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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Divorced? Would you re-marry?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 27
Divorced? Would you re-marry?Page 2 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)

In older age ( over 40) and already divorced and already having kids... there is
NO reason at all to marry FOR THE SAME REASONS SOMEONE YOUNG WOULD.

For us older ladies, it is only a consideration if your talking about marrying someone
who can make your life a MUCH MUCH better place. I'm not talking a room mate situation
but one where your whole lifestyle improves....
no longer have to work... lots of spending money, vacations and a very emotionally supportive
and loving mature man.
Without that, why bother getting married? Studies say for women marriage cuts off years
from the lifespan....
so the only reason to marry would be to marry up. Any other reason is just dumb
.

lonley? get a dog
bored? find something to do
horney? lots of men with viagra

holy cow nails it...wake up and smell the coffee people...she is right- those 50/50 men want a roomate situation- sorry I am not up for that...actually, never went 4 the the final cut- filed for divorce 3 times, everytime there was an issue...stayed separated- best choice I ever made...the thing that holy cow was too nice to say is: alot of dumb people out there ;0)
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 28
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 12:19:03 PM
Post # 52 and the quote from Holy Cow is what makes dating a pain in the a$$.

Really? No longer have to work, have lots of spending money, vacations. Oh and he's got to be emotionally supportive and loving too.

It's best for the two of you to stay on the sidelines - why bring your misery into someone elses lives? Jeezus.

Marriage may cut off years from your lives because of your jaded, self-centered points of view and unrealistic expecations.

Later!!!
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:11:32 PM

Dating after 40 great fun hardly any pitfalls......A divorced mans dream!


Cap_n_mORGAN, I guess YMMV... Personally, I always thought dating pretty much sucked. As a 40+ guy, I think dating REALLY sucks...

Being a divorced man has been a dream, alright... a friggin' nightmare. I pretty much hate it.

But then again, I've never been one of those "love em', **** em', and leave em'" type of guys. The heart and soul are heavy things to mess around with. Just one man's thoughts.
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 30
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:27:31 PM
Marry again? No, most likely not. I would definitely love to be in love again... totally and completely. I would be special to him and he special to me and co-hab perhaps, but unless he wants babies marriage wouldn't be for either of us.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:29:58 PM
I did remarry, but it was truly a case of extraordinary compatibility and deep love that had already been tested and confirmed by 7 years of living together. Neither of us needed to be married, or cared if we did not, but it just finally felt right. We were more worried that marriage would ruin our blissful relationship, and were very relieved that it did not.
 Sensitive_Writer
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 32
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:37:40 PM

So if you're divorced, would you re-marry? If so, what are your concerns? If not, why not?


Nope, no way, no how! I've been married and divorced twice now, that's enough for me. I was married at 21, divorced at 22.....married again at 26, and divorced at 31. Both times, the minute we were married, our relationship changed, they had higher expectations of me than when we were just living together. It seemed as if the moment I said I do, that meant I should just suddenly change everything about myself and become the doting little housewife. Up in the morning making their breakfast, cleaning the house, cooking all their meals and catering to their every desire and wish.....and *I* no longer mattered. I just don't get it....it doesn't matter if you are married or not, it seems when you get into a relationship, the person you are involved with always wants to change you, in some way or another. If you truly love someone, you accept them for everything they are, you won't want to change them in any way.

I don't know, it seems that that little piece of paper changes people. Also, I don't think that little piece of paper is needed to prove to each other that you love the other person.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 33
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:58:02 PM

I asked what you consider a commitment to be. You want your freedom. Random sex. You said it.
Reason why you won't do marriage? All the ugly things about it apparently. I guess it's marriage's fault.
Marriage caused your ex's to wander. So, now you're are off marriage.
Sounds kinda like an angry man who has issues. Commitment issues.

You've just opened a can of worms that will now ooze all over the POF forum floor for 15-20 pages of reasons why that particular individual is having the time of his life after all his previous wives screwed him. You might wanna get into some comfy jammies, get a stock pile of snacks, take your two-week vacation from work and sit back for the ride, cause you're likely going to get the answers to the question(s) you've asked. is really the best you'll do for yourself at this stage, I think.

~OT~ I've maintained for 12+ years that marriage just wasn't logical for me. But? Today? I makes much more sense because there's someone in my life that I think I'd rather think in terms of "forever" with than my "Nah, that makes no sense to me." former stance. But time will tell. JMO
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 34
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 2:00:54 PM
I was dating casually right here in POF back in 2005. There was a regional gathering in Nanaimo where I met the woman who would become my wife. It was the proverbial first date that never ended. She was a single mother who appeared to be working hard and struggling which tugged at my heartstrings since I was raised by a single parent in poverty. I had a promising career as a naval officer and felt I could really make a big difference in their lives, so I did.

Well that turned out to be a really bad idea. I lost my health, my career, my hopes and dreams and was stuck in a horrible marriage with a woman who refused to contribute in any way whatsoever and actually worked against me. My wife, my partner in life was my greatest and most dangerous enemy. I left a little over a year ago and am still trying to find a decent lawyer to help me sort through this nonsense.

Getting married again...I seriously doubt that is going to sound appealing to me after what I've been through. Trust and faith in love have been curb-stomped. I'm still in love with the idea of being in love but from this point to my grave, I don't think I want to be involved in a relationship I can't just walk away from easily. Being lonely is infinitely preferable to being trapped, manipulated and financially ruined.

Right now, I'm disabled and on a fixed income but I feel like a rich man. I don't have a demanding alcoholic going through my wallet to take my cards and max them out on a regular basis. I don't think I'll ever let another human being have such power over me again. When I left, I gave her far more than half of what I managed to keep safe from her, gave her everything we owned and took on all of the debts. The only thing I took was our dining room table which the girls didn't want anyway. I continued to pay her rent, and food etc. for about six months until my portion of what we split was gone too. I'm still paying her because she refuses to get a job or to get herself on disability or even welfare...nothing. I wish I was a **stard who would just cut them off and go to see a judge - no court order from any judge anywhere would cost me nearly what I am paying now. The problem is that there is a teenaged girl that doesn't have the option of getting a job. She needs my help and therefore I need to help her mom.

On the plus side, I get to have a relationship with my daughter that is independent of her mother's input. She comes to visit me here in Vancouver and we have a great time together. I'm going to see her this weekend in fact. I'm pretty psyched to see her.

I'm not afraid to date single mother's, I'm just not financially capable of taking on any more dependents. That rules out cohabitation and marriage according to the laws in BC. That is unfortunate.

For now, I just want to keep things fun, easy and hassle free. The words "happily ever after" sound more like "eternal financial burden" to me at this point and I'm in no hurry to take that on...again.

I wonder how many women would be eager to marry if the laws were more equitable?
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 35
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 2:11:48 PM

She was a single mother who appeared to be working hard and struggling which tugged at my heartstrings since I was raised by a single parent in poverty. I had a promising career as a naval officer and felt I could really make a big difference in their lives, so I did.
Maybe you should work on yourself, as YOU WERE ATTRACTED TO A NEEDY WOMAN...in the urban dictionary, there is a phrase called: "Captain Save a Ho"....no disrespect meant, look up the meaning...
being attracted to broken people & expecting that you are so special you can make them whole is just the flip side of it...what about being attracted to a whole person???

Sometimes we blame others for OUR poor choices...
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 36
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 2:17:20 PM
@Blonde Angel

I understand and agree with your point but....

There is something primal in the nature of a man that is to protect those he cares about... I believe also, that most women have a similar primal instinct that is to be protected. She obviously exploited his instinct very well in a bad way.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 37
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 2:33:02 PM
For those people that voted “yes” to marry again, it doesn’t look like you would change anything from your previous marriage or LTR, which ended up failing. People are still saying they want the “till death do us part” bit in a marriage, which is what you vowed the first time around. People don’t have a better strategy for making a second or third marriage work better than the first, other than claiming to pick a better caliber of person to marry, which may or may not happen. People are usually happier with the known rather than the unknown, as well as needing something to offer a better caliber of person.

What I think makes more sense is to have a better exit strategy in place in case Mr./Miss Perfect #2 ends up being just as imperfect as the first one. There should be a better, more civilized way to part company if it doesn’t work out instead of going the popular route of trying to financially rape each other and accuse each other of a being the one who ruined everything. A pre-nup would help, but a lot of people see this as a set-up for failure.
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 38
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 2:36:23 PM
I don't know to be honest.

I have lived by myself for quite a while now since my boys' moved out and I do enjoy my space, however, I would be content to be involved in a relationship, too, and he would have his own space.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 39
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 2:38:04 PM
@Cariboo Lady,



What is a commited relationship to you? What does that entail?


Seriously, define "commitment"... is it staying in a relationship that has gone sour and both are unhappy ? What is a "committed relationship" ?



Would you live together


Eventually, after it is clear that the relationship will be successful.
 KIMBERLEA101
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 40
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 2:46:20 PM
i've been divorced for 12 years.. i love my life and being single and have said I'd never marry again..but ..BUT
i am getting tired of all the games people play in the dating world..geez..is there really no one serious out there??
i'm almost... ALMOST ready to say "I do"...just to stop all the games.. it's way too much work!
but would sure be hard to give up my life as i know it now..and my space!

love my space! :)
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 41
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 2:47:25 PM


Dating after 40 great fun hardly any pitfalls......A divorced mans dream!


Would one of those pitfalls be a steep lack of emotional intimacy combined with the knowledge that you are as disposable to the ladies you are going out with as they are to you ?

Not meant to pick on you but, that doesn't sound like a dream to me.
 Daisyrose73
Joined: 9/23/2010
Msg: 42
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 3:03:42 PM

For those people that voted “yes” to marry again, it doesn’t look like you would change anything from your previous marriage or LTR, which ended up failing. People are still saying they want the “till death do us part” bit in a marriage, which is what you vowed the first time around. People don’t have a better strategy for making a second or third marriage work better than the first, other than claiming to pick a better caliber of person to marry, which may or may not happen. People are usually happier with the known rather than the unknown, as well as needing something to offer a better caliber of person.

What I think makes more sense is to have a better exit strategy in place in case Mr./Miss Perfect #2 ends up being just as imperfect as the first one. There should be a better, more civilized way to part company if it doesn’t work out instead of going the popular route of trying to financially rape each other and accuse each other of a being the one who ruined everything. A pre-nup would help, but a lot of people see this as a set-up for failure.


I have changed a lot of things about myself. I have reflected on my past relationship and realize I was 50% responsible with it's demise. I have better communication skills now at 38 then I did at 17. I have chosen someone who has more common interests with me and is more social like I am and still has the same goals and ethics. I realize that I cannot change him just as he cannot change me.

I have no exit strategy except that I was a stay at home mom and now I prefer to be a working mom. I prefer not not think negatively about the future. I believe you put out into your environment your thoughts and it becomes a self fulfilled prophecy if you do. I didn't financial rape my ex husband. We made a reasonable outside agreement about child support that has stayed the same even though his income has doubled in the past 5 years. He works hard and deserves those things and he gives back to the kids when they are with him because he is able to. I have never asked for any money over the child support for the kids because I believe that was my responsibility to provide the other half.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 43
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 3:29:19 PM

>Maybe you should work on yourself, as YOU WERE ATTRACTED TO A NEEDY WOMAN...in the urban dictionary, there is a phrase called: "Captain Save a Ho"....no disrespect meant, look up the meaning...
being attracted to broken people & expecting that you are so special you can make them whole is just the flip side of it...what about being attracted to a whole person???

Sometimes we blame others for OUR poor choices...


BLoNde, this kind of comment reeks of "inability to accept personal responsibility". Of course I'm responsible for my part in the way my life worked out but to try and absolve others for their role is just childish and silly. As if my desire to help people is a justification for being abused and mistreated. If I was a woman, you would be cursing my alleged husband with vitriolic rage and taking up my banner. Apparently my having a penis makes me exempt from all of that wonderful compassion and respect you reserve for your sisters in arms.

I am Captain Save a Ho, I help out the poor and dispossessed, I volunteer, I step in to break up fights or protect strangers from being harmed whenever I can. You want to make me feel like an ***hole for this? Good luck with that! Perhaps you could point me in the direction of a woman who isn't needy? I have yet to meet one. Nobody's life is perfect and we all have needs that need to be met. Your comment comes across like a warning to all men everywhere that no single mother who isn't fabulously wealthy should ever be dated. That is a steaming pile of hooey. In case you hadn't noticed it, many people in North America are struggling financially, single mothers more than most. I fell in love, had more than I needed and a career with benefits that could mean a massive improvement in the lives of this woman I loved and her wonderful daughter. Of course I CHOSE to help them, what kind of scumbag wouldn't?

As for self-improvement, I've been seeing counselors since long before I left my wife and continue to do so now that I am on my own. There weren't any easy choices for me but I did try to always to do the right thing. I didn't cheat, lie and steal my way into a divorce but I certainly did choose to date her. I also chose to leave when all of my best efforts to help her failed.

Captain Save a Ho...get lost. I'd rather be Captain Save a Ho than Captain Out for Myself and to Hell with the Rest of You.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 44
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 4:18:38 PM

@Blonde Angel

I understand and agree with your point but....

There is something primal in the nature of a man that is to protect those he cares about... I believe also, that most women have a similar primal instinct that is to be protected. She obviously exploited his instinct very well in a bad way.
With all due respect, he had a say so every step of the way, but he chose the path he went down...let me guess..."she was HOT"!


BLoNde, this kind of comment reeks of "inability to accept personal responsibility". Of course I'm responsible for my part in the way my life worked out but to try and absolve others for their role is just childish and silly. As if my desire to help people is a justification for being abused and mistreated. If I was a woman, you would be cursing my alleged husband with vitriolic rage and taking up my banner. Apparently my having a penis makes me exempt from all of that wonderful compassion and respect you reserve for your sisters in arms.

not at all, any gender who engages in co-dependency has to owe up to their part.


I am Captain Save a Ho, I help out the poor and dispossessed, I volunteer, I step in to break up fights or protect strangers from being harmed whenever I can. You want to make me feel like an ***hole for this? Good luck with that! Perhaps you could point me in the direction of a woman who isn't needy? I have yet to meet one. Nobody's life is perfect and we all have needs that need to be met. Your comment comes across like a warning to all men everywhere that no single mother who isn't fabulously wealthy should ever be dated. That is a steaming pile of hooey. In case you hadn't noticed it, many people in North America are struggling financially, single mothers more than most. I fell in love, had more than I needed and a career with benefits that could mean a massive improvement in the lives of this woman I loved and her wonderful daughter. Of course I CHOSE to help them, what kind of scumbag wouldn't?

many people choose not to get involved when they see "red flags" or even "yellow flags"...and I cannot make anyone feel like an AZZHOLE, no one can make another person feel a certain way, we all choose how we feel about ourselves & seek out people who validate those feelings...


As for self-improvement, I've been seeing counselors since long before I left my wife and continue to do so now that I am on my own. There weren't any easy choices for me but I did try to always to do the right thing. I didn't cheat, lie and steal my way into a divorce but I certainly did choose to date her. I also chose to leave when all of my best efforts to help her failed.

Captain Save a Ho...get lost. I'd rather be Captain Save a Ho than Captain Out for Myself and to Hell with the Rest of You.

what about leaving when all of your best efforts to help yourself failed??? There is no black & white choice of either Captain Save or Captain Myself...there is a middle ground of being true to ourselves, helping others w/o enabling them or allowing them to use us. It is very difficult & draining to walk that line, but it is possible, should we choose it.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 45
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 4:23:06 PM
^^^Just to clarify Ableian, in British Columbia, to my understanding, if two people co-habitate for a period of one year they become a de facto common law couple in the eyes of the law. This is how the law was explained to me by the lawyers I've been speaking to anyway. If your partner has children, after one year you become their parent and get to provide child support until they are eighteen. The length of the relationship is factored into how long child support payments must be made but the underlying concept is that living together and playing house counts.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing, I'm just pointing out that in BC, it is a real thing.

I won't be inviting any women to come live with me because of it.


...no one can make another person feel a certain way


This certainly is true and yet it doesn't stop some people from trying.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 46
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 4:27:51 PM
I am divorced,
and I would remarry if I can find the right girl.
....still looking.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 4:35:05 PM

^^^Just to clarify Ableian, in British Columbia, to my understanding, if two people co-habitate for a period of one year they become a de facto common law couple in the eyes of the law.

^^^This is for the most part true to the best of my understanding.

I'd marry again and it would be predicated on the same reasons as the first time.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 48
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 4:39:19 PM
@ cap_n_mORGAN:

I completely understand the desire not to marry again. I'm not exactly fond of the idea myself.

That said, I would personally prefer a relationship with more depth than what I could get from dating multiple women. I am not passing judgement on your choice. I am just somewhat surprised that you find enough emotional satisfaction that way. It would not be a dream for me but, if it is one for you, so be it.

Your dream doesn't bother me, it only surprises me a bit.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 9:38:38 PM
I used to say I would never marry again. Had some sound and logical reasons for it too. I did say I'd live with someone as long as we had a solid pre-nup. And just when I had all my little ducks in a comfortable row... along came DBB and I eventually changed my mind.

I keep forgetting when we are getting married. I really don't care... as long as it is after Dec 21, 2112 cuz who in their right mind would want to go thru all that bother if the world was going to end? But then my daughter insisted if we were eloping to Vegas, SHE had to come to and would never forgive us if she was excluded. Although DBB has made noises about how can one elope if someone else comes along, I think it's summer 2013... just in time for the 7 year itch.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 50
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 9:59:50 PM
I wouldn't be shy about getting married again if in love but I'd want a pre-nup this time around. I'm a tad bit older & would want my nest eggs to remain my nest eggs just in case.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 51
Divorced? Would you re-marry?
Posted: 5/16/2012 11:11:39 PM
Married 3x. I'm obviously not afraid of commitment. Marry a 4th time?? It's hard dating and hard enough sharing my story. If some one actually took me seriously...I don't know. Sadly, I now consider the what would happen if the marriage failed. It's not fair to the person I am with but my life experience has taught me that any woman earns less money than me will get a piece of my income. I just don't know...
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