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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?      Home login  
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 GentlemanGhost47
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 26
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
No, it's not worse in the big picture, but isn't as common in the main stream. Although, it seems it's becoming more and more relevant. When I first became a single Dad, people looked at me puzzled and wondered why I had the kids instead of their mother. Why did she leave? What did I do? Well thanks society, that made me feel better after a bitter end to my marriage. It is just as bad, yes they do suck just as much. However, to the majority of society and in court, the woman is never in the wrong. It's always the man's fault, and going on history I understand why that thought process is used. I just hope society learns to get all the facts before judging. I was ordered to receive child support, but when I ask for money for a Dr. visits, good luck. I might as well rob a bank, at least then I'll actually have money in my hands. Society hasn't quite grasped the idea of a Dead-Beat Mom, but they exist, trust me, I know. It just seems to be a taboo subject, as if it doesn't exist or the man is exaggerating because "women just don't do that." I am glad there are others who understand that being a dead-beat isn't gender specific, losers come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and sexes.
 gothicgirl86
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 27
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/10/2012 12:12:56 PM
I think women should be held accountable for not paying child support just the same as men. I don't like the double standard notion we have when dealing with this issue.
 p213p
Joined: 9/30/2011
Msg: 28
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/10/2012 3:07:31 PM
My ex owes me 2,100 right now and refused to fulfill the court ordered seek work order. She lost custody of her "daughter " which says a lot right there. How often does a mom loose custody of a daughter to the father???
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 29
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/11/2012 4:42:55 AM

I think women should be held accountable for not paying child support just the same as men. I don't like the double standard notion we have when dealing with this issue.


I would suggest both parents are to be required to be held to the same standard or expectation. Now a poster has suggested it is more expensive to live with children than it is to live as a single person....yet with 50% of single mothers not working or working part time...where is the expectation of upholding the financial responsiblity of having children...you have children you are expected to work to provide for your choices...as a custodial parent or non custodial parent you work to provide for yourself and your children. Yet a few are very quick to offer justification of wanting to be there for their children....I suggest the need is theirs....not their children.

But instead I suggest too many custodials hide behind their children whining and lamenting about a lack of responsiblity of the other parent....That is equally a double standard....And recently we had the guy from England who was the custodial father...living off society as he hid behind his child....so the deadbeats are again both genders....

And they talk about it takes a village to raise a child....I do not think they were talking about the village paying or subsidizing your choices or your lack of personal accountability!

In reality there should be no child support....the additional costs outside of the home are what should be shared like day care....uiversity....dental costs...the extra-ordinary costs are what should be shared.
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 30
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History
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/12/2012 1:00:17 AM
I got custody of my son 4 years ago after the state of Indiana locked her up in the state psychiatric hospital. She spent a year there. After she got out, she took me to court to try to get custody back, and she lost. She had married a guy she met in the hospital who has the same mental problems she has! She never paid support, but I told the court I didn't want or need it. My ex has no money, and squeezing the poor for child support is immoral (that's my belief, I know some will disagree). Plus, my lawyer said the child support authorities will never make her pay even if the court ordered it, because she told me the child support people in our county don't believe women should pay, even if they have money. My ex did keep in contact with my son till last year, when she had a baby with her husband. She then lost all interest in our son. In the last year, she has seen him twice. The last time was 2 weeks ago, and she had my son take all of his toys and stuff he had at her place back to my place. We think she wanted his stuff gone to make more room for her new baby, and we do not expect to see her again. She is welcome to see him if she wants, but we do not expect her to ask.
 40Golfer
Joined: 5/10/2011
Msg: 31
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/18/2012 12:56:16 PM
Lee4, she has a corporate job and pays $278 for 2? She must have to produce tax returns, might be time to look into it?
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 32
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History
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/18/2012 9:28:58 PM
I agree with Tealwood that both parents shuld be held to the same standard, and more often than not, they are, in the legal sense. CS is often a very simple calculation, percentage of income. The courts do not decide what your income is or should be, the court only decides what percentage of any ncp's income is required to contribute to the suppport of their child(ren), and even then only when cs is not agreed upon by both parties; no one is forced to collect or to seek cs collection via the system. The calculation behind that percentage is arguable, perhaps, but decisions as to how parents choose to divide their income between funding children & their attributable expenses are best agreed upon by the parents, and more often than not they are, despite what we read here. I do take issue with the statement that we should all be prepared to "go it alone", as that goes against the very nature of family. CS exists as a means to force a parent to take financial responsibilty & would not be necessary at all if two parties would acknowledge their responsibility and choices from the get go. Monetary sacrifices need not be borne by children; responsible adults pay the price for their mistakes, and bear the sacrifice personally. In reality, this is often the case, even if it may seem to be otherwise from reading these posts. More parents than not accept less than statutory cs & more ncps's than not contribute more than what is required by law, all in the name of love for their children. A good thing, if you ask me, and as it should be.
 greenwoman11
Joined: 1/14/2011
Msg: 33
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/19/2012 6:33:49 PM
A dead beat parent is a dead beat regardless of the gender... The amount of harm they do to the child in criminal!!!
 vltheeo
Joined: 5/22/2010
Msg: 34
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History
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/26/2012 12:46:15 PM
Hi TexasDude, as sorry as I was to read your post it is great that so many people here have shown their support and admiration for you. I am a single parent also and my daughter, who is 9, has now started telling people she doesn't have a Dad. He has never laid eyes on her once. Never contributed financially or emotionally. However his family are great and it's wonderful that my little lady has them as I think it's important for her sense of "belonging".

Keep going and doing the fantastic job you are. And when your child starts asking about his mother (if he hasn't already) just keep it neutral. I would tell my daughter that her Dad never calls or visits because "he must be busy" or "he probably doesn't have credit". I never badmouth him to her cos she needs to come to her own conclusions about him. I need her to trust me and believe me when I'm trying to advise her when she's older. So being neutral and not having me colouring her judgement about him now will help me support her as she gets older.
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 35
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/26/2012 4:53:07 PM
I dont associate with dead beat moms, let trash stay with trash.
 Wullis
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 36
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History
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/26/2012 10:19:11 PM
The pendulum does swing both ways.

Like other single guys here, I didn't even ask for support. My sons conseller said, after talking with my sons mother, that if I was awarded support his mother would never see our son again. I think at that time in my sons life it would have been devastating for him to lose all contact.
Now eight years later, She sees him on occasion, sometimes they have fun sometimes she cusses him out and tells him he's not her son. This year I bought the stuff to make a cake for his birthday and because she has no money offered to let her bake the cake, she said 'sure if you pay me $50'. I think that says it all!!!!

deadbeat isn't just a monetary distinction in my opinion
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 37
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/27/2012 7:49:19 AM

^^^I always appreciate your perspective...but I cannot condone this reply to Tealwood as it seems something you have posted to appease his sense of unfairness regarding his own situation. TW continues to imply and attach blame on single mother's in general, who don't earn the large salary that affords him the luxury of being so obtuse to anyone else's circumstances.


I doubt ohwhynot would ever pander or say something to simply appease someone! The woman even if we have disagreed on issues has a great deal of integrity!


Now why not take Cindraizzie back to when she was Lizabeth2.....where she was suggested the only way she could give up the cs that she received for her two boys would be to sell her 2000sq foot home…..LOL….give up cs….where as a non custodial she should actually be then paying cs….but she only worries about not receiving it!


http://forums.plentyoffish.com/13140157datingPostpage2.aspx

9/26/2009

I don't think that my ex or my boys fully understand the consequences or reprucussions of the choice they want to make.
I can do without all the child support and minimal tax benefits I get for having primary custody of the boys....ONLY IF I sold the house that has been the constant secure place, or I guess the home base for these kids for the majority of their life.
I am only working part-time....and will continue to have that scheduale until my 4yr old daughter is in school full-time. I did it for my boys and she deserves nothing less.


That would suggest your 4yr old daughter is now 7....and is in school full time.....yet you remain a working part time...not being fully employed...and based on legal principle deliberately being underemployed...something as a non custodial parent...would fall under being a deadbeat.....but some custodial parents like to wrap their poor image up as disadvantaged......where in reality their moral compass moves to what ever best suits them ...

So the daughter is now 7....and still part time employed!!.....poster speaks with forked tongue!.....can one wonder then how often or when her posts and opinion are lacking in sincerity or honesty?

Now I doubt if anyone would suggest a deadbeat is someone deserving of sympathy......nor is a custodial parent who uses and abuses the system to best serve their own selfish needs or inadequacies....as any custodial parent using their children to work and take from the system is teaching them how to themselves follow suit….and is equally abusing or emotionally scarring the children.

Get a job…earn your own way in life and put in the same time hours you expect of the non custodial parents….be a quality role model for your children in respect to demonstrating to them how to be self sufficient and self reliant as opposed to living off society and others while only putting in a part time effort to be financially self supporting.

And Lizzie….I do not earn a huge salary. I just put my children first and do without or use the second hand store for myself. I leave the financial resource in my ex’s hand so she can have a second home and second option for the children if they so choose. And unlike yourself never would or have gone to the courts to legally force the children to stay where they are unwilling to stay. Sure I think it would have helped had she assisted in the child care bills…the medical bills. But then looking at the statistics….most non custodial mothers do not…and 50% of custodial mothers are employed full time and the other 50% are not….society has given for to long some a free ride and you are just taking what is available too you what is supposed to be for those who are disadvantaged….but some just will have fun bringing to light or opening up the question…why do you get the sense of entitlement that you deserve to live off others hard work? LOL….I remember a post years ago how you lamented on how your kids were now eating better…as it was too taxing to do a full days work and then arrive home and cook for your children….so now working part time…you can arrive home and not be too tired to cook and care for your children.


A dead beat parent is a dead beat regardless of the gender... The amount of harm they do to the child in criminal!!!


Equally harmful to children is growing up in poverty. 50% of custodial mothers do not work full time….leaving them often with a lifestyle below poverty and based on statistics children themselves often repeat the choices of their parents. Perhaps time has come to consider calling accountable both custodial and non custodial to task for the lessons and choices they make…..and not give a free pass just because they are the custodial parent or worked the legal system giving them the children……
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 38
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/27/2012 2:13:49 PM
how many people are the statistics based off of? I'd believe that 35% of men still outnumber or come very close to the 90% of women who don't pay. Of course.. I can pull random stats out of thin air too and make them sound legit. Men as single parents is relativity new concept, so non-custodial mothers number a lot less then fathers. Statistics don't matter is this case, neither does gender really. What matters is the number of kids not having 2 parents support them.

The non-custodial parent, isn't the one dealing with all the children needs. Sick days aren't your own, you run from one place to another with them, have to take days off work or hours to take them to the doctor, for school function or to avert some crisis. As super dad up there pointed out the children should come first. If this means working less and receiving child support then by his own argument, that's what you should do!

I've been on both sides of the coin. Been considered upper middle class and living in poverty. I don't think superdad up there has ever struggled. It's not fun to be starving, it's not fun to watch your child eat a full meal, knowing that there's none for you, it's not fun watching him out grow his clothing but still stuffing him into them for a month longer then he should be wearing them, it's no fun having Christmas delivered in a big black bag by a bunch of strangers who have no idea what your child's interests are. Full time work does not always equal enough to support the kiddos, many times you still need child support to pay the bills. Get off your pedestal.

THE POINT OF CHILD SUPPORT IS NOT TO BURDEN ONE PERSON OR THE OTHER, THE POINT IS TO PROVIDE A BETTER LIFE FOR THE CHILD, WHICH SHOULD BE THE GOAL OF BOTH PARENTS, NO VIEWED AS A BURDEN. You were a dummy not to get child support. The kids suffered for it. What did they miss out on because of money, that they would have gotten if you only had a few extra hundred dollars? Or where couldn't you take them because you had to work instead. If you say nothing you're lying. Unless you are in fact Mr Money-bags. They may not know it, but there were things you passed on because of money and/or time. It doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you wrong.

Even when I'm making the salary where I can provide for my child, the support payment either go into the college fund, or pay for my son to do something extra that I just wouldn't be able to swing on my own. There are still things you have to pass on, but not as many. It is still money that I need to properly support him and provide him with all the opportunities he deserves.

EDIT: Also if you were married and a stay at home parent, then got divorced. the expectation of the court is that the child will have the same level of living as before the divorce. Which mean non-custodial parent pays more, since the court won't expect the stay at home parent to get a full time job, as prior to the divorce they weren't working at all. That's how it works, and I don't think it's wrong. If you were never married then they base it off the standard of living the child would have if the two of you were living together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tealwood wrote:
Perhaps time has come to consider calling accountable both custodial and non custodial to task for the lessons and choices they makes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

yet advocates not getting support.. contradict yourself much?
 Gxsmith1
Joined: 4/2/2012
Msg: 39
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/27/2012 2:59:44 PM
Wow. I felt pretty alone there. I have had custody of my 8 year old girl for 5 years. I have not heard nor seen my daughters mother in that time. Coming from a marriage where alcohol abuse was prevalent, mental abuse turned to physical lol culminating in knife play one evening. From the very beginning, in the courts, I was looked at with suspiscion even though I had the knife marks to prove it. If this had been me hurting my daughters mother, the entire thing would have been so much different. Women who have suffered abuse are whisked away and given support from the state including housing help, bill help and advocates who stand with them in court. Although I sought help there was none for me because the system (mainly female social workers) turned a blind eye. I'm not sure that this was done on purpose as a female against male thing or they were just at a loss as to how to empathize and deal with a man who had suffered emotional and physical abuse.

Long story short, I still receive nothing for my little girl but she has adapted very well and is a wonderful girl. The deadbeat is an alcoholic which means she's sick which means she needs help. So, because she's sick and needs help, even after 5 years, she will get her help from a female dominated system while I, thank God, am able to putt along just fine without half of the resources that miss deadbeat will get. Lol, I will say the VA is better at this than Child and Family Services.

My hats off to you fellow single parent dads. And yes to women that have put up with some of the crap they've put up with are equally deserving. But there is no level playing field here. This is very similar to the glass ceiling many women see in the work place.
 TC2u
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 40
view profile
History
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/27/2012 3:28:32 PM
"A mothers love is very important to kids.

JV1979, I kept that thought for years. Even though she never helped financially. He's almost 18 now, if I had to do it again, I'd of cut her off. Maybe that would've made her grow up.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 41
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/27/2012 5:59:26 PM

Tealwood wrote:
Perhaps time has come to consider calling accountable both custodial and non custodial to task for the lessons and choices they makes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

yet advocates not getting support.. contradict yourself much?


Really it is not that difficult a premise....Each parent works to provide for themselves and their children in both homes....as a part time or not employed single mother...or one who has not spent time developing their job prospects.... I can perhaps see your problems...or lack of comprehension!....Once I had children I saw my responsiblity was to support them and insure they had what was required without looking at the lack of support from the ex as the reason whey they did not have what was required....one only needs to look in the mirror to see who really is the reason for what is lacking.

For two parents both the be involved and both emotionally supportive of their children they both will have additional costs to provide housing for their children when they are with each of the parents........but having reviewed the housing costs of single bedrooms versus 2 bedrooms....in Colorado....your earlier comments of hundreds of dollars was reckless...but then...if you did not want to incur higher costs....why did you have a child in the first place?

The point of responsible parenting is to provide for your children. My ex like many other woman felt she was entitled to being financially supported....that she was not required to pay the bills....if she was legally required to pay cs...would cause financial hardship and lower the opportunities she would have or be able to enjoy with her children when and if they were with her....LOL...mind you I would also have to prove what she was actually earning as she has lived and worked under the table for about 20yrs now.....what is a pisser is her pension plan will be almost non existent but she can apply for parts of mine...after years of defrauding CRS....it seems you cannot legally sign off access to the pension plan ....so when I gave her the lump sum spousal payment....she still kept her legal right to my pension plan....

The kids did not suffer...they had food on the table each night...they had clothes purchased for them when they required and they had more than many and of course less than others....but they had a 2 homes....2 safe havens in which they could go to if they required safety or comfort......But then I did work and never left my job or felt it was too stressful....and in this time of uncertainty....I keep options open as I have 1--2 places to go if the job disappears.


Been considered upper middle class and living in poverty. I don't think superdad up there has ever struggled. It's not fun to be starving, it's not fun to watch your child eat a full meal, knowing that there's none for you, it's not fun watching him out grow his clothing but still stuffing him into them for a month longer then he should be wearing them, it's no fun having Christmas delivered in a big black bag by a bunch of strangers who have no idea what your child's interests are. Full time work does not always equal enough to support the kiddos, many times you still need child support to pay the bills. Get off your pedestal.


You are where you are based on choices and decisions you made as a youth and as a young adult. But you are perhaps right....I do not ever suggest I have struggled....I have always had a job or was able to earn money in which to live....as a high school drop out...I learned that if I wanted to better myself it would take hard work and paying my dues so that I could get ahead and better myself....and as a single parent I also would not pick up and change cities with out a job in which to go to.....but mid 20's I was living off the street or out of my car as I had not yet decided to grow up. There was a period of almost 2yrs I did not have a regular job yet I still was able to find day to day work in which to pay for my gas or pay for the food and housing I required....

I was also perhaps lucky the few times I strayed to the wrong side of the tracks I was either fast enough to outrun or lucky enough not to get caught.

But then came a day when I decided to grow up....start earning an income and worked 60--80 hours a week to start a career or a life.

And I spent a few hours doing some paperwork this morning...will have some emails prepared tonight so early morning they will all go out....unlike some others who have degree's and who have management protection...I just work on performance and hard work.....Strange but Hard work and effort always seems to be rewarded?

Gxsmith...I feel for you...mine pleaded guilty to assault...6 months suspended sentence....and if she was a good girl.....the charges would be expunged from her record....I never sought help....victims services did contact me and said they had nothing available for guys.....and they thought it was funny the lack of requirements on the probationary order.

But then I am a big boy....I have no problem providing what is required and unlike some feel no reason or see no reason to live off society.


GX....Truc....it sounds like both of you did what was required to provide for your children....it might have been a little easier with financial support but you seemingly managed on your own effort and your own perseverance....Soon to be 11 years....and I still have a job and still am capable of paying for my responsibilities.....sure was either when my responsibility was just myself....but unlike some...the village will not be financially responsible for my choices...for my responsibilities....
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 42
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/28/2012 4:15:48 PM
Well there is the difference between you and me sir. I've lived through all the scenarios I talk about on here and can attest to what it was like. Having a child working 60-80 hours a week is not something i'll ever do, again. It's just not worth it. Since your children has 2 safe homes to go to and mine only had mine to go to, that option isn't open to me and never really was, although I did do it for many years and sacrificed things I will never sacrifice again. (mainly my time with my child).

yes.. EACH PARENT WORKS TO PROVIDE FOR THE CHILD. and when one doesn't? There is nothing wrong with child support. When the custodial parent does and still can't make ends meet then nothing is wrong with child support. Just because the income falls short doesn't mean they are irresponsible, incapable or unfit as you seem to allude to. I think your personal struggle with your ex is the reason you seem to have tunnel vision. And if you are divorced and the agreement was one parent would stay home or only work part time until the kids are grown, why should that change? Why sacrifice the quality of the child life by changing the arrangements. That's extremely selfish of the non-custodial parent. But in your view, throw the kids with strangers, babysitter or whoever and go work, get rid of the quality time and the time they are used to spending with you. It is still work to raise a child.

the housing costs.. I know the apartments you refer to. No RESPONSIBLE parent would live in those. 500 dollars for a 2 bedroom means ghetto, your neighbor is probably a crack dealer. I don't care if you believe me. I'm the one that sees it every day. Living on the streets is completely different when it's just you, versus when it's you and a child. If I was faced with that again.. i'd be in the housing office or welfare office with my head held high, until I got back on my feet.

Lucky you.. I've never worked a position that offered pension, I've never had a job "in reserve" and with things the way they are I am grateful to have my position. You have opportunities that many others do not. You wouldn't pick up and move without having a job to go to? What if you were facing homelessness and where you were headed offered better opportunities? You can't say what you would or wouldn't do if you were in my shoes. You don't know because obviously you have never been in the positions I have found myself in. This move is the best thing I've ever done for my son and I, my only wish is that I had done it years ago. But I guess because I threw caution to the wind and took a chance I'm irresponsible or something. Like I said.. walk in my shoes, then judge me.

I think it's great that you took care of your kids. I think you're dead wrong on your attitude and opinions on single moms, child support and your view on "how easy things are". If you look past the end of your nose you'll see that there are good single parents out there struggling to make ends meet who don't fit into any of your views and aren't able to do what you managed to do. You'd have to prove what your ex was making? Welcome to a little taste of normality. Secondly, you don't have to prove it. When I pursued it he hasn't working, the courts "assigned" him a salary and based the support off of that. Of course if you want the actual amount that you should be getting you'd have to become a detective.

Why did I have a child? Well I was young, dumb and in love. I never dreamed he'd walk out on my son. But he did. and despite it all, i managed to do a pretty good job even when it was tough. Before you say I chose him and I made my choices and blah blah blah along those lines. Yep I did, but I didn't make his choices and HE chose to walk out and left me to figure it out and make it work alone. Why shouldn't he be held responsible for the choices HE made? Everyone always seems to place all that responsibility on the shoulder of the custodial parent.

My argument goes for either gender. Your ex should have financially supported the kids, just like mine should support mine. I went years without a dime from him. My son does't know he missed on out things. I know. I think we're arguing two sides of the same coin. You just can't seem to understand why someone would need child support to properly raise the child. Not everyone has the opportunities you do.

If you are talking mainly about the minority of single parents who live off of welfare, then I agree with you, they should go find work as quickly as possible. But the other parent should do their part financially and emotionally. But we never worry about that part right? It's always the custodial's parents fault.. never ever should we place blame on the parent who left.. surely it's all the custodial parents fault.. right??? (bullshit, in case you didn't catch the sarcasm in that last statement)

As for the other assumptions you infer about me.. I won't even justify them with a response... You have no idea what kind of position I am in today.
 downsouth7
Joined: 5/22/2012
Msg: 43
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/29/2012 12:52:00 AM
My sons mother is a piece of work to say the least but its ok i want my son 24 7 he makes me a better man so its ok with me she doesnt know what shes missing out on bit she will one day when its too late but i hope not for his sake!
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 44
view profile
History
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/29/2012 7:08:22 PM
I've known a couple dead beat mom's. Fathers stepped up and raised the kids alone. In both cases when the children were older (and all the hard work done) they wanted to be a part of their lives. The children had no interest.
Deadbeat parents, man or woman, do a lot of damage to their children. Imagine being rejected by the one person that's supposed to love you unconditionally.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 45
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/29/2012 7:15:24 PM
Yep. My son and his half sister both want nothing to do with their dad. His sister told him where to stick it.. My son just refuses to speak to him.

I just smile after he goes to bed. I'm glad he got what he deserved. I also think it's very sad for the kids. At least his sister has a step-dad and another man who was there when she was a baby who treats her like his daughter. My son doesn't have that. I wish he had been there for my son growing up, but I couldn't make his decisions and I couldn't force him and I think that it's his just desserts that now that he is trying to force me to do what he wants, my son and his half sister have both basically spit in his face. It's sad, but i'm just happy my son sees him for who he is.
 mina-hope
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 46
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/29/2012 11:11:12 PM
I haven't heard of a deadbeat mom in a while! My take is ignore her dumb threats! Probably even file a restraining order just to be a****so she stops being so stupid!
 CandeeCayne
Joined: 2/18/2012
Msg: 47
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/30/2012 5:33:28 AM
Empathize* emphasize means to make something more than it seems
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 48
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/30/2012 3:13:57 PM

well my ex owns alot so i let it go, because my kids didnt wont her gong to jail kids comes first


Would have to agree with this premise....and would it be fair to suggest you work and pay your own way in life?

Some single parents seem unable to pay their own way in life and require the ex to subsidize what they are incapable of earning themselves....they then seem to whine and blame the ex for what they do not have....when what they do not have is a reflection of where they would be with or without children.


my oldest son has been living with his Dad full-time..(with the occasional 4 week stay here when they get into it)..As for child support and custody for my circumstances go with my middle son...I agreed to wipe out the arrears in cp (not like I would get it or got it anyway) and agreed to shared custody without any kind of child support for the future after a 3 year court battle


Well......my compliments are required....as I would never have suggested you would ever agree to shared custody after the postings and comments you have made in respect to shared custody....and the court battles you discussed the relish and satisfaction you posted of in respect to having the courts quash the wishes of your children....I will admit I need to have a level or degree of respect towards yourself that you allow or enable your boys to have a degree of control in respect to where and how they desire to grow up. And I would probably agree that the motivation he had was probably more about lowering or eliminating his payments....but...you also ended up getting him active and involved in his children...so they win do they not?


^^^^^How soon does one forget the struggles they encountered before the predjiduce comes to take over?


What struggle? I ate when I had the money....I lived or stayed in places based on the income I was earning! My lifestyle or quality of living was based on what I was able to do it terms of employment and choices I made. If I had no food or no money for a place to sleep....that was my own fault and not someone elses.....society does not owe me a lifestyle or a quality of life....I alone have the responsiblity of determining how I will live or not live.


I just smile after he goes to bed.


I used to smile after they came home from spending time with their mother that I pushed or advocated to happen. The easy thing to do is to take satisfaction from misery or rejection of one person for another.......when in reality the best thing is to remain open to doing what is best for the children in terms of short term and long term....even though I will acknowledge there is satisfaction in knowing you have to force the children to go see the other parent.

but that would be the petty part of my character!


I want a grown up, young at heart, active man who is gainfully employed,


Confuzzled....from your profile....I agree it is important to find a partner who is gainfully employed and can pay their own bills in life.......I always figured the single mother who was collecting cs...the cs at one point would run out and then the individual would need some other poor sap to make up the loss of monthly revenue.....
 snoman35
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 49
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/30/2012 3:51:53 PM
This is a funny post. I didn't know there were forums on here. I have had my son since he was 2 1/2. He's 13 now. The egg donor bailed when he was diagnosed with cancer. He's recovered now. But yeah.. no help with hospital bills, football, clothes. Not even an email on his birthday. She has her replacement family now.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 50
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/30/2012 5:01:11 PM
hahahaha.. As I said. You know nothing about me or my situation except things you make up from things I post based off my own past experiences and sometimes those of close friends. I have a lot of single parent friends and they are from all spectrums. So I have a lot of experience to draw from as I go through their struggles with them, as well as my own.

if when you were living in your car and eating or not eating when you had kids.. you don't think you would have pushed a little for the child support while you were looking for work, so your child could eat? You don't think you think that little bit of money would have made a huge difference in the kids life? Now you look like a really bad parent. Because as you said in another post, you life would be the same regardless of parental status.

Also, I wouldn't force my son to go see his dad. Not at this age. I, personally, don't think that's good parenting.
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