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 sunriseguy5
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 17
thinking about hiding for a whilePage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
To the OP,

Don't take the personal attacks or mean messages from people personally. You are not a bad looking woman and I believe there is a person for everyone out there. And remember, looks don't last forever, eventually everyone lose their looks when they get old. People should choose their spouse based on qualities like dependability, faithfulness, honor, compatibility, and being a pleasant around (because the romantic feeling dies down overtime and spouses become more of a companion to each other.) I use to have depression and i was really thin at one point-- weighing about 100 pounds due to lack of motivation to eat and i was also heavy at another point, weighing about 193 lbs (I'm 6 ft 2in in height) due to snacking and sleeping. These days I have a lean athletic physique mainly due to exercising and dieting for health reasons because i had to, due to my HDL dropping to a extremely low level and it was a wake up call for me so i decided to get my health into order.

Don't fret and don't worry. If you have health issues, then yes put off dating and get your health in order. But don't let the negativity of others dictate your esteem or your life. And single life is not that bad, I am single,carefree and happy. People have to be careful of getting into relationships because being in a bad one can take a toil on one's life or finances-- that's why it is better to be single at the moment and take your time. Remember that happiness is a state of mind and happiness comes from within. Celebrate your singleness and freedom :)
 windowgarden
Joined: 3/28/2012
Msg: 18
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/16/2012 7:01:42 AM
This is what I do...I remember that there will always be someone skinnier, someone fatter, someone smarter, someone dumber, someone older, someone younger, someone prettier, someone more ugly than me!! That is my mantra...And believe me I have friends who THINK that they can get away with murder because they are prettier and thinner. A smart man sees through that very quickly.
And don't let these guys get you down...They are the parasites of society that we ALL come across from time to time. DON'T let these men dictate your feelings.. Good luck..And remember..POF is not the only means of meeting someone!
 wildandfreee
Joined: 12/16/2010
Msg: 19
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/16/2012 7:26:42 AM
some people dont have conscience, dont know if there is any cure for that
i let them free like my username , cant remember the last time i met one,
dont hide it , what if prince charming can't find you , let them free :)
 blissness108
Joined: 3/6/2012
Msg: 20
view profile
History
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/16/2012 8:28:14 AM
Dear OP

Please do not leave here. I do not know exactly what to call myself. I do list BBW as my size. I am a size 16 so I figure that is larger than the national average. So far I have not gotten any nasty comments; however I kept my pics not to show my whole body.

I have become a friend of the delete and "block" button.

I hear you that it does hurt and effect you. Mean comments never just seem to roll off my back. But we do have control over who can continue to hurt us.

Sadly I think our society is very lax about sizeism and being judgemental about how much a person weighs. Thank Goddess we do come in all sizes, how boring a world if we were all the same way. Ah for the days of the Rubenesque woman.

Anyone is allowed any personal preference they want in a date, be it younger, slimmer, blonde haired, green eyed. GO for it! Unfortuanatly the internet seems an anymouse place for bullying. Why here is a need to be nasty because we do not fit the idea of his/her preconceived ideal of a date is uncalled for.

Love yourself. SOmeone out there will appreciate your beauty inside and out.

Good luck to you. If you need to take time off, for you, do! Just realize there will always be nasty people, they will not go away. What we have to do is know it is about the other, not about us.
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 21
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/16/2012 9:37:40 AM
Im sorry this happened to you..Yes some men can be mean but dont let them get you down..I hope you dont let this stop your from finding the love of your life..there are lots of men that like bbw women...and remember confidence is sexy no matter what your size.
 spooky48
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 22
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:21:29 PM
Hi Bella,
Nice to meet you. I am very sorry you're feeling terrible & having to experience the literal B.S. that this site & all other dating sites have become.

If we think about it seriously, what one person thinks is disgusting, another person might think is beautiful.

This means then, there is no such thing as a perfect person....(in any form of any way).

I am an ABW (average big woman) myself. Since college ended & my fiancee' died in 1998, I have struggled my a$$ -off with my weight. I've fluctuated up & down. Finally, I have just been working on eating properly, drinking more water & just taking a walk when I can. I am learning to live & like myself better.

I have learned to NOT surrender myself to people's opinions, thoughts, ideas & stigmas about my appearance b/c if someone judges & treats you THAT crappy, why would you even want to spend ONE single moment of your precious breath getting to know them internally & emotionally? Don't succomb to people & their ideas. As we say here(in my area), Rise above it!!

It's taken me a helluva long time to realize this & I hope maybe, you'll feel the same way too...You take care now.

Cheers!
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 23
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:43:54 PM

I am an ABW (average big woman) myself.


Please no...not another PC term to keep up with...no offense but there are too many out there...and btw how many do guys have....little to none.

Anyways, 1st off I'm sorry to the OP for having to endure all the douches that have been replying to you. I myself am not attracted to BBW (or ABW) either. I once got a email from one, and I sent a polite email back that I'm not interested not my type...then got a hateful email back about how ALL men only want Barbie dolls and fake women...real women have curves...etc etc...I blocked/deleted not long after that...and now if I get a email from someone I'm not attracted to, or see a bunch of Red Flags...I simply delete.

2nd if you want to change your weight and lifestyle, unless you have a medical condition, there is no one to stop you. DO IT, and not for the douches but for yourself. Until you want to do this for yourself, you will not succeed.
 wanted555
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 24
view profile
History
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/17/2012 8:10:32 PM
You know what Bella? You are beautifull ! Very Sexy /Theres Nothing Wrong With You !! Never mind these Jerks ! like the guy above me good??? 77! Listen! you want to meet a man who loves you for who you are / I hid myself on this site not because i havent had any answers but mostly because its too much work!! Not because no one was attracted to me / But because i couldnt relate to any of them / though most were good people / im not saying i disliked them / i just didnt relate / Many were alchoholics / Please dont judge yourself by who you meet on this site Please!
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 25
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/18/2012 11:50:12 AM
wanted555....are you calling me a jerk for stating what I like? One thing both genders have in common...we like what we like. Would you want to be with someone that you wasn't attracted to? Or to know that the other person "settled" for you?


you want to meet a man who loves you for who you are /


What about us guys? I mean I've been turned down by all types of women...even overweight women...Shouldn't this advice be genderless? Or are the guys suppose to accept women and we have to look like Jacob from Twilight in hopes we even have a chance at a woman...oh yeah I forgot if you do look like Jacob you'll be eye candy for sure but too conceded to date...since you work out and take care of yourself.

I'm wanting to change a lot of things in my life...I'm not doing it in hopes of landing a woman that looks like Scarlett Johananson, but for ME...MYSELF...and I.

If I land a great looking lady then I'm not going to brag about it, nor am I going to turn her down. I believe in giving chances. I gave a overweight woman a chance. Found out that she was very jealous, hated other women, she ended up cheating on me...so that was it. I settled that one time and I decided that I'm never going to settle again.

I'm sure you're going to say that "not all overweight women are like yours". My answer to that most women only give the stereotypical "nice guy" one shot and if he turns out to be anything like the stereotype suddenly all of them are that way and she's never going to settle again for anything less than what she wants...

My question to you (and others) is what men so different? Why this double standard of women not settling for anything less but a man that says the same is a jerk and shallow...
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 26
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/18/2012 2:34:15 PM
Granted OP, there are a lot of jerks and douche bags on here, I'm with those posters who suggested getting a thicker skin. Have you ever thought of joining a BBW website? A former room mate of mine belonged to one and she said that there are guys from all walks of life, including body builders who love BBWs. Best to you.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 27
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/18/2012 7:07:14 PM
@ good catch77 first you say

I myself am not attracted to BBW (or ABW) either.


then you say

I mean I've been turned down by all types of women...even overweight women...Shouldn't this advice be genderless?


See when you come on a forum and make conflicting statements it goes more against any point you wish to make--but, yes the advice should be genderless.

Op, I get men writing me daily expressing admiration for a woman who has fluff, meat on her bones, or whatever they wish to call it. Not all fat men or thin men but omg simply delicious men of all heights, weights, ages, nationalities--and there is a good reason for that--and it isnt that fat chicks are easier to get in bed!!!!!!!!

It is simply that different men like different things--so I know that a LARGE population of men will not find me attractive--I do not care cause the men who do find me attractive are who I would like to get to know--

But if you go into this with a self-confidence issue--that is a BIG turn off to men! Learn to love who you are--what you have to offer or do what you need to do to get yourself to someone you love and are proud of it--this isnt a disney production there is no prince charmings going to swoop in and save you--it is up to you to save yourself. You can do it--either learn to love who you are or change yourself to someone you love but please accept that drop dead gorgeous men will want you.
 wanted555
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 28
view profile
History
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/18/2012 7:16:27 PM
Like I Said Bella ! You are Beautifull ! You Are Not A Stereo Type !! Dont Let This Site Depress You! Be Proud Of Who You Are and its Usually when You dont Expect It Someone Will Walk Into Your Life! Tho Sometimes You Have To Push the Door Open abit!
 zenpeacelove
Joined: 9/16/2011
Msg: 29
view profile
History
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:08:37 PM
I am SO sorry that some men have to show themselves to be such superficial, insensitive, hateful jerkoffs. I have gotten mean emails from men who are very forward even though I state I am not looking for hookups etc. And when I politely decline their advances I am then labeled as a prude, or stuck up, or lesbian, or slut, lol...Depending on the guy. Even though I have always been polite. I guess they feel the need to insult or shoot me down just because I did not accept their advances...And similarly, they are going all rude and macho just because you made that step and flirted first...
I know it hurts, because random, meanness and insults are meant to hurt...But just know this. Those losers are just that...Scum...unworthy of your attention or consideration.
There is that expression that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince...And you will find that prince one day. BUT you have to have faith in yourself first...and also be happy with yourself and who you are. inside and out.
If there are things you see that you would like to change, then try it out. Maybe take a little time off to build self confidence would work, or maybe checking out a bbw site where men appreciate and love curves too! There are a laundry list of things I would like to work on myself...I think we all have can use internal and external tweaking every now and then. And that journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. For me, a new tattoo, or freshly coloring my hair makes me feel happy and younger, but it is different for everyone. If you are happy with you and feel that way. I know that there is someone else who will also see that beauty and confidence in you too!
and PS: Those "haters" probably suffer from other "shortcomings" anyway...hah!
 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 30
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:56:09 PM
To the OP:
I'm sorry to hear that this has been your experience so far. Like quite a few of the posters have said, you get all kinds of people here. Unfortunately, you seem to have run into the ones that need to be taught online etiquette. Also,as another poster stated, they most likely have shortcomings and frustrations themselves, which result in those nasty emails they're sending you. If you really feel like hiding your profile to take a breather from the whole online dating scene (sometimes a break is good. .before hiding my profile,I hid it on and off for a breather--am in a relationship currently), do it for you, not because of what some a--holes are writing.
 pantog
Joined: 1/6/2008
Msg: 31
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/19/2012 5:00:18 AM
I am a BBW and anyone who doesnt like it can go to ----
 MrDubStep
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 32
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/19/2012 5:57:04 AM

I cry for days when I get these. I wish the guys that send these types of email could see how it effects the other person


I don't know how old you are but I'm confused why these so called hurtful messages would make you cry. If you were an emo then this would be understandable how ever, I believe you are not truly happy with yourself. Messages like that are just stupid and shouldn't faze you. Yes we've all been teased when we were younger no doubt but were adult's now, I think you really need to look at yourself In the mirror and love yourself before you continue using dating sites.

The problem here Is not men In general It's you and your insecurities.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 33
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/19/2012 7:59:22 PM

See when you come on a forum and make conflicting statements it goes more against any point you wish to make--but, yes the advice should be genderless.


I guess you didn't get my message. I meant that when I did lower my standards. To where I tried even for women I wasn't attracted to, to try and get a date. I was still turned down. A little conflicting, yes. But only if you just read the two sentences you quoted not the entire context.

NOW? It's my turn, after years of not going after the "hotties" because of a lowered self esteem mainly. Now I'm not going to do that anymore. Why? Well ask yourself why you wouldn't want to go out with someone you are not attracted to...why is it so different and shallow for men to go after what they want?
 sunchaser68
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 34
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/19/2012 9:28:43 PM
It's only a problem for some. We all have our "preferences". Personally, i dislike emails from a guy saying...tooo bad you're so far away...sheesh, why bother.

I "hide" my profile on occasion simply because this whole online thing gets very frustrating at times.

I wish you could see that crying over this type of thing is only hurtful to you and a huge waste of precious time.

Take care and best wishes to you...
 Blackout478
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 35
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 5/19/2012 9:47:04 PM
Your problem is not being over weight, its allowing them to upset you and make you cry. Why give them the satisfaction. Opinions from strangers and people I will never meet should not affect your life, so dramtically. I use to be over 230 lbs when I was doing my Mixed Martial Arts. I ended up working out eating better and dropped down to 165, to compete better with more energy. It helped my self esteem and gave me lots of energy. You can always lose weight, but you have to do it for yourself and not to get more dates or not get called names, because we live in a bad society where everything appearance wise is scrutinized, so you will always have people calling you names.
 mrbreezeet1
Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 36
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 6/17/2012 9:54:59 AM

"Why do you have to be so fat, ugly and nasty"


That is mean.
 Rheostatic
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 37
thinking about hiding for a while
Posted: 6/17/2012 12:39:55 PM
This is the internet, remember. Even with pictures up, we're still anonymous, though you may not realize it. We can say whatever we want on here, with absolutely no consequences. Some take advantage of this, some don't. Regardless, the key to surviving the internet is to assume everybody's an idiot until proven otherwise.

This comic sums it up quite nicely:
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19
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