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 katty1981
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 104
How do you cope with being single? Page 7 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)


Maybe that strategy works for you, but I strongly suspect it won't for most others.


Not for those who insist on wallowing in their own self-created misery which doesn't have to exist if they look at things through the angles of a much larger prism, rather than the narrow confines of their own tunnel vision.


But d'you know, the amount of suffering we feel is relative only to ourselves.


Only if you focus solely on yourself, and fail to observe the sufferings of those who are worse off than being 21 and attractive as the OP is.
There are a lot of worse things in life than being 21 and single, so there is no real need to be unhappy about THAT


Exactly!! These guys are sooks!



If happiness in life were so easy as looking from one unfortunate sop to the next and deciding ourselves to be better off, there would be no need for anti-depressants, therapists, and suicide-prevention hot-lines.


If these people took traveliciousguy's advice i bet it would weed out the half that are just sooks! some people are so negative and self absorbed
 edgedreality
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 105
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 11:03:46 AM

How do you cope with being single?


Live day by day and immerse myself in my interests. The downside of this is if I was to sit around doing absolutely nothing, or having a pity-party which I don't do, I'll not hear from any friends. But when I am doing something is when friends or family want to interupt me.

If, or when, I meet someone will be when I'm not looking or expecting it.


some people are so negative and self absorbed


Some? Most would be more accurate.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 106
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 11:49:33 AM

How do you cope with being single?




I hold public satannic masses and orgies. Sacrifice the occasionnal stray cat to keep the Red Guy happy.
Sometimes I do hoola hoops and backflips to work instead. I tried flying by flapping my arms, it only worked once. Never try that un-stoned.


some people are so negative and self absorbed

I`d say something to say that this is true but since I never say anything, I`m saying nothing.
Just saying.

Can`t believe this thread has gone on 5 pages. It`ll probably go on 200 once people figure out the billions of hobbies you can do when your single. Better buy a popcorn factory.
 edgedreality
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 107
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 12:00:36 PM

Can`t believe this thread has gone on 5 pages.


Not as long as there are people who have something to say, but don't, saying it. Know what I'm sayin'?

You could improve your profile picture if you weren't in it. But keep the girl, she's cute.
 Rob3444
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 108
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 12:09:17 PM
@ mjyawn67

I would have to say I feel exactly as you do.

____________________________________

I probably keep loosing wives because I am so content being alone and doing my own thing. I do know or have known enough people that can not handle being single and no hobby will fix that.

Some people are hard wired to only function well in a relationship and for them it becomes even harder to find someone. When I was desperate as in just after a separation it's tough to get a date. Now that I am fine alone it's much easier to get one. Having said that I still want that woman from the recurring dream to show up. Even as an old guy I don't have any fear of her not showing up ASAP. Why? because if you enjoy being around yourself, you tend to pull people in as though you were a magnet. How do you get to that point? By taking a keen interest in things that interest you.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 109
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 12:41:00 PM

Some people are hard wired to only function well in a relationship and for them it becomes even harder to find someone. When I was desperate as in just after a separation it's tough to get a date. Now that I am fine alone it's much easier to get one. Having said that I still want that woman from the recurring dream to show up. Even as an old guy I don't have any fear of her not showing up ASAP. Why? because if you enjoy being around yourself, you tend to pull people in as though you were a magnet. How do you get to that point? By taking a keen interest in things that interest you


Hard wired is the only thing I disagree with here.

I was programmed to think "NORMAL" was to be married.....I learned that it is not. You are dead on about this.........."Why? because if you enjoy being around yourself, you tend to pull people in as though you were a magnet. How do you get to that point? By taking a keen interest in things that interest "

Once I learned I didn't need a woman to complete me I was able to start enjoying myself and the things I like to do.

When that happened I started noticing others taking interest in me.
By that time I had mostly healed from my divorce.

I have been scolded by many on here about my views of equality in a relationship especially about expecting the Lady to pay for half the cost of living.

However seeing as I have learned to be happy single why would I seek anything but a equal partner in all aspects of the relationship?

That way the relationship is built on wanting to be around each other instead of what each other is expected to do for the other.

As we are human we are going to fall short from time to time. So with totally equal expectations and responsibilities there is much less to fall short on.
 RyJFa
Joined: 4/28/2012
Msg: 110
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 12:51:52 PM


If these people took traveliciousguy's advice i bet it would weed out the half that are just sooks! some people are so negative and self absorbed


His advice is terrible. He's essentially suggesting that, instead of addressing your own problems, you downplay them by focusing upon those of others. That's not resolution so much as it is a highly negative approach to introspection. If people decide to brighten their own mindsets, then they're likely going to make progress on any number of fronts, because they're realizing things about themselves which also happen to be applicable to other people.

Going to see the less fortunate may help in spurring forth insight, but it takes an additional effort on the part of an individual to turn the potential for progression into something more concrete and psychologically feasible.

My biggest problem is with his phrasing, because it suggests the placing of importance upon the negative circumstances of other people. Instead of being able to think, "hey, these are the advantages I enjoy," I feel as if, "hey, at least I'm not THAT guy!" is the approach being advocated. The two mindsets may seem similar, but they're really not - one is focused on empowerment while the other upon external and circumstantial deprivation.

Telling people who are depressed or experiencing severe anxiety to man up is a horrible idea, and one that blatantly ignores the neurochemical aspects of clinical depression and general moodiness. People have to work to regulate their thoughts and emotions, which is why no qualified individual is going to expect a magical change in mindset after one visit to a VFW or cancer center.

I know the issue is coping with being single and not clinical depression, but the point still stands intact. If people play off their feelings with, "hey, could be worse!", then they aren't addressing the problems they clearly should be facing. Realizing you're privileged is one thing, but that's not going to force change in folks who have unhealthy thought processes regarding relationships or being single.
 Rob3444
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 111
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 1:08:00 PM
@mjyawn67
If people were not hard wired by natural selection non of us would be here. Some are just able to be alone some not.
My girl can be less equal financially, that sort of thing is not important to me but I respect your decision and how it's important to you.
_______________________________________________________


As far as the guy saying as so many old grumps say go see the starving children and all that rubbish. Yes be grateful for what you have but these guys don't have a clue as to what depression is or how it works. This sort of advice is and always will be useless. It's the I use to walk to school up hill in the cold BS.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 112
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 1:13:35 PM
the same way I "cope" with everything else in my life. one day, one minute at a time. lol. I don't see it as an obstacle. i just see it as my current status.

It'll change eventually when i meet the person I want to be with, just like the other things in my life will change as I work towards changing them.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 113
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 1:38:38 PM
Not as long as there are people who have something to say, but don't, saying it. Know what I'm sayin'?

No, I don't.


You could improve your profile picture if you weren't in it. But keep the girl, she's cute.


You could improve the quality of life on Earth if you weren't on it. I could give you a hand.
Don't worry, I'll keep this one. She's meaner than I am.
 yassina
Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 114
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 1:42:09 PM
First People need to stop looking at being single as a bad thing or punishment , Personally I enjoy being single just as much as I enjoy being in a relationship . Being single is the time where you get to spend time by yourself and get to know who you are and figure out what you want in life . alot of people need to use the time to heal to learn to love themselves ....

Like that saying goes if you cant enjoy own company how can you expect others to enjoy it lol
So here is how you cope You enjoy it use it for personal growth time .
 aboutgettingby
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 115
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/10/2012 11:09:38 PM



went through 2 years of emotional hell after my divorce; loneliness, anxiety, depression and the stress was causing some health problems I'd never experienced....I was in a tailspin. I could barely move in the morning. I didn't find any other woman attractive. I just didn't have any desire to meet anyone else.

So...

I had family and friends there for me - they've been great! I got really keep busy doing the things I love to do. I have way more time now, being single. I have more time for my friends, family. I had to look at the positive side. It's kinda nice not having to answer to anyone. (not that there's anything wrong with that).



I feel almost the exact apposite, I had what I considered to be a great marriage, it wasn't perfect by any means but looking back all I can say is that I am very thankfull that I had that experience. It is something that I can always fall back on.

I have the exact opposite, my family and friends basically abandoned me after I lost my wife, I don't feel I need those relationships, it is what it is, I feel more satisfaction in pursuing my own interests than trying to bang your head into a wall on relationships that do more harm than benefit. It really goes back to believing in yourself and living your life.
 tensail
Joined: 10/15/2009
Msg: 116
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/11/2012 1:34:53 AM
truth is most r single, due to feminism today in west we r v most numbr of alone people in our human history, yep its called deevolution, worng path wat!
 katty1981
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 118
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/11/2012 3:15:43 AM

His advice is terrible. He's essentially suggesting that, instead of addressing your own problems, you downplay them by focusing upon those of others. That's not resolution so much as it is a highly negative approach to introspection. If people decide to brighten their own mindsets, then they're likely going to make progress on any number of fronts, because they're realizing things about themselves which also happen to be applicable to other people.

Going to see the less fortunate may help in spurring forth insight, but it takes an additional effort on the part of an individual to turn the potential for progression into something more concrete and psychologically feasible.

My biggest problem is with his phrasing, because it suggests the placing of importance upon the negative circumstances of other people. Instead of being able to think, "hey, these are the advantages I enjoy," I feel as if, "hey, at least I'm not THAT guy!" is the approach being advocated. The two mindsets may seem similar, but they're really not - one is focused on empowerment while the other upon external and circumstantial deprivation.

Telling people who are depressed or experiencing severe anxiety to man up is a horrible idea, and one that blatantly ignores the neurochemical aspects of clinical depression and general moodiness. People have to work to regulate their thoughts and emotions, which is why no qualified individual is going to expect a magical change in mindset after one visit to a VFW or cancer center.

I know the issue is coping with being single and not clinical depression, but the point still stands intact. If people play off their feelings with, "hey, could be worse!", then they aren't addressing the problems they clearly should be facing. Realizing you're privileged is one thing, but that's not going to force change in folks who have unhealthy thought processes regarding relationships or being single.


zzzzzz zzz zzzz sorry didn't read it couldn't be bothered
 livelife51
Joined: 12/31/2010
Msg: 119
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/11/2012 3:37:23 AM
I commend you for going to counseling. It takes some people a long time to recognize they have baggage or other issues they need help with and haven't dealt with. If counseling helps you to identify things that need work on and changing within yourself, that is a good thing.

I also think it would good for you to think about what brings you joy, fun, happiness, laughter etc
Associate yourself with positive people.
I wish you all the best
 RyJFa
Joined: 4/28/2012
Msg: 121
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/11/2012 12:11:11 PM

zzzzzz zzz zzzz sorry didn't read it couldn't be bothered


Good for you! If you can't handle a few paragraphs, I don't see why you needed to "bother" responding.
 kp41759
Joined: 3/20/2012
Msg: 122
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/12/2012 12:04:41 AM
I cope by painting models, banging weights around and playing guitar. I release many pent up frustrations at the gym, painting gives me positive reflection time and guitar playing is for straight up fun.
 wanted555
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 123
view profile
History
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/12/2012 12:52:08 AM
reply to ryjfa : Good for you! If you can't handle a few paragraphs, I don't see why you needed to "bother" responding.


ryjfa!! it was a joke ! she was joking !
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 126
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/12/2012 7:07:29 AM
OP,

There are different types of people and a huge variety of circumstances in life.

Those who have recommended increased activities, focus on work, in your case take college courses, etc. have given you sage advise. But playing Devil's advocate; the single people that I know aren't "alone" per ce. They have on again off again relationships or booty calls to fill the void on an as needed basis. I'd imagine that if I could pick up the phone and have someone to go out with to fill my void it wouldn't be an issue for me.

Then there's the family and friends recommendation; that's another great piece of advise. But, how about when your friends and family get tired of your leaning on them for support?

There are stronger minded / willed people who can channel their focus and hide / suppress / ignore their voids. Then there are others (me) who are cool with our lives during the active time (work, kids, gym) but when we come to our empty home it's a drag.

Oh and those who've posted about failed relationships because of the various burdens included. Dude, a relationship is two people working at it. Neither person should "carry" the relationship, lose themselves in a relationship or try to make the other happy at their expense. We are responsible for our own happiness. We cannot get into another person and make them happy. We can support, respect and love them. But in the end they have their own issues and responsibility to be happy about themselves.

If you're carrying a relationship of course you're going to be unhappy, resentful and eventually out of it. I understand this because I carried my marriage for 20 years, tried to make her happy and lost myself in the process.

I've worked hard to re-learn who I am and learn to love myself again. However, I'd love to be in a loving relationship where we understand each other and put in the effort to keep things fresh, exciting, interesting, etc. I disagree with those who describe this desire as being "needy" or "clingy".

For those who are happy in their "single" lives more power to you. Some of the forum regulars are terribly jaded, their commentary is grim and disappointing and reveals how flawed they are. They think their advice is spot on while most read it while shaking our heads. They're alone because they have shut off all of those avenues, refuse to get back into the game. But have a million and one opinions on relationships.

It's not that complicated. Live and let live, be a partner to your significant other. Make yourself happy and you'll make them happy by proxy.

G
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 128
view profile
History
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/12/2012 4:42:11 PM
Hi OP,
the thing with these forums is that people generally project their own issues on your situation. Fortunately some will address your concern without reading much into it or making assumptions based on their their own experiences.

Anyhow, I don’t think you have issues or need therapy. You only brought up a popular issue that many people are faced with and react to. I don’t think just because you asked for help you are obsessed with being in a relationship. You raised a very good question. Good for you for trying. You do not have to be perfect at age 21. I’m not either. Good luck. :)
 ShadeSigma
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 129
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/13/2012 12:47:15 AM
How do I cope? Lol

I just do it. I am 22 and single. Oh well. Just how it is. I do things I love. Drawing, gaming, playing basketball and training. I guess I am pretty happy right now.
 RyJFa
Joined: 4/28/2012
Msg: 132
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/13/2012 9:28:02 PM

ryjfa!! it was a joke ! she was joking !


I figured she was just trying to be insulting or something.
 deletedpost
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 133
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/14/2012 4:12:49 PM
cope.... its awsome. How would anyone cope with being in a relationship is teh question
 BeeRad82
Joined: 1/27/2012
Msg: 134
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 5/15/2012 1:57:29 PM
Cope?

Do you mean how do I contain my utter joy and excitement at the prospect of doing whatever and whomever, whenever I want?

A: Practice.
 drumsafrican12
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 135
view profile
History
How do you cope with being single?
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:03:34 PM
I think it's important not to spend a lot of time messaging or talking to someone before you meet in person. The reason for that is you build up a fantasy of someone which proves not to be true at all.

I think there were likely clues which you did not see. Think back and see if you can find then. Then, look harder next time.
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