Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 26
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????Page 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
a dog was given up because their owners new partner didn't like dogs.
the pet owner had no spine, obviously...after someone does that, they get shelter "blacklisted" & rightfully so...

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts15011801.aspx

remember this?

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14883332.aspx

and this?
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 27
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/18/2012 3:57:08 PM
In both cases, one six months later and the other almost a year later, the owners wanted to know if they could have their dogs back because they'd split up. The answer, of course, was NO because both dogs had been re-homed!
Fools...idiots...nincompoops and other words that would be censored. I rest my case that I have been better off sticking on the animals' side...
 JstAnotherChick
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 28
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/18/2012 4:01:40 PM
If my dog doesn't like ya, you aint staying in my house long. Really, OP, the fact that you are amazed by the man being truthful says more about you than it does about him.
 ThreadMasterB
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 29
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/18/2012 5:03:52 PM
I love my dog, and I wouldn't give him up or change for someone just because they are allergic, you need to find someone else that will make you happy because I know as a dog lover I would never give up my pet with an SO
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 30
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/18/2012 7:11:21 PM
I love my dog, and I wouldn't give him up or change for someone just because they are allergic, you need to find someone else that will make you happy because I know as a dog lover I would never give up my pet with an SO


That would cause major resentment.
Why would OP even consider that an option?

That shows me how easy it is for the OP to just end a relationship.
And if it is done that easily with an animal,
how quick would that technique with used on her SO?
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 31
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/18/2012 7:49:34 PM
Don't know. I don't think of myself as an "animal lover" -- but I have now, and have had in the past very specific and very loving relationships with companion animals (no, I don't think in terms of "pets"). I lost my brother, and a cat I adored in the same week, and the pain and grieving were *exactly* the same. Love is love no matter where its directed, or from whom it's received.

I gave up a pair of horses I loved a LOT, during a period I was so ill I could not care for them, and the possibility of dying suddenly and leaving them to the tender mercies of the dogfood bidders at a horse auction was not an unreasonable fear. I didn't sell them, though I could have, they were beautiful pure blood Arabs with good lines: I gave them to a girl whose mother had bred arabs, and who grew up with horses, and loved them, and thought she'd died and gone to heaven at the gift. She's been good to them, and I never asked for them to be returned when I got better: *she* was my gift to them.

I do expect that if someone has severe animal allergies that they've never been able to approach that, and therefore would, understandably, not grok it. I was married to a colorblind man, and it was a grief to me that I could never communicate my pleasure in color. He didn't notice he was missing anything. But, yanno, if I'd had to *give up* seeing colors for him, I don't think I would have. And I loved him a great deal.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 32
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/18/2012 8:13:10 PM
WOW!

Where in the OP exists even the suggestion that someone with a pet looking for romance should:

--- give up his pet?

---- euthanize his pet?

for someone he has just met?

I'd suggest that some people on this thread go back and reread the OP.

The again, the outrageous quantum leaps that some are making here in response to the OP such as this one:


That shows me how easy it is for the OP to just end a relationship.
And if it is done that easily with an animal,
how quick would that technique with used on her SO?


are certainly um, "informative"!

Others are very definitely more informative!

BTW? I'm not the "fishette" in the OP, have no pet allergies, and have always had pets until one of my children was born and has spent a lifetime with severe allergies --- so severe that cats, dogs, and just about any pets except fish were out of the question for her.

The point of the post, however, was to note the degree to which this can be a dealbreaker for some. Obviously a heck of a lot more than "some."

The other "inferences" beyond the point will no doubt give this thread a life beyond the original. Ah well. Several very nice gentlemen have already written me --- privately of course --- offering their personal comfort for all the slamming and bamming that my poor little self is eduring as the result of posting this thread.

Human behaviour is a fascinating thing:)
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 33
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/18/2012 8:58:11 PM
Yes, booted to the curb if your unable to fit in with my existing life, which includes my pets. Same applies if you have issues with my young adult step kids (like my own after many years) & the youngest still lives with me, their family which I've remained tight with & still receive invites (although I don't attend) to family functions & holidays, my dysfunctional (pull my finger) family, my hobbies & love of fishing, my suburban life style (no street lights & or sidewalks) & a number of other things that my life revolves around.

It's easy to to find someone over 45 to date but difficult to fit into each others lives for a relationship. There is no more building a life around someone, as we did when younger, since we already have established lives. Fitting in is crucial & expecting others to make accommodations to fit you in is unrealistic.
 HippyDippyWeatherman
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/18/2012 9:18:05 PM
I think a huge assumption has been made that the couple would actually be compatable. The gentleman with the pets may not have the same feelings as the "fishette" and not even want a relationship with her to begin with. If the said fishette never even contacted the gentleman it's a far stretch to conclude they would be soul mates.
I knew a couple who divorced because she was allergic to his sperm. They used all the precautions to have protected sex and adopted a son and daughter but the strain on their marriage eventually caused them to go their separate ways.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 35
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/18/2012 9:58:45 PM
Well OP, since you are so offended at being misunderstood, you might want to re-read this from your original post:


Is the above definition of "love" for one's animals as something placed in the upper deck of the same boat with "family and friends" the inevitable outcome of too many years spent middle aged and alone. I mean, it's absolutely one thing for someone our age to be clear to any prospective lover that our children will always come first -- or always be "as important" to us as any love we may have at this age. But are singles over 45 so resigned to never finding That Special Love that they are not even willing to leave themselves open to meeting Mr/Ms. Right unless they accept a "love" on par with our animals?


It doesn't matter that you are not the allergic person. Your inquiry comes across as cold, selfish and rather judgmental.

For most pet owners there is a commitment for life. We didn't give up on living just because we were single. If we had then we might not have pets so that we wouldn't have to worry about things like how other people felt about pets. Nope, we went right on with our lives the way we enjoy it.
 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 36
view profile
History
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/18/2012 11:44:16 PM
He is being honest, his beloved pets are a part of his life that he is not willing to give up. He is NOT a match for someone who has allergies.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 37
view profile
History
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/19/2012 3:53:31 AM

Several very nice gentlemen have already written me --- privately of course --- offering their personal comfort for all the slamming and bamming that my poor little self is eduring as the result of posting this thread.


I'll bet! No surprise there. You broadcast something that riles folks up, get a few bashes at you, and there will be guys out there who make their move on you based on taking advantage of your "lady in distress" status. If a woman is cute enough, she can advocate genocide, and those kinds of guys will "privately offer comfort" to her.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 38
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/19/2012 5:01:49 AM
And for a pet?
you say that like a bad thing, like a "pet" is somehow inferior...domestic animals have the cognitive ability of a 4 yr old child & the emotions as well...your OP belittles animals & those who love & care 4 them...I'm not religious, but spiritual, every major religion has something in their scriptures regarding animal stewardship...
Proverbs 12:10
A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast: but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.

Judaism places great stress on proper treatment of animals. Unnecessary cruelty to animals is strictly forbidden, and in many cases, animals are accorded the same sensitivity as human beings. This concern for the welfare of animals is unusual in Western civilization. Most civilized nations did not accept this principle until quite recently; cruelty to animals was not outlawed until the 1800s, and even now it is not taken very seriously.

The primary principle behind the treatment of animals in Jewish law is preventing tza'ar ba'alei chayim, the suffering of living creatures. Judaism expresses no definitive opinion as to whether animals actually experience physical or psychological pain in the same way that humans do; however, Judaism has always recognized the link between the way a person treats animals and the way a person treats human beings. A person who is cruel to a defenseless animal will undoubtedly be cruel to defenseless people. Modern psychology confirms this understanding, with many studies finding a relationship between childhood animal cruelty and adult criminal violence.

http://www.jewfaq.org/animals.htm

God, the Creator of human beings and animals, has made animals subservient to us. We depend on animals for the food we eat and the milk we drink. We bring animals into our homes for love and companionship. We survive critical illness and live longer because of biomedical research on animals. We visit to zoos and aquariums to gain an appreciation for the spectacular diversity of life on earth. We benefit from specially trained dogs that detect drugs, guide the blind, and assist the disabled. God says in the Quran:

“And the cattle, He has created them for you. You have in them warm clothing and (other) advantages, and of them you eat. And therein is beauty for you, when you drive them back (home) and when you send them out (to pasture). And they carry your heavy loads to regions which you could not reach but with great distress to yourselves. Surely your Lord is Compassionate, Merciful. And (He made) horses and mules and asses that you might ride upon them and as an ornament. And He creates what you know not.” (Quran 16:5-8)

The mercy of Islam extends beyond human beings to all living creations of God. Islam prohibits cruelty to animals. Fourteen hundred years ago, long before the modern animal rights movement began with the publication of Peter Singer’s book, “Animal Liberation,” in 1975, Islam required kindness to animals and cruelty to them a sufficient reason for a person to be thrown into the Fire!

Once, the Prophet of Mercy spoke of God’s forgiveness due to the humane treatment of animals. He told his companions the story of a man who got thirsty on his way. He found a well, climbed down inside it to the water, and quenched his thirst. When he came out he saw a panting dog licking on mud out of extreme thirst. The man thought to himself, ‘The dog has become as thirsty as I was!’ The man went down the well again and got some water for the dog. God appreciated his good work and forgave him. The companions asked, ‘O Prophet of God, do we get rewarded on humane treatment of animals?’ He said, ‘There is a reward in (doing good to) every living being.’[1]

http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/185/



As Paderic stated, adopting an animal is a commitment. It isn't that we're addicted to the unconditional love as someone mentions. How sad that some think it's a negative thing to want to care for a pet. The OP can't believe a man wouldn't give up his companions for some woman, but she quickly checked off her criteria of height and hair before reading his profile. She said he had heart, but then gets upset because he won't dump his animals for her. Where's her heart?
Human behaviour is a fascinating thing:)
Well OP, since you are so offended at being misunderstood, you might want to re-read this from your original post:

Is the above definition of "love" for one's animals as something placed in the upper deck of the same boat with "family and friends" the inevitable outcome of too many years spent middle aged and alone. I mean, it's absolutely one thing for someone our age to be clear to any prospective lover that our children will always come first -- or always be "as important" to us as any love we may have at this age. But are singles over 45 so resigned to never finding That Special Love that they are not even willing to leave themselves open to meeting Mr/Ms. Right unless they accept a "love" on par with our animals?


It doesn't matter that you are not the allergic person. Your inquiry comes across as cold, selfish and rather judgmental.

For most pet owners there is a commitment for life. We didn't give up on living just because we were single. If we had then we might not have pets so that we wouldn't have to worry about things like how other people felt about pets. Nope, we went right on with our lives the way we enjoy it.
The original post does seem to clearly say that people in middle age have pets to console them for their loneliness/singleness and that if one meets Mr/Ms Right, then there is no need for a pet. I don't think that's true at all. I think most people who have pets have had them all their lives.

Several very nice gentlemen have already written me --- privately of course --- offering their personal comfort for all the slamming and bamming that my poor little self is eduring as the result of posting this thread.


I'll bet! No surprise there. You broadcast something that riles folks up, get a few bashes at you, and there will be guys out there who make their move on you based on taking advantage of your "lady in distress" status. If a woman is cute enough, she can advocate genocide, and those kinds of guys will "privately offer comfort" to her.


AND FOR A PET?
don't you ever dare belittle those precious gifts ever again... YOU have to answer to a higher power, not just the forumites in POF!
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 39
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/19/2012 5:41:44 AM
Seriously here if you are a pet lover it would be important that your partner love animals as well.. I honestly found that men that did not like animals were not for me.. They did not have the need to nurture..
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 40
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/19/2012 5:47:47 AM
My guess? Consciously, or unconsciously, OPie has been playing a game of Double Gotcha. First posits some "old person" so seriously warped that animals are more important than people. Damns them. Asks for agreement with her view. Doesn't get it. Then proceeds to damn those who don't support her.

Point of fact: the question has nothing to do with "our Middle Ages????" Nor with a serious question about relationships. Known fact: humans have all kinds of preferences: hair color, weight, brains, religion (or lack of it), spiritual paths and so on. The profile in question is just one version: a clearly stated deal breaker. Her own profile would tend to indicate that she'd not settle for someone not "fit." The actual question in the opening post is: when someone states a deal breaker clearly, should someone else be outraged and/or disregard that deal breaker and go ahead and contact? (Because doing so is going to make the contactor feel enormously superior to the contactee.)

Some peeps "live" for NASCAR or tango. . . . If they state that, and you HATE that, are they defective for not wishing to consider *you*? Nope. Are you defective for contacting them? Possibly.

Just as an aside, I see both on profiles and on these forums, the fairly continuous demand to be included as justification for all kinds of deception: if your contact rules are no older than/no younger than, and the other is "close" it becomes okay to lie about a few years. . . . Same for distance. Same for weight/activity level. None of us is so "worthy" that OUR belief in our acceptability actually overrules the *owner* of the parameters. Evah.

Done. Live long and prosper.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 41
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/19/2012 10:03:30 AM


My border collie and cat are as important to me as my family and friends. So if you have allergies or issues with dog and or cat hair, trust me I will not give them up for you.


Is he kidding??????? Granted, the dog (and cat) is man's best friend, but literally??? So should this allergy ridden fishette write anyway, or should she take him at his literal word?


I'm sure he's not, and I sure she should take him at his literal word - he put it in his profile for a reason, so allergy ridden fishette's wouldn't write him anyways and have him having to reject them because they can't handle his pets.

Like most pet-people, I don't take on having a pet as an 'accessory' I can toss to the side, give to the Salvation Army (Pet Shelter) who might just toss it (euthanize it) if they can't sell it. Sorry, you're talking about a living/breathing/feeling creature, not a bunch of old clothes/furniture, I 'adopt' my pets for life (which hopefully is for their lifetime, and not mine).

But are singles over 45 so resigned to never finding That Special Love that they are not even willing to leave themselves open to meeting Mr/Ms. Right unless they accept a "love" on par with our animals?


The point of the post is that in makin such an absolute decision, this pet lover is willing to close off the possibility of finding some person with allergies who just may be The One?


Simple answer, as a pet person, someone who is not the same and would expect me to get rid of my pets for them, is *NOT* "The One" or "That Special Love" - honestly, to me, it sounds rather controlling or at the least unrealistic to expect someone to "change" something so basic in their psyche "for you", rather than accepting your aren't compatible.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 42
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/19/2012 10:11:30 AM
I might also add here, looking at your profile, you're looking for:

tend to click and complement the likes of me; cigar-smoking, motorcycle-riding, expensive wine-sipping, animal hunter types don't.


Are you also expecting cigar smoking, motercycle riding, expensive wine-sipping animal hunters, to give up that for you? I mean, what if "That Special Love", "The One" for you, is actually a smoking, hog-riding, wine-sipping animal hunter -- why wouldn't you be smoking cigars, learning to ride and enjoy wine, and going hunting with him? Why did *you* put that in *your* profile - could it be because you *won't* change those things about yourself, and you put it in there to let people like that know you wouldn't be compatible? But, but... what if they were "The One", shouldn't *you* be more open? (Pot, meet kettle).
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 43
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/19/2012 10:17:31 AM
Read the following in a profile this morning. Just another viewpoint, not mine or that of many but there are some out there...


Lastly, If you have pets in your photos with you, than that's one thing. If you post photos of just your pets, no doubt they may be what you consider your babies, and I have to wonder where your loyalties will lay "No" I'm not kidding.. "Been there, Done that.!" I love animals too. "However" there at the bottom of the family tree... My Partner and Family will always come “First”. Animals "second" friends and associates, well you figure it out
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 44
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/19/2012 11:42:07 AM


Several very nice gentlemen have already written me --- privately of course --- offering their personal comfort for all the slamming and bamming that my poor little self is eduring as the result of posting this thread.



I'll bet! No surprise there. You broadcast something that riles folks up, get a few bashes at you, and there will be guys out there who make their move on you based on taking advantage of your "lady in distress" status. If a woman is cute enough, she can advocate genocide, and those kinds of guys will "privately offer comfort" to her.


Just what I was thinking Igor!
There are always men available to make you feel better.
You do know how tho ... right?
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 45
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/19/2012 3:53:58 PM

My guess? Consciously, or unconsciously, OPie has been playing a game of Double Gotcha. First posits some "old person" so seriously warped that animals are more important than people. Damns them. Asks for agreement with her view. Doesn't get it. Then proceeds to damn those who don't support her.

Well put. As are the above.
It was quite the feint.
Chiding once, chiding twice, victim stance, white knight, smug.
Huh. Never saw it coming.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 46
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/19/2012 4:35:47 PM
I dated a couple of guys with dogs and it was a disaster...we could not travel because the dog could not be left alone or had to be kenneled. Dates were only as long as the dog's bladder was big. When they brought their dog over, it chewed on or marked on or dumped on something in my townhouse. And when they worked late or the dog whined at 5 am to be let out, guess who had to walk and pooper scoop up after their dog? Plus they brought ticks and fleas in even with treatments. So now if the guy has a dog, I will respect that he loves his pet but I won't even consider him.

I do have a cat I rescued from the Humane Society and she is clean, quiet, indoor only and low maintenance. She fits my lifestyle and matches my decor, so she is staying. If the guy has allergies, I'll hand him a Zyrtec, but I won't make him change the litterbox.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 47
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/19/2012 4:53:14 PM

And to clarify: not when you've just met on the net, but iff you've met and you discover that by some miracle you've actually met That Special Someone?

The point of the post is that in makin such an absolute decision, this pet lover is willing to close off the possibility of finding some person with allergies who just may be The One?
And for a pet?


Entitlement issues much?

I mean if the man says he isn't giving up his pets then believe him. Trust me I have met many pets that I liked way better than some of the dates I have met.

Yeah take him at his word and don't contact find someone that is actually "that special someone" And not someone you want to change their life for you.
 TruthGrower
Joined: 4/29/2012
Msg: 48
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/19/2012 10:30:17 PM
In my case a cat allergy means that I will not contact the person who states she has a cat in her profile. I love cats, but they affect my health so severely that cats contributed to the demise of my marriage. An allergy is not a choice. My loss, I guess.
 TruthGrower
Joined: 4/29/2012
Msg: 49
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/19/2012 10:58:55 PM
Hmmm...I will NOT give up my dog for anyone under any circumstances. A dog IS man's best friend...a woman says she wants to be man's best friend but just can't be like that. It's simple. There are some people I would happily watch die rather than give up my dog.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 5/19/2012 11:55:24 PM
My profile clearly states:


I am a dog person, I have always shared my life with one or more dogs.


This way, everyone knows where I am coming from. Period. End of statement.

Ready_Real, I used to think a little more highly of you. This post was beneath you.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????