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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Coming up to bat and being out of the league.      Home login  
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 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 107
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Coming up to bat and being out of the league.Page 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I was watching a documentary last night on Netflix streaming about internet dating. The title was “When Strangers Click (2010)”. Mostly junk, they had 5 different people with totally different experiences. One was a woman from New Jersey who talked to a man in Prague Czechoslovakia for 3 months, and then flew there to marry him. They had never even talked on the phone. Another vignette was about two people who met through “Second Life”. Both very, very strange.

In between the vignettes, they were throwing up text screens with information / statistics about internet dating. No sources for the information were listed. One looked like this:


Women doing online dating are most afraid of meeting a serial killer.

Men doing online dating are most afraid of meeting someone fat.

Their words, not mine. Somehow, when you put those two statements up side-by-side, it really seems out-of-whack, doesn't it?

Another interesting statistic, for which I would love to see a reference.


For every inch under 5’10”, a man has to make an additional $40k per year to be considered as attractive as the taller man.

Somehow I don’t think the math would hold up for that last one. Going by that math, a man 5’6” would have to make $160k more to be considered as attractive as the man 5’10”. I could easily believe $50k more, but not $160k, that just seems “too much”, at least to me.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 108
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 4/15/2013 1:34:15 PM

Somehow I don’t think the math would hold up for that last one. Going by that math, a man 5’6” would have to make $160k more to be considered as attractive as the man 5’10”. I could easily believe $50k more, but not $160k, that just seems “too much”, at least to me.


Oh my tall friend, you are naive, but from your height I guess it's hard to know.

A number of years ago they had a documentary where women had to pick their date from a group of candidates.

One was a 5.4 Nobel laureate, the other was a 6.2 blue collar worker.

I think all of the women picked the 6.2 guy. (It could be they didn't know what a noble laureate is. LOL)

In the USA, I am not sure $160K extra would swing the vote.

Now I know this isn't universally true for all women, but it's a pretty safe bet.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 109
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 4/18/2013 4:38:55 PM
bits, I think I'd very likely go with the Nobel laureate, lol! The man in my life who was hands down most successful with women was a 5'4" Italian fellow, who just happened to be a very fine poet. He had a whole series of truly tall and lovely women. Finally settled for one not so spectacular, and they've lasted over 30 years. Your league is pretty much what you make it.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 110
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 4/18/2013 5:14:57 PM
I'm out of everyone who walks on 2 leg's league.
(as far as dating site goes)
 theanswerguy2
Joined: 4/3/2013
Msg: 111
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 4/18/2013 8:05:31 PM

Coming up to bat and being out of the league.


"Put me in, coach...I'm ready to play ...today.....look at me....gotta be.....centerfield".

-John Fogerty, "Centerfield".


as we get older,we tend to lose those cliques and status symbols we once thrived upon.


Actually, I never "thrived" on such things.


Do measure someones integrity and character by their assets, material goods, profession?


Not at all. Integrity and character cannot properly be defined by such things. It's entirely possible for a homeless person to have more integrity than a CEO.


Are you still toying with the idea that you are not good enough for certain people because you are not in that same bracket?


No. However, trying to convince the people who adhere to such thinking, of the banality of such a concept, is mostly a waste of time.
 acads
Joined: 6/11/2012
Msg: 112
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 4/18/2013 8:46:08 PM
I think I came to conclusion that I am in my own league awhile ago, if I get up to bat once in while that is good enough for me, who cares if you strike out or not.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 113
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 4/19/2013 5:58:49 AM

bits, I think I'd very likely go with the Nobel laureate, lol! The man in my life who was hands down most successful with women was a 5'4" Italian fellow, who just happened to be a very fine poet. He had a whole series of truly tall and lovely women. Finally settled for one not so spectacular, and they've lasted over 30 years. Your league is pretty much what you make it.


woobytoodsday, I don't have a problem per se with relationships in the USA. I find it hard to avoid getting into a relationship.

But I had found in the past it was difficult to just date casually, at least in the USA. The more a place is like a singles bar, the worse I will do in trying to interact with random woman. If I can interact like at a workplace, then I do OK.

But I am pretty comfortable talking to women, a lot of men aren't. If men are tall and socially awkward they can do OK, but if they are short and socially awkward they will find dating to be nearly impossible.

My post was mainly concerning someone like ohenryx who believes dating is easy because for him it is easy. I look at hundreds of profiles, with only 1 exception those men that find dating easy are at a minimum 5.9, but the majority are 6 foot and up.

Sometimes it would be nice to just be able to casually date people I meet either online or IRL.

I stayed 5 months in Asia, and there's quite obviously a huge difference. Random women working at clothes store, or just walking down the street have a different more speculative look to them when I meet them. They aren't hitting on me, but I can tell they could consider it if I did. Eye contact, body language, all that. If anyone has been to Asian, these are average women not working in tourist venues that cater to men. While in the USA I am mostly invisible. Once in a while I get a chance to chat with someone IRL for 1/2 an hour, then the dynamic can change.

Your Italian poet sounds like he comes from a wealthy family, is that correct? I make that assumption because being a poet isn't a well paying position for 99% of all poets. Did you know poets as a profession tend to have high Iqs? They also tend to be creative and can express themselves well, which would help with women.

I am a little perplexed by so many men / women complaining about how hard it is to date, but honestly I hadn't tried to date hardly anyone in the past 20 years, so it's hard to judge. I am also amazed at the number of meet and greets / dates both men and women go on, I don't get it. I am pretty sure the 3rd date I went on in the USA would have resulted in a LTR if I hadn't already been involved with dating in Asia.

Once I discovered how easy it was for me to date foreign, I pretty much didn't bother. And then I met someone so fast I didn't have much of a chance to date there either.

DrummingNut, I sympathize with your dating plight, you seem like a person that would be fun to get to know, but many won't make the effort.

Anyway, I spend too much time in these forums, ciao.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 114
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History
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 4/19/2013 8:12:10 AM

DragonBits
My post was mainly concerning someone like ohenryx who believes dating is easy because for him it is easy. I look at hundreds of profiles, with only 1 exception those men that find dating easy are at a minimum 5.9, but the majority are 6 foot and up.

Interesting observation, but I feel I need to clarify that a bit. Yes, I’m tall, or at least not short, and I have always been tall. (Not something that changes much – smile). But I have also spent my entire life fighting with my weight. When I was younger, I found that I could not get a date when my weight was up. Period, could not. This became so apparent that I would not even attempt to date during those times when my weight was up. I have never been socially awkward, I talk to people all of the time, everywhere I go. During those times when my weight was down, I dated a lot, and some of the women were absolutely drop dead gorgeous.

Then I was married for 27 years, and things changed. Now, at my advanced age, I find that my weight is mostly not a hindrance. Certainly, there are some women who will not be interested, they only want a “fit” man. But, for me, at this age, getting a date is easier than it has ever been. At 62, and overweight, I get more dates than when I was 25, at the perfect weight, had a good job, a good car, a nice apartment, etc. Absolutely amazing to me.

When I was in high school, college, and all through my 20’s, I could clearly see that being the proper weight was much more important than being the proper height. But things change. And sometimes we are lucky enough to be the beneficiary of that change.

DragonBits
I stayed 5 months in Asia, and there's quite obviously a huge difference. Random women working at clothes store, or just walking down the street have a different more speculative look to them when I meet them.

While in the USA I am mostly invisible.

I’m curious. Do you think this is because you’re closer to the average height in Asia? Or because you are obviously American, and thus a potential source of wealth? Or just because they are more open to approach by men in general?


Your Italian poet sounds like he comes from a wealthy family, is that correct? I make that assumption because being a poet isn't a well paying position for 99% of all poets. Did you know poets as a profession tend to have high Iqs? They also tend to be creative and can express themselves well, which would help with women.

When I was younger, I had aspirations of being a writer. My hopes and dreams were mostly about writing the next Great American Novel, but I did write some poetry. Women loved that, or at least some women did. I’m talking about “drop their panties on the spot” type of loving it.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 115
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 4/19/2013 12:54:13 PM

Interesting observation, but I feel I need to clarify that a bit. Yes, I’m tall, or at least not short, and I have always been tall. (Not something that changes much – smile). But I have also spent my entire life fighting with my weight. When I was younger, I found that I could not get a date when my weight was up. Period, could not. This became so apparent that I would not even attempt to date during those times when my weight was up. I have never been socially awkward, I talk to people all of the time, everywhere I go. During those times when my weight was down, I dated a lot, and some of the women were absolutely drop dead gorgeous.

Now, at my advanced age, I find that my weight is mostly not a hindrance. Certainly, there are some women who will not be interested, they only want a “fit” man. But, for me, at this age, getting a date is easier than it has ever been. At 62, and overweight, I get more dates than when I was 25, at the perfect weight, had a good job, a good car, a nice apartment, etc. Absolutely amazing to me.


Of course being fat is a liability, though not insurmountable. Yet you didn't even try to date when you were fat. But as you pointed out, you can lose weight, what if your liability was something like being short? Would you be able to rise above a big liability knowing it will never get better (taller)?

Back in 1999 I was 190 lbs, 5.4, short, fat and bald. A trifecta. At least I lost 30 lbs, but I have usually fought my weight, only once while being married did I get down to 130 lbs.

I feel like you do, now that I am going to be 61, the fact that I am fit and happy becomes more important that being short. But I didn't date much to really sort it out, so it's just a theory. For sure if I tried to date a lot younger, say 45-50, then I would be back competeting against a different standard. Not that I necessary look for young, but it's important that someone was as interested in sex and being fit as I am.


I’m curious. Do you think this is because you’re closer to the average height in Asia? Or because you are obviously American, and thus a potential source of wealth? Or just because they are more open to approach by men in general?


It's really a combination of several positive attributes.

1) They don't place a lot of significance on height, though they generally still like a man to be taller than a women,it isn't as big a deal as in the USA. I have read hundreds of Asian profiles to see what they look for in a man. As well as 100s of PoF profiles. Part of being curious and working at home on a computer. Besides I am taller than 95% of the women in most countries in Asia, so it's a non factor.

2) USA women have a preference for height, Asians have a preference for lighter skin. Darker skinned Asians are not considered attractive. I think it has to do with darker skin being associated with poor farmers, but I am not sure. But it is pretty obvious.

3) Western men are considered likely to be wealthier, and also thought that they will spend money on women while natives won't. But my wife's brother owns a brand new Mercedes and has a townhouse in Bangkok, it isn't like they are all dirt farmers.

4) Up till 1935 polygamy was recognized under civil law in Thailand. It is still widely practiced. Men go to bargirls frequently, it is thought a married Western man is less likely to cheat. Women don't make as big a deal about sexual cheating as long as a man supports his family. Though women still hate a buttery fly as they call it, so they think a Western man is less likely to cheat.

5) Age is very respected in Asia, while youth is what is respected in the USA. But some Asian profiles do take pains to say they don't want to date their Daddy. :)

6) A woman that is older than 30 is getting to be an old maid, if she has children or isn't a virgin, they take that as greatly diminished attractiveness. So despite being respected, older women aren't sought out as wives, and older is still pretty young. The average age for a woman to be married in the
Philippines is 19.3, in China it is 22, in the USA it is 26.9.

Many Thais aren't eager to leave their country, while Filipinos want to leave then later sponsor their family, Hong Kong is wealthier and well as Singapore is richer than the USA. Chinese tend to want to run their own business and want to move up in wealth, Thais tend to want enough money and a job where they can have sanuk. (fun). Just general observations, not everyone is the same.

In tourist areas a lot of women are trolling for any single male that is a tourist. To one degree or another, money plays a part. Most visitors only stay in a tourist area, which gives them a very slanted point of view. I never stayed in a tourist area, but I have visited those areas, and stayed with my wife in Phuket where a lot of European visitors go.

Outside of tourist areas in small towns, many Thais are shy, it's common for them to take a chaperone on a first date.

This is a link to dating Thai style.

hhttp://www.stickmanweekly.com/StickMarkII/DatingAndTraditionalThaiCulture.htm
 monocryl
Joined: 3/4/2013
Msg: 116
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 4/19/2013 7:55:33 PM

Have you wondered why men who are handsome, successful etc are on dating sites? More than likely fakes dont you think or worse?? I wonder if they would be all that when they turned up??

I prefer charitable interpretations to cynical ones. They are likely very busy and for professional/ethical reasons do not date their colleagues or people they meet in the line of work, simple as that.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 117
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 4/21/2013 4:32:36 PM
Your Italian poet sounds like he comes from a wealthy family, is that correct?
Na, lol! His dad was a barber in DC. He once had to walk around a body on his way to school. They didn't make it out to the suburbs til he was in his teens. He WAS bright. Very bright. And cute as a bug's ear. Thing was, he was enormously testosterone driven, AND he truly loved women. Unbeatable combo, grin.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 118
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 4/21/2013 6:28:45 PM
woobytoodsday


Your Italian poet sounds like he comes from a wealthy family, is that correct?
Na, lol! His dad was a barber in DC. He once had to walk around a body on his way to school. They didn't make it out to the suburbs til he was in his teens. He WAS bright. Very bright. And cute as a bug's ear. Thing was, he was enormously testosterone driven, AND he truly loved women. Unbeatable combo, grin.


You have destroyed my entire illusion of a Poet who is the scion of an Italian aristocratic family.

enormously testosterone driven, AND he truly loved women. Unbeatable combo, grin.

I will have to agree with you, that trumps all.
 Branes
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 119
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History
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 7/14/2015 8:10:53 AM
There certainly are leagues in the dating world. In a general sense. Finances, looks and body style are all things that can define a "league."
For example:
I'm a senior on Social Security and a small pension. I have very little disposable income each month. I'm also quite overweight and I'm not particularly handsome.

It would be foolish for me to message a woman who is beautiful, health and fitness oriented and a highly paid executive who likes traveling, cruises, sailing, fine wine and fast cars. I couldn't afford her lifestyle nor would she likely find me attractive.

As Dirty Harry once said. "A man's got to know his limitations."

I'm clearly NOT in her league. UNLESS, she is willing to overlook my weight and unhealthy lifestyle and to foot the bill for all that, which is highly unlikely, especially on a dating site where she would quickly pass over my profile.

I was working for $15/hr when I met my late wife who was a senior executive at a major tech company making well over 6 figures a year.
We met in an IRC chat room, of all places and became friends before either of us knew our financial situations. When we met I was much thinner, under 200 lbs and had a lot more hair.
I later became an IT pro making considerably more but still less than half what she made. So it IS possible for a person with limited finances to meet someone with a lot more, but it's unlikely.
 StarClassic
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 120
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 7/15/2015 9:53:41 AM
When I first met "The One", I didn't even know I was at bat let alone think I was in her league.
Looks wise, money wise, I was in well over my head. Was told later by her friend who arranged the foul-up it was my flair that caught her. That and I didn't paw on her like a monkey after cheese puffs.
 Qura
Joined: 8/5/2014
Msg: 121
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History
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 7/16/2015 2:08:09 PM
People confuse incompatibility with "leagues." People who believe there are leagues are those who also believe in some people being "better" than others. Just a couple of posts ago, a man said a woman who was wealthier, "more attractive," etc., would skip by his profile. He assumes this is because she sees herself as "out of his league." I think she might skip it, just b/c she realizes they aren't likely to be compatible; a woman who is fit and enjoys travel knows that a man who is neither of those things does not prioritize them--therefore, their interests and lifestyles wouldn't likely be a match. If she met him without knowing anything about him, found him attractive (and many, many people in the real world do not find excess weight "unattractive" when they actually meet someone), and enjoyed his personality and his character, she might well fall in love with him. BUT--we can't meet everyone, so we look at our priorities and look for similar types.

My priorities are sense of humor, intelligence, and open-mindedness. I'll meet anyone who demonstrates at least one of those and *doesn't* turn me off by saying something I find unattractive. Those folks are pretty rare, and so far, I've not found any connection or attraction with them--but for people who believe in leagues, they would find I mess up their system in both directions--I date "up" and "down," in their terms. But really, I just date individuals. Could not care less about most of the "criteria" that is supposed to increase a man's "market value," and find lots of men don't care about the alleged "female criteria" when it comes to meeting me, either.

Leagues are about assuming some people are better than others. Lots of us don't live in that world and are perfectly happy avoiding those who do.
 sviitmore
Joined: 7/11/2015
Msg: 122
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 7/16/2015 2:31:45 PM
^^^^ There are plenty of leagues . . but of course compatibility plays a role within and without leagues. The primary leagues are education and wealth, followed by beauty. Then you get into classes . . . Rich, upper, middle, working classes. These different classes interact with the mentioned leagues. A gorgeous, harvard educated woman will consider in her league other attractive graduates of elite or near elite schools who are close to the demographics with which she grew up. Her dating pool will be smaller than most, but she will also be highly sought by guys of her same league. Just one example. Leagues are a fact of life. Fair or unfair, they exist
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 123
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 7/16/2015 3:21:09 PM
stellavixen- Speaking of leagues...........
How does one get from the minors to the majors?
Singles, doubles or home runs?
Wait, is doubles for tennis?
Boy, I lobbed that shot wide.
Or is that golf?
Too much green on the fairway.
Speaking of green, do football players prefer grass or astro turf?
Then again, football in some places is soccer in others.
Did I just make a goal?
I think I'm confused, what were we talking about, again? ;) :D
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 124
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Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 7/16/2015 6:06:27 PM
I grew up in a working class family. I had no interest in the activities they enjoyed, and I still don't. Growing up I was the "family oddball." I like opera, art, music, literature, museums, reading more than the comics in the newspaper, etc. I have always been "out of my league" on two fronts -- not being comfortable with working class people who don't see the value in the arts, and being extremely comfortable with upper class people who I could converse with, but not having the financial resources to do all the things that I enjoyed as much as I wanted to. What a quandary.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 125
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 7/16/2015 6:09:55 PM

People confuse incompatibility with "leagues." People who believe there are leagues are those who also believe in some people being "better" than others.


I agree.

I think it may also be a comforting rationalization for some people who feel that they don’t measure up and never will…of course they can’t DO anything about so called “leagues,” thus, they aren’t responsible for their fate, or their self improvement, etc.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 126
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 7/16/2015 6:17:17 PM
blacklady1953- So, the people most likely to accept you (your family), you don't accept. But you do accept the people most likely NOT to accept you.?!
You said that's a quandary, that's the least of it. There is irony there, but more than anything else, I just feel sorry for you. :(
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 127
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History
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 7/17/2015 1:34:20 AM
triumph800rider

I like your profile but you really should put a few extra pounds and not average. You are an intelligent writer and I am sure you would be fun to date. That you like other chubby people is great.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 128
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 7/17/2015 8:10:18 AM
"The title was “When Strangers Click (2010)"

I think I've seen this...there's the German guy and the lady from the states, I think..who met thru Half Life and had a baby..he had to return home and she is sitting there by herself with the kid. It was a really depressing, sad empty commentary on screwy relationships.

1. You meet playing online games
2. You visit one another
3. Woman gets pregnant, guy returns home
4. Woman is alone with baby.

How far we've advanced with the internet.

As far as leagues..there are ABSOLUTELY leagues. Absolutely, on many many levels, professionally and personally.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 129
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 7/18/2015 10:20:58 AM
It's a farce how people size each other up.

Homeowners vs Renters - Gal was advised by her girlfriends to ask her dates if the men owned homes. Not if they lived alone, mind you, but if they owned a house.

White vs Blue collar - Terms such as hourly and shift are offensive to some of the white collared folks.

Homebody vs Thrill Seeker - This is a clash of the titans in the making.
 StarClassic
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 130
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 7/18/2015 2:29:30 PM

Homebody vs Thrill Seeker - This is a clash of the titans in the making.


Not always. I was an adrenalin junky, still am to a point, when younger. Motorcycles, horses and rappelling. I enjoyed hare scramble races and trials bikes, Carol Ann was terrified of them. She did like horses though. Really enjoyed the trail rides, but she wouldn't even come down to the pens and watch as Gene and I worked with the rangy ones. Her idea of thrilling was putting the top down on my Thunderbird.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 131
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 7/18/2015 2:33:12 PM
^^^
Yeah, I was referring to those profiles of people claiming to lead such exciting lives.

I dunno where they find time to go grocery shopping or do laundry.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Coming up to bat and being out of the league.