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 CJC1337
Joined: 4/12/2012
Msg: 89
How do you cope with being single? Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I cannot imagine how it is possible for anyone to have truly made themselves happy while single. I think you all might be distracting yourselves but truly, is that happiness? I am single. I destroyed a wonderful relationship and now I'm alone. I probably deserve it. I've been alone for months and I see no hope of ever getting out of this miserable state. Being single means there is nobody in your life that loves you in the way you need. How could it get any worse? Find things that make me happy? Nothing has ever made me happy except to have love and be in love. And now it's gone. There's no coping with that. For anyone. There are only reminders of what you lost that you can never forget.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 90
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/9/2012 1:40:46 PM
CJC1337 I think you need to work out the break up with your EX.. You sound like you are not over her yet..
I cope with being single very easy. I do the things I like to do where it dont require me to be in a relationship.
Its same as asking how do you cope being in a relationship and not being single. Im sure there are more people then I'm lead to belive that would love to do things that we as single folks do. Have any one heard of he saying that the grass is greener....................................
Bottom line is being happy with who and what you are and looking for more of it. If you are not happy now then thats the first step you need to take care of. Being happy here now. A relationship is not what makes people happy. Being happy comes from you. If you are happy with your life then you dont need to cope with being single. You are happy being single and you would be just as happy in a relationship.
 Dr.Z2008
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 91
view profile
History
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/9/2012 2:17:55 PM
So that 's your limiting belief,that if you are alone you can't be happy?Are you telling me that everyone who is not in a realationship in this world is unhappy?Maybe some of us are more "selective" and know how hard is to "click"with someone emotionally stable,healthy,interesting,attractive and wonderful kind of person(Remember not everything that looks good is always good for you,like the nachos with cheese).Excuse me for what I'm about to say BUT you sound like a hungry homeless little kitten in the midle of winter in the snow.I'm not trying to be mean,I am better man than that,just trying to show you another way.You must changes those negatives belief,here's a good one...Women find really,really,really sexy single guys,just because they are more of a challenge and play hard to get....
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 92
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/9/2012 2:46:24 PM
Still around, OP?

You need to build up your self esteem, learn to love yourself and take care of your own needs. In a healthy relationship you will be caring for someone else’s needs…start with your own.


Do you have any tips for being happy and alone?


What do you like to do? Develop your interests. Become a more interesting woman. Read everything. Take up new hobbies. Join clubs. Learn to cook. Keep busy. Volunteer. Your head has too much time to wander. Fill it with good productive stuff.

I know you said you didn’t want to hear it, but you do need to get some help. There’s nothing wrong with that. : )



I'll add masturbation. Try it with your feet, it feels like it's someone else.


Oh, yeah. Laugh more.
 Dr.Z2008
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 93
view profile
History
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/9/2012 3:21:05 PM
Great tip fleuron....Become a more of an interesting man a woman will love to meet and do productive stuff...That's what great about the forum,your friends in real life will NEVER tell you what's wrong with you,great advice...DRZ
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 94
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/9/2012 4:17:18 PM

How do you cope with being single?


I don't cope.....I enjoy!

Being single is not a disease it is a blessing. After thinking for many years that I "had" to be married to be happy and have a full life and be complete, I have discovered I am perfectly happy as a single man.

If I want company I go on a date. If I want to jump on my Harley and be gone a week I don't have to explain myself to anyone.

I am not anti-relationship as if the right Lady came along one that is self supporting and shares interests with me.

Then yes I would entertain the thoughts of a relationship.

Until then I am more than happy to be single and dating.
 CJC1337
Joined: 4/12/2012
Msg: 95
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/9/2012 5:16:36 PM
How do you not feel a crippling emptiness inside you?
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 96
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/9/2012 5:49:46 PM

How do you not feel a crippling emptiness inside you?


If this is directed at me.......At first it bothered me that I was getting a divorce. I took a look at my life past and present at that time.

I realized that I could have just as good a life maybe even a better one single.

I am a complete person I don't need anyone to be complete. I enjoy my own company and have had no problem getting dates.

Also after my divorce I asked myself what advantage does a marriage/LTR have for me and when I weighed out the pros and cons I found the cons for me far outweigh the pros.

It would take a exceptional Lady to make me even consider a LTR/marriage.

I am not empty inside because I know my worth, I know what kind of person I am. I am not only happy with my life I have a joy about it as well.

Do I get lonely?.....That happens from time to time but not often, I have a great bunch of friends and some really nice ladies that I can spend time with when I want to do so.

If you have a empty feeling inside you might need to do some self evaluation look at the things that you dislike about yourself, and make the changes you see you need.

A relationship should be a asset in every area of the lives of both in it......Just am not settling for anything less....I realize that means it may never happen and am okay with that.

Find happiness within yourself find the joy of living a life you desire and then you will see a relationship for what it is, extra icing on the cake of life.
 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 97
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/9/2012 7:49:12 PM

Also after my divorce I asked myself what advantage does a marriage/LTR have for me and when I weighed out the pros and cons I found the cons for me far outweigh the pros. I am a complete person I don't need anyone to be complete. I enjoy my own company and have had no problem getting dates.


D.A.M.N....I have nothing to add to that! BRAVO!
 RyJFa
Joined: 4/28/2012
Msg: 98
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/9/2012 8:50:26 PM
I'm young, but have been mostly single my entire life. I have casually dated a few lovely women, but have never been able to make anything work in the long run. I feel much more ready now than I ever have before, but am not actively seeking a relationship, despite my presence on this website.

A part of me would like to experience a romantic relationship, so I'll occasionally go out to clubs or talk to girls on here, in hopes of snagging somebody special. I'm not a big messenger, and have ignored most of what I receive in my inbox. My mindset is this: in a world of seven billion people, we all have thousands - maybe millions - of potential matches and partners. I'm not going to waste my time or money worrying about a girlfriend when my entire life is ahead of me. Likewise, I'm hoping to be able to attend medical school out-of-state, preferably in New York City. What's the point in getting heavily involved, if only to be either bogged down or moving on in the near future?

My coping mechanisms, are, of course, applicable only to me. I try to enjoy life and the people in it, despite the emotional and psychological struggles I may sometimes endure. I maintain hope that, through each of my failings, I'll continue building social experience that will later be to my benefit. In the meantime, I'll continue working on my personality and my body, so as to make myself the best person I can possibly be, both for myself and for a future girlfriend or (hopefully not for a very long time) wife.

I can imagine how it must be difficult for people who are older than me. Nevertheless, I still feel burdened with a significant amount of peer and social pressure to be either a "relationship guy" or "hookup guy."
 Sensitive_Writer
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 99
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/9/2012 9:01:42 PM
How do I "cope" with being single? I don't......I ENJOY it. I, personally, think that before anyone can be truly happy with another person they need to be happy with them-self first. We never give ourselves enough time to truly get to know who we are, and we expect to share who we are with that other person. That just isn't possible, not unless we get to know ourselves and truly love ourselves first. And we also have to learn the difference between being alone and being lonely.

I know who I am and what I want, and am happy with being single. However, if someone comes along who I want to share my life with, I'm okay with that too. I may be "alone", but I don't feel lonely, I enjoy my company. :)
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 100
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/9/2012 9:21:58 PM

Do you have any tips for being happy and alone?



Yes.
Go visit a veterans hospital and see the casualties of war up close.
Go visit a childrens hospital and look into the faces of children with bald heads due to chemotherapy for cancer.

Then thank God that you are not in those situations and get to be 21 and attractive with your whole life ahead of you and the freedom to do whatever you want.
 RyJFa
Joined: 4/28/2012
Msg: 101
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/9/2012 9:31:44 PM
^ What sort of advice is that? We should all be happy that we didn't choose to go to war, knowingly accepting the risk of injury associated with combat? We should all be happy that we've been fortunate enough to not develop breast cancer of blastomas in the early stages of life?

Ideally, yeah, we should feel quite fortunate that we're not in either of those positions. We should reserve respect for those who fought for our freedom, and sympathy for those who lots in life have been short and miserable.

But d'you know, the amount of suffering we feel is relative only to ourselves. We can easily be affected by those on the outside of our bodies and brains, but ultimately, we cope with our own struggles. This is why anorexic patients aren't told to go fly to Africa and look at all the starving children - we can't generally resolve an internal issue by simply looking at an external image and being thankful that we're not in the picture.

If this thread were on how to feel better about being alive, then I'd agree with what you said. I do agree with your last sentence, but otherwise, I think you missed the mark somewhat.

Maybe that strategy works for you, but I strongly suspect it won't for most others.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 102
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/9/2012 9:42:54 PM
Maybe that strategy works for you, but I strongly suspect it won't for most others.


Not for those who insist on wallowing in their own self-created misery which doesn't have to exist if they look at things through the angles of a much larger prism, rather than the narrow confines of their own tunnel vision.


But d'you know, the amount of suffering we feel is relative only to ourselves.


Only if you focus solely on yourself, and fail to observe the sufferings of those who are worse off than being 21 and attractive as the OP is.
There are a lot of worse things in life than being 21 and single, so there is no real need to be unhappy about THAT.
 RyJFa
Joined: 4/28/2012
Msg: 103
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/9/2012 10:27:07 PM

Not for those who insist on wallowing in their own self-created misery which doesn't have to exist if they look at things through the angles of a much larger prism, rather than the narrow confines of their own tunnel vision.


Then I sincerely hope that you are so self-actualized as to be able to live up to the incredibly high standards that you have set for other people. If happiness in life were so easy as looking from one unfortunate sop to the next and deciding ourselves to be better off, there would be no need for anti-depressants, therapists, and suicide-prevention hot-lines.

We can all realize that our sufferings are almost always diminished in comparison to those of somebody else. Yet that alone does ease the pain of having lost someone in our lives or having fallen short of a lifelong dream or goal.

I don't think OP or anybody in this thread fails to observe the misery and suffering of those around them. I think that most of us are as empathetic as the general population - perhaps we can feel better about ourselves knowing that we're lucky, but that does not automatically diminish insecurity or social pressure. People don't choose to feel badly about themselves. You can't say that there's no "need" to feel unhappy about something, because that implies we live in a sort of black-and-white world.

Most of us can overcome our difficulties by resolving our internal state with the external world. Often that comes through realizing that things aren't quite so bad as we make them out to be, or we have an insight or touching experience. Our personal pains and hopes and dreams are all as equally detrimental in determining who we are as the solutions and ends, for better or for worse. Maybe OP can learn to love herself more than ever before, simply by briefly being down in a bad place.

We have natural desires to be with other people, and those desires can be intermingled with self-doubt and loathing when amplified by social pressure.
 katty1981
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 104
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 3:46:06 AM


Maybe that strategy works for you, but I strongly suspect it won't for most others.


Not for those who insist on wallowing in their own self-created misery which doesn't have to exist if they look at things through the angles of a much larger prism, rather than the narrow confines of their own tunnel vision.


But d'you know, the amount of suffering we feel is relative only to ourselves.


Only if you focus solely on yourself, and fail to observe the sufferings of those who are worse off than being 21 and attractive as the OP is.
There are a lot of worse things in life than being 21 and single, so there is no real need to be unhappy about THAT


Exactly!! These guys are sooks!



If happiness in life were so easy as looking from one unfortunate sop to the next and deciding ourselves to be better off, there would be no need for anti-depressants, therapists, and suicide-prevention hot-lines.


If these people took traveliciousguy's advice i bet it would weed out the half that are just sooks! some people are so negative and self absorbed
 edgedreality
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 105
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 11:03:46 AM

How do you cope with being single?


Live day by day and immerse myself in my interests. The downside of this is if I was to sit around doing absolutely nothing, or having a pity-party which I don't do, I'll not hear from any friends. But when I am doing something is when friends or family want to interupt me.

If, or when, I meet someone will be when I'm not looking or expecting it.


some people are so negative and self absorbed


Some? Most would be more accurate.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 106
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 11:49:33 AM

How do you cope with being single?




I hold public satannic masses and orgies. Sacrifice the occasionnal stray cat to keep the Red Guy happy.
Sometimes I do hoola hoops and backflips to work instead. I tried flying by flapping my arms, it only worked once. Never try that un-stoned.


some people are so negative and self absorbed

I`d say something to say that this is true but since I never say anything, I`m saying nothing.
Just saying.

Can`t believe this thread has gone on 5 pages. It`ll probably go on 200 once people figure out the billions of hobbies you can do when your single. Better buy a popcorn factory.
 edgedreality
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 107
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 12:00:36 PM

Can`t believe this thread has gone on 5 pages.


Not as long as there are people who have something to say, but don't, saying it. Know what I'm sayin'?

You could improve your profile picture if you weren't in it. But keep the girl, she's cute.
 Rob3444
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 108
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 12:09:17 PM
@ mjyawn67

I would have to say I feel exactly as you do.

____________________________________

I probably keep loosing wives because I am so content being alone and doing my own thing. I do know or have known enough people that can not handle being single and no hobby will fix that.

Some people are hard wired to only function well in a relationship and for them it becomes even harder to find someone. When I was desperate as in just after a separation it's tough to get a date. Now that I am fine alone it's much easier to get one. Having said that I still want that woman from the recurring dream to show up. Even as an old guy I don't have any fear of her not showing up ASAP. Why? because if you enjoy being around yourself, you tend to pull people in as though you were a magnet. How do you get to that point? By taking a keen interest in things that interest you.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 109
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 12:41:00 PM

Some people are hard wired to only function well in a relationship and for them it becomes even harder to find someone. When I was desperate as in just after a separation it's tough to get a date. Now that I am fine alone it's much easier to get one. Having said that I still want that woman from the recurring dream to show up. Even as an old guy I don't have any fear of her not showing up ASAP. Why? because if you enjoy being around yourself, you tend to pull people in as though you were a magnet. How do you get to that point? By taking a keen interest in things that interest you


Hard wired is the only thing I disagree with here.

I was programmed to think "NORMAL" was to be married.....I learned that it is not. You are dead on about this.........."Why? because if you enjoy being around yourself, you tend to pull people in as though you were a magnet. How do you get to that point? By taking a keen interest in things that interest "

Once I learned I didn't need a woman to complete me I was able to start enjoying myself and the things I like to do.

When that happened I started noticing others taking interest in me.
By that time I had mostly healed from my divorce.

I have been scolded by many on here about my views of equality in a relationship especially about expecting the Lady to pay for half the cost of living.

However seeing as I have learned to be happy single why would I seek anything but a equal partner in all aspects of the relationship?

That way the relationship is built on wanting to be around each other instead of what each other is expected to do for the other.

As we are human we are going to fall short from time to time. So with totally equal expectations and responsibilities there is much less to fall short on.
 RyJFa
Joined: 4/28/2012
Msg: 110
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 12:51:52 PM


If these people took traveliciousguy's advice i bet it would weed out the half that are just sooks! some people are so negative and self absorbed


His advice is terrible. He's essentially suggesting that, instead of addressing your own problems, you downplay them by focusing upon those of others. That's not resolution so much as it is a highly negative approach to introspection. If people decide to brighten their own mindsets, then they're likely going to make progress on any number of fronts, because they're realizing things about themselves which also happen to be applicable to other people.

Going to see the less fortunate may help in spurring forth insight, but it takes an additional effort on the part of an individual to turn the potential for progression into something more concrete and psychologically feasible.

My biggest problem is with his phrasing, because it suggests the placing of importance upon the negative circumstances of other people. Instead of being able to think, "hey, these are the advantages I enjoy," I feel as if, "hey, at least I'm not THAT guy!" is the approach being advocated. The two mindsets may seem similar, but they're really not - one is focused on empowerment while the other upon external and circumstantial deprivation.

Telling people who are depressed or experiencing severe anxiety to man up is a horrible idea, and one that blatantly ignores the neurochemical aspects of clinical depression and general moodiness. People have to work to regulate their thoughts and emotions, which is why no qualified individual is going to expect a magical change in mindset after one visit to a VFW or cancer center.

I know the issue is coping with being single and not clinical depression, but the point still stands intact. If people play off their feelings with, "hey, could be worse!", then they aren't addressing the problems they clearly should be facing. Realizing you're privileged is one thing, but that's not going to force change in folks who have unhealthy thought processes regarding relationships or being single.
 Rob3444
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 111
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 1:08:00 PM
@mjyawn67
If people were not hard wired by natural selection non of us would be here. Some are just able to be alone some not.
My girl can be less equal financially, that sort of thing is not important to me but I respect your decision and how it's important to you.
_______________________________________________________


As far as the guy saying as so many old grumps say go see the starving children and all that rubbish. Yes be grateful for what you have but these guys don't have a clue as to what depression is or how it works. This sort of advice is and always will be useless. It's the I use to walk to school up hill in the cold BS.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 112
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 1:13:35 PM
the same way I "cope" with everything else in my life. one day, one minute at a time. lol. I don't see it as an obstacle. i just see it as my current status.

It'll change eventually when i meet the person I want to be with, just like the other things in my life will change as I work towards changing them.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 113
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 1:38:38 PM
Not as long as there are people who have something to say, but don't, saying it. Know what I'm sayin'?

No, I don't.


You could improve your profile picture if you weren't in it. But keep the girl, she's cute.


You could improve the quality of life on Earth if you weren't on it. I could give you a hand.
Don't worry, I'll keep this one. She's meaner than I am.
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