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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 51
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We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I have had my son since he was 2 1/2. He's 13 now. The egg donor bailed when he was diagnosed with cancer. He's recovered now.


Your son's mother left because the child got cancer???!! What a f--cking ****! I'm glad he is healthy now.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 52
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/30/2012 6:11:28 PM
Wow.. yea. you're egg donor is a POS!! So glad to hear he is healthy now. It's so sad that a child has to go through that kind of thing. Can't believe a mother would leave her child in such a time of need. What a pos!!
 jonabella
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 53
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/30/2012 6:36:15 PM
we all want what's best for the kids~sometimes truth prevails..if it all comes down to dollars ~we already know its more than that..it's all about the kids..hope it all works out
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 54
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We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/30/2012 8:34:28 PM

What struggle? I ate when I had the money....I lived or stayed in places based on the income I was earning! My lifestyle or quality of living was based on what I was able to do it terms of employment and choices I made. If I had no food or no money for a place to sleep....that was my own fault and not someone elses.....society does not owe me a lifestyle or a quality of life....I alone have the responsiblity of determining how I will live or not live.


Responsibility for one's choices doesn't equate to the inability to admit the struggle. Accepting assistance does not equate to society owing you anything. Frankly, I think you have some deep seeded issues to deal with.

Let's face it, your kids weren't subjected to the lifestyle of that time in your life, now were they? They weren't forced to eat only when you could afford food for them, were they? Forced to live in a car, were they? Do you have an intense aversion to helping the unfortunate? or the young victims of a vindictive or uneducated parent? Surely, a parent has a responsibility toward their child(ren), but since we as a society pay the price for wayward children, wouldn't you rather acknowedge that contributing to the betterment of society entails assisting those who may need your help? After all, our tax dollars contribute toward the (individual, home schooled) environment of those children deemed too violent to be in our public schools on a daily basis; why not contribute towards their neccessities while allowing them to have at least parent around who cares instead? You seem to suggest that, in the case of the particular poster you seemingly need to berate, working 32 hours/wk is insufficient. Have you such harsh words for my ex, who chose to cut his hours to 30/wk so as to reduce cs? Is that we are to call fair? Since I have my kids 24/7 and work in excess of 60 hrs/wk , am I to suppose that that is what makes me a better parent? I think not, and the fact that I disagree with you doesn't mean that my priorties are misplaced, even if you tell yourself that. How convenient to judge when even your own scenario doesn't apply to you. Some small concessions as to having a heart might go a long way in your favor. Just sayin'.
 goddessphilly64
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 55
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We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/31/2012 11:27:00 AM
KIDS COME FIRST I AGREE
 goddessphilly64
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 56
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We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 5/31/2012 11:30:23 AM
YOU WILL BE FINE AND A SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO YOU!!!!!! STAY STRONG.I DO NOT KNOW YOU BUT I AM PROUD OF YOU .HE IS YOUR CHILD REGARDLESS.PEACE DAD..........NEED MORE FATHERS LIKE YOU
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 57
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/5/2012 8:26:51 PM
What's even funnier is that the comment is directed at me.. and I don't even receive the support i'm supposed to received. lol It is very sad that this is an image he projects to his kids. If one of them does mess up, I wonder if they would come to him. I certainly wouldn't. That's very sad.

Time is the only thing we cannot make up, it is the only finite variable in life. You can always make more money, you can always buy something you've always wanted. But you cannot get back lost time. I will not give up my time with my son in order to have a large bank account. I will not do it. It's not worth it. It makes me, and all the other single parents who do this, good parents. You don't have to agree with me.. but most single parents will.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Really it is not that difficult a premise....Each parent works to provide for themselves and their children in both homes....as a part time or not employed single mother...or one who has not spent time developing their job prospects.... I can perhaps see your problems...or lack of comprehension!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

lol. this is directed at me correct? You don't know me. Where did i state I have ever worked only part-time? I did state I wasn't eating at one point.. guess what.. I worked full-time then and I made a decent paycheck.. it just didn't cover the cost of living and there was no time to work a 2nd job, oh and just to ease your mind I didn't have help from any source. How does one develop job prospects when she's fresh our of college, new to the industry and working all her "free time" to support her family? Again you assume there are 2 homes.. often times there are not two homes. It's much harder to parent when you are doing it solo. The comment you are responding to, you seem to have missed the point. Both parents work to support the child, and when one doesn't then child support helps maintain the child's quality of life.

once again I will state. both parents should be held to raise the kids. Child support (or some arrangement for support between the two parents) should be paid by the non-custodial parent and both parents should stay in the child's life. Ah if only this were a perfect world.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 58
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/7/2012 5:32:18 PM
I think it's reprehensible.

BOTH parents should be there emotionally. Both parents should be there financially. Both parents should interact with their kids physically.

A mother walking away from her kids for any reason; I have no respect for that whatsoever.

Shame on her if she does it (and yes, I do know some women who indeed do do that; I have been adopted by several of my kids' friends because of it and also see it in my group)

It happens, same as deadbeat dads. Both miss out on how incredibly lucky they are to be blessed with such amazing human beings.
 biker850
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 59
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/9/2012 10:31:24 PM
I for one love this forum as I am a single dad with custody of my son. Its just been him and I for the past couple years. There should be more out there about this as it seems to be becoming more and more prevalent. Not all dads are deadbeat dads.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 60
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/10/2012 1:24:53 AM



I for one love this forum as I am a single dad with custody of my son. Its just been him and I for the past couple years. There should be more out there about this as it seems to be becoming more and more prevalent. Not all dads are deadbeat dads.


you are correct. There are MANY custodial dads out there; some with joint custody and some with outright. And I have ben impressed beyond belief by many of the dads I know who are being mom and dad and everything else to their sons or daughters.

With having a deadbeat dad as father to my kids; it REALLY does my heart good seeing other men cherish, value and take responsibility because it is a blessing, not because they are being "made to do it".

And when they have to do all of it like I do? Bless them for doing it gracefully rather than shoving it in the kids' faces that their mom has bailed on them and rejected them; the kids are already reeling knowing they have been bailed; having it reinforced by the parent that's left does SO much damage (either gender) so I applaud the classy parent who is therfe for the kids and who doesn't rub salt in a wound.

Kudos to you sole custody dads, and know more and more of us are aware how many dads are not deadbeat dads.


happy father's day in advance.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 61
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/10/2012 8:08:03 AM
I couldn't agree with moonbeamlover more. :~)
 ShirtlessNSoCal
Joined: 5/22/2012
Msg: 62
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/10/2012 10:24:44 AM
Amen brother .. been do'n this on my own with zero support for over 5 years .. but I look at it this way .. Her being out of the picture has just made me & my sons closer .. so good riddens !
 Yousendme
Joined: 10/31/2010
Msg: 63
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/10/2012 4:50:35 PM
I'm a single dad, my wife left me our two kids, a 4 yr old(6 days after her 4th birthday) and a 5 year old. The are 13 and 15 now. She has seen them once in 10 years, and never has never done anything for them. I went and filed child support about 2 years ago. I receive $20 a month, For two teenagers.
 Uzzzuluz
Joined: 6/7/2012
Msg: 64
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/10/2012 9:24:47 PM
I have a three year old girl and her mom hasn't seen her in two years. She doesn't phone or pay child support or nothing. The crazy thing is she has done this to two other guys. The hardest thing is telling my daughter that her mom doesn't want to see her. I haven't told her yet but someday I am going to have to.
 joshuasmommy22
Joined: 5/19/2012
Msg: 65
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/11/2012 1:03:32 AM
[ Not all dads are deadbeat dads.]
i must agree with this whole heartedly.... there are many men out there that have taken the role on of being both mommy and daddy to the child n i for one am proud of all the theses men that have done this... yes i am a single mother and my sons father is nothing but a deadbeat n many would agree... however to see that there r so many more men willing to take care of their children when the mother wants nothing to do with her children (which makes me feel sorry for her because down the road when the children r grown up and raising their familys i can bet that even just once the mother will wish she had done things differently) shows that they understand what family really is n they dont take it for granted, they cherish it............ For all you single dads out there, Im so proud to c ur taking on a role thats not the easiest job in the world but its worth it to c ur child grow up to know that u were there for them to help them up when they need their parent there the most....... we need more men in the world like u...
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 66
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/12/2012 2:24:54 PM
sigh.. this is so off base.. and such a bitter outlook. Your ex left you to raise your kids. GET OVER IT. She's a bad mother, that doesn't make all of us bad mothers.

**if you can repeat yourself ad nauseam so can I**


I doubt I have ever suggested my ex was a bad mother....far from it...in fact I would suggest she is like many mothers who feel life and society owes them something and they feel they should not have to live up to the requirements you seem to suggest for non custodial fathers.

Strange but in school it was always suggested that there was nothing a man could do…that a woman could do equally….yet is that true of all custodial mothers?

Like my ex…and a few woman here…you illustrate a sense of entitlement

There are many very good mothers...great mothers...those who manage careers or jobs that allow or enable them to live a life and to provide for their children...with child support as augmenting what they themselves earn. As opposed to your suggesting that child support would enable you to eat.

I have no problem or problems suggesting the father who has no job or the mother who has no job is not doing what they should be doing to be responsible to their children. Somehow I am sure you are like many other woman and simply turn and whine or comment on what the father does not provide and allow or enable the mother a free pass....repeat ad nauseam...and you are unable to address the reality that 50% of custodial mothers do not work full time...to uphold their responsibility......71% custodial fathers work full time...so when you want to get on your comments about fulfilling your responsibility to your children.....LOL...you suddenly become mute and have nothing to say about this level of responsibility one seems to hold...as opposed to the other.


Ok tealwood.. When the NON-CUSTODIAL man will be the one calling out of work to stay home with a sick child, when the NON-CUSTODIAL man will take the day off to take the child to the doctor, when the NON-CUSTODIAL man is the one cooking the dinners and taking the kids to all the activities.. then perhaps the the numbers will rise. When men start taking prevention seriously, and stepping up to the responsibility of raising the child they help create.. maybe the numbers will rise. I'm not referring to the men who do step up. There are still way to many that don't.


I have no problem agreeing with your premise that not enough men do what is required.....I also agree with your premise that there are still way to many that don't

And after 10yrs…the days off work while the kids were sick…taking them to the doctor…dentist…extra curricular activities……while working full time to provide for them like most custodial fathers….but then I made a choice to be a father…I made a choice to be the custodial parent…so I see no reason to whine about the effort it takes to fulfill that task…as you seem to do continually.




Technical Analysis Paper No. 42 - U.S. Dept. of Health & Human
She is employed:

49.8% work full time, year round
29.7% work part-time or part-year
27% of custodial single mothers and their children live in poverty
46.2% of single custodial mothers receive public assistance
56.9% of custodial single mothers were awarded child support in 2007
27% of custodial single mothers and their children live in poverty

He is employed

71.7% work full time, year round
18.4% work part-time or part-year
12.9% of custodial single fathers and their children live in poverty
29.9% of custodial single father were awarded child support in 2007.
20.8% of single custodial fathers receive public assistance
12.9% of custodial single fathers and their children live in poverty

46.9% of non-custodial mothers totally default on support
26.9% of non-custodial fathers totally default on support



Why not also talk about the woman who are not stepping up and fulfilling their responsibility?

I have no problem suggesting the guys need to do more...I just suggest the same requirements are held for both parties because you and a number of other woman seem to willing to give free rides to custodial mothers who do not wish to work or do not wish to work full time. And I talk about the financial responsibilities of both custodial parents and non custodial parents.

Damn...Confuzzled....besides custodial mothers working less and seemingly be less responsible for their financial requirements when they are the custodial parent....when they are the non custodial...they are again....showing less responsibility to their children??

Does this suggest a recurring theme?
United States. Census Department. Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2007 have similar numbers….define the differences for some woman in respect to spousal versus child support…bottom line child support would allow you to eat….that is then not child support but spousal support.

I have no issue...again calling out a father for not doing what they should be doing...but we already percentage wise seem to have a better record for responsible behavior?


having so many deadbeat non-custodial fathers not contributing to the upbringing of the offspring they create does not suggest responsible behavior.


Free ride to the woman again!! Based on how few actually pay their own way in life coupled with of few woman pay their required child support…One cannot help but understand why the guys run for the hills…it is after all their last chance to avoid the money pit!


When BOTH parents stick around to support the CHILD the numbers you rely on will improve.


I again have no problem agreeing with this premise…after all….



Statistical Source: Technical Analysis Paper No. 42 - U.S. Dept. of Health & Human

90.2% of fathers with joint custody pay all the support due
37.9% of fathers are denied any visitation

"Surviving the Breakup" by Joan Berlin Kelly

40% of mothers reported that they had interfered with the father's visitation to punish their ex-spouse.

50% of mothers see no value in the father's continued contact with his children.


Responsibility is perhaps already being undertaken by some….and when looking at some numbers published by the US government it does suggest something?


The United States Supreme Court held that the "old notion" that "generally it is the man's primary responsibility to provide a home and its essentials" can no longer justify a statute that discriminates on the basis of gender. No longer is the female destined solely for the home and the rearing of the family, and only the male for the marketplace and the world of ideas. Stanton v. Stanton


The new manner of thinking that a woman is equally capable to be responsible requires there not be in discrimination in allowing or enabling a lowered financial expectation in providing for themselves and their children in the event of a marriage breakdown…yet based on the statistics provided….woman seem to feel they can have a choice if they wish to work or not work….. …they fail more than the men in upholding their required child support payments…something that seems in common with their lack of financial accountability as custodial parents.
 SpittyKitty
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 67
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/13/2012 7:51:15 AM
A deadbeat is a deadbeat, no matter the gender.
Sometimes it's hard to sift them out. Some people have all the trappings of a successful future and then somehow never measure up.
My ex was finishing his Ph.D, but then never did his dissertation NOR has he worked more than 3-4 months a year since. He spent 50 thousand of my money. 50 th of his parents. Bankrupted 50 th. And 30 th from wife # 2. He never supported his first born son from a previous relationship before ours. I would send the mother money myself during our brief 4 year marriage. He has to be forced to pay 250 month for our 2 children.
A sense of entiltlement, weakness, and laziness seem to be his major accomplishments in life so far.
Man or woman. A deadbeat is a deadbeat.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 68
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/13/2012 3:59:55 PM
You clearly don't know how child support works , how it's determined, why it's implemented or what it's for. I'd be interested to see how many of those women living in poverty actually receive child support.. Or how many of those part-time worker are part time because daycare costs more then their salary justifies, or because their child has some kind of issue that requires them to be home more often, because statistically.. women are the primary care givers in just about every case except that of a single father household (obviously). Wonder how many people those statistics were based on and if they were taken from people in a place like nyc or in a small town.. Statistics can be bent either way depends on what you are looking for. I can probably find ones that contradict yours, but it's not worth the effort.

I'll bite just a little here tealwood.. when that was the scenario... I was making (on average) 43K a year (more then just about everyone i knew my age)... working an average of 70 hours a week... almost 3/4 of my salary went to rent.. I didn't eat so my son could.. I didn't buy myself new clothes so I get the things my son needed..I got my furniture from the free section of craigslist and freecycle.. so the extra cash could pay for things my son needed.. I didn't have cable, internet or any other extra that people have so i could keep him in boy scouts so he could get the positive male role models he needed....So now what? You have no idea what reality people live in. I don't blame his father for it. I blame him for leaving his son to grow up without him and for not providing support for his child. I managed to not let my son see the reality of the situation although I'm sure he had some idea because he's a smart kid. Statistics mean nothing in the real world.. I wouldn't have been counted in the group of people I was actually in.

I'm glad I went through that.. otherwise I might be like you.. bitter and resentful and full of misdirected views. It also taught me a lot about myself, my friends, my son, my family and the deadbeat. I've never seen anyone try to beat down a group of people who are struggling through their own trials as hard as you do. All I ever said is that both parents should raise the kid. period. I never said one should do more then another. But that's how it is. The custodial parent (still usually the mother) is expected to do a lot more then the non-custodial (still usually the father) parent is, and many of the latter are content with every other weekend or less. So yes.. they should contribute more financially then their very involved counterparts.

You know what tealwood?? I'm done with you.. You still don't get it. My guess is you never will.

Either way.. damned if you do damned if you don't... When i was working 60 and more hours a week I was ripped apart for being away from my son so much therefore I was a irresponsible mother, when I cut back to more normal hours, i am ripped apart for not making enough money. therefore I am a irresponsible mother. Put the needs of the child before my own and i'm an irresponsible mother. When his dad bolted it was my fault. Really, it's OK I have big shoulders, but there are others who don't. If only the world was perfect and everyone could fit neatly into the ideals of perfection.. I suppose if that were the case men (or non-custodial parents) wouldn't run and all kids would have 2 parents... then this thread would be more pointless then it already is.


Oh and if anyone gets a free ride from child support raise your hands please?? Cause last I checked.. child support isn't enough to give anyone a free ride. Actually I can't even pay the grocery bill with what i'm supposed to get.
 mtluggage
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 69
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/13/2012 8:12:43 PM
I had my daughters for several years. Their mom is too busy doing the drug/alcohol gig with her new husband. The kids are out pursuing their careers but they always take the time to contact me every couple days, ending the call with "Love you."

Their mom is acting like a child and whining that she does not hear from the kids very often. I responded, "They probably called you but you were passed out."

I'm happy. The kids are happy. Their mom isn't happy. I am greatful she was a deadbeat - it strengthened the relationship with my kids.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 70
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/13/2012 8:38:20 PM

Statistics mean nothing in the real world..


Because you do not like what they say does not diminish the facts.


Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.”
― Aldous Huxley

“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

“Ignorance is a lot like alcohol: the more you have of it, the less you are able to see its effect on you.”
― Jay M. Bylsma

“It's a fact—everyone is ignorant in some way or another.

Ignorance is our deepest secret.

And it is one of the scariest things out there, because those of us who are most ignorant are also the ones who often don't know it or don't want to admit it.

Here is a quick test:

If you have never changed your mind about some fundamental tenet of your belief, if you have never questioned the basics, and if you have no wish to do so, then you are likely ignorant.

Before it is too late, go out there and find someone who, in your opinion, believes, assumes, or considers certain things very strongly and very differently from you, and just have a basic honest conversation.

It will do both of you good.”
― Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration



You clearly don't know how child support works , how it's determined, why it's implemented or what it's for.


Confuzzled....Can we suggest Mr.Eugene Lewis....."Assumption is the mother of all screw ups"


I'd be interested to see how many of those women living in poverty actually receive child support..


Now that is a valid question and something worthy of closer examination....and equal to that is examining the suggested numbers of those living in poverty with how many copulated with those in a similar situation of poverty?


Statistical Source: Technical Analysis Paper No. 42 - U.S. Dept. of Health & Human
66.0% of all support not paid by non-custodial fathers is due to inability to pay


Perhaps the woman living in poverty and the guy who has an inability to pay are both about the same in terms of living in poverty and barely able to scrape by in life...individuals who should have never perhaps been in a position of having children as they are not financially responsible due to their irresponsible behavior before the children arrived. So effectively neither parent was or should have been in a position of raising children.

I have no problem questioning the qualities or lack of qualities of both parents...but you only discuss the responsibilities of the non custodial father. You never address the mothers responsibility for why she is where she is?


Wonder how many people those statistics were based on and if they were taken from people in a place like nyc or in a small town.. Statistics can be bent either way depends on what you are looking for. I can probably find ones that contradict yours, but it's not worth the effort.


The numbers can used in various manners depending on the questions asked. It does not however discount the credibility of their importance just because you do not like them. Or it does not conform to your own experience in where you are in life...or where you are not in life?


According to Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2007, released by the U.S. Census Bureau in November, 2009, there are approximately 13.7 million single parents in the United States today, and those parents are responsible for raising 21.8 million children (approximately 26% of children under 21 in the U.S. today).


Now what you should be examining is the demographics of the typical single custodial father. I would think that the US census working with numbers totally 21.8 million children.....13.7 million single parents the numbers are fairly accurate? However one needs to examine the profile of the typical custodial father to see how the numbers can be argued as distorted.


I'll bite just a little here tealwood.. when that was the scenario... I was making (on average) 43K a year (more then just about everyone i knew my age)... working an average of 70 hours a week... almost 3/4 of my salary went to rent..


Shall we bite? You earn $43,000 and you pay $32,000 in rent or $2,687.50 per month in rent!

You should also review the profile of custodial fathers are more likely to share housing with family members as a tool to lower housing costs far more frequently than woman. But again we go and ask why did you have children when you were not in a position of stability....as even if you were together with someone the rental costs would seem to indicate you required two incomes to afford it? Yet you became pg when there was a requirement for two incomes?

I think you suggest earlier ...Responsible choices! Having to pay that much of income to rental costs...I would think I would have not had children as it was not affordable. But that might be deemed not romantic....just responsible and boring!


I wouldn't have been counted in the group of people I was actually in.


I believe my ex would also not be counted as for the most part she also works under the radar and fails to report all her income to Revenue Canada....or at least it appears that way! So she also would not have counted in the group she was in....interesting you would not have shown in your government census....as it was indicated it is a Federal crime not to respond and participate in the census.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 71
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/13/2012 9:29:17 PM
Thanks tealwood. You've established i'm irresponsible in your eyes, i'm to blame for everything whether I perpetuated it or not and obviously unfit to parent, as are any other single mother (since you single out the mothers) who have ever struggled. Can you drop it now? thanks. appreciate it.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 72
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/13/2012 9:41:25 PM

Now what you should be examining is the demographics of the typical single custodial father. I would think that the US census working with numbers totally 21.8 million children.....13.7 million single parents the numbers are fairly accurate? However one needs to examine the profile of the typical custodial father to see how the numbers can be argued as distorted.


welll, my ex would have been in that statistic according to him. He filled it out; he was one of those single parents. He was also one of those cited for paying child support.

Only thing is? HE wasn't a single parent, he didn't pay a dime of child support, had no interaction, no physical sight even of his kids and he fled the country several years ago.

How many more of those "statistics" were bogus because of deadbeat parents lying?


But since this thread is on deadbeat moms not deadbeat dads, will say to those, who cited their kids not having seen their own mother for yeras, that is heartbreaking beyond belief. The woman who gives birth to children adn walks away from them (or worse, puts htem at risk with a relationship that is at risk for their kids; daughters especially) I will never understand that at all.

They are supposed to be able to trust us, know we will love them no mater what; will support them no matter what (fathers to, not just mothers). And any parent who walks away and tells the id they are beneath their notice?

That is mind blowingly cruel to tel a human being who is utterly vulnerable to the validation and love of their parents. Cat in the Cradle isn't just for dads anymore.

That song still breaks my heart. And I want to shake some women who are TOTALLY missing out on their beautiful kids...
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 73
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/14/2012 4:04:22 PM
Hey.. moonbeam.. right on about the census things.. i worked for them and let me tell you..people flat out lied. about things... everything.. from how many people were living in their home, to ages, to parental status. Had one women tell me she was single, she was wearing a wedding ring and her husband was next to her.. had a few men tell me they were a lot younger then they obviously were.. (like saying they were 20 when they were 60) Had a husband and wife tell me there was only 3 people living in their home.. then said their 4 kids were under the age of 5..Had another man slam the door in my face after telling me he lives alone.. him and all his preschool toys, basketball hoop and 3 used batter cars and potted plants.. One unmarried man who's one son played basketball with mine, who I knew has 3 kids told me he's married with no kids.. hmmmmm....

Census works have to write what they are told. even if it's obviously false.
 mtluggage
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 74
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:49:34 PM
And I want to shake some women who are TOTALLY missing out on their beautiful kids...

I think that applies to both genders.

At the beginning of my dovorce I was not that available for the kids. It was a rough financial road and I was working seven days a week, most of the time. Adding to the situation was a very vindictive, vengeful and spiteful mother who wagered war on every little topic. That took years away from the kids to enjoy both parents. Because of that, I was rather hard on myself. The only thing I felt proud of back then was when my daughter was in the hospital (allergic reaction) and she looked at me then said to the doctor, "I knew my dad would come. He always there when we need him most." Guess who gave a sarcastic sigh at that comment?

It's moments like that which are irreplaceable. It's unfortunate many unreasonable and selfish parents never get viewed that way by their parents.

Tealwood, you spend too much time researching sh!t. A lot of parents are deadbeats - it's not a gender specific problem. It's a maturity issue between both adults - it's not rocket science. There are enough stories in the media of some very messed up om and dads.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 75
We all heard of deadbeat dads-what about deadbeat moms?
Posted: 6/14/2012 7:46:19 PM

I think that applies to both genders.

At the beginning of my dovorce I was not that available for the kids. It was a rough financial road and I was working seven days a week, most of the time. Adding to the situation was a very vindictive, vengeful and spiteful mother who wagered war on every little topic. That took years away from the kids to enjoy both parents. Because of that, I was rather hard on myself. The only thing I felt proud of back then was when my daughter was in the hospital (allergic reaction) and she looked at me then said to the doctor, "I knew my dad would come. He always there when we need him most." Guess who gave a sarcastic sigh at that comment?

It's moments like that which are irreplaceable. It's unfortunate many unreasonable and selfish parents never get viewed that way by their parents.


Very true. It is the spite with people in divorce that do so incredibly much damage to the kids. It's about the money. It's about who "wins" in the PR Spin war... it's about who gets to keep the most friends.

Nice to know your kids have figured out that you were there. Often when there is programming by one parent that isn't fair it's hard not to try and snipe back; but they always figure it out eventually on their own; and they usually more appreciate the parent who doesn't trashtalk the other, at the end of the day.

It is all about building the best future for BOTH families since the kids will have two families when it's all said and done, and the two kids need those two families to be supportive and healthy; not in open war with each other.

The person damaged isn't te other parent to the vindictive parent; it's always the kids; because they already blame themselves for the divorce and are beating themselves up for either not being able to fix it or losing all those memories that they cherished that won't be relived. So instead of sucking it up and being adults on behalf of reeling kids; it's a "whose is bigger" who can gouge the other the most; who can NOT support the most, or who will get the most people angry on their behalf or punish teh other the most. And the only one who wins? The lawyers. NEITHER parent ever wins in those.

Divorce can actually be a healing thing rather than a war if both people strive to move on, make TWO healthy houses for the kids and both support the kids not worry about who is not going to get gouged or controlled by who... and some even can end up becoming freinds, whereas in the marriage they might have had bad marriage dynamics. It's always awesome when that ultimately happens.

But unfortunatley, you are correct; there are some VERY messed up moms and dads. I deal with them every day. They break my heart; because the kids look like they literally live in a warzone. It is not just anger and bitterness, it is outright rage.

Not pretty to be around... and for the kids there is nowhere to go to survive it... so maybe the only good thing about deadbeat is at lesat they don't have the hostile dynamics; but they are missing the other parent altogether, which is even more sad. Rejection or war? Not a good choice... But to those of us who have the deadbeat absentee othe rparent, hopefully our kids know we love them to pieces, aren't going anywhere and that it was not because they are worthless that their other parent bailed; because they know beyond a shadow of a doubt we love them with all our hearts and are proud of them.
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