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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?      Home login  
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 the27thletter
Joined: 1/28/2012
Msg: 49
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Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
hm... I think that "desperation" is a harsh word to use, but I think I understand where you are coming from.
I can't speak for anyone else, but I joined because I work these horrific hours that make meeting new people, let alone dating, near impossible. The site has made it easy for me to socialize with people who are awake when I am. To me, online dating is just like being at the bar in person. You pick out the best pictures to upload, just like you'd pick out the clothes that make you feel and look good. You seek out those you want to talk to and deny the ones you don't. You find things to talk about that are more than "can I buy you a drink?" and discover common interests. You flirt, smile and well.. fish. :P
That right, magical moment isn't going to happen with you sitting in your room watching TV and eating ice cream! You need to get out and Carpe Amorem! (At least, that's how I feel... Then again, I'm a Very forward person...)
 abdieos74
Joined: 10/20/2011
Msg: 50
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/16/2012 12:55:08 AM
With everything doing digital, I am pretty sure "online dating" is the way to go. Heck, I do just about everything online now.. I do miss the old days though where you met women in person and didn't have to fill out job apps online and could go there in person to make an "impression". Those days are pretty much gone.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 51
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/16/2012 3:54:21 AM
Take into consideration that this site is FREE! Nothing desperate about doing something for free that normally costs an arm and a leg. Some sites cost more than Direct TV or a monthly payment on a motorcycle!
 Kariann71
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 52
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/16/2012 5:18:58 AM
A large portion of the population meet their relationship partners online these days, so I see nothing "desperate" about it. Many of us have busy lives and have no desire to meet people in bars. The internet allows us to meet people we might not normally meet in every day life, going about our business. I think it's pretty cool. :)
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 53
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Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/16/2012 7:43:40 PM
"Besides, I'm willing to lie about how we met. :)"

About 10 years ago, I was on a date that was going extremely well with a woman I met through a dating site. As we were about to part ways at the end of the night, she says to me: "If you ever meet my parents and they ask them how we met, don't tell them we met online -- tell them you're a friend of Ricky's!" I agreed without questioning, but did at the time wonder if that meant she felt that her parents would think online dating was an act of desperation or would laugh at her or something (as I said, it was a decade ago toward the dawn of online dating). Much later, she explained why she couldn't let her parents know that, and I must say, it was quite disturbing but understandable (and actually shocking that she even kept right on doing the online dating thing).

Not that there was really any reason to be concerned about what to tell her parents. I did go out with her a few more times, but never had to meet her parents.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 54
Desperation existed before the internet.
Posted: 5/16/2012 8:16:00 PM
^^^That must have taken some time to do. Nice


Why yes, I am a desperate, lonely, unspeakably phuqued up old hag, with halitosis, wet ear syndrome and toenail fungus

Don't be so hard on yourself, I think you look pretty great for 61.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 55
Desperation existed before the internet.
Posted: 5/16/2012 8:44:09 PM
^^^Yes, please. You don't have a little french maid outfit by any chance do you? Never mind, I'm sure I can dig one up for you.

Geez, I better put something on topic...what is the topic again?

Oh right, YES I think we are all horrible and thoroughly undateable by the very fact that we own computers. We should all be ashamed of our pathetic loser selves.

So, what size should I get?
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 56
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/16/2012 8:54:58 PM
Waiting for that natural, timing, fate bounde, spontaneous selection of partner love that happens when exactly in real life?

When most of my waking hours are either working (don't date clients), running the group I host (don't date group members) being a mom (don't date my kids lol) and thn what little free time I have is catching up; with the exception of going out with my friends or my sisters friends, I am not out where I can meet people almost at all; so if I waited for only those opportunities to find a good fit it would be 2050 before I probably met someone who was een halfway a decent fit.

With time being as tight as it is; my usually not getting online until later unless I have client breaks; and all the places where I can't date people I'm around, this is literally the only practical thing... and knowing if someone is single (hopefully), knowing at least a little about what makes them tick so you don't start to get to know someone who is fully opposite in belief systems and wants in dating; then when you go out you are out WITH a person you have already talked to; rather than starting to talk while out with a person and finding out there is nothing whatsoever in common.

With my life; it is practical, convenient, and it works really well with my job and hosting duties. Not only is it not taboo to online date; there have been studies saying with hte economy being what it is; it is the most common form of dating bar none.

Some people just haven't caught up to it yet.
 tuxqueot
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 57
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/17/2012 9:44:47 PM
I disagree, it's not about desperation, it's more about maximizing opportunities.

I no longer work, I don't like bars and I have a disability limiting how much I do outside my home. So unless I am expecting to meet someone at the local grocery store, I'm not likely to meet anyone by chance or fate.

And it's possible for fate to use online dating. Read the first story I posted in this thread...

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts15288084.aspx
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 12/2/2012 3:56:40 AM
(OP - Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?)

What's weird about this idea is - You go where other human beings are, and you're desperate. You approach someone at the grocery store, or its parking lot, you're desperate. You approach someone you pass by going through the doors of the convenience store or at the gas pumps, you're desperate. You approach someone at the library, you're desperate. You go the the club or bar, you're desperate. You approach someone while at the zoo, you're desperate. You approach someone at an amusement park, you're desperate.

Who comes up with these jackassed ideas anyway?? Going online is the act of utilizing a potentially productive medium. And, people who are at online singles sites are (usually) there because they want to find someone who wants to find someone. The person at walmart or seven eleven or the zoo or pumping gas or the library or the club (sometimes) probably isn't there to meet someone, and just might not want to.

I always thought that it's good to meet someone in the places you go, instead of just going somewhere to meet someone...but for some odd reason this isn't an acceptable or welcomed practice. Hell, apparently, neither is acceptable or welcome, according to some. We're supposed to be scared of each other, not make eye contact, not exercise any initiative, and just avoid each other completely. NOT.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 59
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 12/3/2012 6:49:21 AM
It can be a sign of desperation, depending on how you use it. I dislike religion and I don't drink, so I am not going to go to churches or bars to meet anyone. A lot of friends think they are doing me a favor when their girlfriends offer to hook me up with there less than desirable friends. I have to be polite and say thanks, but no thanks.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 60
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 12/3/2012 11:53:27 AM
desperation? Are you talking about the 90s. In this day and age online dating has become rather normal. There are tons of people that are not frustrated, desperate or homely that use online dating as their main source of new people. There are a ton of people that have married and say that they met online. And they were not desperate at all, they simply did not want to waste their time at a bar.

Also as humans, there's nothing desperate or needy about wanting to share our lives with one of the opposite sex, or same sex if that is the inclination. Humans are not solitary animals even when they are alone. That is why the ultimate torture that you can give a person is solitary confinement.
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 12/5/2012 2:52:36 AM
I don't know...hehe...sometimes, solitary confinement is pretty sweet.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 62
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 12/5/2012 4:27:28 AM
I never thought it was desperate. (that's a big pet word these days, "desperation"...very popular to label people and things this way for some reason) but I do not think online dating works unless you are looking for a free hooker. I gave it a fair shot, over 2 years of dates and finding the same red flags over and over. Once I eased up and got back into the real world, things changed, and I found the "old fashioned way" worked better.

Trying new ways to meet people is not "desperate"..its worth experimenting with, but you have to be smart enough to listen to your gut and stop if it feels like a dead end.

Also, its true we had forms of "internet dating" long ago...penpal ads in the paper..people looking for romance. It just seems that today, the level of lying, deception and hidden agendas seems so much higher online, making it harder to trust people. That may be the big difference I've found with people "in real life"..I haven't found the same level of BS, and no one can hide what they really look like before I actually meet them.
 sigungq
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 63
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 12/11/2012 9:04:32 PM
OP, yes, in a sense, peeps who are online are one step away from desperation, but not in the sense you may be thinking. Because of the PC society today, almost anything related to a man and woman getting together in public is deemed "inappropriate". Ask a girl out to lunch at the office? "Inappropriate". Ask that hottie at the gym for coffee? "Inappropriate". Even a kindergartner kissing another in the cheek is now "Inappropriate". So in a final act of desperation, where do the majority of peeps turn? You guessed it - the internet. At least here, we can hide behind a computer screen, until a MOTOS actually invites for a date, and the other accepts. Then it's game on, as long as we refrain from PDA.

So yes, most of us are desperate, or one step away due to public puritanism, sexual harassment, lawsuits, persecution, prosecution, and being labeled a creep for going against "societal norms".

It's a JUNGLE out there......... ;-)
 JujuO12
Joined: 8/18/2015
Msg: 64
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 11/22/2015 4:58:21 PM
IT so feels like it. People who encourage sleeping around in hopes of producing a successful relationship. People who allow random people to move in their house. It feels really desperate.
 JujuO12
Joined: 8/18/2015
Msg: 65
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 11/22/2015 4:59:45 PM
IT so feels like it. People who encourage sleeping around in hopes of producing a successful relationship. People who allow random people to move in their house. It feels really desperate and very sad.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 66
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Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 11/22/2015 6:23:10 PM
Message 1 ...
... the fact that taboo of online dating existed, and still exists must say something..
The OP is long gone and it appears was only really around long enough to start three threads and then hit the bricks. Perhaps the OP got scared away ... caught up in their own fear of being labeled?

First the OP starts this thread ... concerned about the "taboo" of being on an online dating site. "Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?" (05/11/12)

Then the OP starts a thread about looking "Hot" enough ... "Is looking HOT enough to out weigh any other quality on a first date?" (05/28/12)

Then the OP gets concerned about "casual dating" beating out committed relationships ..."Is Casual Dating beating out Commited Relationships in Modern Society?" (06/10/12)

What are your thoughts?
I'm thinking the OP was rather insecure and didn't know what they wanted or if they even should be on a dating site.

I originally joined POF to see if I could find any other people in my area who would maybe like to go out singing with me or even learn to dance with me. I used to teach cued ballroom dancing. I have never felt "desperate" and actually enjoy being the type of person that doesn't do "everyday" things. So being on a dating site was just up my alley.

I have made many wonderful friends along the way and helped other couples come together. The point of hosting POF parties was to help people meet and get together. I've been invited to several "POF" weddings. I was on POF for a while and then I lost my son along the way. My POF friends swarmed to my side as best they could. They were there for me have been helping me deal with his death.

After I lost my son, I really never started looking for a life partner. I'm quite happy making friends here and getting through my life as happily as possible. Sometimes it's a day-to-day thing and sometimes it's a month-to-month thing but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my son and many times I hear myself saying, "I want him back" ... even though I know it will never happen.

I don't and never have felt "desperate" for being on a dating site. It has been a blessing. My friends have helped me through some very difficult times and I'll never forget them for that.

There's more to a dating site then just looking for a date.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 67
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 11/22/2015 8:19:16 PM
Those who shop online, aren't labeled desperate, are they?

Those who look up information online aren't either, are they?

We're in an online world now. In the same way factories got serfs out of the villages and introduced leisure time, and the affordable car created a mobile culture, the Internet is changing how people conduct their lives. Putting oneself in any place where luck has better odds, isn't really making any victory "Artificial". The odds help those who help themselves.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 11/7/2015
Msg: 68
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 11/22/2015 8:38:04 PM

Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?


I can't speak for everyone, but in my case it's just one of many symptoms.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 69
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 11/23/2015 2:51:34 AM
I'm desperate to know when the next bus arrives, or if my plane is late, or if my Amazon order was delivered (An order I made online because I can't purchase the item in this country), or when I get a recipe from a loved one via FB or a cute pic on Instagram or an IM from a concerned student.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 70
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 11/25/2015 5:08:33 AM
OLD can be a very good way to meet others...

IF and only IF people follow just a few basic principles and stick to them. I have met a ton of terrific ladies off this site. [a little over 5 years ago] The jury is still out thus far on the new breed of Fish swimming here but the STs seem to be as plentiful as ever. Avoiding the STs is the key to success IMO at least.

One thing is certain. It will likely be a marathon and not a sprint for all but the luckiest few. One will likely have to meet PlentyofFish to find a good match.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 71
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Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 11/25/2015 6:52:23 AM
Message 85 ...
OLD can be a very good way to meet others...
Ahhh yes ... one of my dear friends. This guy will answer the phone anytime I call him ... which reminds me, we haven't talked for a while, my friend!

This is one of the dear friends I wrote about in Message 81. We met here on POF and then met in person at a waterfront restaurant ... and have been good friends ever since. I met his darling little "BFF now romping in heaven" (a really sweet little doggie) but moved away from Florida before getting the pleasure of meeting his new baby ... his "head email screener". SLAFFA was at my home and took those pictures of me singing.

I do not feel "desperate" at all. I don't think we necessarily have to go into this looking for an intimate relationship with every single person we meet on line. Sometimes it's just really nice to have a friend ... who will answer the phone anytime we call them.
 MatrixUnplugging
Joined: 1/19/2016
Msg: 72
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 2/10/2016 11:53:04 AM

When you meet someone else where you still dont know anything about them . .. – rc3k


I agree with you. That person could be psychotic and hiding behind a computer screen, could have many failed marriages (like Bonny Lee Bakley), seriously disturbed or have an opposite view to the one you have, profile or not. People write what they want in a profile. They don’t say: “I can’t find anyone in real life, so I have to resort to a computer to find a mate.” They don’t say: “I am a depressive, heavily dependent on medication.” They tell you what they want you to hear.

I don’t know about ‘taboo’ as far as finding a mate through a computer is concerned, all I know is that my parents and their parents, who were happily married, didn’t need to resort to this type of thing. I guess that says a great deal about the way society is going.

As I said, no one around here is going to say that what they are doing here, searching for a mate through a machine, is ‘bad’ or ‘taboo’ or anything else. They’ll tell you that they are super-busy people with incredible lives, have amazing children, lives bursting with activity, climbing mountains, jumping from bridges, just back from Barbados and planning their next trip already, and “don’t want liars, players, racists, homophobes,” and all the rest of it. One gets the impression that the people writing these profiles rub shoulders with the gods on Mount Olympus on a daily basis.

Best wishes

- Peter
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 73
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 2/10/2016 12:50:47 PM
we shop online, catch up with friends on Facebook, look up symptoms on WebMD, get much of the information we use for our arguments online...we ARE an internet society. We are Netizens, to use an old term.

playing with my joystick while saving boob photos to my harddrive? OK, that could be desperation :)
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