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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?      Home login  
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 RyJFa
Joined: 4/28/2012
Msg: 26
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I'd always felt a little guilty about being on websites like this, until I realized that many of my single friends and peers were doing exactly the same things. I've known a couple of very, very good-looking guys who had profiles and accounts set up with other online dating services. They certainly weren't desperate for a relationship (neither am I, for that matter), but weren't finding whatever they were looking for in their available social pool.

I do think that PlentyOfFish and similar websites have a tendency to attract larger numbers of desperate people than you'd likely find gathered in any roomful of men and women. In some cases, you can see why they're here - weight problems, narcissism, or the delusion that they're going to be able to find a prince straight out of a Disney movie. Folks like that can easily lend towards there existing a taboo or stigma attached to online dating. After all, most people shouldn't have a hitch meeting attractive (physically, intellectually, emotionally, or some combination of all three) potential-partners through friends or out at social events. If they were to see a venue created solely for the purpose of facilitating attraction, I can see why they might be skeptical or do a bit of judging.

That said, I like messing around with online dating because it exposes you to people you'd never have otherwise met. Call me silly, but I especially enjoy talking to women from other states or countries or continents - maybe I'm a bit stupid, but I sincerely doubt that many of my "best matches" will live within 50 or 100 or 200 miles of me. May as well expose myself to other people, and enjoy myself in the process. And who knows? Maybe something could work out.

My area doesn't seem particularly rife with good pickings here on PoF. As such, I don't expect to meet many or any future girlfriends here. As with the above poster, I consider this more of a backup or addition to real-world exploration.
 jellerbet
Joined: 5/3/2012
Msg: 27
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 4:37:11 PM
Meeting someone on the street , bar, coffee shop or online .. you still dont know anything about the person. That takes time. Damn OP, so many flakes on sites like these, u really take it all seriously? Anyone can write any crap on here. You sound like ur 19. This site is my entertainment and backup. I treat a bird on here no different than any other place I meet her until she has proven herself to me which takes about over a month or so
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 28
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 7:06:55 PM
Let's hear from the people who keep saying "You will find the love of your life when you least expect it." They make it sound like a perfect partner is going to drop from the sky and land on my lap when I least expect it.
How much longer do I have to least expect it? I'm tired of waiting around and not expecting it.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 29
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Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 7:07:42 PM
Every generation thinks they invented love/sex/dating, etc., online dating is just a way to meet people, technology changes, people stay the same. If you think online dating is desperate, thinking about the 10 cent-a-dance days.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 30
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 7:21:59 PM
I think dating went down hill once they started the pony express and desperate men would send for mail order brides .



Personal ads for companionship or whatever have a rich tradition in America. During the last third of the 19th century, for instance, the San Francisco–based Matrimonial News promoted "honorable matrimonial engagements and true conjugal facilities" for men and women. Mail-order requests for brides were the natural result of the fact that out West, men could prospect for gold but rarely for respectable females. The gals were mostly in the East, so the guys promised matches made in heaven, or at least in the Sierras.

Sometimes things worked out for the parties involved, as with widow Elinore Pruitt of Arkansas, who answered an ad in the Matrimonial News and found 20 years of matrimonial bliss with honest Clyde Steward. On the other hand, as author Chris Enss writes in the introduction to this delightful 108-page work, teacher Eleanor Berry was not so lucky: "Her mail-order husband misrepresented himself in his letters and the marriage lasted less than an hour."

Eleanor Berry answered a San Francisco Magazine ad on April 12, 1873, that read: "Lonesome miner wants wife to share stake and prospects. Please respond to Louis Dreibelbis in Grass Valley, California." Louis, without revealing too many details, turned out to be a bandit, and Eleanor had to confess that her intended husband was "not as well-fixed as I expected to find him." Enss calls them"the Schoolmarm and the Scoundrel."

FROM historynet


Whatever happened to the good ole days?
 Technoartisan
Joined: 3/12/2012
Msg: 31
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 9:53:43 PM
Personally, I find online dating to be quite demeaning and mostly fruitless. You check off a bunch of items in a list, compare your list to the list of someone else and hope for some "commonality". If that isn't demeaning and desperate, I don't know what is.

However, finding someone compatible is a numbers game... The more people you meet, the higher your chances of finding someone that fulfills your needs/wants. Using myself as an example, I figure that only about 2-3% of the women I meet in my lifetime are potential partners (I'll leave "partners" vague since its definition would change for each person). Add to that the fact that I seldom meet new people so it is pretty difficult to find someone. Ergo, online dating. It's impersonal, artificial, cold and a bit desperate. But, it is better than no chance at all.

Heck, I'm an introvert and I prefer meeting someone in the flesh over online any day. I learn more information in a few seconds of meeting them, by way of non-verbal cues, than a month of emails would ever be able to offer. Yet, here I am.

It's just a tool. Nothing more, nothing less.
 kp41759
Joined: 3/20/2012
Msg: 32
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 9:55:11 PM
This is kind of an unfair assumption. Just because someone is online doesn't mean they're desperate. I am online due to my schedule during school, but after this semester is over (just one more week!), I probably won't be on here very much at all. That, and I am not making much bank working very little hours, so partying get expensive...
 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 33
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 10:19:40 PM
Hardly... desperation would be flagging down cars and picking men up in bars.
 adora71
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 34
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 11:18:24 PM
On flagging down cars, my friend's van broke down on a major road the other day and quite a few men stopped to see if she needed help, etc. She said she may have do her hair and make-up next time :)

I don't know if an online site is one step from desperation, but I have some troubles with it, and I have only just posted a picture after being on here quite a while. My profile is still hidden. It is like, by joining a site such as this, I am telling the world "I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE!" which may be true, but another part of me thinks we should be happy by ourselves and not be so forceful about finding a mate. It seems like it makes a person vulnerable. I think that, for me, my problem is not so much with online sites, as much with the philosophy of trying to force love. Reducing it all to shopping lists and pretty pictures. I know it's just a way to meet and that ultimately it is people behind the computers, but this is how I sometimes see it. Which is odd, because I have met some incredible people from here.

Another point that people have made is that it is better than a bar. This is definitely true, but there are about six thousand other ways to meet people besides "at a bar" and "online." I am not shy, and I have lots of social interests, so I meet people all the time.

But as Stray Cat pointed out, meeting people IRL does not always work. When you are my age, most are married and many are unsuitable. Online perusal allows me to contact only the people who really spark my interest, which makes a lot of sense. So I stay, as I wrestle with my internal dilemma--to actively search or to live my life and have faith that I will find a mate if that is what is meant for me.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 35
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Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/12/2012 10:06:53 AM
You've got to ask yourself, unless you work in a field where you frequently meet tons of new people (like a greeter at an amusement park), just how many new people do you meet with your typical routine? (And in the case of having a job where you do meet tons of new people all the time, are you okay with dating people you work with or is it even within company policy?)

My life is extremely atypical for a lot of reasons, but I checked with my best friend, who is an extremely popular outgoing person with a ton of family and social connections and a sales person job that gets her out of the office fairly frequently, and even she said she only meets a handful of new people every week unless she's on vacation or something (and if you meet someone on vacation, is the long distance relationship worth it?).

I mean, if you're willing to date within a 25 mile radius of where you live and there are a million people in that 25 mile radius, what are the chances that you're EVER going to run into all those million people, no matter what your life is like? And what if nestled in that million people is that "perfect" person but neither of you ever go to the same grocery stores, the same PTA meetings, the same gym, the same park, the same beach and you just happen to never show up at your common favorite restaurant or favorite bar or favorite club at the same time?

But if both of you end up on an online dating site, suddenly there is a much greater chance that you two will find each other than just randomly running into each other on the street (unless, maybe, it's POF, which is just as much of a shot-in-the-dark mess as real life thanks to its immense size and inefficiency, but that's another discussion). Furthermore, even if you DO randomly run into each other on the street, the circumstances may be bad or one person might be too freaked out to try to make something happen in such a short amount of time. At least if you find each other in online dating, you know that you are both looking to date -- the vast majority of women I meet in real life are married or in relationships. The older you get, the harder it is to even find other single people without the help of a tool like the internet -- why do you think people back in the "old days" were so freaked about not getting married by 30 (see other thread)? Are you really going to just marry the last single person left at church just because you're the only two single people left at church? You really going to take that scenario over online dating because THAT "reeks of desperation"?

Online dating's stigma is dying in a serious hurry (as someone already said, the last couple generations of kids won't think anything of it; my ex actually married a guy she met online when they were both 13, of all things [they obviously reconnected years later]). All that said, it's been a heck of double-edged sword for me personally. My physical characteristics are online poison and I do terribly on POF (where it's impossible for your personality to compensate for your looks), but I've fared much better than in real life on sites that either do a better job of matching you up or weren't really meant for dating so my physical stats aren't as important on those. Either way, it is indeed just another tool to meet people. But if it's the right tool, your dating pool will expand many times beyond what it is in regular life and vastly reduce the possibility that you will end up "settling." Though you can certainly filter yourself out of meeting someone by carrying that ideology to an extreme, unlike what you'd probably do in real life...
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 36
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/12/2012 11:05:19 AM
I have always felt that way. However, I see it work for people. Online dating to me is like a lottery. You cannot win if you don't play.
 goodmath
Joined: 10/31/2010
Msg: 37
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/12/2012 12:06:02 PM
Online dating to me is like a lottery. You cannot win if you don't play.

True. The reason behind playing is the most important part. The amount of hope you invest will predict your feelings about the outcome.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 38
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/12/2012 5:10:58 PM
Desperate?? I think not... Using a tool to meet more potential partners seems quite smart to me.. Much smarter than hitting bars or twiddling your thumbs waiting and hoping that the love of your love life would accidently run into you or something..

I personally know at least 10 people close to me (including me) who have met their partners online, and all but two of those people have passed the 5 year mark in their relationship... If that's what being "desperate" gets then i guess it's not so bad after all....
 adora71
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 39
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/12/2012 9:06:41 PM
^^
amen to that. I know I spend WAY too much time invested in this little world when I am on a kick with it.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 40
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/12/2012 9:52:33 PM
A careful review of human history will reveal a preoccupation with sex, erotica and everything that goes with it. From cave paintings to the present day. I would list numerous cultural examples but each one could be debunked by those desperate to believe that sex is dirty and shameful...lol The fact of the matter is, however you choose to explain or categorize it, it is there, in just about every single culture, since the dawn of Homo sapiens sapiens (I always forget which parts to capitalize...sorry in advance to the OCD folks).

Internet dating isn't new. The generation before us had personal ads in the newspapers. Before that were pen pals. Before that were messages in bottles or Carrier pigeons. Before that...hell if I know, maybe a wooden club?

We adapt, we grow, we learn. It's just new tools for old jobs. If you think about it long enough, it makes a whole lot of good sense...why is it so crappy in practice then? I don't know that either.

Internet dating isn't the problem. The people using the internet are the problem...hey wait a minute!
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 41
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Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/12/2012 10:35:09 PM
No more so than hanging around in bars trying to meet someone. At least online dating allows for (hopefully) better screening and a better introduction of one's self.

From my point of view, where people my age are concerned, desparation is guys in bars every weekend in bling and bad fake hair trolling for women, and women running around dressed like they think they're 20-30 years younger than they really are.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 42
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/12/2012 10:51:19 PM
^^^Amen to that! Killing my liver and throwing away hundreds of dollars every weekend only to find myself standing there when the lights come on wondering, Ok, who's left? That felt a whole lot more desperate than this. Of course, there was a lot more sex and I did get pretty awesome at shooting pool...

Nah.
 latinabarbie1
Joined: 4/27/2011
Msg: 43
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/12/2012 11:29:33 PM
I reach out Intro: Dedicated to those in desperation, people in their last moments of life, people unjustly in jail-trial, and to whoever else it relates to.

I reach out as far as my arms can let me
YOUR DROWNING
The forceful waters are taking you and I have no control over them
I see the agony in your eyes as you see mine
We cant even reach fingers
We cant even feel the aura of our hands
The warmth of your safety
I reach out...
trying to hold on to anything...
A rock for support
A branch for weight
A body shift for balance
Desperate we both are
On the edge of the cliff you lie
Begging for the one almighty to have mercy on you
Your eyes of an animal ready to die
I cry for help, I seek around
I reach out and extend as long as my body can
Your frigid nails rasping on the hard sand
Kicking, pushing, fighting the last moments against...
The inevitable enemy... gravity
"Don't Look Down" I yell in despair
At those roaring waters, laughing, mocking, negotiating, whispering...
They want you to drown!
You are jus tanother project, object
To consume in their water and wash away from earth
To me you are the most PRECIOUS, valuable form of human being needed to many...
Especially ME

I reach out as long as I have a breath in me
My tears move swiftly through the air by gravity
Landing invisibly,
In the roaring, aggressive waters
Where they vanish easily
My tears form acid in the majority
They are not like the water below,
They land sour on a sweet water "so seemed"
by the community...

(TO BE CONTINUED...)
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 44
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/13/2012 6:02:10 AM
Not at all, online is sooo mainstream these days...look at the gazillion & one sites...

I think it is good not to limit yourself to one venue only, & not just to seek dates per se, but to expand your horizons socially... overall...

If you focus only on finding a partner, you limit yourself. If you focus on new people, places & things that are of interest to you that is way more expansive, that can lead you to the RIGHT PERSON...

Desperation is more of an attitude, rather than online vs. offline. If a person is driven by desperation, it doesn't matter if they are online or offline, they will act the same way...DESPERATE!
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 45
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/13/2012 6:08:36 AM
Hmmmmm.
I thought and thought.. and I can't remember the last time I was "desperate" for ANYthing!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 46
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/13/2012 6:10:11 AM
Desperation is living your life through Facebook, and people using the excuse "I'm on Facebook all of the time to meet people I went to nursery school with."
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 47
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/13/2012 7:41:37 AM
Come on, OP, you are 29 and been here less than a month and you are already an expert at this? I think not.
If you don't really and truly know why most people are on on a singles dating site, then perhaps you shouldn't be here yourself with a profile looking.

Hint: It is NOT one step towards desperation! Quit trolling.
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 48
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Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/13/2012 9:27:01 AM
If I meet my soul mate, that bond we'll have is what matters. How we met is irrelevant.

Besides, I'm willing to lie about how we met. :)
 the27thletter
Joined: 1/28/2012
Msg: 49
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Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/15/2012 10:45:18 PM
hm... I think that "desperation" is a harsh word to use, but I think I understand where you are coming from.
I can't speak for anyone else, but I joined because I work these horrific hours that make meeting new people, let alone dating, near impossible. The site has made it easy for me to socialize with people who are awake when I am. To me, online dating is just like being at the bar in person. You pick out the best pictures to upload, just like you'd pick out the clothes that make you feel and look good. You seek out those you want to talk to and deny the ones you don't. You find things to talk about that are more than "can I buy you a drink?" and discover common interests. You flirt, smile and well.. fish. :P
That right, magical moment isn't going to happen with you sitting in your room watching TV and eating ice cream! You need to get out and Carpe Amorem! (At least, that's how I feel... Then again, I'm a Very forward person...)
 abdieos74
Joined: 10/20/2011
Msg: 50
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/16/2012 12:55:08 AM
With everything doing digital, I am pretty sure "online dating" is the way to go. Heck, I do just about everything online now.. I do miss the old days though where you met women in person and didn't have to fill out job apps online and could go there in person to make an "impression". Those days are pretty much gone.
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