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Joined: 6/20/2011
Msg: 34
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Should I tell her?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

I'm actually surprised at the consensus in general. I figured people would to know if they were in the girlfriend's position, but meh.

Most of the replies probably aren't even based on this specific situation, but the whole type of situation in general. Everyone has had somebody try to nose in on their business without an invitation, and that is where the negativity is coming from. People get tired of others muckin around where they don't belong, because it happens everyday. So, pretty much, unless someone is going to die, etc, just handle your own business and don't worry about others. You will be a happier person.
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 35
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 1:16:47 PM
If she is your friend, yes. If not, mind your business.
 Not just a member
Joined: 9/14/2005
Msg: 36
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/18/2012 7:41:30 PM

By the way, I can take him.

Why did you even make that statement? Does it really matter???

Explain to me now how this is wussy?

In your original post you asked what we think. Landra told you what she thought. She doesn't need to explain anything to you. What she said was a completely valid statement... at least in her opinion...... and her opinion is hilarious... at least in my opinion. LMAO.

As far as your situation goes, since you insist that you are not trying to be hurtful or cruel....
I think you should take the high road ... keep your thoughts to yourself and move out. Then yes, just like you said, she will have all the chance in the world to judge him for herself.
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 37
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/21/2012 8:54:04 PM

This appears incongruent to me.

On the one hand you're saying its a moral dilema for the girlfriend's sake, on the other hand, you're saying you don't care what happens afterwards as long as you're not involved.

To me, a moral dilemma is about the potential consequences of our actions. If the consequences are irrelevant, where's the moral dilemma?

It was a moral dilemma because I KNEW something that COULD save her a lot of WASTED time, and if I didn't tell her then I'd feel guilty. People make stupid decisions every day, I'm not going to dwell over each one. My guilt only extends as far as telling her.

It strikes me there's a lot of bigging yourself up as the dominant male here, but you claim you couldn't care less who's having sex, yet your roommate having sex has apparently put you in a moral dilemma?

Tell me, what's the point of being the "dominant" male when I don't even see/speak to the other person? If I had chosen to tell the GF, this would have been before they moved out. So I'd be the dominant male over someone who I'll never see again? That's pure nonsense.

Then, in which direction is your moral compass pointing?

Let's put it this way, if the situation was switched around and the GF had guys spending the night over - then I'd be debating whether or not I'd tell the roommate that I dislike. Quite simply, I put more value in my sense of right or wrong than my own (or anyone else's) bias opinion. You guys can question my motive all you want.

Hmmmm...I think you do have something to gain from her. You don't like her, therefore the consequences of your actions for her mean nothing to you. She's useful.

Useful for what? You can be sure of one thing, I don't like to do unnecessary things. As long as someone I don't like isn't causing me trouble I'm not willing to exert the effort make their life any harder (I wouldn't have even considered telling the GF if it wasn't for the guilt factor). KEEP IN MIND, I had considered telling her even before my roommate and I had a falling out. I don't know how many times I have to keep saying this.

I think it runs much deeper than emotional jollies. I don't think you're that shallow.

I think you're out to gain a bit more bigging yourself up and male dominance at two people's expense, neither of whom you like - in that respect, and that respect alone, this is your moral dilemma.

I'll be brutally honest here since a good number of people here seem to think this is about ego or revenge, and I'm getting tired of repeating myself. I live by a simple rule - if I don't care whether a person lives or dies then I don't bother considering their opinion. Put simply, why would I care about being "dominant" over someone whose opinion I don't care for? Would you bother dancing over the graves of people you don't like? No, it's a waste of time. We all have better things to do.

Anyway, an earlier poster made a good point - if they were in the GF's position they would expect a friend to tell them, but they wouldn't expect it from a stranger. So long story short, the "none of my business" factor still trumps the "guilt" factor. I'm pretty much where I started, but now I'm content with my decision.

Thanks for some of the useful feedback.
Joined: 5/19/2012
Msg: 38
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Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/26/2012 8:59:59 PM
You sound like a very considerate man. (claps). I would want to know if I was girl A. However, the way I have seen things like this played out is thusly : Girl A confronts said B.F. And said B.F. denies the situation and girl A ends up beleiving the B.F. over you because most women think with the hearts and not the head...I did say most and not all...ladies. So I do not think it will do much to confront the issue. She seems to have an idea of his playing by the FB comments and still she chooses to avoid her best judgment. It seems that everything comes to surface eventually. This may be bad advise, but it is just another thing to consider. She will probbly not beleive you. Good luck and do what your hearts tells you to do right.
Joined: 1/6/2008
Msg: 39
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/27/2012 7:19:10 AM
What's talking to him going to do? Makes no sence. He has no obligation to this guy, the guy knows what he's doing. Tell her, even if u dont know her. Id sure as hell want to know
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 40
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Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/27/2012 7:29:42 AM
Unless you're trying to hone in on A or B yourself, I'd stick to the latter thought. You'll be better off in the long run.
Joined: 3/19/2009
Msg: 41
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Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/27/2012 7:37:59 AM
Sorry I lost who is who at
His girlfriend is currently staying with us

Girlfriend A OR
Girlfriend B

I wouldn't go so far as say he was cheating

Is he limited to one friend? We can all wrap things or construe them however we want to. I would leave my personal feelings on the sideline. For whatever reason you two don't see eye to eye.
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 42
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/27/2012 3:46:37 PM
Tsubame Gaeshi- I think your heart is in the right place, worrying about the girl getting hurt, but I would myob.
Telling her could blow up in your face, plus she might not believe you.
You would only be borrowing trouble telling her.
The situation will likely work itself out, it's not impossible to juggle two women, but I'm betting if he keeps it up he'll get busted.
Consider yourself lucky he's gone from your life and put the whole thing out of your mind, it's just not worth it to do anything else.
btw- Don't pay attention to the insults directed at you, POF has too many posters who like to selectively read and be mean and unhelpful, they too are NOT worth your time.
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 43
Should I tell her?
Posted: 5/27/2012 3:55:49 PM
This seriously is not your business. He said nothing happened and even if you BELIEVE it did you have no proof. So, your going to go run and tattle as one said off of a assumption? If this was me and you did that me and you would have serious issues and I'm probably not a person you want on your bad side. That's their relationship and do you want to have to get into a possible fight over something that has nothing to do with you? It comes down to this "guys" have a code that we live by and getting into each other relationship business is not something guys do. All it will bring to you is drama and you will be in the middle of he said she said arguments. Move on with your life and let them go on about their life and if he is cheating she will eventually find out on her own.
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 44
Should I tell her?
Posted: 6/1/2012 3:30:29 PM
No, keep it to yourself, if you say something you will only get yourself
in hot water and neither one of them will ever trust you again.

I did this and lost my best friend.
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