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 starofgaia
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 34
How do you cope with being single? Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
To answer your question, Noodles_, I have my children, wads of school work, my best friend, pets, my grandparents, a possible masters program to attend outside of the US to ponder, and a whole host of other things, apart from my opening my two-cents worth in PoF forums, to lament about single hood. In face, I relish it. I don't need to be in a relationship to feel secure and happy. Such a relationship would add to my happiness.

You're very responsible to continue your counseling and accepting your limitations, therein. I think you tied that part of your life in with the present discussion to demonstrate how you're dealing with this situation, responsibly.

There is one thing that you must know: even in your healing process where you seeing the world in a more positive fashion won't mean that people will appreciate this or will have a healthy view of the world, either. You have to take human infallibility always into account.
 JONITA
Joined: 8/24/2009
Msg: 35
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How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 5:27:38 AM
Get a life!!! You didn't even meet. You come across as weak and pathetic. Get a hobby or vounteer. Go out there and start enjoy living your life, rather than worry about being single.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 36
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 5:48:02 AM
You need more therapy. You fail to even acknowledge the most basic of red flags. Young adults your age (21) have few inhibitions about meeting. That you literally let it go to your head is a good indication of your emotional vulnerability, which will continue leading to disappointment, unless you get it together in your mind.
 brothatrain
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 37
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How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 6:00:49 AM
i personally put time and effort into my schooling and writing.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 38
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How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 7:53:17 AM
Being in a relationship will not change who you are or make you feel better about yourself, you have to do that for yourself, you will bring your insecurities with you and will be still unhappy and your partner aswell because they can't fix your problems, a mess in the making. You are 21 take this time for yourself, continue therapy, learn to love being single, there are numerous things you can do to meet new people aswell. You can volunteer, take some interest courses at the local college, join a group that have similar hobbies/interests(meetup.com), bowling/billard leagues, cooking classes, art classes, we have a local magazine and online site that lists all the community programs available in my area, there are dozens of choices. I also go to the gym, it has aquatic classes, Zumba classes, I've met some nice people there and I'm a shy person by nature, you just have to be open to various possiblities, but you have to take charge of your own life, waiting for it to fall into your lap won't change anything.
 Rheostatic
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 39
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 9:10:44 AM
First thing you need to understand is that you're not depressed because you're lonely. You're lonely because you're depressed. Loneliness is a symptom of depression, not vice-versa.

Women always say they're attracted to confidence (not arrogance, mind you). Well, I'm fairly certain it works the other way around as well. The decent men out there (and there are lots of them) prefer strong women. We dont want to be baby-sitting your emotions. As long as you're having these depression issues, all you'll do is attract the jerks, which will only lead to more drama, which will only make your situation worse.

Bottom line is, continue with your therapy, and for the love of God don't go relying on some dude to turn your mental health around. Grow confident in yourself, and the quality guys will flock to you.
 Meems919
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 40
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 9:11:47 AM
I doubt that volunteering "when being single" will answer your problem. It appears to me (from the little I have to go on, granted) that your insecurities would follow you in whatever endeavor you pursue. With people, they will be magnified (as in volunteering at a battered women's shelter, hospice or children's ward in a hospital).....with animals you'd probably find more solace (shelters need people to walk the dogs and play with them) but all of these organizations require at the very least a small degree of commitment. It would be important that you not drop what you volunteer at the next time you meet a man and start dating.

My daughter, when very small, was almost incapable of being alone in a room of the house and not talking with someone (babbling, really, as bubbly children often do). As a single parent it was incredibly draining, and I adored her.....so I often think that the gentlemen here who resist constant communication are actually saying what I used to feel with her.....oh my GAWD I have nothing left to say and you're not actually asking me anything, can we just be SILENT? or something to that effect. With my daughter, I set her a task that required concentration in short bursts. That assisted her later, also, in being able to learn (anything, just learn).I know this will sound absurd, but I have the idea that learning this could be beneficial for you. If something like crosswords or sudoku are challenging for you, I suggest you try them, in short bursts, every day, to enlarge your ability to focus singularly and "be with yourself". For some, that skill has to be learned. You could be one of those people. It's not a failing, it's simply something to work at a little bit to modify it becoming overwhelmingly affecting your life in a negative way.


Get a job in customer service and pretty soon you'll be so sick of people, you'll really just want to be alone!


Metal hahahahahaha! Ain't that the truth
 MrDubStep
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 41
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 9:22:44 AM

How do you cope with being single?


Take up drinking
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 42
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How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 9:25:45 AM
Has your therapist talked to you about liking yourself? Because when you like yourself, your job, your friends, you really aren't going to feel any type of desperate need for someone else to tether you to a happy life, you'll be having one and you won't perceive of yourself as being alone.

Go volunteer at a children's hospital, you'll be providing kids with needed distraction from their situation and they will buoy your spirit because they generally are incredible human beings that often seem to care more about the people around them than themselves. Volunteer elsewhere with something you're interested in, you'll meet like-minded adults that you may become friends with or you might even meet a guy.

The pet thing? Rubbish. Get a small dog, modern veterinary wisdom pets are perfectly happy being crated until you are sure you can leave them alone with potty and chewing issues. Mine would seek out the crate occasionally when they wanted downtime from the kids. I work at home, I'm here all day with my dogs, they sleep all day. They would sleep all day and bark at the mailman whether I was here or not. It's pretty difficult to be depressed when a little furry thing seeks attention and is giving you those doggie kisses.

This may sound a wee bit nuts but when I split with my first husband in my early twenties, I decided for lack of a better way to put it that I could be a happier, more cheerful person, less irritated by many people and things around me so I consciously pasted a smile on my face every morning and voila, I was actually happier. To a degree, happiness is a choice and generally those people walking happily through their lives attract other nice, happy people. Choose to be that person for yourself and get yourself together being alone and a relationship will at some point follow. May not be in your ideal timeline but get yourself in order first :)
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 43
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 9:31:14 AM
lol@ MrDubStep. lol

How do you cope? the same way you cope with anything! one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Be happy with yourself.
 barky bark
Joined: 8/31/2010
Msg: 44
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 9:32:33 AM
I went through 2 years of emotional hell after my divorce; loneliness, anxiety, depression and the stress was causing some health problems I'd never experienced....I was in a tailspin. I could barely move in the morning. I didn't find any other woman attractive. I just didn't have any desire to meet anyone else.

So...

I had family and friends there for me - they've been great! I got really keep busy doing the things I love to do. I have way more time now, being single. I have more time for my friends, family. I had to look at the positive side. It's kinda nice not having to answer to anyone. (not that there's anything wrong with that).
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 48
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 2:50:41 PM
We are born single. We usually have one or two parents around,but really, single we are to face the world ahead of us. Don't matter if you are only a few minutes old, or like me, old as dirt. We still have to face the world and take on the challenges ahead of us. Doesn't matter if someone is standing beside us, we still are the ones that must do the deed,if ya know what I mean.

OP, in my opinon, a little too young to be looking or even "requiring" that "other". I wish my daughter was here, as she is a year older than you, and she can give some "insight" about the reality of what the boys are suppose to be for at this time of your life. Hint, it ain't a "long term relationship".
 CreativeMarcusTrey
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 49
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 5:01:28 PM
I've been there, and in ways, I still am there. I can't tell you how to cope with being alone, but I can tell you how I cope and what works best for me.

A lot of it is acceptance. I live in a small town in Texas where the prospect of me finding a boyfriend that doesn't want just a quick hookup is extremely low, maybe even nonexistent. I had a time in my life where I was with someone, when we were young, and I depended on him. He was my best friend, my world. But as we matured, and found ourselves, he realized that he couldn't accept the life I wanted with him, he couldn't accept my feelings. So he left. For years I tried to figure out what was wrong with me. It didn't help at all when a guy expressed interest, kissed me (my first kiss), and expressed he'd fallen for me, only for me to find out years later (after trying to win him back) that he kissed me because he felt sorry for me. An event that defined my reason for being was a lie, and my original love was long gone. It's taken a long time, and some days are a lot easier than others. I've accepted that those events happened for a reason, whatever it is. No matter how bad I want them gone, they won't be. No matter how I want answers, closure, I won't get them. Not everything is going to close itself into a fine knot.

A lot is also in part to staying busy. I've taken the time to realize that the time waiting isn't well spent when we're just waiting. I've started to get big into self improvement, it's a great tool to make you feel better about yourself. Some people find religion, I found myself. From an early age, I've known that my passion lies with writing, and literature, so I chase those ambitions of being a professor, and a writer, as often as I can. The more I blend into my social circles in college, and get out there trying to change the world, the more I forget about, or don't have time to think about being alone.

Then there's the self. I've realized how comfortable I am with myself, how much I admire what I'm going to be, what I'm doing. It's something I can be proud of. Taking that into consideration, if I love myself, know myself, and expect myself to do well, then someone will eventually share those traits as well. In the meantime, my possibilities only keep increasing because I take action for opportunities. There aren't many opportunities for love in this town, but if I see one, I go for it. And if I get rejected, then that means I'll get a thicker skin to people's comments, I'll filter out the nasty, and keep only constructive criticism.

I feel like I rambled a bit. My bad. But, I hope this helped a little.
 amalefriend
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 50
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 5:16:14 PM
I'm not sure that I want to be in a love relationship anymore. I don't feel like I'm "coping" more like I am living my life and I don't want anyone to stop me doing that. I have found what I like doing and pursued it. My child and companion animals are great company. Once in a while I want more adult conversation but I am developing more friendships. The men I have met on this web site tend to try to control me by about the second day of chatting and I hate that, so good-bye, good riddance. I like my life the way it is. Thanks!
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 51
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 6:14:47 PM
well thousands of people have had this happen to them. it's the challenges of online dating. That's why I date mostly people I meet in travel or every day life.

You overcome it by stop trying to make out like someone you dont know or you have never meant is prince charming.

be real and go slow. Your personality may not be meant to do online dating. This happens all the time.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 52
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 7:34:10 PM
I don't understand women who moan and groan that Prince Charming isn't jumping out of their computer screen and taking them to the castle in the sky on their white horse. I have a tip for your dislike of singledom: Why don't YOU contact guys who's profiles intrigues you? There's no law that says women have to sit back and wait for Prince Charming to contact them and hide under a rock until he shows up. Be pro-active if you want something/someone. That applies to every woman who is b1tching about not finding a perfect mate. It's easier to weed out the riff-raff if you're only contacting people YOU want to meet. And the more guys you meet, the more you will learn about what you really want in a relationship and a guy.
 *anna_belle*
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 53
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 7:48:12 PM
Hi Noodles,
I've been single for a while. Having interacted with all kinds of people has made me realize that everyone has their own perspective on life, and that some people are just nuts! That couple obviously won't make it, and you were an eye opener for them. He got caught trying to cheat on her. I have had a girl call me from a guys number that I was talking to from here. Just be greatful you weren't on the girlfriend's end of that situation. He's just not the man for you. Keep looking around for a good one :)
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 54
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 8:30:50 PM
You are 21!!!!!!!

You are 21!!!!!!

You are 21!!!!!!

Why on earth do you want to be in a relationship especially a pretend on line relationship when you are 21.

Get out there and do things.
If you don't have a job go do some study. Use this time to improver yourself, learn some new skills, make friends.

Get off here and any/all dating including Facebook and all the internet sites you are probably on and get out into the real world.

Enjoy life.
You are young.
 SpittyKitty
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 55
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 8:48:48 PM
I get through trying times by taking care of my responsibilities.
They keep me so busy I am tired, energetic, happy, stressed, grateful, resentful,
and any number of other feelings by turn.

I take care of others. The power of TOUCH is helpful. I cut my client's hair, hug my kids, pet my cat.
I try to see the humor in everyday situations...even if it's DARK humor.

I try and keep it together, because no-one's jumping out of the bushes to do it for me.
(More's the pity) ha ha

Try being 47 instead of 21. It's a trip!
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 56
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How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 8:50:40 PM
Cope? Please.

Being single is so liberating. You don't have to answer to anyone, you can live up to your own expectations, you can spend your money on yourself. Being selfish is pretty much encouraged. Oogle any guy you want with impunity. Every decision you make is YOURS, and therefore it's always right. The list goes on and on.

You cope with it by embracing it.
 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 57
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 8:52:34 PM
Easy!

Go and do every thing you ever wanted to do!
 J_bird61
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 58
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 9:34:16 PM
You already know this because you said it twice in your post. You built up a fantasy before you even laid eyes on him. That is your problem. Girls do this, I've done this, and by now, fortunetely, I catch myself before it becomes some kind of alter-reality that your mind is living in.

Ok, listen.
You can't swear you won't ever message someone like this again because there's not a fool proof method. Yes, there are signs but nothing is full proof. Basically that statement is setting yourself up. It's not your fault the guys a dirtbag. So, with that in mind A) Next time you get another man on the line, do not let yourself start Imagining all that he is, all that he can give you and all the wonderful things in the future before you even meet him. Hold your mind back. OK? B) Watch who you trust. Trust is not something that's all or nothing at the start. It should go out from you in small increments. Increments that are earned as you go. A play by play sort of thing. To trust is wonderful but to blindly trust will get yourself hurt over and over until you're convinced that to trust is not the way to go. And you'll have nothing if you can't trust. So guard the process of it. C) Understand with your mind that there are people out there who are for shyt. The sooner you can accept the fact of it and watch for it, the better you'll be able to deal with it.
 wildandfreee
Joined: 12/16/2010
Msg: 59
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 9:40:11 PM
agree with maleman ,
its so simple for women who make thread not finding prince charming,
im sure there are plenty of nice guy on this site in general, i know not all women get plenty of messages , if you fall in this category maleman advice is good or you can follow womens' rule,
if you fall in the other category who get messages even not heaps , make a selection of what type of guy you are looking for is not hard at all with some work if you really want to know someone, unless you are looking for brad pitt ... attraction play a part in it which i understand where malemans advice can help you out again for mr bradd pitt... or you can be angelina keep waiting , depends what type of person you are thats all girl

cope with being single ,
do you have friends?
do you have cousins?
do you have relatives ?
do you have a passion , that can connect you to people?
do you like people , helping , volunteering give them some love ?
do you have a job , no find one
yes, you can either do some savings for something you would like have later
or shopping , travelling, concerts, music,movies whatever you like with your friends,cousins' friends

do you like sports ? find a team and get involved way to meet new people

I think there are more ways you can find out, just take some time girl
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 60
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/5/2012 11:03:52 PM
How do I cope? Didn't really have much of a choice. I joined this site and a few others and hoped for the best.
 smashingmayo
Joined: 7/10/2011
Msg: 61
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/6/2012 3:14:00 AM
I'm always single lately. Getting boring, but I refuse to go after someone in any desperate sort of way. I ened to get out mroe and meet someone though because for real i'm sick of being single. lol
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