had fun, but our opinion is that even though we don't think it consciously we feel you would be that way with anyone and it could cause problems down the line with jealousy etc.. I know I trust a woman more when I've been made to wait . Hope that helps / Makes sense. 4 months may be excessive but there isn't any reason NOT to hold out for a little while at least.
 smashingmayo
Joined: 7/10/2011
Msg: 110
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/2/2012 1:38:11 AM
If it's a hot 20 yo virgin.
 Chocolate_Brown31
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 111
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/2/2012 2:50:14 AM
No real man is willing to wait for sex...

he'll find it elsewhere, so while he might be waiting to have sex with you, he's still having sex...

SEX IS IMPORTANT!!! many people have relationships that are based on only sex, nowone has a relationship that's based on no sex...

Women think that sex is this magical thing and they have this body that needs to be concealed. Or they're afraid to be naked around a guy because it's revealing, or they think sex is for people that are in love. The truth is, having sex on a regular basis is the norm. If you haven't gotten laid in 3 months, you're the one with the issue.

Like anything else the less sex you have the worse you'll be at it. If you make some guy wait months to sleep with them, you probably will have a bad encounter. Which makes that guy think you can't put it down in the sack. He'll leave anyway.

I personally think that if the time, mood and biological clock is right and sex doesn't happen. It's without a doubt a red flag.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 112
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/2/2012 3:14:45 AM
I think willingness to wait on a man's part MOSTLY comes from how interested he is in her.


I think the willingness for a woman to have sex sooner than later,MOSTLY comes from how interested she is in him.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 113
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/2/2012 3:38:29 AM

its kind of like that girl that will give it up on a first date sure we had fun, but our opinion is that even though we don't think it consciously we feel you would be that way with anyone and it could cause problems down the line with jealousy etc.. I know I trust a woman more when I've been made to wait .


This is JUST the mentality that causes women pause and fear that they will be judged and considered "sluts/non-relationship material"" for not waiting!

To me that sounds as though your own issues and insecurities and your socially conditioned attitudes towards women and sex keep you from realizing that just because a woman will "give it up" on the first date,doesn't make her untrustworthy or easy or as though she does that with EVERY MAN she meets.

Or at the very least,it's a man's projected fears about her because that's what HE does in the aftermath of sex!


This makes perfect sense. I grew up with three brother's and all their guy friends and have heard them say similar things many times.


Your brother and all his guy friends have issues with being hypocritcal.If THEY are "easy enough" to give it up on the first date,would that also make THEM untrustworthy and unworthy of respect because they didn't wait?

The double standard is what causes problems down the line.
 smashingmayo
Joined: 7/10/2011
Msg: 114
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/2/2012 3:39:57 AM
People are posting a lot of crazy generalizations in here.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 115
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/2/2012 4:21:07 AM
"Comfortable" is not the same thing as "attracted to".

I didn't use the word ``comfortable'' to mean ``attracted to.''

Feeling comfortable usually means the woman trusts the man enough to feel safe with him---physically as well as emotionally. That type of trust usually takes some time to develop for many women---and some men, too.

I'm sorry, but that makes no sense at all. (1) Why would you go out a second time with a guy if you didn't feel physically safe? (2) The ``emotional'' safety is just a way of saying nothing in a fancy way. You're the least likely to be hurt emotionally by someone in whom you've invested no time at all, uness you really believe a one night stand would cause more hurt than a divorce.

If you believe the latter, then ok, but that would be weird. I can't be hurt by someone I don't know, so a stranger is about as emotionally safe as a person could possibly be. Would you feel safer if a guy dated you for a month? By that time, you're emotionally invested in him and if anything, you're less emotionally safe. Since you can have only 1 relationship that lasts a lifetime, any relationship you get into will either be your last or you'll get hurt and based on statistics, the odds that anyone's current or next relationship will be the last are not very good. You'll have many more relationships in which you are hurt emotionally than the 1 which succeeds, if 1 ever does succeed and those will cause far more hurt than any one night stand that doesn't turn into a relationship. I think that's just an excuse for being afraid of doing something without knowing what you're really afraid of.

I agree. I don't do the "double standard" thing myself....but just saying I've heard plenty of this.

I'be heard many people say lots of things, but my life has been improved immeasurably by ignoring them and f*ckig things up my way instead. At least that way, my self-worth doesn't depend on what other people think.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@Hearton64 its just a fact... we've all heard the lines just as you have .. Believe me there is nothing soooo special about me that you decided to give it up on the first date that you won't find in someone else. (not you, but hypothetically speaking)

That is ridiculous on several levels. First, if that even crosses your mind, you're a hypocrite. A woman can't sleep with you unless you are sleeping with her under the same conditions, so for you to imagine that her having sex with you so soon says something about her that it doesn't also say about you, is convoluted thinking. Second, even if you were to ignore the hypocrisy in that thinking, you can't assume that a woman who sleeps with you on the first date sleeps with anyone on the first date. Some women would and some wouldn't.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
 kcomfort0001
Joined: 12/22/2010
Msg: 116
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/2/2012 4:22:08 AM
@Hearton64 its just a fact... we've all heard the lines just as you have .. Believe me there is nothing soooo special about me that you decided to give it up on the first date that you won't find in someone else. (not you, but hypothetically speaking)

Not saying it makes them a slut etc.. in fact I don't do that. Those words will never come out of my mouth. One thing you can always count on people for is that they will behave just like all people do.
 prometheus76
Joined: 1/22/2012
Msg: 117
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/2/2012 6:40:07 AM

"Comfortable" is not the same thing as "attracted to". Feeling comfortable usually means the woman trusts the man enough to feel safe with him---physically as well as emotionally. That type of trust usually takes some time to develop for many women---and some men, too.


This makes absolutely no sense because your logic is circular and self defeating.

Why would you be in any vulnerable position with anyone if you couldn't trust your physical safety with them? That is just silly.

How can you ever possibly hope to feel emotionally safe with someone you just met? It's not possible. So the better and least emotionally damaging path is to not base your emotional health on the actions or non actions of other people.

Secondarily as the poster stated above; you are more emotionally safe after one or two nights than you are after a month. Saying that you need to feel emotionally safe before you have sex is a complete lie to avoid simply saying that you are scared. But, if you say you're scared then you have to produce a reason. A reason that you likely do not know or understand.


The double standard is what causes problems down the line.


There is no double standard because you are not comparing like things. The second any man can go to the bar of his choosing and leave with a woman with almost 100% success rate; then you may use the words "double standard".

But, just as a quick exercise. Let's breakdown the attributes of a "slut" versus a "stud"

What are the qualifications for being a "slut"?

a. have a pulse
b. have physically mature female genitalia
c. lie down (optional)

What are the qualifications for being a "stud"?

a. have a pulse
b. have physically mature male genitalia
c. have confidence
d. have a calm demeanor
e. have loads of money (optional)
f. be physically attractive (females are more picky about looks than males)
g. this list could go on for a very long time.
 DecentGuyHere
Joined: 4/28/2012
Msg: 118
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/2/2012 8:10:50 AM
Frankly, I consider the waiting game just that; a game that women play. The idea that men who will wait to have sex with you like you better is just another silly idea without foundation. Do you really want to waste your life chasing some fantasy? Its unfortunate that you can't enjoy sex without feeling used, but that's largely a self inflicted issue. If you can't tell the difference between a guy who really cares for you and a guy who is just using you as a pin cushion then no strategy is ever going to work for you.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 119
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/2/2012 8:41:39 AM
This makes absolutely no sense because your logic is circular and self defeating.


The only person who gets defeated is the man who attempts sex on the first meeting and gets rebuffed.


Why would you be in any vulnerable position with anyone if you couldn't trust your physical safety with them? That is just silly.

How can you ever possibly hope to feel emotionally safe with someone you just met? It's not possible. So the better and least emotionally damaging path is to not base your emotional health on the actions or non actions of other people.


I can't trust my physical safety with someone I just met, therefore, logically, I don't sleep with someone I just met. In terms of emotional safety, IF I decide to place my trust in someone and allow myself to be physically vulnerable with him, I am making an emotional decision as well as a logical one. The two are intrinsically tied together, so I'm not really sure how it's possible in this case for a woman NOT to base her emotional responses on the actions of another.


Secondarily as the poster stated above; you are more emotionally safe after one or two nights than you are after a month. Saying that you need to feel emotionally safe before you have sex is a complete lie to avoid simply saying that you are scared. But, if you say you're scared then you have to produce a reason. A reason that you likely do not know or understand.


I beg to differ. I'm fully cognizant of what my fears are: Getting murdered or physically roughed up, rape, sexually transmitted diseases, and possible fallout from other women the man might be involved with---including a wife and kids. These are all issues that a woman can avoid with much greater accuracy by taking the necessary precautions and utilizing that month to get to know and trust the man before sleeping with him.
 prometheus76
Joined: 1/22/2012
Msg: 120
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/2/2012 9:58:52 AM

The only person who gets defeated is the man who attempts sex on the first meeting and gets rebuffed.


What you are saying is not a defeat.


I can't trust my physical safety with someone I just met, therefore, logically, I don't sleep with someone I just met. In terms of emotional safety, IF I decide to place my trust in someone and allow myself to be physically vulnerable with him, I am making an emotional decision as well as a logical one. The two are intrinsically tied together, so I'm not really sure how it's possible in this case for a woman NOT to base her emotional responses on the actions of another.


Okay:

a) no one is asking you to have sex with someone you just met. If you can't do your due diligence to find out if the guy wants to wear your face as a mask within a few dates then maybe you should improve your communication skills.

and

b) relationships can end at any second. They don't need reason to end and you aren't entitled to understand why they end. After waiting a month or so for sex (which, why place a time period on it anyway?); you have more emotional connection to the person than you did only after a few dates. Say the relationship ends a week after you have sex; do you jump on the fallacy that he was only holding out for sex and bailed? What if after 3 weeks he meets someone he likes better that isn't gating intimacy? Is he a player? A dog? Would you ever address your own trust issues as the cause?


I beg to differ. I'm fully cognizant of what my fears are: Getting murdered or physically roughed up, rape, sexually transmitted diseases, and possible fallout from other women the man might be involved with---including a wife and kids. These are all issues that a woman can avoid with much greater accuracy by taking the necessary precautions and utilizing that month to get to know and trust the man before sleeping with him.


I will ask you this in the form of a hypothetical situation:

Say you're seeing this guy and he really digs you. He absolutely does not want to wait for sex, but CONCEDES to your wishes because he likes you. What large concession are you willing to give to absorb his concession to your issues? Or, and this will answer a lot about how you are to be perceived, do you feel like you are ENTITLED to receive this concession and feel no real need to hold yourself accountable to reciprocity?

When a man waits for you to "be ready" he is conceding to your wishes. He isn't compromising, he is walking 100% away from his own stance towards yours. This is the reason I will never, ever wait for someone to "be ready". It is a selfish act that starts the foundation of the relationship 100% on her terms and sets the precedent that if she is persistent, I will bend 100% to her stance.
 prometheus76
Joined: 1/22/2012
Msg: 121
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/2/2012 11:24:39 AM

That you never feel the need to wait for sex and you feel like there's no good reason a woman should ever wait for sex, then I guess we DISAGREE.


The only disagreement I have with your logic is when a woman has no real good reason to withhold sex, but does so anyway. If she is unreasonably (defined by behavior that cannot be logically explained) gating intimacy, that is her issue and unhealthy.

That is the only thing anyone is arguing with you about, but you can't see past your own perception. No one is arguing that a woman should have sex when she isn't ready. Myself and others are trying to explain that "not being ready" could, and probably is, symptomatic to a larger problem that should not be associated with sex that is wrongly considered as too early.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 122
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/2/2012 3:58:01 PM
b) relationships can end at any second. They don't need reason to end and you aren't entitled to understand why they end. After waiting a month or so for sex (which, why place a time period on it anyway?); you have more emotional connection to the person than you did only after a few dates. Say the relationship ends a week after you have sex; do you jump on the fallacy that he was only holding out for sex and bailed? What if after 3 weeks he meets someone he likes better that isn't gating intimacy? Is he a player? A dog? Would you ever address your own trust issues as the cause?


Honestly, I've never had a relationship end a week after I had sex with a man. Either one of us could be the one to end it if it were to ever happen. I'll cross that bridge when or if I come to it.


I will ask you this in the form of a hypothetical situation:

Say you're seeing this guy and he really digs you. He absolutely does not want to wait for sex, but CONCEDES to your wishes because he likes you. What large concession are you willing to give to absorb his concession to your issues? Or, and this will answer a lot about how you are to be perceived, do you feel like you are ENTITLED to receive this concession and feel no real need to hold yourself accountable to reciprocity?

When a man waits for you to "be ready" he is conceding to your wishes. He isn't compromising, he is walking 100% away from his own stance towards yours. This is the reason I will never, ever wait for someone to "be ready". It is a selfish act that starts the foundation of the relationship 100% on her terms and sets the precedent that if she is persistent, I will bend 100% to her stance.


I have a different take on that. A man who really digs me understands that a woman is physically more vulnerable than a man; thus is willing to have sex when we are both ready. My current partner never told me he didn't want to wait for sex---if he had, we wouldn't be together. He knew I was fresh out of a divorce, and was dating more than one man on a casual basis. He also knew that I wouldn't be sleeping with anyone until I entered into an exclusive arrangement.

He and I have a healthy relationship, which all about give and take. Sometimes he will be the one to give and I will be the one to take; and other times, I will be the one to give and he will be the one to take---however, it all evens out in the wash. It's called compromise.
 RUtheone39
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 123
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/2/2012 8:51:05 PM
cautiousluv, Maybe this is directed at the OP, but I wanted to point out it could be the other way around and she is waiting to see if she like's HIM well enough to have sex.....or even well enough to keep dating, and hopefully he's doing the same.

YES before having sex I want to make sure I like him well enough, and he me. If I wanted to just go and have sex I have a male friend I can do that with. I want a relationship, and yes sex, but I want to make sure I like him enough first. FINALLY someone gets what I'm saying.
 vitoa1962
Joined: 4/18/2012
Msg: 124
view profile
History
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/2/2012 9:41:42 PM
You know, when I was 19, I dated my first wife 6 months before being intimate. It did nothing to make the marriage last. She found a FWB and divorced me. When I met my new wife, we were intimate that same night. We were together for twenty years till she passed. Sex is a mutual decision, based on chemistry. It can happen whenever it is right for both people.
 joshbeckett
Joined: 4/30/2012
Msg: 125
Are men really willing to wait for sex?
Posted: 5/3/2012 10:51:17 AM
well it gets frustrating when a girl purposely withholds sex to see if you're "worthy" enough. sex should be an integral part of the dating process. let's face it, if the two partners don't have similar sex drives, the relationship probably won't work anyway or the dissatisfied person will cheat.

do women actually think by "holding out" that it's going to attract a quality man? it's either going to attract a guy that gets it elsewhere in the meantime or some weird asexual/uber religious guy.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Are men really willing to wait for sex?