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 _PassionFlower
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 20
Should I tell her?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
you are not a good friend!! Your homeboy is who ur loyality belongs to. I think u are JEALOUS that he is getting so much action. If u really want to piss him off and get him to chose, how about u make the moves on one of the chicks....they seem willing.
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 21
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 6:55:50 AM
On the opposite of many people saying and/or thinking you're a wuss or a tattler, I think you might be one of those rare people who want to do the "right" things. It's hard to do the right things in this world because lots of people will oppose you. Most people just want to do things "right".

Sometimes, you may have a friend who is nice and good to you at the beginning, but later you find out he/she has so many faults, dirty tricks, then you feel uncomfortable to be with that person, and you don’t want to be with that person any more. The best way is leave. It’s not easy to change other(s). You can only change yourself.

Sometimes, it’s better to pretend you see nothing, hear nothing and tell nothing. Just cover your eyes, plug your ears, zip your lips. Just mind your own business like everybody here tells you. Unless you have feelings for that girl, why bother?
 Acki-na
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 22
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 7:02:44 AM
I like to say the real things. I appreciate people's honesty in all matters. If my boyfriend would have 2 gils staying for the nights, at different times, while I am away, I would like to know. There is something wrong in my book, when the person in a situation, is the last one to know.

If a see a red flag, I say so. You think its the right thing to do by telling her what you have seen? You go ahead and be faithfull to your own principles. I applaud people who have the backbone to stand up for what they believe is right.
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 23
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 7:19:19 AM
There are always two sides for a story. Do whatever you like and prepare yourself to face the consequences afterward.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 24
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 7:43:15 AM

…it's none of my business and thus far I haven't said anything.

A wise choice, OP. Some of the ‘evidence’ here is second-hand and circumstantial. And you don’t know if they had an understanding or what her conduct was while she was away.

They’ll soon be out of your life and that will be a relief. Unless she confronted me directly, I doubt if I would say anything. It’s too hard to know if it would be well received or at all helpful in any way.
 Arata_na_Yoake
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 25
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 7:52:38 AM
I did read your first post Jac and I didn't ignore it; your post was the reason that I responded that I didn't care what decision the girlfriend made after she was given the facts. By the way, maybe I should have mentioned this earlier but according to my other roommate the girlfriend was close to breaking up with him about 2 months ago (guess she saw Girl A's Facebook post and got suspicious) until he rushed to Iowa to convince her otherwise). I don't like word of mouth info though so this hadn't played much of a factor. Since I'm sure someone will mention this at this rate, I just want per-emptively say I don't care what goes on with his Wall; it was just shown in my News Feed.

To the people who are still debating that I have feelings for the girl...I don't find her attractive and she's from a country/culture that I dislike. I have nothing to gain from her given that I don't plan to see or speak to her again after they move out.

To the people who think I'm trying to get back at my roommate...that doesn't even make sense. If he's leaving me alone and not causing me trouble where's the reward in this? Emotional jollies? ...Yeah right. My other two roommates and I would be satisfied with him moving out at the end of the lease; I have nothing to gain and possibly something to lose given that we share a few mutual friends (though I've known them longer and get along with them better than he does).
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 26
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 8:13:13 AM

According to my other roommates
.....Why don't your roommates tell the story as they have the fact's first hand whilst you are going on rumours.

According to him - nothing happened. I didn't ask for details, but I think common sense speaks for itself.
.....Really? You ASSUME something went down with this girl, but you don't actually know for a fact. Anyway it's not your business to pry. You don't have proof of cheating you are making assumptions, listening to rumours and stirring up a hornet's nest.
Leave your Drama King hat off until you can prove that something is amiss and you think his girlfriend should know.
 MyHandsHurt
Joined: 4/9/2012
Msg: 27
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:23:56 AM
Stay out of it. It's not your business.
I kept quiet when I knew my best friend's relationship was ending. Her soon to be ex called me to explain his feelings. I was torn, but the writing was on the wall. I said nothing to her. She was upset when I finally revealed what I knew, but it didn't last long. I knew I did the right thing by keeping quiet.
Unless YOU KNOW that he is spreading a disease or knocking up women, stay away.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 28
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Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:26:31 AM
Don't bother; the girl probably won't believe you anyway. After the fact, she'll say "Why didn't someone tell me", but until someone is ready to see it on their own, they won't belive what they're told.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 29
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:30:17 AM
What's your objective ?

It sounds to me, like you don't know this girl, are annoyed with him and so taking a righteous path as some means of pay back because you resent him for making an awkward living arrangement.

I'd stay out of it - and maybe start looking for somewhere new to live, as currently, living with someone you don't speak to, is annoying you more then you imply.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 30
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Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:37:25 AM
Mind your own business is my advice to you.

What is your point anyway....to get even with this guy because he is a jerk in your mind and it now bothers you to have him around? You do not know what arrangement these two have when apart, or what they have agreed to behind closed doors. Why do this to her? She more than likely already knows that something is up, or she has others on the side when not with him. Is this really any of your business?

Show some class here, and keep your mouth shut, do not spread rumors , and pack your shit and get out of that place and find your own that you can run your way, with your rules, and let all those entering your house know it.

cd
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 31
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Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:44:19 AM
"To the people who are still debating that I have feelings for the girl...I don't find her attractive and she's from a country/culture that I dislike. I have nothing to gain from her given that I don't plan to see or speak to her again after they move out.

To the people who think I'm trying to get back at my roommate...that doesn't even make sense. If he's leaving me alone and not causing me trouble where's the reward in this? Emotional jollies? ...Yeah right. My other two roommates and I would be satisfied with him moving out at the end of the lease; I have nothing to gain and possibly something to lose given that we share a few mutual friends (though I've known them longer and get along with them better than he does)."

It doesn't matter what you truly feel or think. Reality is that they may view you having ulterior motives for putting this information out there. Your honesty can backfire in such a situation especially if you don't have enough information. People in relationships often don't think logically or make sense, so it is tough sledding to convince someone of the truth.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 32
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Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:50:48 AM
^^^ Can't make that assumption. It is possible the woman knows the man cheated on her, forgave him and wanted to move on with their life by settling down.

If you don't know, don't assume.
 ThreadMasterB
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 33
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:59:45 AM
Here's what would happen he tells she confronts boyfriend he denies it. She has blinders on freaks out on OP now the living situation is even more awkward. People see what they want to see so most likely she wouldn't believe the OP anyway.
 mrnizka
Joined: 6/20/2011
Msg: 34
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Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 11:45:45 AM

I'm actually surprised at the consensus in general. I figured people would to know if they were in the girlfriend's position, but meh.


Most of the replies probably aren't even based on this specific situation, but the whole type of situation in general. Everyone has had somebody try to nose in on their business without an invitation, and that is where the negativity is coming from. People get tired of others muckin around where they don't belong, because it happens everyday. So, pretty much, unless someone is going to die, etc, just handle your own business and don't worry about others. You will be a happier person.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 35
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 1:16:47 PM
If she is your friend, yes. If not, mind your business.
 Not just a member
Joined: 9/14/2005
Msg: 36
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 7:41:30 PM

By the way, I can take him.


Why did you even make that statement? Does it really matter???


Explain to me now how this is wussy?


In your original post you asked what we think. Landra told you what she thought. She doesn't need to explain anything to you. What she said was a completely valid statement... at least in her opinion...... and her opinion is hilarious... at least in my opinion. LMAO.

As far as your situation goes, since you insist that you are not trying to be hurtful or cruel....
I think you should take the high road ... keep your thoughts to yourself and move out. Then yes, just like you said, she will have all the chance in the world to judge him for herself.
 Arata_na_Yoake
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 37
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/21/2012 8:54:04 PM

This appears incongruent to me.

On the one hand you're saying its a moral dilema for the girlfriend's sake, on the other hand, you're saying you don't care what happens afterwards as long as you're not involved.

To me, a moral dilemma is about the potential consequences of our actions. If the consequences are irrelevant, where's the moral dilemma?

It was a moral dilemma because I KNEW something that COULD save her a lot of WASTED time, and if I didn't tell her then I'd feel guilty. People make stupid decisions every day, I'm not going to dwell over each one. My guilt only extends as far as telling her.


It strikes me there's a lot of bigging yourself up as the dominant male here, but you claim you couldn't care less who's having sex, yet your roommate having sex has apparently put you in a moral dilemma?

Tell me, what's the point of being the "dominant" male when I don't even see/speak to the other person? If I had chosen to tell the GF, this would have been before they moved out. So I'd be the dominant male over someone who I'll never see again? That's pure nonsense.


Then, in which direction is your moral compass pointing?

Let's put it this way, if the situation was switched around and the GF had guys spending the night over - then I'd be debating whether or not I'd tell the roommate that I dislike. Quite simply, I put more value in my sense of right or wrong than my own (or anyone else's) bias opinion. You guys can question my motive all you want.


Hmmmm...I think you do have something to gain from her. You don't like her, therefore the consequences of your actions for her mean nothing to you. She's useful.

Useful for what? You can be sure of one thing, I don't like to do unnecessary things. As long as someone I don't like isn't causing me trouble I'm not willing to exert the effort make their life any harder (I wouldn't have even considered telling the GF if it wasn't for the guilt factor). KEEP IN MIND, I had considered telling her even before my roommate and I had a falling out. I don't know how many times I have to keep saying this.


I think it runs much deeper than emotional jollies. I don't think you're that shallow.

I think you're out to gain a bit more bigging yourself up and male dominance at two people's expense, neither of whom you like - in that respect, and that respect alone, this is your moral dilemma.

I'll be brutally honest here since a good number of people here seem to think this is about ego or revenge, and I'm getting tired of repeating myself. I live by a simple rule - if I don't care whether a person lives or dies then I don't bother considering their opinion. Put simply, why would I care about being "dominant" over someone whose opinion I don't care for? Would you bother dancing over the graves of people you don't like? No, it's a waste of time. We all have better things to do.

Anyway, an earlier poster made a good point - if they were in the GF's position they would expect a friend to tell them, but they wouldn't expect it from a stranger. So long story short, the "none of my business" factor still trumps the "guilt" factor. I'm pretty much where I started, but now I'm content with my decision.

Thanks for some of the useful feedback.
 endofapril
Joined: 5/19/2012
Msg: 38
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Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/26/2012 8:59:59 PM
You sound like a very considerate man. (claps). I would want to know if I was girl A. However, the way I have seen things like this played out is thusly : Girl A confronts said B.F. And said B.F. denies the situation and girl A ends up beleiving the B.F. over you because most women think with the hearts and not the head...I did say most and not all...ladies. So I do not think it will do much to confront the issue. She seems to have an idea of his playing by the FB comments and still she chooses to avoid her best judgment. It seems that everything comes to surface eventually. This may be bad advise, but it is just another thing to consider. She will probbly not beleive you. Good luck and do what your hearts tells you to do right.
 pantog
Joined: 1/6/2008
Msg: 39
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/27/2012 7:19:10 AM
What's talking to him going to do? Makes no sence. He has no obligation to this guy, the guy knows what he's doing. Tell her, even if u dont know her. Id sure as hell want to know
 TC2u
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 40
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Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/27/2012 7:29:42 AM
Unless you're trying to hone in on A or B yourself, I'd stick to the latter thought. You'll be better off in the long run.
 Devilsfan58
Joined: 3/19/2009
Msg: 41
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Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/27/2012 7:37:59 AM
Sorry I lost who is who at
His girlfriend is currently staying with us


Girlfriend A OR
Girlfriend B


I wouldn't go so far as say he was cheating


Is he limited to one friend? We can all wrap things or construe them however we want to. I would leave my personal feelings on the sideline. For whatever reason you two don't see eye to eye.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 42
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/27/2012 3:46:37 PM
Tsubame Gaeshi- I think your heart is in the right place, worrying about the girl getting hurt, but I would myob.
Telling her could blow up in your face, plus she might not believe you.
You would only be borrowing trouble telling her.
The situation will likely work itself out, it's not impossible to juggle two women, but I'm betting if he keeps it up he'll get busted.
Consider yourself lucky he's gone from your life and put the whole thing out of your mind, it's just not worth it to do anything else.
btw- Don't pay attention to the insults directed at you, POF has too many posters who like to selectively read and be mean and unhelpful, they too are NOT worth your time.
 Blackout478
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 43
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/27/2012 3:55:49 PM
This seriously is not your business. He said nothing happened and even if you BELIEVE it did you have no proof. So, your going to go run and tattle as one said off of a assumption? If this was me and you did that me and you would have serious issues and I'm probably not a person you want on your bad side. That's their relationship and do you want to have to get into a possible fight over something that has nothing to do with you? It comes down to this "guys" have a code that we live by and getting into each other relationship business is not something guys do. All it will bring to you is drama and you will be in the middle of he said she said arguments. Move on with your life and let them go on about their life and if he is cheating she will eventually find out on her own.
 Mstunes
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 44
Should I tell her?
Posted: 6/1/2012 3:30:29 PM
No, keep it to yourself, if you say something you will only get yourself
in hot water and neither one of them will ever trust you again.

I did this and lost my best friend.
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