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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question      Home login  
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 Alyosha
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 51
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the QuestionPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I will confess to having had a very brief relationship with a double-mastectomied woman who had chosen to forgo reconstructive surgery, and it was disconcerting. Actually she was the one who decided we weren't "right" for each other. Had I gotten to know her better I might have got over the lack of her puppies: she was a fine woman, but yet your circumstance is likely to be a problem for most men. When to tell? As soon as you intuit that he's thinking of you that way. Best of luck. You come across as an intelligent straight-arrow.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 52
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Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/17/2012 8:29:53 AM

HolyC it was the tram. And that was an easy choice as implants would have been very risky with me. I've been thinking about the tats, that would probably be cosmetic enough for me to not feel like a freak and that's another interesting question.


did I read somewhere just an 8 hr surgery for you?
I had diep and it was more than double that, just for 1st phase of the ordeal.... refused tram... did not want the muscle involved.
In reading about the various types of recon, diep seemed the best and I was a candiate. I did not want to be hondered by weak ab after a tram, as I am a very active person, tram would not work for me

Diep is ok but since I am not that big, the results did not favor a large breast ( from D to B cup). My cup size is a shock but guess it just takes getting used to. If I was a bigger woman, could have gone to a D, but didn't work out that way.
Surgeon said B cup fits my frame better anyway. Maybe so.... husband has no complaints

The reduction in cancer risk was worth the surgery alone but avidance of implants made it REALLY worth it.
My last surgery ( of the 3 for diep) resulted in pretty bad case of bronchitis. I'm tired of all the cancer stuff, ready to move on. Know how you feel as I went through much of this myself.

Really does sound to me like FOR YOU the illusion of nips ( highly skilled 3d tats) would help you since you claim to feel freak like. As for men, you know as well as I do how visual they are ( no matter what they say) so I would really do the nip tats so you feel confident and whole.
Good luck on your journey.
sorry to read surgeon botched you up first operation. Are you in a support group for women like yourself ? It is very helpful and helps to find and avoid the good and bad oncos/ surgeons and many other aspects of this merry go round.
It has helped more than anything and through it, found a great onco. Fired first one for delaying a test which cost me several more surgury px.
My journey surgically is about over. Glad for that too.

Concerning counseling and groups in your area,
I would only say to avoid a counselor named BRENDA ( in her 70's, very very thin, hair colored yellow, but sometimes its white) at Moncrief, she is a dingbat and of no help. Head in the clouds type, was no help to me and I feel wasted my time. She told me not to worry about anything, just dance...( not worry? yeah right) and here I was facing real issues in surgery, She started to dance in the room to show me how limber she was and how she was a dancer, etc etc ... lol, total nutjob. I would not go to her ( I see your in fort worth and moncrief is a big center there). I now switch to dallas and loving it.

sorry if my last reply was misinformed. I am not fully aware of all the details of your experience. Just went by post 1.
Best to you !
We move on, we find ways to deal with issues ( like nipples) and life goes on !
hugs
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 53
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:43:34 PM
Not to start with stupid wordgames....I'd hate to "nip" something in the bud.
Anyways, I'll try to adopt the breast attitude for this thread.
 RD2112
Joined: 8/7/2010
Msg: 54
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/19/2012 1:54:13 AM
Gosh I'm going to sound like a terrible person but by all means that is not my intention. I couldn't imagine going through what u r going thru and I admire your openess and honesty. It has helped you overcome and keeps depression at bay.

Nipples are important to guys. They don't mean everything and yes they can be overlooked but they do step things up a notch. They get firm when arroused and that in turn makes a guy arroused. When Im making out with a woman and her nipples get hard it makes me go yummm. I was with a girl once whose nipples never perked up and it did take away from intimacy. Now is when y'all shake your head and say "ugh...why did he say that?" Its just the truth. We broke up soon but for personality issues.

Yes I could overlook it but honestly it would take me a while and it would affect my arrousal level. Not much different than a dry vagina, limp penis or bad kisser. If it does affect the relationship as a whole then it was all about being physical and not true love.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 55
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Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/19/2012 8:21:40 AM
Humor is always appreciated, powerful gift from my father and I'm pretty sure without it I'd have been taking a dirt nap or living in a padded room :) Never considered that the nippleless state could speak to someone's inner artist, lol

Interesting information Palomino, I have a lot of googling to do.

RD Trini is absolutely correct. I'm not a big sugar coater to begin with, ask my kids, lmao. While I will try phrasing things in ways that are positive and/or hopeful I don't find blowing smoke up someone's rear to be kind and besides hun, you didn't say you would run screaming at first sight or like the movie I watched recently when the guy picked up the teenage girlfriend's shirt and said you boobs are weird, lol.

Sounds to me like you're saying that yah it might not be the best aphrodisiac in the world and might always be a "I wish" for a guy but not something that is going to totally tank the sexual relationship or be a major factor in figuring out that things "aren't working," lol. On my side of things I'm probably going to miss that too but at my age shit is starting to break anyway. Alternative ways of doing a lot of things I will be blessed to experience another decade down the road, I just get to figure it out earlier than most of my chronological peers and get popcorn.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 56
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Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/20/2012 10:40:07 AM
I'm telling you OP....
look into some 3 d tats... the illusion of protrusion if you are not going to have surgery.
They will not offer this at any medical centers, you will have to find a very talented tattoo artist
who does 3d tats.
 sallright
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 57
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/20/2012 11:50:30 AM
I read your profile .. then I read your testemonials. You've got so much going for you that nipples would be an after -after -after thought for anyone with a brain. No way you have to go to Canada for a date .. but if you decide to .. stop off in Niagara Falls on the way.

Oh .. and the t-shirt cracked me up ... saw one in a movie once that said " Well .. of course you can't be First ... but you could be NEXT."
 ~breathlesshush~
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 58
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Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/20/2012 6:02:48 PM
First off I just want to say I admire your strength and courage
and congratulations on beating the cancer. You are a true inspiration.

Nipples...as I was reading the different responses and the information posted
in regards to the different types of breast replacements and such all I could think
about was how I would feel if it were me. Of course I can't possibly relate to what
you've gone through and so my opinion is based solely on how I feel about my
nipples.

My nipples have always been sensitive but I've noticed in the last 4 or so years that
their sensitivity has increased substantially. I've always had rather small breasts
but after I got an IUD a couple of years ago they actually grew a fair amount as a
side effect. AND...my nipples became even more sensitive !!

I can't imagine not having them...they are such a huge erogenous zone for me and
just a slight touch by a man takes me from 0 to 60 instantly. Another poster mentioned
bringing women to orgasm through nipple stimulation alone and although I haven't
quite gotten there, I have come very close and don't doubt that I could.

Sorry if I'm sharing too much information, these are the thoughts that were running
through my head while pondering your question. I love my nipples (shamelessly) and
the thought of losing them is somewhat terrifying. If that makes me shallow then I plead
guilty...they're just such an essential part of my overall enjoyment of foreplay and sex.

In your position I honestly don't know what choice I would make as any nipples added
would be for "decorative" purposes, yes? I must plead ignorance - can they attach a nipple
that has at least some feeling? I had no idea that women who have undergone breast
reconstruction didn't have nipples for the most part. I just assumed there was one...

The only advice I can offer is for you to choose the best option for YOU. The man you
decide to share your story and bed with won't care one bit, he will be there because he
wants the entire package. You'll know him when the time is right. ;^)

Kudos Opie, I have been a fan of your forum posts for many years and I'm glad to hear
you won't be going anywhere anytime soon. Best wishes as you carry on your journey.

<3<3<3
 J_bird61
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 59
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/20/2012 8:16:49 PM
Well, I suggest, when you feel comfortable enough talking about your cancer experience, and hopefully this coinsides with a desire to take the relationship to a new level, you say,

Hey, I had a cancer scare and they advised that my nipples should be removed, wanna see?
:-)
 Helloitsmeyourlookingfor
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 60
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/20/2012 10:11:14 PM
Package.

My girl is going through Chemo right now. While they didn't remove her nipple, her one breast has a pretty huge divot in it from the lumpectomy. She was quite concerned because this all went down just as we started dating. I do not know you, but I think its a pretty safe bet to know that you beat death at a young age and have a whole new appreciation for life. THAT IS WHAT IS GOING TO ATTRACT THE RIGHT GUY.
That is attractive.
Yes some guys will bolt. The same types that couldn't look at the beautiful person beyond the stump of an amputee. Who cares.... they aren't for you.
I am sure the challenge is the fact that is an early part of the body to be explored in a relationship and you have to let the cat out of the bag early. It sounds like your method of breaking the news is not going to be a pity party but one of accomplishment.
If you are comfortable in you own skin without nipples than you are doing better than half the women in this world who hate their bodies because they are overweight, then grab a bag of chips because they are depressed about it. Its like I told my exwife who was feeling the overweight blues.... it isn't about your weight but how you feel about it. At the risk of sounding racist (which I am not), I absolutely love that stereotypical huge black woman who has an attitude that she is all that and damned pretty. Not because she is or isn't, but because she feels and acts like she is.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 61
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Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/21/2012 5:55:36 AM
You all are making me leaky. Your candor, honesty, humor, and support has made this thread worth as much as the information I'm netting :)

Breathless, not TMI and if it is they can skip on to the next post, lol. I wasn't as sensitive as you but probably leaning that way as we joked that I was like perpetually cold. I suspect the medical technology required to make a nipple with nerves isn't quite there yet otherwise I would have nerves where I currently do not.

Hello, I was pumped by your username and kudos to you for sticking by your girl because chemo sucks. I'd give my nipples dozens of times over to again be lucky enough to avoid radiation and chemo, either of which would potentially kill me, plus they suck. Prayers headed your way that she gets healthy and stays that way.
 gmoneyghost
Joined: 8/18/2014
Msg: 62
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 12/18/2015 9:31:34 AM
Interesting question and the best way to answer is this.. Use your best judgement after a few conversations with someone you should be able to tell if they actually have a need to know. Some interactions will only result in a friendship and others will fizzle and fade before the first phone conversation. So with that, decide who needs to know about your health issues and when you disclose the cancer that's when you let them know about the rest. Someone who's actually interested in who you are and not what you have to offer will usually dismiss it and move on to something else, but only because they see you as more than breast.. I hope this was helpful..
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 63
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 12/18/2015 12:23:50 PM
A non issue for me and not just because my programming finds a woman's lower half more "entertaining". A woman's body, just like a man's is likely a "package" deal for most.

I would think it would be a complete non issue for any man with over a single digit IQ who actually wants to have an honest to goodness Relationship with a woman other than as a FB.

Also, It's a very common misconception about men that "most" are boob men and that bigger is always better. Simply not rue and very easy to verify as long as men are not questioned while in a group where the default is almost always boobs. Boobs are far easier to misrepresent or display than legs. They also happen to be a lot closer to a woman's face. Golly would I love to have even a tiny sliver of the bra market...

As far as a timeline for telling? It's the same as WHEN to have sex. When you feel comfortable.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 64
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 12/18/2015 1:23:57 PM
I can only speak from a personal experience. I had a partner that had a double mastectomy. We did learned that it's the LAW for the insurance company to cover the reconstructive surgery. They had to take, however, some part of a muscle from her back and reroute it to the front, for it to hold her implants. She also had the surgeon fashion a "nipple" out of tissue. They cut two pieces of skin in the shape of a circle, then around the center, they stitched it into a pointy nipple. The job was quite good. Unfortunately, some parts of the skin did not take and she had to have skin gaffs from her lower stomach. Later on, she had the aureole tattooed. She was not too happy with this job and kept going back to the person doing it.

I guess during this time, you're so happy to have your partner back that you can careless how many scars she had. Or how weird the cuts may have looked.

Like SLAFFA, I don't consider myself a boob guy, so it didn't bother me when they were small and it didn't bother me when they were now perky and big.

I do believe that to many women, they help define their sense of identity and womanhood, so if a woman decides to have or not to have that surgery, it's entirely up to her and not for me to be judged either way.
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 65
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 12/18/2015 2:00:04 PM
Dated a gal with reconstructive surgery.

I made sure she knew in no uncertain terms how beautiful she was to me :)
 Viper1j
Joined: 2/6/2015
Msg: 66
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 12/18/2015 3:35:52 PM

Right from the get go, lest someone perceive this question as a pity post, I am a very lucky woman. I am one of the 3% of women who catches breast cancer quickly enough to eliminate the threat to my life without chemo or radiation. I have had an avalanche of support from friends and family, many of whom called me brave. Having almost checked out on my kids five years ago I saw only one choice, lose the girls and become the bionic woman :)

The bad news: Back in the day doctors fought hard to save the nipples if someone reconstructed to enhance the natural look but today they know that the area most likely to develop cancer is the areola and nipple so off they go and off mine went. Not happy about that I had some damned fine perky nipples but the situation I find myself in today poses a question that I likely will not get an honest answer from friends and family because they'll be worried about hurting my feelings, possibly contributing to emotional fallout from this whole fun journey.

So I pose it to you people here in the relationship forum because that is what it boils down to, how this will potentially affect my relationships. Currently I can wear whatever I want without a bra and obviously not having to worry about my nipples showing in clothing is kind of a cool thing. Me personally I don't give a rat's butt, I'm not big on looking at nude packagedealx3 in the mirror and consequently don't care whether there is a nipple waving hello or not.

I suspect that even for the best intentioned man, the nipples absent look might be something difficult to get past. So the question is dual, could you get beyond the whole no nipples thing and also at what point would I spring this on a guy? Um, I'm not going to die of breast cancer ever but as a consequence I have no nipples isn't probably 1st or 2nd date material. I'm not a really private person so I have no problem opening my big pie hole but geez, that's a lot to put out there on the recipient side. I certainly don't want to make someone feel horrible for a natural reaction to such news.


The rest of you is .... functional , right?
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 67
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Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 12/19/2015 3:55:52 PM
your a sweetheart & an excellent person
~ very attractive ~ inside & out ...
 ladysharonfish
Joined: 6/4/2015
Msg: 68
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 12/29/2015 7:45:23 PM
"Um, I'm not going to die of breast cancer ever"
Hate to burst your bubble, but there is no cure for breast cancer. It can occur anyplace and you will be called stage 4 when it does show in your bones, liver, lungs, brain wherever. This is something that you must realize and so many need to learn. Breast cancer IS INCURABLE!
Having said that, let them know when you talk to them because the reality is scans for the rest of your life and you are not the same person you were before cancer. Cancer does make you a better person, more understanding, more fun as we know our lives are limited, and of course we are unique.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 69
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Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 12/29/2015 9:38:01 PM

Breast cancer IS INCURABLE!

Who told you that? My aunt lived for 45 years after breast cancer treatment, she died of heart failure. With today's treatments, lots of women put breast cancer behind them for the rest of their lives. The key is catching it early, also knowing if you have the BRCA genetic predisposition for it.
 rockstartrucker82
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 70
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Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 12/30/2015 4:51:40 PM
I know this is old and she's gone, but for anyone else looking for advice... Have fun with it. Don't say anything until the first time he sees you naked, then act really surprised, like they were there when you got dressed today.

Or find some kind of stick on nipple, and a flip out when he accidentally knocks it off.

Less guys will actually care than you'd think, have some fun with it.
 ladysharonfish
Joined: 6/4/2015
Msg: 71
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 12/30/2015 5:47:00 PM
13 Facts Everyone Should Know about Metastatic Breast Cancer
1. No one dies from breast cancer that remains in the breast. Metastasis occurs when cancerous cells travel to a vital organ and that is what threatens life.
2. Metastasis refers to the spread of cancer to different parts of the body, typically the bones, liver, lungs and brain.
3. An estimated 155,000 Americans are currently living with metastatic breast cancer. Metastatic breast cancer accounts for approximately 40,000 deaths annually in the U.S.
4. Treatment for metastatic breast cancer is lifelong and focuses on control of the disease and quality of life.
5. About 6% to 10% of people are Stage IV from their initial diagnosis.
6. Early detection does not guarantee a cure. Metastatic breast cancer can occur 5, 10 or 15 years after a person's original diagnosis and successful treatment checkups and annual mammograms.
7. 20% to 30% of people initially diagnosed with early stage disease will develop metastatic breast cancer.
8. Young people, as well as men, can be diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer.
9. Like early stage breast cancer, there are different types of metastatic breast cancer.
10. Treatment choices are guided by breast cancer type, location and extent of metastasis in the body, previous treatments and other factors.
11. Metastatic breast cancer is not an automatic death sentence. Although most people will ultimately die of their disease, some will live for many years.
12. There are no definitive prognostic statistics for metastatic breast cancer. Every patient and their disease is unique.
13. To learn more about National Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day on October 13 and to access resources specifically for people living with metastatic breast cancer and their caregivers, visit www.mbcn.org.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 72
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 12/31/2015 3:06:55 AM

Dated a gal with reconstructive surgery.

I made sure she knew in no uncertain terms how beautiful she was to me :)


That's one of the most beautiful things I have read on the forums, recently.
 Olivoil
Joined: 5/3/2015
Msg: 73
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 12/31/2015 3:25:41 AM
In many ways you're lucky. This will be a litmus test to screen the men you don't want to be with anyway. Anyone who doesn't understand there is a lot more to us than what's on the surface will take a hike. We all get a turn at this, our bodies change with age and sometimes they betray us. I see a good, high principled man falling in your lap. :)
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 74
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 12/31/2015 6:53:03 AM

There are no definitive prognostic statistics for metastatic breast cancer.


Ladysharonfish,

Your statements are misleading. They are not comparing apples to apples or apples to oranges but apples to pealed apples as if both were a type of apple.

There are many varieties of breast cancer. Not only in the area that they appear such as the ducts or the mammary glands, but whether they are in cluster tumors or dust-like particles, to what feeds them. Metastatic breast cancer is not a type of cancer, is a STAGE of cancer. Usually that is stage 4 or late stage 3, when some of the cancer can be found in some of the lymph nodes. Before metastasis, cancer can still grow and expand, but it does so within the confines of the tumors that they create. Metastasis is when the tumor breaks from within and sends the content of the cancer cells into either the blood stream or the lymphatic system.

So while everything you said is right, your statements are misleading.
 buxombad
Joined: 12/20/2015
Msg: 75
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 12/31/2015 7:47:52 AM

20% to 30% of people initially diagnosed with early stage disease will develop metastatic breast cancer.


This is simply not true and totally depends on the type of Breast Cancer, whether it is detected in the Nodes, how aggressive, etc.

It is true that nobody ever knows for sure if early stage cancer has spread beyond the breast. After surgery (lumpectomy or mastectomy) for example, Hormonal positive cancer is treatable and drugs like Tamoxifen and other drugs can help mop up dormant cancer cells that have spread beyond the breast.

But some unfortunate women do eventually have a recurrence even as long as decades down the road no matter what they did early on.

Regardless, this is not the place to discuss it. The very best place for breast cancer information, the different types, the latest state of the art treatments, and the best forums on the web bar none can be found at breastcancer.org.

All questions can be answered by experts and thousands of women who post there on a regular basis.

Good luck.
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