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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????      Home login  
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 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 200
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Oddball is great!!!Page 9 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
You are correct hemingway. Why all the drama over something so simple?. My grandfather used to tell us, "get who you want and who wants you. Do not try to change someone to your specifications, as it only causes hostility and misery for both of you."
 rennips1949
Joined: 3/6/2015
Msg: 201
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 12/21/2015 10:46:25 AM

I just write about the misery of others.

Perhaps if you concentrated on dealing with/resolving your own misery, you'd be better company, and could spend more time doing positive activities?
Just a thought.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 202
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 12/21/2015 12:06:17 PM
Nobody is worth relinquishing my commitment to our cavies.

As far as commitment to them, it's a two way street for us, the cavies and me.
 tatsuwen
Joined: 11/20/2015
Msg: 203
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Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 12/26/2015 2:46:36 PM
"The point of the post is that in makin such an absolute decision, this pet lover is willing to close off the possibility of finding some person with allergies who just may be The One?
And for a pet?"

"for a pet?" I'm thinking with such opposting stances on something SO important the person could not be the one.

This is one reason I didn't continue dating a doctor who wanted to marry me this year. His view on animals. Loyalty - including to animals is not defined by age. So an animal lover of any age - not just forties -won't give up someone they love for someone they've only just met - or someone who says, them or me.

This man who wanted to marry me - this summer actually - which was far too quick for me anyway - believed an animal is fine but outside only. And was okay with hunting just for sport - nothing else. And okay with bull fighting. He says the bull ends up on the table. Bulls are tortured for days to prepare the docile creatures to be enraged and go at the matador then speared savagely through the heart. I asked him how he would rather die in his sleep or knifed through the heart. He said in my sleep of course and this super intelligent man did not see how the question pertained to the subject at hand. This was the last straw. The real reason is there was no true love or passion.

He is an ivory tower academic who spent his life in study and now was a successful doctor for many years. And when not at work was studying more - learning more about his own profession and the modality he wants to segueqy to nueroscience as well including marketing as he was also an avid entrepreneur. And he believed love is something you choose. He was someone who always got what he went after and when I spent time with him I got caught up in his passionate belief that together we would change the world. When not with him red flags went up - I knew my son would get the best of everything but he would likely be pushed to live the life of his stepfather - studying all the time, no movies, dances time with friends. And I couldn't see myself living without true love. Someone's whose marketing and other perspectives were outside of my value system - though he was an ethical person in many ways. There are some varying opinions that are welcome or okay but some basic things are not. And the animal thing was the final straw. I could never date someone who had such a low opinion of animals. Most animals given up by owners are murdered even quicker then those taken from the streets. I don't have a pet and likely won't for some time but I if I could give up an animal as easily as you want this person too then I would never get one. An animal is a commitment. There is a big problem with people not realizing this and getting pets and getting bored, or not having enough time or getting a new and cuter pet who doesn't get along with old one so they give up the old one, or not realizing they won't stay a puppy...or moving into a place that doesn't allow pets. Some places don't allow kids - going to give your kid?

So rest assured he was very obviously NOT the one and move on to your true soulmate
 tatsuwen
Joined: 11/20/2015
Msg: 204
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Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 12/26/2015 2:49:49 PM
*"to" not "too"
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 205
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 12/26/2015 4:08:14 PM
Just going off topic her a bit.

Tatsuwen, POF has a 14 year difference limit on who you can communicate with. You seem to have a real dating profile so you might need to delete it and redo it.
 Viper1j
Joined: 2/6/2015
Msg: 206
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 12/27/2015 12:20:40 AM

I knew my son would get the best of everything but he would likely be pushed to live the life of his stepfather - studying all the time, no movies, dances time with friends.


So you have issues with your kid growing up to win the Nobel Prize..

Ok.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 207
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 12/27/2015 4:11:26 AM

So you have issues with your kid growing up to win the Nobel Prize..


That's what my dear eldest child has been doing for the last five years (along with working full time, sometimes two jobs with studies) and she graduated from university this month. She's applied to graduate schools with the hope of attending in Fall, 2016, which, I know, no doubt, she'll accomplish.
 Viper1j
Joined: 2/6/2015
Msg: 208
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 12/27/2015 6:08:13 AM
I see, you just don't want your SON doing it...

Hmm..
 tatsuwen
Joined: 11/20/2015
Msg: 209
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Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 12/27/2015 9:49:27 AM
" Just going off topic her a bit.

"Tatsuwen, POF has a 14 year difference limit on who you can communicate with. You seem to have a real dating profile so you might need to delete it and redo it." Halftimedad do you mean to suggest delete entire profile? You can just go in to change the age. I figured it out as there was one person who set communication limit to females up to age 99. Each limit is set individually. Somehow I have communicated with two people who are 52 and 54 back and forth just yesterday....And a several decades younger then my given age on here. As a single person with a young son in city with high statistics of violent crime I like to give as little personal info as possible. I didn't want to add a picture but it is required as your main picture. I see scores of profiles of those who are 108 and the like. Plus I am a bit of a mumpsimus.

The only problems communicating is when someone else has an age restriction. Like there is one person who posts here I would love to even just be friends with - he lives across the country in VA...igorfrankensteen his humour is the best. Great combo of intelligent and nutty but he has an age restriction on those who contact him.Thank you though. :)
 tatsuwen
Joined: 11/20/2015
Msg: 210
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Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 12/27/2015 10:26:05 AM
Viper1j - no not at all. And I have no real issues with the gentleman. It just not every pair makes a match. And choosing forever with someone isn't about giving your son the best of everything, having a nice house and access to your husband's bank account.

I just think there needs to be balance. Like during the week my son keeps a set schedule and doesn't go out to play like many kids do here - most. Because schedules are good for him I have found. And go off it and everything gets skewed for him right? So we do homework, dinner, bath reading and bed. Even if done early he doesn't go outside as he is the opposite of most kids running around doesn't tire him out but instead gets him amped up and hard to settle down for sleep . Even an hour or so before bed. However there needs to be fun in someone's life. If the nobel prize meant not actually living then yes I would have issues with it. Not for anyone else's choices, the person I am speaking of should be commended for his perseverance and steadfast pursuit of his goals. He has met with success at every turn.

And that wasn't the only thing. I also think he didn't know me very well. He kind of created me. Mostly I think he liked that I was quiet in voice and spirit and didn't like things like arguing - this is true. However some things...created. I would say, for instance, to his idea of get togethers every weekend that he wanted to start up again for his friends that I don't do well with crowds of people - better one on one or a few people and he would say no the ___(insert last name here) woman is bold and outgoing and has no problem hosting etc. And he wanted me to read half his books on neuroscience the area he wanted to transfer to - giving up his current practice...and crystallize and condense the main ideas for him so he can save time...only concise has never been my forte. Wouldn't mind reading for him but not sure how well I could summarize. Plus if I have a migraine I can't take in and process information as efficiently. I'm friendly and outgoing and pretty energetic but in crowds or even like more then three I tend to be more shy. I'm more of an introvert. But unlike what many think - I love talking and hanging out just not with a lot of people its draining and I need time on my own as well. And when I let him know that maybe me suggesting getting to know each other a bit longer rather then rushing things as he wanted - living together, marriage last summer was the timeline he saw - he was ready to take around the country introducing me to family - was actually a blessing because we find there are things that might get in the way of a lasting relationship, core things. He just didn't contact me again until months later. Rather then opening it up to discussion, though I think the things were too big...he just dropped contact...so someone as much in love as he was - and he claimed to be although he said love was a choice....and ready to make me his wife sure let it go fairly easily. He had wanted it right away - we met in March but he said why wait on something we are sure of and put of starting our lives together? Now we have short E-mail contact every so often. And again - my main point- choosing forever isn't about giving your son the best of everything, having a nice house and access to your husband's bank account.
 tatsuwen
Joined: 11/20/2015
Msg: 211
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Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 12/27/2015 10:44:24 AM
Viper1j what was this in reference to? "I see, you just don't want your SON doing it..." perhaps you got confused and thought the other poster talking about her successful daughter was me or if it was my actual post - I actually addressed other reasons regarding his stance on animals - that they belong outside all the time never in the house and bullfighting is okay though its torture to a otherwise docile animal to get him enraged the day before and he was okay with sports hunting even if not using the animal for anything - he says dead is dead whats the big deal? and I also said that was ONE reason. But again if you think I should be basing a decision of marriage on my son an what he could get out of it.... then hmm....
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 212
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Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 12/27/2015 11:20:59 AM
Tatsuwen:

Yes, Viper1j did (obviously) confuse the follow up post by “Lasthookbringsme (msg 248) with your original post.

On the subject of being driven to achieve the Nobel Prize. My oldest granddaughter is very good at acrobatics. She started at a fairly early age, and her coach wanted her to concentrate on acrobatics. He believed that one day she might achieve greatness in that sport. My son, her father, refused to go in that direction. He has seen the results of children being pushed too hard, in sports and academia. I agree, let kids be kids, let them decide who and what they want to be.

On the subject of age differences, the rules here are very strange. I think (stress think) that once you’re past 50 you can message anyone else past 50. Notice that I said “past 50”. I just turned 65, and I can no longer send messages to someone 50, the 14 year rule kicks in. But I can (and did) just message tatsuwen with a stated age of 108 (obviously not true – what are you actually, about 40?)

And you cannot change your age on your profile after an initial period, which if I remember correctly, is about 14 days.
 tatsuwen
Joined: 11/20/2015
Msg: 213
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Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 12/27/2015 12:26:12 PM
Hey yes, ohenryx I am thinking he did get confused. Also maybe - hopefully? - confused in thinking I should make a life long decision based on what my son can get out of it.

I am glad you made that decision. Let kids be kids! Let them decide.

So you were able to message me because I am past fifty too according to my profile I am 99 or so. lol. But I actually contacted one of people I am messaging first - making me able to seemingly contact someone about forty years younger - 99 to 52. lol. Maybe the same rules don't apply to women? I guess I must be less then 14 days because I changed from 108 to 99. :)

I'm happy to chat with anyone who is positive like you seem to be. ! Not into negative posters and profiles. I'm sure others are and they will be successful finding friends and matches. There is someone out there for everyone. :)
 tatsuwen
Joined: 11/20/2015
Msg: 214
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Oddball is great!!!
Posted: 12/27/2015 7:44:24 PM
"There have been people who say their pets are like their children and value them as much. Then there are people who attack that statement, saying they shouldn't love and value their pets as much. So how much love is too much love to give a living creature? Are people threatened that an animal lover won't have enough love left over to give to a partner? I haven't met anyone yet who has a love meter attached to their body that goes from full to empty once enough love is dispensed. I would be more suspicious of someone who doesn't have the ability to love another living creature, and someone having a dislike for any creature is a definite deal breaker (I might forgive someone if they have a dislike for snakes or bugs, since I'm not fond of them either)."

Maleman you hit the nail on the head. If you love one creature does that mean your love then runs out for others. Anne Morrow Lindberg said on giving: Purposeful giving is not as apt to deplete one's resources; it belongs to that natural order of giving that seems to renew itself even in the act of depletion." To me the same can be said of love. Love can easily replace giving here.

A non pet person is just obviously not a good match for a pet person. At least in this case.
 kittygaga2014
Joined: 5/3/2014
Msg: 215
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 12/31/2015 2:58:12 PM
To pacify you I have posted the following message on my front door:
"Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and complain about my pets:
1. They live here; you don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, she is my friend and room mate who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged.
5. Cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, leave the gas tank empty, or drive your car into something. They don't drink or smoke, pets don't worry about buying the latest iPhone or iPad, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college,and you can have them spayed and/or neutered. But if they get pregnant, you can sell the results."
 pinedrop
Joined: 7/29/2015
Msg: 216
Oddball is great!!!
Posted: 1/2/2016 9:27:23 AM
I am glad i do not listen to much of the advice here. So many said to just leave my SO due to our disagreement over horses as pets. I believe that it is better to let life happen, go slow and pray for vision.

So now it is winter in the mountains here. There is there to four feet of snow which usually stays for five months. Last night it was ten below zero which makes walking out to the hay barn and over to the horse barn a real expedition. She is starting to have second thoughts. " No one told me it is so snowy, cold and long winters in the mountains." We live 25 minutes from some world class skiing so snow would seem normal.

I have seen it many times before. Last time it was a woman with no job, no means of support, no place to live but she did have her three horses in tow. I let her board them here but she took off and did not take care of them. Or the woman in town next to me where she kept her horse in a small fenced area, no barn. no shelter standing on two feet of its own manure. Many of these women want to care for horses but can hardly manage to care for themselves.

I will go over with my Bobcat to dig her out so she can get to the corral. I will then go get hay and stock the hay barn with fresh hay. I will help with the firewood to keep her and her animals warm. I will not just leave as so many here suggest.

Because that is what we do, we do not just cut and run from some perceived adversity. Good men stay and work things out.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 217
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Oddball is great!!!
Posted: 1/2/2016 10:53:39 AM
No one is saying that someone who can't or won't take proper care of their pets/animals should be seen the same as someone who shouldn't have to give you their beloved pets/animals to have someone who is so obviously not a match for them. Surely you see the difference.
 50ThousandAnd1
Joined: 12/28/2015
Msg: 218
must love cats
Posted: 1/3/2016 10:25:01 PM
My cats relocated with me. 1,000 miles, just about.
They have their own door out to the deck & the 5 acres.

If some guy made a neg about my cats in the past, well he went in the doghouse, permanently.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 219
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 1/4/2016 2:09:03 AM
I allow my children to be whom they are, in every respect, to grow into their own and steer their lives in the course they see fit. I was never a soccer mom nor did I over-scheduled their lives, in their upbringing. I support their choices. However, kids still require structure and stability.

When my daughter changed majors whilst still attending community college (which is what happens!), I supported her. She even took a break from school, to work and do her own thing. My son is considering colleges at 14. Does it mean he'll attend any of them? Not necessarily. But he's walking on a right path, though it may not the right path for him, down the path (and he'll figure it out). He went from wanting to do computer networking to culinary and cosmetology and now maybe computer visual arts -- all of which I said give them a go, and any more that come to mind, if they interest him.

My kids will achieve what they want, and on their own time. They already live in greatness because they are soulful, compassionate, and creative human beings.

As long as they're happy, I'm happy; and their happiness is all that matters to me.

Jeeze, it's like one can't inculcate the value of education and hard-work, without being label as a degree-chasing, dictatorial asswipe, who's living vicariously through they're children's lives. I don't; I have my own life.
 Anand_scientist
Joined: 11/27/2015
Msg: 220
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 1/4/2016 2:19:31 AM

My kids will achieve what they want, and on their own time. They already live in greatness because they are soulful, compassionate, and creative human beings.


I know you're not a helicopter parent.

Your children are doing well because you allowed them to choose with the gift of allowing them to face their own consequences for those choices, to learn from those experiences.
 buxombad
Joined: 12/20/2015
Msg: 221
Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 1/4/2016 8:38:44 AM
^^^^^ Yes. That's it. "helicopter parents" always have kids who turn out bad. People who "choose the gift of allowing kids to face their own consequences" . . always turn out good. This is a known law Universal Law.
 tatsuwen
Joined: 11/20/2015
Msg: 222
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Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 1/9/2016 7:18:13 AM
lasthooksbringsme you say " I allow my children to be whom they are, in every respect, to grow into their own and steer their lives in the course they see fit. I was never a soccer mom nor did I over-scheduled their lives, in their upbringing. I support their choices. However, kids still require structure and stability."

Yes for sure! My son is autistic. This is ONE part of his makeup - this neurodiversity. He is on honour roll. He won the science project for his class and has gone on to the school Science Fair. He is interesting, curious and yes, imaginative and sweet. A good kiddo.

Because of his autism, more so then other kids structure is important. We do charts and on weeknights a schedule. Because he is slower to do homework, eat etc. It takes all night. Right up to bedtime - or the time we take to bedtime rituals. Reading, playing an interactive talking game, listening to relaxing music etc. We do snack, homework, dinner, bath, book and bed. With of course, some fun and silliness between. Even if he gets done early, because he is different then most kids he doesn't go out to the apt. complex's playground. Not because I don't want him to play but because rather then getting tired active play gets him very amped up and hard to settle down and go to sleep. No matter how long and how active. Melatonin is not helpful. Usually though, with the amount of homework he is given, there is no time. Now, just as an aside - a long walk will sometimes tire him out and also allows for interactions. When he has had some kind of sensory overload at school or the like and I take him home early, our habit is to go for a walk. He is more likely to share with me and the one on one is nice. And the endurance of walking a mile or so and really being present, settles him - I'd like to say grounds him. I'm slowly setting up my house as a sensory environment for him. Colours, swings soft furniture, pillows, beanbags, sensory toys and materials. So hopefully that will do the same.

Weekends he gets to see his dad. And gets to stay up late, watch tv, play video games and eat junkfood. lol definite balance.

I am in agreement with you. I want him to grow up to be his authentic self. And to do that, I need to marry for passion and love not because it will get him into the right schools now that will put him on the path to Ivy League later and give him every material thing he needs or me a house and access to a large bank account.

I have to say I adored this post. Sharing how you encourage your kids, being active and interactive in their education, their interests, their life but don't direct it or make decisions that will compromise your heart or theirs. I wouldn't want to teach them to do so themselves...that the end justifies the means...that will teach them to value the material over the emotional and spiritual. Thanks for sharing that.
 tatsuwen
Joined: 11/20/2015
Msg: 223
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Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 1/9/2016 7:27:33 AM
Oh and lasthookbringsme - I think you may be responding to someone who got confused and thought what you said was actually me voicing that. I had said I broke up with someone who was very serious about his study (not a bad thing) and chose to do that growing up rather then include other things like dances, movies etc and continued through all his degrees and this was not something I wanted - I like balance in a child's life. Finding what their passions in life are and including them in teaching them how to take a course to its end (school etc) and dedicate time and energy to it but not to the exclusion of all else. He also didn't believe dogs or animals should be in the house - ever and was all for sport hunting even with no use of the meat. And bullfighting. This and other things spoke to it not being a good match. However one poster felt and implied that despite the fact that it was not a true love match I should have stuck with him because my son could then have a Nobel Prize (go for greatness).Don't worry about it. I think you did an awesome job with your kiddos. I feel like you think so as well, which in the end is all the counts. Not outsiders criticizes our choices.
 tatsuwen
Joined: 11/20/2015
Msg: 224
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Sincerely with Our Dogs and Cats in our Middle Ages????
Posted: 1/9/2016 7:38:02 AM
kittygaga2014 - love what you have posted on your door!
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