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Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 5
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Separated, but not divorcedPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

it's a slightly weird situation whereby this asymmetrical
inclusiveness puts a strange tilt on our relationship.

That's because she's not all in. Josh, this woman is going to need a lot more than you giving her a firm word to ease her discomfort. She is going to need to resolve her relationship with her husband (who she is still relying on.)

as it turns out, it concerned him proof-reading one of her assignments for her degree.

I'm sure that her university offers a writing lab that would happily have assisted with this; instead, she chose him.

Once she is actually DONE with the marriage she'll more than likely need some time to heal from the divorce. The last thing she needs is to be dating someone who is going to give her ultimatums. If you're truly content with the situation then enjoy it. If you're looking for something long term, I'd rethink this one. The timing is not right for it.
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 15
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/27/2012 3:48:34 PM
I dont think its awful to date and interact while your divorcing.. but .. honestly.. she has to be careful with all her "complications".

I would have no expectations until she is free to start over.
Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 17
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/27/2012 6:51:47 PM
josh, you are the rebound.
You are the first one in and you are not going to be taken seriously.
You are only there to ease the fear, lonliness and pain.
You are going to be a distraction from her healing.
Not a good place to be.

As for your demands, you have no right.
She is not in a safe place yet.
Joined: 4/13/2010
Msg: 19
view profile
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/27/2012 8:14:08 PM
You are a fling, a rebound, Nothing more nothing more, nothing less. Maybe she is lying to you, shocking as that may seem. In the end you will be the one hurting. Been there and done that too. Separated or not, she is still married.
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 22
view profile
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/28/2012 5:39:32 AM

now I'm here only for forums since the "ex" and I are talking that maybe we aren't done. .... I am still separated.

This is why some people avoid getting deeply involved in relationships with separated people. There hasn't really been a conclusion to the relationship and there is still a chance for reconciliation.
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 23
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/28/2012 5:55:13 AM
I personally think you are headed for a big time fall and the red flags are so up that it looks like a Canadian crowd at an olympic hockey game.

I NEVER EVER date or even really talk much to anyone that is separated. Separated means married.

Your being played; plain and simple. Your her secret in thing and you sound kind of the submissive type.

Of course you are relaxed about your situation. You are totally into her so nothing would phase you at this point.

You are going to get hurt if you stay in this. I'm telling you. just my opinion but this happens a lot. I would run away from her fast. You wont though. I hope it works out for your sake. good luck.
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 24
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/28/2012 5:59:40 AM
sorry abelion; I totally disagree. Statistics show that 25% of those that are separated go back to their spouses.

also for those that are separated, the divorce rate for their next marriage is very high. Usually they date quickly while they are separated and in reality it's on the rebound. They dont want to be alone to deal with the stress of a divorce as well as the feeling of being alone, so they date someone to help them cope.

And on the side I still dont get why people in relationships are on a dating site? I sure am NOT on a dating site if I'm dating someone. Where do people get the time? No wonder so many cheat. If you have friends then add them to your personal communications like facebook, yahoo or hotmail.
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 26
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/28/2012 6:23:58 AM

Because a person's attitude about an ex or soon to be ex doesn't change just because the papers have or haven't been signed. I've dated on woman in my life who was separated - my fiancee - and she was a lot more single than a lot of women who have already signed the papers. She had been awa yfrom her husband for more than 2 years and shortly after we started dating, she got the paperwork taken care of with nothing but a few emails a phone call or two and a fedexed document. A better question would be, ``why do people date those who still have their exes in their lives, divorced or not?'' The judges signature is a legal matter, not a new perspective on one's ex.
highlighted part-myself included...
the reason why u r sooooo into her- is cuz she IS SEPERATED...if she gets divorced ASAP, you'd back off...
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 28
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/28/2012 6:54:27 AM

My question is: given that she's clearly compromised about our connection, should I continue to reassure her
about the status quo, or insist upon a disclosure on her part towards her family and friends, but, specifically,
her husband?

Insist? That sounds like an ultimatum. Most people don't sit well with ultimatums.

Should you communicate your feelings? Absolutely. Bottled up feelings usually don't end well. Mull it all over in your mind. Discuss it when the time is right.
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 31
view profile
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/28/2012 3:02:28 PM

Using caps and "yelling" at us YOUR opinion is not going to change ours.

Kind of funny, considering you've done the caps thing in both of your posts on this thread. ;)
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 34
Separated, but not divorced
Posted: 4/28/2012 6:48:57 PM
Why are u on this site looking for women to date??
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